Oscar GGALGG(BBTWTTO)

So, let’s just be honest, those Oscars were pretty straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Kinda. But I’m pretty sure the live telecast featured zero – at least by my count – live lesbians. Yeah, sure, they featured Jane Lynch in a pre-recorded joke ad for the future YouTube Academy Awards (which is a real thing, by the way, hello 2029). And, OK, fine – Barbra Streisand showed up and sang. So there’s that. But I don’t think the camera ever panned to Oscar-nominated Tig Notaro once (admittedly, I could have missed a split-second shot, but I don’t think I did.) So I will rectify that by featuring the sapphics of the red carpet. So welcome to Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals By Bringing Their Wives to the Oscars (GGALGGBBTWTTO, duh)

Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne

So they didn’t take home the best doc Oscar for “Come See Me In the Good Light,” but what lesbian couple wants a shiny naked man in their bedroom anyway?

Brandi Carlile & Catherine Carlile

Brandi’s suit is very Captain von Trapp and I’m into it.

Abby Wambach & Glennon Doyle

I wish Abby had a tie, but bonus points for the pins. (And, of course, the bag.)

Robby Hoffman & Gabby Windey

Girls really do just love funny little guys*. (*As a Gen Xer, I reserve the right to use guys in a non-gendered way courtesy “The Electric Company” forever)

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor

Fine, they aren’t married that we know about. Which, come on Sarah, put a ring on that.

Auli'i Cravalho

Fine, I had to give you at least one single lady. Not that there aren’t legions of age-appropriate wlws clamouring to wife her up.

p.s. I was rooting for “Sinners,” and all I can say about “One Battle After Another” having a big night is that I’m very happy for Maya Rudloph. Oh, and I’m happy Sean Penn didn’t want to attend.

p.p.s. I thought the show was overall pretty good, Conan landed some magnificent hits, and Amy Madigan and Ed Harris are a reminder that straights can have good marriages too.

A Hot Lesbian Action Movie

Does the world need a “hot lesbian action” movie by Zack Snyder? Probably not. Does the world need a “hot lesbian action” movie written by Tig Notaro by Zack Snyder? Definitely yes. Because if Tig can spin a whole movie out of “accidentally (going) viral for being sexy” then who are we to say no? Anyway, as a reminder, Tig was actually pretty darn sexy in that movie. The lesbian Tom Cruise comparisons were legit, plus come without the weirdo Scientology stuff! See, lesbians really are better. Anyway, I can’t say I love all Zack Snyder’s movies. And we’re already had our share of “Haha, there are lesbians in this!” movies (think “Lesbian Vampire Killers” and “Bitch Slap,” to name a pulpy few). Let’s hope whatever Tig and Zack dream up (which appears to be called “Deviants” and about some old-timey gay deviants) is more the latter than the former – on the lesbian pulp scale. Though I sincerely suggest they just consider renaming the film to “Hot Lesbian Action” because, truly, why would you not? Commit to the bit, and I swear it’ll pay off. That idea is free, Tig and Zack. You can thank me later. Or send me a screener, whatever works.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Tom Cruise Edition

Whew, Thursday almost got away from me. Maybe it was because I kept puzzling over this picture, is it kinda cool or extremely cursed? Or both. All I know if lesbian Tom Cruise (Tig Notaro) and real Tom Cruise together 100% counts as a gender fuck. So, got this one in just under the wire.

Tig Your Favorite

Does anyone get the sense that Tig is the new Ellen? Not in the trailblazing or toxic workplace sense, but in the sense that she is every straight celebrity’s new favorite lesbian? First, uber action dude Zack Snyder taps her to replace gross sex pest Chris D’Elia in “Army of the Dead.” Then she gets Dakota Johnson of “Fifty Shades” of herosexuality to star in her lesbian movie. Now she is joining Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon on “The Morning Show.” Her casting is definitely an upgrade to at least a real queer woman instead of just Julianna Margulies who famously thought she could speak for our community “as someone who plays a lesbian journalist.” Honey, no. Anyway, just an observation about Tig. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Movie Review: Am I Okay?

The movie where Dakota Johnson kisses a girl is okay. It’s not great, it’s not terrible. “Am I Okay?” is okay. It’s okay because it is yet another coming out story in the year of our Lesbian Jesus 2024. It’s okay because it’s about 30something ennui and millennial angst. It’s okay because wife team Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne do a capable job of directing their first movie together. It is all deeply and unremarkably okay. It breaks no new ground unless, again, you were waiting with bated breath for Dakota to kiss a lady on screen in which case – mazel tov to you.

