Vacation Vixen: 1999

Basically every New Year’s Eve since the real 1999 has felt like 1999 since. Don’t ask me to explain. Enjoy your New Year’s Eves, kittens. Party like, well, you know.

Vacation Vixen: Ayo Edebiri

You know, Ayo Edebiri had a pretty damn good year too. I fully intend to rewatch “Bottoms” this week and let that be the (non-literal, because ow) punch to the face needed for a successful start 2024.

Vacation Vixen: boygenius

These little rockstars had just the best damn year. Truly, honestly, deeply best.

Vacation Vixen: Sandra Oh

Well, I’m on vacation for real this week. I contend then the entire United States should just take the week between Christmas and New Year’s off because no work really gets done anyway (except for besieged retail, restaurant and hospitality workers – godspeed and big tips to you all). Look, if all the Right Wingers keep screaming about the importance of celebrating family and faith during the holiday season, why don’t they want to pay people to stay home to do just that? Can’t this stupid One Nation Under God thing work out for us just this once? Whatever, this is my favorite Eve anyway.

Joy to the World

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate. Today, no matter what you believe, may you find some joy. Sending you all the warmest wishes this season. As the Indigo Girls say, “There’s Still Joy.” I certainly hope so, for all of us.

My Weekend Holiday Crush

Well, isn’t this lovely? Please enjoy this little seasonal lullaby. Billie Eilish is one of those artists who just keeps getting better, and no not just because she’s officially family now. But because she’s extremely talented and able to convey the most delicate to most bombastic emotions with a vulnerable magnetism. And, Billie – darling, we of course caught that, “Make the yuletide gay.” Whenever you want to drop that holiday album, we’ll be there. Have yourself a merry little whatever you celebrate this weekend, all.

What to Watch: Friends & Family Christmas

Now this is how you make your yuletide gay. Hallmark’s new lesbian rom-com “Friends & Family Christmas” is cute. Like genuinely, truly cute. Adorable even. There’s a fake dating premise. And an accidental glove swap. And a grand romantic gesture. And sweet lady kisses. Really, what more could you want from a holiday rom-com? It helps that its stars, Ali Liebert and Humberly Gonzalez, have some genuine chemistry. Plus the dads are the ones who set them up, which is a refreshing change for the genre. And the movie moves along at a pleasant pace. And, again, it’s cute. It’s a lesbian Hallmark* rom-com and it’s cute and the yuletide has never been gayer. (*Also available on Peacock.)

p.s. If you’re looking for another cute Hallmark holiday rom-com with lesbians this season (I know, teenage me would never have believed we’d have options), you should check out “Round and Round.” It’s a Jewish Hanukkah rom-com with a Groundhog Day-lite twist that is also extremely cute. And there’s a lesbian sister and her wife. Like, seriously, you clock your first lesbian less than 2 minutes into this thing. Happy holidays, indeed.

What to Watch: Annika

The first time I tried watching “Annika” I hated it. I turned it off in a couple minutes. I was in the mood for a wham-bam American crime procedural. And this British crime show about a DI Annika Strandhed who heads the new Glasgow-based Marine Homicide Unit and talks to the camera was definitely not it. But then, then I gave it another chance. And, goodness gracious, now I think this odd little show with a piercingly inquisitive lead who breaks the Fourth Wall to talk directly to us is one of my favorites.

A lot of that has to do with Nicola Walker, its star and the star of so many quality BBC shows and also of one of my other favorite British crime shows, “Unforgotten.” She has the ability to play extremely empathetic, all too human characters who feel entirely lived in.

Another unusual thing about Annika, besides all the ancient morality tales and classic literature references, is that it’s kind of a big budget affair for the BBC. There are a lot of explosions. Like, multiple. And chases. And running. And did I mention all the things that go boom? Like what is this? “CSI: Miami?” No, it’s Scotland — so even better! But while there is a lot of whizz bang, it’s still a grown-up show and you don’t have to endure a single David Caruso sunglasses one-liner.

Oh, and did I mention this is the rare crime series with a teenage child where the kid isn’t the most annoying part of the show? Morgan, Annika’s teenage daughter, is that rare TV kid who is written as a person, not as a purpose (you know, to show the male detective has a heart of the female detective is still nurturing, that shit). Sure, she can be kinda bratty. But she’s also sweet. And she’s an out lesbian (which you see more of in the first season, but remains true and realistic in the second season). And her gayness is literally never fussed over, which is also refreshing.

Truly, this show is worth donating to your local PBS station for so you can stream it on PBS Passport like I do. Or, you know, you could just live somewhere in Britain and watch it. Also an option.

What to Watch: Nyad

So in this lead-up week to the biggest holiday of the year where for some reason we only get one paid day off (if that), I thought I’d share some of my recent recommendations. Things I’ve watched and enjoyed and think you might enjoy of varying degrees of gayness to get you through these long winter nights. And the first will be the very gay, but definitely not in a hot girl-on-girl action way (unless you consider extraordinary athletic efforts between two female friends hot) is “Nyad.”

Look, you know me, I’m not usually a sportsball person (and is swimming sportsball, this is another question for another day). But this film about the limits of human determination (or lack of limits, in this case) is as fascinating and invigorating a sports movie as I can remember. It’s really more about the triumph of spirit/pigheadedness than sporting achievement. Though, *low whistle* what an insane achievement.

What makes “Nyad” such a compelling portrait is it doesn’t sugar-coat Diana Nyad’s flaws. She’s definitely not an easy person. But she certainly was singular. Annette Bening is brilliant and prickly, Jodie Foster is brilliant and so gay. Together they make us believe in a bond that would take everyone involved to the very edge of endurance and sanity.

Truly, it’s a revelation to watch Jodie let her dyke flag fly. She so inhabits Bonnie Stoll, Diana’s couch and best friend, that she oozes lesbianism. Like, between this and ALOTO the sporty queer women might finally be getting their due all these years after “Personal Best.”

