Gender Fuck Thursday: Tennis, Anyone

I guess I’m just feeling sporty this week. But what was in the water, or should I say wardrobes, at Wimbledon this year? I noticed celeb-after celeb – queer or otherwise – rocking the preppy menswear. And, I can’t help it, I kind of love it. WASPy, old money gender fuck is secretly one of my favorite categories of gender fuck. Like, damn, Jodie and Alexandra. You make me want to pitch a show called Real Lesbian Housewives of Cape Cod. Though, honestly, thanks to Ralph Lauren, everyone at Wimbledon looked like they were about to ask the unpopular girl in the handsewn dress to prom.

Jodie Foster & Alexandra Hedison

Emma Corrin

Cynthia Erivo

Nicole Kidman

Rashida Jones

Sarah Pidgeon

Right, so who above is taking you to prom? Yes, obviously, I already called dibs on Jodie. (Sorry, Alexandra, not sorry.)

The Gay Emmys

So how gay were the Emmys? The Oscars better step it up this year, because the Rainbow Mafia looked good, won good at this year’s TV awards fest. I won’t bore you with all the straight winners, etc. etc. (Like, how did I not know that Naomi Watts and Billy Crudup were married? The Straights, I swear.) Anyway, here are the most notably queer shit at this year’s award show.

Jodie Fucking Foster

Really and truly I cannot get enough of this wildly happy, wildly successful, wildly gay era of Jodie’s life and career. Everytime I see her all glammed up with with Alexandra Hedison I think, see, big gay dreams can come true. I hope Jodie signs up for some kind of prestige limited TV series every few years (her, Kate Winslet and Gillian Anderson can rotate seasons) to keep her and Alex on the awards part circuit for our personal enjoyment? What? We can’t get a little residual happiness off her big gay glow these days?

Hacks & Hannah Einbinder

Yes, I know, it’s inappropriate to secretly be an Avorah shipper. But, I mean, deep down we’d all at least like to see what would have happened if Ava hadn’t woken up from that dream when she did, right?

Niecy Nash-Betts & wife Jessica Betts

Honestly, does Niecy not not have the most handsome arm candy always at these things? I swear. It’s almost unfair.

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor

Whereas these two always look like the royal court for the May-December Queer Prom.

Nava Mau & Jessica Gunning

The “Baby Reindeer” LGBTQ+ cast broke ground both with Nava’s nomination and Jessica’s win. Which means I probably should watch “Baby Reindeer” after all, shouldn’t I?

Jane Lynch & Sue Sylvester

I only wish Jane and Ilona Maher interacted onstage instead of Coach Beard, for obvious reasons.

Meredith Baxter & Other TV Moms

Lest we forget, the mom from “Family Ties” came out like 15 years ago. So, my grade-school crush on Michael J. Fox remains vindicated.

Ayo Edebiri & Reba

When you come out as queer, you need to stand next to random queer icons for photos. And, like, I think Reba qualifies, but I may need to consult the rule book since I never followed contemporary country close enough to know for sure about her.

Kristen Kish

Like all that AND she can cook. Again, unfair.

Lily Gladstone & Greta Lee

Like, yeah I know Greta is married to a fella and whatnot. But like you’d hold Lily’s hand too, and you know it.

Jodie & Kali Reis

I amend my previous statement, where I want Jodie to put up every other season or so in a prestige limited series. I want Jodie to put up every other season or so in a prestige limited series that features out LGBTQ+ cast and other marginalized voices. Because, you want more pictures like this too, right? Right.

Oscars SGALGG & GGALGG

How about them Oscars? I thought they were…fine. Truly, really fine. There were some nice moments. I enjoyed the past winners introducing each of the acting nominees. I liked Ken. I love love LOVED seeing Jodie Foster and her wife Alexandra Hedison attending their first Oscars together. But first, we start with the Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, per ritual.

Annette Bening, Emma Stone & Lily Gladstone

Best Actress Cuddle Puddle

Regina King & Danielle Brooks

Shooting your shot on the red carpet.

Jamie Lee Curtis & Lupita Nyong'o

I included this photo because omfg Lupita’s back muscles.

Florence Pugh

I included this photo because omfg Flo’s everything.

Kerry Washington & Sandra Oh

If Kerry wanted to become an international assassin who falls in love/obsession with Sandra, I would watch that – but tell them to stay away from boat decks.