Honestly, the movie would have been better if instead of discovering her latent homosexuality, Dakota’s character was rediscovering the dating scene after a long same-sex relationship. Like, maybe she stayed with her first girlfriend into her 30s, and now has to start over. Please, someone make that movie. Yes, I realize I might have some selfish motivation in this but come on you’d watch that.

My only other thoughts on this movie is the self-improvement montage at the end (MILD SPOILERS – where Dakota’s character quits her job, begins painting again and becomes an old hand at the dating apps – ) seems ridiculously sped up. Less than three weeks to turn yourself into a lesbian dating machine? Yeah, okay, sure. Good luck with that.

My Weekend (Lesbian Party Bus) Crush

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Ladies, gentlemen, thems and theys, we have a new “dance like nobody's watching”-goal to aspire to. Let us all enjoy this weekend like celesbians on a Lesbian Party Bus. Now, you may ask, what is a Lesbian Party Bus? Well, it’s a bus filled with famous lesbians, their significant others and closest friends. In short, it’s a Lesbian Party Bus. Thanks to an exhaustive and masterful display of journalisming over at Autostraddle, we know all of the LPB participants. A quick rundown includes celesbian couples Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor, Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne, and Abby Wambach & Glennon Doyle. Also on board were Allison Janney, Carla Gallo, “The Fosters” alum Sherri Saum, “The Talk” co-host Amanda Kloots, director Lee Rose, and a coupla requisite dudes. Again, you can see how this wildly interesting pack is all connected here. But I just want to say if I every have the occasion to rent a party bus and pack it with a host of my most dear and talented friends, you’d better fucking believe we’re going to do a drunken singalong to “Closer to Fine.” This is perhaps the most relatable any celesbian has ever been. Party like you’re on the Lesbian Party Bus, kittens. Happy weekend, all.

OK, So You're Gay

Well, you don’t get more Lesbo Street Cred bonafide than being directed by two women married to each other and written by a longtime writer for Ellen DeGeneres. The new film “Am I OK?” brings Very Gay credential (directed by out stars Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne and written by Ellen alum Lauren Pomerantz) and therefore Very High expectations as it prepares for its Sundance Film Festival debut next week online (the festival is virtual because, duh, pandemic). It stars Dakota Johnson as Lucy and Sonoya Mizuno as Jane, two lifelong best friends who are on the cusp of being more than just best friends when one decides to move away to London.

Per Variety, the synopsis tells us:

When Jane announces she’s moving from L.A. to London for a job, Lucy reveals a deeply buried, long-held secret. As Jane tries to help Lucy sort through old patterns and new feelings, their bond is thrown into chaos.

We all know long-buried secrets between best friends are either a) I love you and want to make out, or b) I slept with your high school boyfriend, got pregnant behind your back and now we’re stuck in the Canadian wilderness together. As the latter is pretty singularly specific (Rise, Yellowjackets Hive, rise!), I feel confident in thinking it’s the former.

Now you probably know Dakota from those horrid “50 Shades” movies, which truly were so bad. But, hey, even the daughter of two extremely famous celebrities needs to make a living. Mizuno, meanwhile, has been in a number of projects from “Ex Machina” to “Crazy Rich Asians” and “Maniac” to “Devs.” This will be Tig and Stephanie’s feature film directorial debut - both singularly and as a couple. And the story kind of follows Stephanie’s own story, coming out later in life and falling for Tig (who also has a small role in the film along with fellow queer artists Sean Hayes and Kiersey Clemons). Anyway, let them explain it together. And, you know, bring The Gay. We deserve it.

Drawn Out

When last we saw Tig she was getting CGI-ed into a Vegas heist zombie apocalypse movie – as one does. And when next we see her she’ll be even more animated. See what I did there? The out lesbian comic has a new comedy special coming to HBO Max this weekend. And, yes, it is animated – which, sure, why not. Interesting concept. Also, it appears she is depicted in different animation styles throughout the show, which, sure, why not. Interesting concept. Plus, it gives us a queer representation a twofer – comedy special and animated special. Can she make it the two great things that go great together of comedy? Sure, why not?

Army of Tig

So, sadly predictably, “Army of the Dead” was not very good. Like, only a man who recut a superhero movie into a four-hour opus would think he could pull off a zombie heist movie with authentic pathos. Instead, basically, a bunch of folks died needless graphic deaths because ... money? Yeah, basically. But the one thing I did enjoy about the film — and honestly it was a purposeful afterthought at best — was the casting of Tig Notaro as the crew’s helicopter pilot.