Like I said over Thanksgiving, if you’re looking for an engrossing and all-ages movie to watch during the holidays, give them all an unexpected dose of lesbian excellence in “Nyad,” Or just watch it again for yourself. And Jodie’s abs. What? I’m only human, and I definitely couldn’t swim from Florida to Cuba.

Home on the Farm

Look, I knew Kate McKinnon returning to SNL for the first time to host would be good. I did not expect it would be Lesbian Tampon Farmers good. But how can you resist when it brings us Kate McEthridge (see what I did there?) together with Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Billie Eilish as fellow tampon farmers (also I see you, Paula Pell, getting in on the lesbian jokes). From the acoustic guitars to the muscle shirts, it’s a gay folk singer chef’s kiss. Kate’s SNL was also the queer female comic equivalent of those get you a gal who can do both memes. From Crunchy Granola Dyke to Marlene Dietrich stan. What can’t Kate do?

Vacation Vixen: Quinta Brunson

When is “Abbott Elementary” coming back? Make it come back. Also, Quinta is so cool. I’d watch her actually teach school.

Vacation Vixen: Margaret Cho

I would like Margaret Cho to go from being the funniest cameo in all these great shows and movies to having her own great show or movie. That is all. Also shagadellic, baby. OK, now that’s all.

Vacation Vixen: America Ferrera

I want her to win an Oscar for “Barbie” in front of all of Hollywood – the same people who thought that “Ugly Betty” was the best way to introduce her to the world. Seriously. Ugly. Idiots.

Vacation Vixen: Ali Krieger

Am I vicariously living my Lemonade Era through Ali? Maybe. But I definitely believe swimsuits are just tank tops that don’t know when to quit. And, it is a Tuesday. (Also, I am giving myself a continued Blog Break as I get through my first week. Thanks for understanding. Also, you’re welcome for the swimsuit pic.)

Music Monday: Lesley Gore

Today is the first day at my new job. So I am wishing for nothing but sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows everywhere. Also, it’s not lost on me that this wonderful little ditty is being sung by a closeted lesbian. It was always Lesley’s party. Happy Monday, kittens.

Vacation Vixen: Furiosa

Furiosa forever. Enough said. Happy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: Natasha Lyonne

Honestly, it’s hard to think of another actress who could pull off this cover look. But Natasha, well, she can do anything because she is Natasha freaking Lyonne. Her career has been the remarkable one where she has been able to pull herself back from the stereotypical early protégée turned cautionary tale cycle, and come back even stronger. Basically, she is the female Robert Downey Jr., except without the waking up in a strange kid’s bed extremes and also there’s nothing extraordinary about men failing upward. That’s just their normal career trajectory. Anyway, damn I love me some Natasha Lyonne.

Vacation Vixen: Dr. Yeoh

How adorably amazing does Michelle Yeoh look receiving her honorary Doctor of Humanities degree from The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology last month? I would watch an entire fantasy series where Michelle was the headmistress of a magical school for extreme badasses – a bit like that other magical school series but without the subsequent hideous transphobia of course. Anyway, congrats Dr. Yeoh! Also, today is my last day at my old job so it’s a bit of a graduation, I guess. I’ll be off until next week, but of course I won’t leave you empty handed because I am a considerate new graduate.

Call Me by My Furiosa

See, told you’d I’d have some real posts. But then how could I not post about “Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga?” We all know and adore the original “Mad Max: Fury Road.” And, yes, I’m still a tad salty they didn’t just give Furiosa her own movie, they instead had to make Furiosa younger (and cast a younger actress) to get her own movie. That said, I mean, obviously it looks cool. But, it is also obvious that Anya Taylor-Joy does not radiate the kinetic physicality of Charlize Theron. Like, Charlize is hands down my favorite and the most interesting action star working right now. Yes, no matter the gender. “Mad Max: Fury Road,” “Atomic Blonde,” “The Old Guard.” Please, Tom Cruise’s last three action movies were all sequels – and one was a sequel to another sequel in the same damn franchise. Anyway, I will watch this because a) still a female action lead, and b) still Furiosa. But I certainly hope they don’t let Chris Hemsworth and his enormous prosthetic nose steal the show from our gal.

Music Monday: red Christmas

Now that December is here and cuffing season has officially begun, please enjoy this little Christmas wish from girl in red. Yeah, I know that other queer genius supergroup is getting all the press. But don’t forget about this girl and all the other girls who want someone to kiss on Christmas Day — even if only in our warmest and most welcome dreams. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Life) Crush

Goodness, that week certainly got away from me. Really the whole month did. Hello, December! That genuinely good thing I was talking about earlier, well, it’s happening and it’s taking up a lot of my time (it’s a new job, which I start later this month while I wrap up my old job where I’ve been for more than two decades — I know, crazypants!) In the interim my postings will be somewhat sporadic, though I will try to fill your stockings with Vixens and other Crushes and actual real-live posts this busy holiday season. For now, please enjoy Cyndi as we all celebrate the season (whatever season you celebrate) together. Happy weekend, kittens.

Music Monday: Tracy Chapman

Earlier this month Tracy Chapman made history as the first Black artist to win Song of the Year at the CMAs for Luke Combs’s cover of her 1988 hit. And while “Fast Car” is no doubt an iconic song for the ages, her whole catalogue is like that. Heck her whole first album is filled with them. “Talkin' 'bout a Revolution,” “Baby Can I Hold You,” “If Not Now.” But I think one of the under looked bangers from her 1988 debut is “Mountains O’ Things.” The more you listen to Tracy, the more she feels like a prophet. But, really, what she was was clear-eyed about our human condition, and particularly the conditions we’re all forced to live under late stage capitalism. Consume more than you need. This is the dream. She knew more than 30 years ago, yet here we are with even more billionaires and things than ever. After Black Friday weekend, her music remains an apt reminder for these times. Guess we’ll all just deep dreaming, dreaming, dreaming. Happy Monday, kittens.

