Broadway, Baby

Leave it to the theater kids to say what needs to be said about the state of our world. While I’m not necessarily a musical theater person, I started watching the Tonys a few years ago and have not been disappointed – in fact quite the opposite. Heck, the Tonys have even made me root for the Knicks. (Kidding, I will always pick New York over Texas.) Anyway, Pink was pretty amazing as host, knockout as a performer and more than ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille. Like lifting Neil Patrick Harris with her thighs while hitting the Elphaba high note? Ben Platt could never! Leading lady marmalade, always!

Anyway, what I loved the most – besides the world’s most talented theater kids showing why their name should be in lights – is their unabashed going there when it comes to our political moments. Fuck Trump. Protect the dolls. Immigrants make America great. Diversity is our strength. Bagging on AI. And jokes about lesbianism. Thanks, Broadway babes. You sure made my night. (I mean, the SEAmen joke alone, and Pink/lesbian kicker, deserves its own Tony.)

Music Monday: Pretty Pink

So earlier this month Pink guest-hosted Kelly Clarkson’s show, and of course continued her grand tradition of killing it on covers. You all know “Time After Time” is one of my all-time favorites. So naturally how could I resist. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

What should you do when the President of the United States points his stubby little finger at a female reporter just doing her job and says, “Quiet, piggy” for all the cameras and world to see?

Yeah, you know what to do. Because fuck that motherfucker. Or, Bill fucker? So let them fly, ladies. Though which style you do it, well, that’s entirely up to you.

The Double Cersei

The Smile & Bird

The Smile & Double Bird

The Look Away

The Emmy Worthy

The Oscar Worthy

The Early 2000s

The Billionaires Are So Cringe

The O.G.

So, yeah, fuck that motherfucker. Happy weekend, all.

Presidential Redux

This song came out in 2007 and fucking hell if it isn’t even more relevant today. Also, if you were wondering what made this song gay – well, besides the part about hating your own daughter if she was gay – let’s not forget that the original album version featured backing vocals and guitar by none other than the Indigo Girls, Emily Saliers and Amy Ray. I just wish this wasn’t even more applicable 18 years later. We sincerely do not learn, do we?

Music Monday: Pink & Alanis Edition

Pink and Alanis Morissette? Together on stage? Singing “You Oughta Know”? *SQUEALS IN GEN X LESBIAN* How amazing does Alanis sound? How amazing does Alanis look! And Pink, well, you know she always looks and sounds amazing. Also, if the generations were having a best breakup anthem competition, hands down the Reality Bites Generation would win thanks to Alanis. Still undefeated. Also for no reason in particular, last weekend would have been my fifth wedding anniversary. Anyway, thanks Alanis. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: Pink for President

Gosh, I just enjoy Pink and Kelly Clarkson and why not enjoy them together. Pink has a new album coming out this month while continuing to be awesome and rock that alternative lifestyle haircut. Also, since it’s President’s Day, here is her Bush-era banger. Yeah, remember him? He was awful too. We just kinda forgot because of That Orange Atrocity. Never forget. Also, please stop voting for Republicans. It never ends well for anyone but the rich and the bigots (those being not mutually exclusive). Happy Monday, kittens.

Two Great Things That...

Well, here is some actual good news (Not the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news about That Orange Stain from last night. Gross. And never again.) Pink and Brandi Carlile are going to tour together next summer. I know, two wildly talented musicians teaming up to make lesbians and queer women everywhere SQUEAL WITH DELIGHT. Brandi will join Pink on 15 of her 21 dates (but not in my neck of California, alas, that one will be Pat Benatar who is cool and all – but not BRANDI). Just imagine the acrobatics, vocal and physical (Pink’s aerial work gives off pure “The Gymnast” vibes.) Anyway, if Pink and Brandi were coming within 200 miles of me I’d consider it. I hope this dynamic, duo is coming to a city near you instead. Until then, please enjoy this bootleg of the two of them previewing their chemistry at the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame induction of Dolly Parton. Now if it was that triple bill, I’d drive 300 miles, easy.

p.s. Well, I blew my “thank you” deadline because work got crazy. But, I recently made a promise to myself to give myself some grace. Your thank yous are all still coming. I promise. I am just doing everything a little more slowly these days.

How to Donate To My Little Life Implosion Fund:

Venmo: @Dorothy-Snarker
Paypal: idgie2@hotmail.com

Music Monday: Under the Pink

Pink gets it. Pink definitely gets it. My wife’s longtime favorite singer (and a fav of mine as well) is back with a new music video that covers basically everything in this world that’s making you feel exhausted and/or enraged. The video goes from the early suffragettes and Civil Rights Movement leaders to Black Live Matter, the SCOTUS abortion ban, rising white nationalism, school shootings, the Jan. 6 insurrection, Fox fucking News, and more. The kids are not all right. But we’re still alive, and we’re going to keep fighting all of this bullshit for our rights. Happy Monday, kittens.