The out comic wasn’t originally part of the movie. She came on board later after the film had finished shooting, when they had to recast the role of comic Chris D’Elia who was originally tapped to play the role of the pilot. But after filming was done, D’Elia’s history of sexually pursuing underage girls got him the Kevin Spacey treatment. Like, whoops, we cast a gross sex monster. Our bad. Let’s pretend this never happened, eh?

As much as I am all for recasting disgusting sexual predators and zapping them out of pop culture, how boring was that casting choice in the first place? Like, you take this zombie movie with a somewhat diverse cast and then pick the most uninspired and uninspiring straight white man for its main comic relief role? That’s just lazy casting, folks. But you put someone like Tig in the role and automatically it’s more interesting. So it’s the proverbial win-win, you don’t go for the obvious/lazy choice who also happens to be a major sex pest and instead hire an out actor who cleans up so well she basically looks like a lesbian Tom Cruise.

But, again, I really can’t recommend this movie. Unless, of course, you want to see how well they did green screening Tig into the picture. Yes, all her scenes were shot against a green screen. In fact, she only interacted on set with one of the movie’s other actors, Ana de la Reguera. I think they did a pretty good job of editing the gross dude out and Tig in. But then, even if they’d used a cardboard cut-out of Tig instead of that D’Elia, it would have been a vast improvement.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Top Tig

It’s fun to watch people rediscover hot butches every now and again. You can trace the phenomena back to the early 1990s when Cindy Crawford posed atop kd lang in that iconic Vanity Fair cover. I repeat, butches are hot. And now The Internet is horny for its latest hot butch, Tig Notaro. The lesbian comic strikes her best “Top Gun” in the new trailer for “Dawn of the Dead.”

Like, put a flight suit on any queer woman with a masc haircut and you’ll basically give Tom Cruise a run for his money (with the added advantage of not being Tom Cruise/a nutty Scientologist/they’re the same thing). Anyway, I will watch this zombie movie because I already have a Netflix subscription and you saw Tig in that flight suit, right?

p.s. I know smoking is bad and gross and bad some more. I hate it. But the way she chomps on that cigarette holder...goodness. Let’s just pretend it’s weed. Plus, you know, it’s a zombie apocalypse so long-term health outcomes probably aren’t front of mind.

Shame, Shame, Shame

Look, I like Tig Notaro a lot. But we’re definitely going to have to take away her Lesbian Card for not recognizing Lena Headey. Like, at all. I mean, I realize this could all be a bit. Is it a bit? Or perhaps she really is living under a rock and does not watch and TV or movies. Also, what’s with people in the entertainment industry who don’t watch TV or movies?

It’s not just that she doesn’t recognize Lena as Cersei Lannister from “Game of Thrones.” NO, the unforgivable sin is not recognizing Luce, a.k.a. Every Lesbian’s Favorite Florist, from “Imagine Me & You.” I mean, come on, Tig. That’s just Lesbianism 101. Shame, indeed.

Lesbian Bat Signal

Holy Bat Ladies, Batman! We are getting not one, but two female Bat-related heroes soon on the large and small screens. A Batgirl movie and a Batwoman TV show.

According to reporters, the Batwoman series will make our heroine super duper gay, as she is in the comics. And, to add to the awesomeness, they are even looking for a lesbian actress to play the part. Holy amazing representation, Batwoman!

Meanwhile the Batgirl movie was going to be helmed by Joss Whedon, but he has since dropped out, and now will he written at least by a female scriptwriter.

I’m all for more lady superheroes in the world and on our screens. And I am especially all for more lesbian superheroes being played by lesbian actresses. (I also hope, like in the “auditions” above, a minimum of three out queer ladies are considered for the Batgirl role because we deserve it, duh.) So huzzah to this twofer Bat lady news and break out the Lesbian Bat Signal, but for real this time.

When LGBTQ met POTUS & FLOTUS

Hey, do you want some great gay news from a parallel universe? Of course you do. Anything but this darkest timeline we’re all being tortured in right now. Last week it was announced that Jennifer Aniston and Tig Notaro would star together in the Netflix movie “First Ladies.” The press release described the political comedy thusly:

“ ‘First Ladies’ is a political comedy about America’s first female President and her wife, The First Lady. When Beverly and Kasey Nicholson move into the White House, they’ll prove that behind every great woman… is another great woman.”

I read it twice to make sure I was reading it right the first time. A married female couple in the White House? Yep, this is a queer political comedy.