Holiday Vixen: Sarah Shahi’s Suspenders

Right. So this is the kind of Black (& White) Friday I can get behind. I’m starting to think they really missed an opportunity by not bringing Sarah Shahi back for “The L Word: Generation Q.” Also, close your mouth. You’re drooling.

Thanks Jonesing

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate. And if you must celebrate with relatives who you would just rather not have to anything with, may you also have a Leslie Jones in your life. I mean, granted, we are all on stolen land. But that’s kind of like America’s whole thing, so, yeah. Anyway, I hope you at the very least get some good grub today.

Holiday Vixen: Jodie Foster's Abs

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for Jodie Foster’s abs in “Nyad.” I plan to have a more thorough and less horndog whistle review of this very well-done movie sometime soon. But for now I will just say that this is a lesbian movie you can safely watch with the whole family and all ages this holiday weekend (not that people need to be kept “safe” from lesbian content, but we’re also not gonna watch “Below Her Mouth” with nana.) Anyway, like I was saying. Thank you, Jodie Foster’s abs. And arms. And sports bras. And lesbian sunglasses. Truly, so much to be thankful for.

Wish You a Merry Rom-Com

I mean it when I say I am excited to watch this over my long holiday weekend. Tello Films, the longtime purveyor of reliable women-loving-women entertainment, is back this holiday season with another feel-good flick. I’ve been rather busy recently with some genuinely positive life stuff. (Yay, finally.) So I missed the release of this movie by Tello earlier this month and now available to rent or buy. But maybe you, like me, are precisely in the mood for this kind of movie where a woman who is on the brink of losing her family’s horse farm also happens to meet the possible love of her life, who also happens to be the planner her ex-husband’s wedding. Look, just because there’s a rural storyline doesn’t mean they can’t have complicated lives. With horses! You know you want to curl up and watch this while you eat a leftover turkey sandwich. And with that, a gobble gobble to all who celebrate. I’m leaving early for an extended Thanksgiving holiday weekend. So I will leave you the rest of the week with some Holiday Vixens. Until then, we’ll always have the horse farm.

Music Monday: Billie Edition

Billie Eilish came out as “attracted to (women) for real” in a Variety interview last week. It was another one of those casual, yes sincere, admissions that reminds you the Time magazine coming out cover stories days are likely behind us for good. This comes despite the article’s not-so-subtle reference to it being an admission that “a stadium-selling artist from a different era” would require “record-label ruminations about the effect it could have on her career.” And while maybe in that different era I would be cranky about a star not going the direct “Yep, I’m Gay” route, I think what today’s crop of younger just as queer stars shows the natural evolution of coming out. It’s less “Yep” and more “Of Course.” And that is awesome in its own way. Also, it gives “What Was I Made For,” her beautiful existential lullaby, even more resonance. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

As a lesbian getting a divorce let me just say I feel this level of sweet, sweet karma with my whole body. While we’re obviously not taking sides (cough, Team Ali, cough), Ali Krieger got the storybook ending to her professional soccer career we were all no-so secretly rooting for. And while Pinoe’s early exit in the championship match was a bummer, nothing could take away from the sheer joy of Gotham FC’s win. The win also means Ali’s fellow out queer teammates Kristie Mewis, Kelley O’Hara, Delanie Sheehan, Sinead Farrelly and Michelle Betos have some new shiny hardware to show off as well. Plus, it was an exciting game – even without Megan Rapinoe. Women’s sportsball for the win! Soon-to-be divorced lesbians for the win! See, I can be on many teams. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: boygenius everything

I can’t imagine how exciting this all would feel if I were still a 20something dyke trying to figure her shit out. As is I’m a middle-aged dyke still trying to figure her shit out – and I definitely finds it all a little exciting. Truly, I think you don’t even need to be a boygenius fan to be excited about the ride the indie supergroup has been on of late. And you definitely don’t have to be a fan so sad, sensitive lesbian music to care. You just gotta be impressed by how these queer artists have come this year. Cover of Rolling Stone. Cover British GQ’s Man of the Year issue. SNL musical guests/Troye Sivan impersonators. They’re everywhere. They’re everywhere and so gay together. They’re gay and everywhere. Look, the queer lady Beatles are getting youths to sing "kill the bourgeoisie!" How can you not be excited? I’ve never wanted to be a rock star. But when I see boygenius, I suddenly understand the inclination a little more. Also, I just LOVE their suit game. And their backing band’s suit game! And really everything about all of this. Did I mention I’m excited?

More Marvel-ous

Honestly, “The Marvels” wasn’t a bad movie. I wouldn’t say it was a great movie, but it was a fun ride with some super snazzy – and, again – fun fight sequences. Yes, it might be confusing for people who had not also watched the series “Ms. Marvel” or watched “Wandavision” – not to mention the first Captain Marvel film. But all the hand-wringing over “The Marvels” having the worst Marvel Cinematic Universe opening yet is disingenuous because of course “The Marvels” was going to have the worst MCU opening.

Most of the reports that breathlessly called “The Marvels” a flop did at least mention that we’re all suffering from some justifiable superhero fatique. Like, you can’t flood the zone with movies, TV shows, sequels, spinoffs, additional sequels, more spinoffs, more TV shows and even more movies for FIFTEEN STRAIGHT YEARS without people starting to lose a little interest – if for no other reason than the sheer time commitment it takes to watch every damn thing.

But what I haven’t seen reported nearly as much is any reference to the unmistakable sexist fanboy backlash the first Captain Marvel movie faced. Let me tell you, the so-called “anti-woke” crowd hasn’t gotten any less obnoxious in the years since, they’ve just gained their own billionaire fanboys to help amlify their message. So, yeah, of course “The Marvels” wasn’t going to get great numbers. This one has THREE women leads. And two of them aren’t even WHITE.

Please, spare me. It’s not like since 2016 we’re all had to endure an emboldened subset of people who define themselves largely by the things they hate (Libs! Illegals! Diversity! Inclusion! Fair Election Results! Masks! Vaccines! Queers! Libraries!) and dedicate themselves to opposing those things in any and every way possible. Oh wait, we have. We all have and it’s horrible.

