Super Lesbians

Look, we can all get a little tapped out on superhero stories. I’ve stopped watching “Supergirl” and hoo boy was “Aquaman” bad. I mean, don’t get me wrong - I still watch them. Right now I’m watching “Batwoman” and waiting for the “Wonder Woman 1984” and hoping against hope they have the courage to make Captain Marvel gay in her sequel (though, hello, she already has a wife and child.

So color me interested in the new “The New Mutants,” a Marvel film set in the “X-Men” universe based on the comics and of the same name about - well, you guessed it - a bunch of young new mutants who are just discovering their powers.

It’s biggest name is “Game of Thrones” star Maisie Williams as Rahne Sinclair/Wolfsbane, who as her name suggests can shapeshift into a wolf. I know, I know - making Arya Stark a wolf is a bit on the nose, but go with it. Other New Mutants include Magik, Cannonball and Sunspot. And then there’s “The Originals” actress Blu Hunt as Danielle Moonstar/Mirage - a Native American mutant who has psychic powers and can conjure up people’s greatest fears/desires.

The new trailer for the film hints at a relationship between Maisie’s Wolfsbane and Blu’s Mirage. Like, strongly hints. The relationship had been rumored, and is still not confirmed. But if it is true I believe that would make them the first female same-sex superhero couple in the Marvel cinematic universe. (I understand “Deadpool 2” made Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Yukio a girlfriend, which is awesome, but Yukio was a largely supporting character who appears to have had about 2 minutes of shared screentime, soooo.)

The split-second scene between Wolfsbane and Mirage involves being horizontal and touching foreheads, something every lesbian knows is code for “We are gaying, we’re gay, we’ have gayed together.”



“The New Mutants” definitely seems like a bit of a departure from the rest of the Marvel cinematic stable - potential lesbian relationships notwhitstanding. It’s being billed as a horror/action/superhero mix and from the trailer shit gets dark. Likle, seriously, that looks scary. As cool as it is to maybe/hopefully/MAKE IT GAY, YOU COWARDS to see Arya play a lesbian, I might skip this one in theaters. While I will happily make anything and everything gay, I am a coward when it comes to horror films. So, you know, someone watch and tell me if they get gay while I hide behind this pillow. Thanks.

But Is She Electable?

THIS POST IS DARK AND FULL OF RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION, AND SPOILERS

Well, fuck. After last week’s episode saw The Living saved by women and only women (like, all of The North would be in “The Walking Dead” right now if it wasn’t for Dany’s dragons, Melisandre’s fire and Arya’s dagger), I worried that would be the last hurrah for the Double Xs of Westeros (and non-binary, trans folks - if there were any on the show which has precious few queer characters as is). And this week’s “The Last of the Starks” is sadly proving that prediction right. Move aside, ladies, it’s time for The Man to take over.

I swear to the old gods and the new, if these whole eight seasons lead up to just glorifying the straight white male savior I will go Full Cersei on the universe. Though, you gotta hand it to the show writers, everyone rallying behind a white dude instead of a qualified woman who worked and sacrificed her whole life to get to this point is very on brand for 2019.

What more does Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains and Drinker of Starbucks have to do to get some respect? She ate a stallion’s heart. She walked into a funeral pyre and came out with three dragons. She burned the Dothraki Patriarchy to ash. She flies into battles riding a freaking dragon. She stopped what she was doing to help save The North. What more does a lady have to do to be “likable” enough to rule, yo?

But now all of a sudden she is irrational and a dangerous and “unelectable” what with her weak poll numbers with the white working glass in The North. Good thing there’s a better, whiter, maler choice! Seriously, stop being so 2019, show!

And I haven’t even gotten in to the other problematic stuff – like, I dunno, Sansa saying being raped and abused was actually character building, Brienne suddenly being boy crazy and lovey-dovey, The Starks suddenly becoming So Lannister about their precious bloodline, and the show killing off basically its only black female character. And Jon not petting Ghost before sending him to live on some farm in The North? Burn it all down!

After eight seasons, it seems we are now just plodding toward the inevitable coronation of Jon Snow, a man so white it’s typified by his last name. Some Game, eh?

My Weekend Crush

THIS POST IS DARK AND FULL OF GoT SPOILERS

Lady Arya Stark of Winterfell. First of Her Name. Slayer of Night Kings. Queen of the Dawn. Baker of Freys. Waster of Waifs. Keeper of Lists. Wearer of Faces. Second to No One. And The Baddest Bitch in the Seven Kingdoms.

I, like everyone else, watched - more like squinted - at my TV through the murky darkness of “The Longest Night” and hoped that my favs (a.k.a. All The Women) made it out alive on “Game of Thrones.” And, miraculously, many of them did. Though pour one out for Lyanna Mormont and Melisandre. (Also, dude, the low death count totally screwed up my GoT Death Pool bracket at work.)