Emma Stone & Jennifer Lawrence & Sally Fields

Emma went May-December on her backstage makeouts.

America Ferrera & Gay Gals

I would watch an alternate universe Barbie where America’s Gloria runs off with Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie.

I would also watch an alternate universe Barbie where America was Barbie and Billie Eilish was Ken.

I would watch America, Lena Waithe and Cynthia Erivo read the phone book, among other things.

And the Best Lesbian Oscars Photo Goes To

Jodie and her wife Alexandra and Brandi Carlile & her wife Catherine Shepherd together at the Oscars after parties. Sometimes, it really does get better.

Franco-Foster

Would you like to watch Jodie Foster talk uninterrupted for three minutes in flawless French? Yeah, of course you do. A week ago Jodie was awarded an honorary Palme d’Or for lifetime achievement at the Cannes Film Festival in the South of France. She accepted in her typical fluent French, which, rawrrr.

One of the things I love about Jodie’s current career moment is how completely herself she has finally become. After years of being the secretive one, she’s now truly the brave one as she has allowed the world into her personal life. I mean, not a lot. But enough so that we all know Jodie is happily married to a woman, the also very talented Alexandra Hedison (who possibly dodged a bullet by not marrying that other lesbian), and they walk the red carpet together and they canoodle in public and they kiss when she wins major award and it’s all very normal because that’s what being gay and in a relationship is. Kissing your wife when you feel like it, holding her arm when out on the town. I’m so happy for her — and not just because she was honored at Cannes this year. But because she seems happy and herself. And, in the end, isn’t that what we all want? Oh, that and to be able to speak flawless French, like Jodie.

Also, I don’t mean to be that creep, but goodness they’re a handsome couple.

Vacation Vixen: Jodie & Alexandra

I know paparazzi shots aren’t cool. But something about the incredibly lesbian aesthetic of seeing Jodie Foster and her wife Alexandra Hedison walking around New York City late last month just makes me smile. Like they’re so obviously gay and comfortable with themselves and each other. And they’re both annoyed at the interloper in an endearingly grumpy dyke way. From strolling around together without a care to wearing pajamas to big fancy Zoom award nights, I’m just happy they’ve come to this point. And, you know, sorry for the intrusion, ladies.

SGALGG: Pandemic Globes Edition

So, we already talked about the Jodie gay news from the Globes. But, if we’re being honest, queer women and their dogs were kind of the best part of this year’s pandemic Golden Globes. Well, that and a bicoastally separated Tina & Amy as hosts. I have to say, it’s just not the same watching celebrities suck at Zoom at home like us. But, there were still some bright spots amid the terrible sound and bad webcams. And, again, many of them were gay women.

There was Jodie and Alex and their pup Izzy.

And there was Sarah Paulson and her (and Holland Taylor’s) rescue pup Winnie.

There was Gillian Anderson in a skull-topped Dior with her pup in matching pup Dior.

Cynthia Nixon didn’t have a dog with her. But she had her wife Christine, their son Max, Manhattan D.A. candidate Tahanie Aboushi and her husband, and the Bernie Meme at their Globes party instead.

I regret to inform you that My Fake TV/Film Wife Tina Fey has discovered the evening wear line from Laura Ashley.

But all is forgiven because of her pantless tuxedo from the start of the show.

In these pandemic times, this is as close as we got to Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. And you know what, I’ll take it.

You've Come A Long Way, Jodie

If you’ve been around Ye Olde Blogge for any length of time you’ll know Jodie Foster has always been a favorite of mine. She was, after all, my very first My Weekend Crush. I believe her to be one of my very first real-world crushes too, definitely the first after I realized and accepted that these crushes were that kind of crushes. But then Jodie has always been a major dyke magnet. So many queer girls have seen something in her that we saw – or wanted to see – in ourselves. The tough tomboy. The smartest student in the room. Beautiful but different. Glamorous, but with grit. She set off our gaydar before some of us even knew it was gaydar.

To anyone who has closely followed the arc of Jodie’s career, her Golden Globes moment this past weekend – where she casually accepting a surprise Best Supporting Actress trophy while lounging in pajamas with her wife Alexandra Hedison and their dog Izzy (in a matching bandana to Jodie’s PJs) at home – was extraordinary in its ordinariness. Over the years Jodie has maintained a fierce, almost fanatical, protection of her privacy. I mean, you can’t blame her. She’s been famous since she could walk, pretty much. But one can’t help but realize the convenience of demanding total privacy while also staying firmly closeted.