Oh, and another thing I don’t see in many of the reports about this blockbuster disappointment is this is the only MCU movie that was released during the SAG-AFTRA strike. So literally none of its actors were able to hit the red carpet or go on talk show to promote this damn thing. The actors strike ended Nov. 9. “The Marvels” premiered Nov. 10. Like, there’s a reason the studios send the stars on huge press tours before their movies come out. Because publicity works!

Anyway, it irks me that most of the mainstream reports I read left out some important context. And it irks me that I have to bring up said context instead of focusing on what originally irked me about the movie. And, once again, it boils down to context.

So here’s the thing, I truly think emotional arcs in “The Marvels” only really make sense if you read Carol Danvers and Maria Rambeau as a couple. Like, I know, blah blah they were besties. And, I know Monica, called her “Aunt Carol,” but her feelings of abandonment literally decades later read more like daughter than anything else.

Also [SPOILER ALERT, BUT IT’S GAY STUFF SO YOU’LL PROBABLY WANNA KNOW] Tessa Thompson’s brief but important cameo as Valkyrie also only makes sense if you read it as the Captain and the King sharing a more-than-platonic past together. I mean, she worse that sharp suit and she called Carol “Marv.” MARV!

If only Marvel was brave enough to go higher, further, fastest when it came to its superheroes and their sexuality.

We Mean It, Girls

Get in losers, the girls are mean again. But, ouch, did you have to lead with “This isn’t your mother’s Mean Girls?” Hit a person where it hurts, their birth year! Look, I’m as excited about the new “Mean Girls” musical movie as the next fake married to Tina Fey and age-appropriately interested in Renee Rapp red-blooded lesbian human being. And I definitely laughed out loud on several occasions (plus yay for Busy Phillipps and Ahsley Park and Jenna Fischer). But why in the world are they seemingly hiding that this thing is a MUSICAL? Definitely not fetch. But Tina looks great (I mean, come on, she looks great - there is a reason she is my Fake TV/Movie Wife) so I’m definitely getting in.

Music Monday: Sing It Sisters

Last week’s Democratic wins in Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia and more are a reminder that abortion is indeed a wedge issue. And that wedge has been nailed firmly between women/other people who can give birth/all their supporters and the Republican Party. So, you know, well done fellas. It’s frustrating to watch the national political reporting class scratch their head with each successive election win for Democrats since the Dobbs decision came down in June 2022 despite the doom-and-gloom Biden polling. Gosh, fellas, perhaps it’s the fact that more than half the population of the country lost a right that they’d had for the last 50 years. Who’d have thunk having full bodily autonomy would be, like, important to so many people. So perplexing. The wins remind me of the progress we lost, and all the women and allies fought so hard only to have to fight all over again. But fight we will. And win we will. Because, as it turns out, people like having civil rights. Or, as Natalie Merchant beautifully sings in her new single “Sister Tilly,” “Here's to the girls in the fray.” Yes, here’s to them all – past, present and future. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

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Never let it be said that Mariska Hargitay doesn’t know what she is doing. Mariska Hargitay knows exactly what she is doing. And that is driving all the queer girlies wild. And probably the straight girls. And definitely the theys and thems. And bi dudes and, heck, probably gay dudes. And, sure whatever, straight men. Respectfully, I think we can all say together… What necklace? Happy weekend, all.

Go With the Flo

Belatedly, this has been my Year of Pugh. I finally saw “Don’t Worry Darlings” and made it all three-plus hours of “Oppenheimer” without having to pee and even did a little “Black Widow” rewatch. And, in all of these projects, Florence was the most dynamic presence on screen. I mean, yeah, the short hair and, um, all the rest helps. But I certainly hope she has a long, varied and interesting as fuck career. Also, thanks Vogue Australia for dressing her in what amounts to a fancy bedsheet on this Hump Day. Yeah, that’s all I got. It can’t all be deep, right?

Killer Location

Look, I don’t know if anything gay happens in “A Murder at the End of the World.” But I do know it stars non-binary star Emma Corrin as some sort of pink-haired punk sleuth who gets invited to a billionaire’s compound at the aforementioned end of the world where, wouldn’t you know it, a murder happens. It’s helpful when they put the whole plot in the title like that. I don’t know much more about this limited series other than that Brit Marling (of the “OA”) and Joan Chen (of “Twin Peaks” and “Saving Face”) are also in it and Clive Owen (of lots of stuff, though if we’re looking for gay stuff there’s 1997’s “Bent”) plays the billionaire. Emma’s character also appears to bring their boyfriend, whose haircut I’ve seen on no fewer than half a dozen lesbians in the past year. So, you know, that’s kinda gay. Any thoughts? Feels a little “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” crossed with “The Menu” and a little “Call of the Wild.” But as long as the billionaire is the bad guy and Emma and their pink hair survive, I’m on board.

Music Monday: Tori Edition

While it’s not officially winter yet, it’s November and that’s good enough for me here in California. Cat-in-hoodie season has commenced, and that’s what I care about. So please enjoy this lovely reminder of the passage of time and knowing oneself from the incomparable Tori Amos. When you gonna to make up your mind? Good question. When is there gonna be a Tori Renaissance, à la Kate Bush? Even better question. Happy Monday, kittens.

Vacation Vixen: A Wicked Bath

Yes, this week has a theme. Yes, I’m fine with that. I’m especially fine with that when the theme is ridiculously talented female co-stars immersed in color-coded baths. Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel had a sudsy reunion to celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Wicked.” I don’t really know how to feel about the Ariana Grande “Wicked” movie movie. But I’d definitely feel better if it was Julien Baker in Ariana Grande drag in the role. Alas. Well, we’ll always have Cheno and Adele Dazeem. Rub a dub, ladies. Happy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: Lucy & Julien in Pete & Ariana Drag

In honor of Gender Fuck Thursday and Halloween, here is possibly the most mind-bogglingly great celebrity costume from this year’s festivities. Yes, that’s boygenius’s very own Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker as Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. Yes, I repeat, that’s Lucy as Pete and Julien as Ariana. That’s JULIEN AS ARIANA. That kaboom you heard was lesbians’ brains everywhere exploding from the deliciously gender queer fuckery of it all. The gays remain undefeated this Halloween, as always.