But, while I probably should have, I did not expect Arya to be the one to kill - more like shatter - the Night King. So to call me pleasantly surprised would be an understatement. Of course, after the episode aired it became apparent I wasn’t the only one to be surprised by Arya’s fatal blow. And, of course, the inevitable cries of, “But how could Arya kill him so easily?” And, even worse, cries that Arya was a Mary Sue. Yeah, fuck them and the dragons they only wished they flew in on.

Did Arya Stark not train for a whole damn season with the Faceless Men? Did she not lose her vision, get the shit kicked out of her, and come out deadlier than ever? Did she not learn the water dance from Syrio Forel? Did she not spar with Ser Brienne of motherfreakin’ Tarth and use that exact same hand change trick? Has she not used Needle – considerably more than once or twice – to slice names off her list? A Mary Sue? Bitchy Fanboys, please.

While I still have no idea who will ultimately take the throne, after last week I know our girl Arya will always say Not Today to the God of Death. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Hey, Maisie Williams, I heard your boyfriend thought Jon Snow should have killed the Night King instead of you. I’m not saying you should dump him, I’m just saying every lesbian I know was endlessly impressed. Just sayin’.

And, fight!

The magnificence of Brienne of Tarth and Arya Stark sparring cannot be oversold. Like, I won’t even try. I’ll just say watch. Is it weird to ship it? Maybe I just mutually respect and admire it – like a lot.

Women of Thrones

OK, let’s talk about “Game of Thrones” again. I will say, after the Cersei and Jaime/Caster’s Keep horribleness of early and midseason, Season 4 got a lot less rapey. So, um, huzzah – or something. What I find most interesting at the close of Season 4 is how its women are doing. Getting raped a little less (for now), which is always good. But now that (oh, right, SPOILER ALERT, duh) so many key male characters have been disposed of, it begs the question: Can sisters finally start getting the respect they deserve on Game of Thrones?

[Please note, I have not read the books. So this is just based on character progression so far and the random thoughts that bounce around in my head.]

Daenerys Targaryen

So how are things going for Daenerys Stormborn,The Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons? Ruling shit is hard work and dragons are a pain in the ass. Look, I love Khaleesi, but a dragon is not a slave! I have to think chaining up her precious Dracarys will have serious repercussions. And not the good kind. Also, my secret GoT ship is Daenerys and Brienne. There, I said it out loud. Make it happen, G.R.R. Martin. We all know you’re still writing the damn books.

Cersei Lannister

This lady will absolutely have you strangled in your sleep. Though, you have to admit, she does love her children. And she is finally pissed enough at her father to reveal her the terrible awful she and Jaime have been doing all these years to protect them from his influence. Granted, her eldest son turned out to be a psychopath. But Tommen has a kitten named Ser Pounce. So, maybe she wasn’t the worst mother ever? (Just kidding, she’s awful – but cunning as fuck.)

Margery Tyrell

Mags might be even more cunning than Cersei, though a little less vicious. Maybe. I don’t know what happens next in the books. Also, I think she has her eyes on Tommen which is gross. But, hey, behind every Boy King is a strong women with a questionable marriage history. (It’s true, at least so far in the Seven Kingdoms.) Though, as far as cunning goes Margery is no match – nor is anyone, really – for her grandma Olenna Redwyne. I mean, she killed Joffrey. Grannies get shit done.

Brienne of Tarth

Sign me up to the Lady Knight fanclub. Brienne is strong, moral, awesome. OK, fine, so she is having a little bit of a hard time keeping all the oaths she has promised so far. (her king died, her lady died, Jamie lost a hand, the Stark girls are nowhere in sight…) But if nothing else, I feel like I can believe in her unwavering sense of honor. Plus, how hot is she in that armor? I understand her brutal fight with The Hound was added into the series. Hey, works for me. Now she needs to find her way to Meereen. Daenerys is down one knight adviser (buh-bye, Jorah), so there’s an opening. Just saying. Also, I cannot wait to see her in the new Star Wars.

Arya Stark

Holy fucking shit, Arya. First, let’s all do the slow clap and rise for 17-year-old Maisie Williams who is absolutely killing it as Arya. The way she impassively stared at The Hound as he begged her to kill him? And then just turned and walked away. I am equal parts frightened and awed by her. And I absolutely cannot wait to see what she becomes. Also a little scared. But, yeah. Arya. I always thought Khaleesi was the baddest bitch in the Seven Kingdoms. But little Arya and her Needle are making a strong run at the title.

Right, so there were also other ladies. Sansa (yawn), Ygritte (breakups sucks), Lysa (can’t fix crazy), Melisandre (smoke monster baby says what), et al. But this season was really time four the five I mentioned to shine. And, with any luck, keep on shining.

p.s. Wasn’t the penultimate episode at the Wall just a total snoozefest? Yeah, yeah, we get it – there are giants. I don’t care. This show has 2 trillion characters. No one wants to watch a “Lord of the Rings”-lite battle in Antarctica for an entire hour.