In those early days, back with her first and at the time unacknowledged publicly partner Cydney Bernard, any cloaked mention of her personal life was major. Like when her sons sorta-kind out them as a couple. Like her calling her longtime partner “my beautiful Cydney” in a public speech where other people could hear. Like when Parade magazine, of all places, acknowledging she was quite probably The Gay. And then, finally in 2013, when she came out at the Golden Globes while swearing this wasn’t her coming out because she had come out “a thousand years ago, back in the stone age.” And then a year later she married Alexandra, a.k.a. Ellen’s ex/Dylan from TLW.

And, now seven years later, they’re just like any other couple of bored lesbians attending a Zoom cocktail hour in their PJs while cuddling their dog amid a global pandemic. Granted, bored lesbians who wear Prada pajamas. But still, to watch Jodie’s genuine surprise and joy as won and then reached over to grab Alexandra’s face and kiss her without hesitation on a live video call broadcast to the entire world – well, who says people can’t change? Who says what our lives will end up looking like once we truly embrace ourselves, or how great they might be once we get there.

You’ve come a long way, Jodie. Truly, we all have.

p.s. Expect more Golden Globe talk tomorrow, with as SGLAGG as we can get during an ongoing global pandemic.

Vacation Vixen: Jodie & Alex (with bonus Bennett)

Sometimes I still can’t get my mind around the fact that Jodie Foster is a married woman. And married to Alexandra Hedison. Seriously, it’s like Six Degrees of Lesbian Separation. Anyway, here’s a photo of the happy couple (with bonus actual physical contact) posing with Matt McGorry at the Emmys last month. I’m trying to think what Jodie and Alex (does she go by Alex? I’m going to call her Alex because we’re all lesbians here) would want Bennett to sneak into Litchfield for them in his leg*. Probably some nice single malt whisky and some lotion would be my guess. It puts the lotion… Oh, you know where this is going.

* I know, I know. It’s a fake fake leg.

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Piper & Alex 4EVA. God, I know I shouldn’t because of all The Reasons. But I just love seeing Piper and Alex together. Or, you know, Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon for those who insist on reality. I mean the way they look at each other – God DAMN. Too bad “Orange Is the New Black” got totally shivved by the Emmys. Still, it was fun to watch all the Straight (and Gay Gals) Acting Like Gay Gals all night long. Sure, all of the same people won again. But we won because, you know, amazing ladies looking amazing together. (Except that thing where the producers weren’t listening when Beyoncé taught the world about feminism and literally put a woman on a lazy Susan to turn while a man spoke. Ooof.)

Natalie Dormer & Lucy Liu
Whoa, suddenly I ship Moriarty and Watson.

Sarah Paulson & Lizzy Caplan
Ugh, now I ship this, too.

Angela Bassett & Jessica Lange
The Voodoo Queen and the Supreme together is the definition of bow down, bitches.

Allison Janney & Kate Walsh
I love these women. I do (have) not watch their shows. Counterintuitive, but true.

Amy Poehler & Julia Louis-Dreyfus
You know, I have nothing against Elaine Benes. But I want Leslie Knope to kick her ass and take her Emmys.

Claire Danes & Allison Williams
Angela Chase would never be friends with Marnie Michaels. You know that’s true.

Padma Lakshmi & Christina Hendricks
I want Padma to cook for Christina and then feed each other. I’m sorry, did I just say a fantasy out loud?

Lena Dunham & Uzo Aduba
Cast Crazy Eyes on “Girls” next. You know the whole OITNB cast is going on that show at some point.

Laura Prepon & Natasha Lyonne
Natasha is thinking about the time she and Prepon made out. Clearly.

Yael Stone & Lea DeLaria
Best Gay Prom Couple Ever.

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley
They are lesbians. They’re lesbianing together. Allegedly.

Sarah Silverman
Love the dress. Love the bare feet. Love that she beat a category filled entirely with men.

Lena Headey
Like I was going to leave her out. Pshaw.

Kate McKinnon
Love her. That’s all.

Laverne Cox
Love her, too. Now that’s all.

Alexandra Hedison & Jodie Foster
Those are the smirks of some very, very happy lesbian newlyweds.