Vacation Vixen: Birthday Girl

It’s my birthday and I’ll post a Vacation Vixen if I want to. And I really, really want to. I mean, who wouldn’t want Gillian Anderson all wrapped up in an oversized suit like a posh present? But I call dibs as birthday girl and all. Well, I made it another year around the sun, so that’s something to celebrate I suppose. This year I’m taking a few days off to visit friends and generally not. So in my absence please enjoy an extended weekend of Vixens. Thanks, as always, for your care and your generosity and your readership. I am still bad at thank yous, but believe me when I say that I truly am grateful for you, dear kittens, particularly this past year. Go drink a cocktail in my honor tonight, or crack open something nice at home. Or just stare lovingly at Gillian and her enormous collar. I think I might just do all three. It is my party, after all. And it sure beats crying.

p.s. If you feel like buying your host said drink, a reminder that I have a Venmo (@dorothy-snarker) and Paypal (idgie2@hotmail.com) and always gratefully accept tips.

Halloween Time Warp

Talk about your time warps. Sometimes it feels like the Glee years where all just an accidental mushroom-induced fever dream we all experienced together somehow. But, no, it really happened. That truly unhinged, often nonsensical, yet somehow still wildly watchable mess was real. We all watched it happen live on our televisions (pre-streaming domination, remember the must-see-TV old days). When it was fun, it was ridiculously fun. When it was bad, it was ridiculously bad. Through it all, it and fans reaction to the show, helped change the world just a little. Which, considering what an mess it was most of the time, speaks loudly to the power of show tunes and a bunch of enthusiastic and talented people singing and dancing their little damn hearts out. On this Halloween, may you channel the good, weird, truly unhinged energy of the show at its best.

Music Monday: Long October Edition

I get older, and the girl singers* of sad, sensitive lesbian music just keep getting younger. Can you believe it’s already the end of October? It’s also my birthday week, which is just another reminder of that old ticking clock. Or maybe it’s just the time of year. Like Norwegian queer singer-songwriter Girl in Red, I seem to have a thing about October. Good thing it’s almost over then, I guess. Happy Monday, kittens.

* Except the Indigo Girls. They’re eternal.

My Weekend Crush

Start the week with Alanis. End the week with Alanis. Honestly, it’s the perfect bookend for this month for me. And, truly, watching Alanis perform with all these other great female artists has been pretty neat. It’s hard to overstate how big Alanis got once this song came out 28 years ago. And it’s lovely now to see her get her due as an important and beloved performerer now all these years later. Plus, goddamn, she still sounds amazing. And why wouldn’t she? She’s Alanis fucking Morissette.

Female artists in the 90s went through mounds and mounds of (told and untold) shit just for having the audacity to be talented female musicians. The recent confirmation of the ingrained mysogny and sexism of rock ‘n’ roll’s gatekeepers like Rolling Stones honcho Jann Wenner and the extremely belated reexamination of the way young female starts like Britney Spears were treated at the height of their fame are a reminder that it’s long been a man’s world. But we’re here to remind them that female artists have always been great. And you oughta know better than to believe otherwise. Happy weekend, all.

Sapphics in Space

OK, so I hadn’t heard a peep about the new sci-fi mystery series “Beacon 23” coming to MGM+, probably because who the hell gets MGM+? But because of my enduring love for Luce the Florist, I’ll always at the very least watch and appreciate the trailers for any Lena Headey project. While I had no expectations when pressing play, three things became very clear while watching it:

1) Lena and her space-gray streaks are here to kick ass.
2) Lena and her space-gray streaks are here to kiss ladies.
3) Lena and her space-gray streaks are making me wish I got MGM+, dammit.

Now, I’m a sucker for the smart ladies in space figuring shit out, kicking ass and taking names genre, first originated by the Space GOAT Sigourney Weaver. But while Alien gave us a smart space lady with her cat, “Beacon 23” is giving us a smart space lady kissing another (I’m presuming) smart space lady. And, well, I had a pussy joke to insert here but we’re all too classy for that, right? Anyway, who has an MGM+ password they want to share, suddenly I feel flung out of space. Ahem.

Come On, Eileen

Well, well, well. I just knew, I knew, from the early talk around “Eileen” that I was going to be intrigued. But now that I’ve watched the trailer. Yeah, I’m obsessed. We’re definitely gonna be watching this. Anne Hathaway in the femme fatale role her career arch has been asking for since her days as the Princess of Genovia? Yes, very much please. A stylish, boozy, 1960s thriller set in a correctional facility with a mousy younger woman and sophisticated older woman dynamic and possible (I mean, we see it in the trailer) sweet lady kisses? Hello, obviously yes. Like Carol, but with higher stakes — and more possible bloodshed? You betcha, pass the popcorn.

I haven’t read the book this noir is based on, but the genre and its pulpy companions are always ripe for a little sapphic interlude. I don’t know if it’s more than heavy flirting (and dancing and thigh touching and at least one kiss), but I’m a sucker for this kind of movie dynamic because who doesn't love a sexy, mysterious, possibly unhinged woman? (Again, only in movieworld, not the real world. Same goes for the May-Dec trope.)

I’m just thrilled that Anne keeps picking interesting projects and showcasing the next era of her career which I am very much here for. We saw a glimpse of this Anne as the over-the-top starlet in “Ocean’s 8.” And I hope for many, many more meaty parts with sapphic under — and overtones. I especially can’t wait for her next project, “Mother Mary” with Michaela Coel, which I hope will be Anne’s WLW main course after she serves us up to this noir WLW teaser.