This is great news for a variety of reasons. One, it’s a high-profile project with two women toplining. Two, it’s a high-profile project featuring two women toplining playing queer women. Three, it’s a high-profile project featuring two women toplining playing queer women, one of whom is queer in real life. Four, it’s a high-profile project featuring two women toplining playing queer women, one of whom is queer in real life and that was written by two queer women (Tig and her wife Stephanie Allynne).

While reading coverage of this news, I found it interesting that hardly any of the media outlets overtly mentioned the film’s obvious LGBTQ themes. They all called the two women wives, but left it unsaid that not only does Jennifer play out first female president, she is also the first female and queer woman elected president. I can’t tell if that’s a sign of the times (like, no big deal, queer people exist) or a strange oversight (um, the historic nature of the first LGBTQ POTUS & FLOTUS seems worth a mention, no?). I think it’s probably a little of both.

Though, what I really, really want to know is how do I vote for this reality instead of our current terrible reality?

My Weekend Crush

Sorry, again, to keep sharing videos from that hair tousle, but it’s not too often you get not only one but two lesbian guests on late night television. So here is Tig Notaro and Sarah Paulson kind of cracking each other up. Just pretend Jimmy’s not there, I know I do. And feel free to steal these party bits. As an natural introvert I appreciate any help at large social gatherings I can get. The dog one in particular seems like a great way to meet other lesbians – though you might want to switch it to a cat, depending on the crowd. Happy weekend, all.

Be Present

Ooof, man, have I been bad at getting posts up in a timely fashion of late. And I know sometimes being too busy turns me into this person while talking with my loved ones. Of course, I only wish I could be as funny as Tig here. This bit, by the way, wasn't scripted out. She just told her fiancee she would call at a certain time. If you haven't checked out her documentary on Netflix, what are you waiting for?

What Doesn't Tig Us Makes Us Stronger

So if you’re wondering what you should stream on Netflix (we all know you’ve already watched all the lesbian movies – even the ones with subtitles) you should definitely head over to the documentary section. Because there you’ll find “Tig,” the new doc about out comic Tig Notaro. Now, I have a full review over at Women & Hollywood (yep, I’m still writing for them – you can read some other past posts here, here, here and so on if so inclined).

But one of the things I’d like to expound on is how nonchalantly Tig’s sexuality is handled in the film. And, if you think about it, that’s fairly remarkable for a documentary about an out gay person. No drawn-out discussion of her coming out. No tortured discussion of her grappling with her sexual orientation. It’s just a statement of fact and then we move on to the things almost everyone deals with in life – finding love, wanting kids, dealing with mortality. It’s so refreshing, it really is.

As for the rest of the movie, it’s an intimate look at how someone rises from the ashes of what has to be the hardest year of her life. Yet it also has a light touch despite the tragedy that befell its subject. And, actually, it’s a sly love story. I won’t ruin it for you, but I will recommend it to you.

Comedy Call

You know how you love all the Jon Stewarts, Stephen Colbert, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Rocks and Louis C.K.s of the world, but sometimes – no matter how funny the boys can be – you just want a really funny lady to make you laugh? Of course you do. That’s why we love the Tina Feys, Amy Poehlers, Wanda Sykes, Melissa McCarthys, et al of the world. Well now add another one. Get ready to get “Inside Amy Schumer.” Comedy Central’s newest sketch show is the perfect antidote to all often too Testosterone soaked humor on the network. There are only so many riffs on dudes getting hit in the junk, exposing their junk in humiliating ways and/or consuming disgusting junk that can be made before you yearn for a more feminine touch.

This is not to say that women must be stereotypically feminine to have this feminine touch. (Or that all dudes revel in junk humor). But I say that because women bring a feminine perspective to humor that is all too often lacking. And that’s what I love about Amy’s new show. While I haven’t loved every single sketch, most of them are refreshing and – most important – hilarious. It’s not that it’s “chick humor” as if there is such a thing. Women can be just as crass and crazy and craven as the fellas – if they want to be. It’s that when most our representation of humor is being given from a male point of view, we’re missing a whole lot of funny. That’s it’s important to get more female comedy writers on shows. And why it’s important to get more female comics in the spotlight. Because more perspectives ultimately means more funny. And isn’t that the whole damn point in the first place?

“Inside Amy Schumer” airs at 10:30 p.m. Tuesday nights on Comedy Central. Set your DVRs ladies, and discerning gentlemen. But don’t take my words for it.




Also, have I mentioned out comic Tog Notaro writes for her show? Yeah, told you you’re definitely going to want to watch.


p.s. More on Tig later. So much more.