Echoes of Clones Past

So, I don’t know a lot about the new Orphan Black spin-off series “Orphan Black Echoes.” But what I do know is that Krysten Ritter plays the probable new head of Clone Club and Keeley Hawes plays her what appears to be her handler. I also know it is set in the future (2052) and there’s one of those classic sci-fi nightmare waking up in a tub of goo scenes. And it’s in the same universe as the original “Orphan Black.” Now, I’ve enjoyed Krysten since I recapped “Jessica Jones” which doesn’t that seem like a lifetime ago? And Keeley, well, she will always be Kitty Butler extending that rose to me. Oh, “Tipping the Velvet.” *sighs in Gen. X lesbian* I do not know how many clones there will be. I don’t even know if there will be clones. But I know I’m curious to see how Krysten will compare to the inimitable Tatiana Maslany. I’m also curious to see if any of the new characters will be gay. But then, I’m always curious about that, in TV and real life. So, ya watching? And, seriously, does anyone know what’s going on? I guess business as usual in the Orphan Black universe.

Music Monday: Pink & Alanis Edition

Pink and Alanis Morissette? Together on stage? Singing “You Oughta Know”? *SQUEALS IN GEN X LESBIAN* How amazing does Alanis sound? How amazing does Alanis look! And Pink, well, you know she always looks and sounds amazing. Also, if the generations were having a best breakup anthem competition, hands down the Reality Bites Generation would win thanks to Alanis. Still undefeated. Also for no reason in particular, last weekend would have been my fifth wedding anniversary. Anyway, thanks Alanis. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Who’d have thought a beaver would become part of Bake Off history.

Welcome to the team, Norman the Beaver! @PrueLeith #GBBO pic.twitter.com/vgWg2pHkUV

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) September 26, 2023

I just love it when my Televised Valium is back. “The Great British Bake Off,” or “The Great British Baking Show” as we have to call it in the United States, is my No. 1 comfort show. I put on a random old episode every night to fall asleep to. I just can’t get enough of these lovely, weird, hilarious, ridiculous British bakers. And, truly, no show has replicated its inherent charms. Like, I tried GBBO: The Professionals but it sucked and stressed me out. And I even gave GBBO: Kids a try, but it turns out I only like it when adults cry about their bakes. Anyway, obviously I’m Team Tasha (I was also Team Abbi, but alas) this season. But Nicky and her Dry Beaver, well, that’s going down forever in GBBO history. And there aren’t even any lesbian hosts anymore! While we’re on the topic of hosts, I very much enjoying Alison Hammond and she is a vast improvement over Matt Lucas. Vast. I just wish I could watch all 14 seasons somewhere. Netflix only has a few seasons, and none of the Mel and Sue years anymore. Some across the pond kittens need to give us poor Americans the full-series hookup. I need my Televised Valium, dammit. Happy weekend, all.

Get In, Lesbians

I’m only a casual observer of most of the Gaylor Phenomenon. But even I know that releasing a teaser trailer for the new “Mean Girls” movie musical before showings of the Taylor Swift's Eras Tour movie is a stroke of marketing genius. Like, isn’t Renee Rapp all the Gen Z queer kids’ fav? I, of course, will also be watching because Tina Fey and also TINA FEY. So, as I was saying, well played movie marketers, well played.

The Krashlyn Crash

FINALLY, some true dyke drama worthy this blog’s best and most Sapphic original intentions! Now, I am not one to revel in other people’s misery. And, believe me I know, breakups are almost always some sort of miserable. So I take no joy in the breakup of former USWNT and NWSL stars and longtime celesbian couple Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger. Oh, Krashlyn, Krashlyn. Like, we knew them when they were just *wink, wink* really good friends.

So, yes, their breakup after nearly 4 years of marriage (and with two children) is sad and I take no pleasure in it.

But now, here comes the dyke drama part. First, official news of their breakup dropped days before Ali’s final game in the NWSL this past Sunday, which was a huge celebration of her career. So, you know, the timing is *grimacing emoji face*

Then – because these are the same fans/stans who catalogued every single detail of the pre-out Krashlyn’s dating chronicles – rumors based on sightings started to spread that Ashlyn and Sophia (who had just two months before filed for divorce from her husband) were maybe dating. And then, today, People magazine (yep, still making headline gay news after all these years) drops the bomb that, yes, they are in fact dating.

The Lesbian Bat Signal she is strong and she works FAST.

I say all of this not to pick sides (though, I’m kinda Team Ali because who are we kidding we all pick sides). Still, I am happy to see that we have another proud toaster oven recipient in Sophia, who while I know was the focus of many a queer lady’s wishful thinkings, as all parties involved can now attest, sometimes those wishes are true.

Speaking of us all wishing and hoping the former “One Tree Hill” and “Chicago P.D.” star’s queerness into reality, did you all watch the Netflix anthology series “Easy” from a few years ago? It aired from 2016 to 2019 and I only really care about the final season (season three) and really only one of the episodes (episode 3) because that’s the queer lady one.

Anyway, it starred a pre-“The L Word: Generation Q” Jacqueline Toboni who was so much more femme in the show it now almost weirds me out now. And in Season 3, Episode 3 her character was just dumped by her girlfriend, and is then hit on HARD by her (former, so it’s OK) boss played by Sophia Bush. And, let me tell you, after watching that ONE SINGLE EPISODE OF TV I was like, Sophia Bush knows what it’s like to want to fuck a woman. I think her chemistry made my screen sizzle. So, you know, my gaydar remains undefeated. *polished gay knuckles*

Also, Jacqueline’s character was such a bonehead. I get it, breakups suck. But Sophia Bush has basically thrown herself at you. And you bounce? Yeah, that’s almost on par with Archie Panjabi not following Gillian Anderson onto the elevator in “The Fall.”

Anyway, as I was saying. I am sad that a longtime and, one would hope at least for most of the time, loving relationship has ended. But I’m also grateful for the distraction in a case where I think all three women will land securely on their feet no matter the ultimate outcome. The world is a lot. We need this dykestraction.

Mutual Bodice Ripping Hopes

Well, here I got considering watching a whole show because of a split-second of ladies kissing in the trailer. Apple TV is releasing “The Buccaneers,” a period drama/romance/girl power story inspired by Edith Wharton’s last novel by the same name. Set in 1870, the show follows a group of young New York debutantes who travel to London to find their place in high society. Yes, most of the trailer is aggressively straight. It’s got some real “Bridgerton” vibes going as well, but younger? I’m not generally a traditional period romance person (except when cooking and/or gays are involved). So, at least there is the latter in the form of trans actress Josie Totah and English actress Mia Threapleton (who just so happens to be Kate Winslet’s daughter). The cast also includes Christina Hendricks and if the show doesn’t take full advantage of the decolletage then, come on, what are we even doing here? So, gonna watch on Apple TV come Nov. 8? Let us all hope for some mutual bodice ripping in our futures.

Music Monday: Rina's Hell

You know, “This Hell” should have been a bigger hit last year. At very least it should be a favorite queer anthem that inspired a gay club country line dancing renaissance or something. I mean, come on. What more does this pansexual Japanese-British star have to do to get some damn recognition? She already trashed Taylor Swift’s trashy sexist, racist short-term boyfriend. Anyway, as a card-carrying invitee to Eternal Damnation, I say we all put on our disco boots and dance it out this devilish season. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Spooky) Crush

Well, finally, here is something actually gay this week. Since it’s Spooky Season (and Friday the 13th in OCTOBER), I will forgo my typical disdain for supernatural investigator shows because a) Everyone is Gay and b) Kristen Stewart is the executive producer. So say hello to “Living for the Dead,” the new super duper queer ghost hunting show. I admittedly kind of hate the current crop of ghost hunting series (like the dude who wears the tight T-shirts and screams at the ghosts). But this seems, I dunno, fun. Maybe it’s the season. Maybe (probably) it’s the gay. But when this debuts next week on Hulu, I’ll give these queer as folks a shot. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Demonic possession? We already lived through a Trump presidency, how bad could it be? Happy spooky weekend, all.

What Light Through Yonder Kitchen Breaks

Juliette Binoche and cooking? I guess this really is the week for movies tailor-made just for me. “The Taste of Things” is the newest film from Binoche who I have loved since, well, it’s been a long time. I first saw her in “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” and then fell hard (for all of the leading ladies) in Krzysztof Kieślowski’s radiant “Three Colors” trilogy, “Bleu,” “White” and “Red.” A whole swoony romance (albeit straight) set around cooking — and in French? Mon dieu. I’m always a sucker for food porn. And French food porn starring Juliette Binoche may just be its highest form. Bon appetit, mes amies.

Sister Act

I guess this is the week for me to write about movies that don’t necessarily have any gay content, but have casts that this gay lady adores. So here’s another one. A while back I got all excited because Sandra Oh and Awkwafina were going to play sisters in a new comedy. If you need to know why I got excited about this movie, may I repeat the phrase, “Sandra Oh and Awkwafina play sisters.” Anyway, the trailer “Quiz Lady” has done nothing to dampen my enthusiasm (though, the wrist thing, no thank you). Instead I’m even more excited and ready to watch them hijinks it up. Seriously, two Asian-female led comedies coming (this and the uproarious “Joy Ride”) in one year? What is this, my birthday? Actually, its Hulu drop date of Nov. 4 really will be a belated birthday present. So, you know, happy birthday to me.

Which Month Matters

So I don’t think this movie is gay, but it’s from writer-director Todd Haynes (of “Carol” and “Far From Heaven” and “Velvet Goldmine” queer fame) and stars Julianne Moore (of “The Kids Are All Right” and “Chloe” and “Freeheld” queer fame) and Natalie Portman (of “Black Swan” queer fame). So…like something has to be gay in this movie, right? The story follows an actress (Natalie) who shadows the couple behind the scandalous (and, uh, illegal) May-December relationship of older woman (Julianne) and younger man (“Riverdale” star Charles Melton) in order to portray her in an upcoming film. The movie is loosely based on real-life teacher Mary Kay Letourneau and her student Vili Fualaau’s relationship/child abuse. Todd Haynes’s work is always interesting and provocative and extremely well done, and Jullianne and Natalie’s work is also often interesting and provocative and extremely well done. So, yeah, with or without gay stuff, I’m gonna Netflix and chill with this in the near future. (But, really chill — except about the fact that that’s child abuse, not a relationship.)

Music Monday: Cool Like Boygenius

Honestly, how cool is it that such an extravagantly queer supergroup of female musicians like boygenius is celebrated and embraced for said extravagant queerness. This is one of the most beautiful songs from their album “The Record,” and very much in keeping with my Breakup Weekend vibes. Take your broken heart and turn it into art, friends. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

For no reason in particular, here’s a little ditty on the one-year anniversary of my marriage breaking up. I sure miss Sinead. And other stuff. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Or fine-ish. But, truly, onward. Happy weekend, all.

Be Like Megan

You know, sometimes I think – actually, I know – that one of the reason we’re seeing such a backlash against LGBTQ+ people right now is that there’s a sadly significant number of knuckle-draggers who simply, positively, unequivocally just hate seeing us happy. They’re the ones who have used their imaginary superiority/morality over us to prop up their own inferiority for all these years. You know the types. They’re the ones screaming “Groomers!” at the top of their lungs, both past and present. And they’re the ones cravenly using us as a political wedge to hype up the pitchfork set.

With my fitful focus these days, I missed writing about Megan Rapinoe’s retirement last month. Normally, I would write about her accomplishments. Her trail blazing. Her talent. Her conviction. But today I just want to talk about her joy. Her pride, her confidence. And, yes, her love. That’s also what has made her a target for the Right Wingers. How dare she be so proud of herself? How dare any of them be proud of themselves?

But proud we are, and will always be of an icon like Megan, who was out before she became a household name. Who championed equal pay and recognition for women’s soccer and sports. Who fought racism and sexism and homophobia and transphobia in sports and the world. Who did it all on her own terms with whatever the hell (short) hair color she wanted.

I think we’re all old enough here to remember when “Be Like Mike” was the prevailing celebrity sports slogan of the era. Well, I think we should all instead try to “Be Like Megan.” Believe in yourself. Know your worth. Fight for what’s right. Kiss your longtime girlfriend in front of the universe and tell the worst among us to just to go seethe. We’re here, we’re queer, cope or get out of the way.

Into the Wilderness

Since we’re talking about gay TV movies, how about another? And we don’t have to wait all the way until almost Christmas for this one, because it will debut on Lifetime Nov. 4. Remember the days when we got maybe one Very Special Made for TV Movies about The Gays every five years or so if we were lucky? Now, well, at least there are more. I will politely not comments on their quality since, well, that’s not the point.

The other sign of clear progress is I’m about to write a sentence filled with the names of queer celebrities I barely comprehend, let alone know exist. Chrishell Stause of “Selling Sunset,” who is married to nonbinary Aussie music star G Flip, will star in a new Lifetime movie. I thought Chrishell was a real estate agent? Like I said, I’m now just a clueless Old.

The thriller, called “You’re Not Supposed to Be Here,” stars Chrishell and Diora Baird, who play a lesbian couple on their “babymoon.” I didn’t know that was a thing either, but for the film’s purposes it’s when a couple is pregnant and their boss gives them a key to his creepy cabin in the woods for a a remote mountain town getaway. But instead of relaxing in the wilderness, they get an unwelcome welcome from the townsfolks. Is it homophobia? Is it a Rosemary’s Baby situation? But, seriously, isn’t Chrishell a real estate agent?

I wasn’t totally sold on the storyline. I mean possible homophobia as a scary plot device? Hm. But then I saw that two memorable “The L Word” guest stars were also going to appear. Namely Stacey “Vagina Wig” Merkin (Heather Matarazzo) and Lisa The Lesbian Man (Devon Gummersall). So, yeah, I think that means we have to watch.

A Lot Like Christmas

It’s the first week in October, so obviously let’s talk about Christmas! Hallmark has announced its annual holiday movie bonanza and yes, Virginia, we are getting another lesbian Christmas movie. And this one features two out queer actresses as its leads in “Bomb Girls” alum Ali Liebert and queer Ginny & Georgia vet Humberly Gonzalez. And this one uses the “fake dating” premise. Yes, that old chestnut.

Per Hallmark’s description:

“Daniella (Gonzalez) has recently moved to New York to pursue an art career and decides to stay in town to share the holidays with her circle of artist friends, instead of going home to see her sweet, if overbearing parents. Amelia (Liebert) is a talented entertainment lawyer trying to stay focused on her work after a broken engagement. When Daniella and Amelia are set up by their parents, they agree to pretend that they are dating, to appease them for the holidays. However, as they spend time in ach other’s worlds, hey soon build a connection that is deeper than either of them could have hoped for.”

Yes, Christmas comes early, Queer ladies. Well, at least on Dec. 17.

Music Monday: Single Edition

Funny, I never worry about boyfriends at all either. Anyway, this song felt relevant given later this week will mark a year and all. Also, I’ve finally gotten caught up on “Only Murders in the Building” and am excited for this tomorrow’s finale. Though, make Mabel gay again, please. (And no the brief reminder there does not need to be a groom was not enough.) Or at least let her flirt with Ashley Park or something. Sheesh. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

What with October right around the corner, I enourage us all to embrace our inner witches. Gather up your closest, witchiest friends and just go for it. Light those candles. Pet those black cats. Make those voodoo dolls. Get your old black magic back. Or a little vengeance. Just a little. Which reminds me, might be time for a rewatch. Though, I always fast forward through the cherry scene because it haunts me still. Also, none for you Susan Sarandon. But, Cher and Michelle more than make up for her. Happy witchy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Bottoms Edition

Honestly, I think I’m gonna go see “Bottoms” again. Wait, does that make me the creepy middle-aged lesbian going to see the teenage lesbian movie again? Shut up, everyone is well into their 20s in the cast. Also, Ayo Edebiri, Rachel Sennott and Emma Seligman look good in their suits.

Granted, they look a tad “How do you do, fellow kids” in their street wear. But, maybe that’s just my middle-aged lesbian eyes seeing it that way.

Swim Fans

I’ve been so caught up in my own blah blah blah that it wasn’t until THIS WEEK that I finally watched the “Nyad” trailer and, damn, if I’m not extra excited to see this movie now. Not that I wasn’t excited when they announced that Annette Benning would be playing Diana Nyad and Jodie Foster would co-star as her longtime best friend, training partner and expedition coach Bonnie Stoll. But to see them together looking like two older sporty dykes? A grateful lesbian nation salutes you.

I’ve read a couple reviews, all glowing. I was happy to hear that it appears their queerness is acknowledged which, I mean I have eyes, I can see that just by looking at them. I mean the wrap-around sports glasses and sports bra quotient alone is like I stumbled onto the Lido deck of an Olivia Cruise. But this isn’t a romance, but about a longtime friendship and partnership. If you can think of the last lesbian movie without a romance, well, it might take you a while.

The other thing I was heartened to hear is the movie doesn’t make Diana out to be a saint. Her recent anti-trans advocacy around trans atheletes has been very unwelcome to hear, to say the least. But her flaws, of which there are apparently many, aren’t shied away from in the film from what I’ve read so far. And that’s good. The best biopics make their subjects humans, not just heroes.

And then, of course, there’s Jodie Foster in a sports bra. Like, look at her abs. Look at her arms. She is 60! Anyway, there’s a reason she was my first ever Weekend Crush. Still got it, Jodie. Still got it.