Music Monday: P!nk Edition

If you missed the Billboard Music Awards a couple months ago, (which, honestly, I did because who has time for non-EGOT shows in this economy?) you missed this lovely performance of P!nk. The artist formerly known as Alecia Moore performed a medley of her hits in celebration of receiving a well-deserved Icon Award. She opened her performance by performing aerial stunts with her 10-year-old daughter Willow. I’ve always liked P!nk, and well, she’s on my wife’s freebie list. So, you’re welcome, honey. Happy Monday, kittens.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Women in Black Edition

Time for some classic black suits. Single breasted. Double breasted. With a pinstripe. With a tuxedo cut. With a tie. Without a tie. Without a shirt. They’re all good. They’ve all very good on women. Very, very, very good. But don’t take my and Ellen Page’s word for it. Please witness my irrefutable proof.

Jameela Jamil

I am so behind on “The Good Place” and I feel terrible about it. Further proof we’re living in The Bad Place.

Carey Mulligan Michelle Williams

Chuck Taylors + a delicate pinstripe + a loose tie = the best maths.

*In my defense, many blonde white women with pixie cuts look alike.

Diane Lane

Shirts are overrated anyway.

Janelle Monae

Jaunty hat game on point. As, of course, is everything else.

Pink & her daughter Willow

Yes, start them young on the path towards suits.

My Weekend Crush

Yes, I know, many of our pop stars are problematic. We love (love, love) to pit them against each other. Especially if they’re women, precisely because they are women. But besides providing us with the effervescent delights to make our daily drives, work and lives just that much more fun, sometimes they’ve got some pretty wonderful messages. I’m way too old to watch the MTV Video Music Awards anymore. But I’m happy to share Pink’s Video Vanguard Award speech. Because helping more people appreciate more kinds of beauty in the world is always a good thing. Sure, another pop singer may have sung that song first. But a good thing is a good thing no matter who says it and no matter who shares it. Plus, Pink has always been one of my absolute favorites. So rock on with your bad selves, ladies. Happy beautiful weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Technically Edition

Right, fine, so technically they aren’t all wearing tank tops in the above image. But I think, deep down, in spirit they are. Goodness, I had forgotten how much I loved seeing the ladies of the United States Women’s National Team all over the place. So consider this a little refresher for everyone. Plus, you know, who can resist a good tank top – even if only in spirit.

Beyoncé

Technically, this is a swimsuit. But, as I always say, a swimsuit is just a tank top that doesn’t know when to stop.

Alycia Debnam-Carey

Technically, this is a muscle shirt. But, girl, the boots more than make up for that.

Zoe Kravitz

Technically, this is a camisole. But, we all know, a camisole is just a tank top that wants to Netflix and chill.

Brandi Carlile

Technically, this is a vest. But, duh, that makes it even gayer.

Pink

Technically, this is just netting. But, please, like you’re complaining.

Winona Ryder

Technically, this is overalls. But, yeah, overalls.

Christine and the Queens

Technically, this is really a tank top. But, I told you, I am just really into her music right now.

Short Cuts

Hey, did you hear Beyoncé got a haircut? Of course you did. It was the STOP THE PRESSES news from last week, dammit. I for one applaud each woman who decides it’s time for an alternative lifestyle haircut. I don’t have the face for it, too round like a pumpkin. But I sure do appreciate others who can make it work. And, interestingly, so many are making it work as blondes. Do they have even more fun the shorter they go? For each straight lady who successfully goes Ellen with her locks, one bad lesbian hair joke gets forever laid to rest. Just don’t screw it up by brining back the mullet, fashion. You’ve already brought back high-waisted jean shorts and fanny packs. We can’t survive another era of business in the front, party in the back.

Some short hair, do care looks to enjoy along with Queen Bey’s.

Beyoncé

I can’t wait to see this styled and paired with a tuxedo jacket.

Charlize Theron

Marrying this haircut is now legal in 13 states and the District of Columbia.

Cate Blanchett

I’m kind of excited for “Blue Jasmine,” Woody Allen notwithstanding.

Carey Mulligan

I kind of think she should never have long hair.

Anne Hathaway

I don’t hate her blonde pompadour. I really didn’t.

Miley Cyrus

I really, really don’t hate her blonde pompadour. Really.

Pink

Blonde Pompadour + Visible Obliques = Nothing to Hate Here.

Tilda Swinton

Please, you knew she’d be on this list.

My Weekend Acrobatics

Now, I have crushed on Pink before. Because, well, how could I not? But, damn, if that women doesn’t keep keep bringing it with her live performances. In fact, I’m starting to think her actual aspirations are to run away and join the circus. Because those acrobatics are Cirque de Awesome. I half-watched the “American Music Awards” last weekend, and missed Pink’s performance all together because it was fairly awful otherwise. But big mistake on my part because holy feats of strength and balance. Oh, Pink, how we’ve missed you while you were away becoming one insanely hot mama. Thanks for all the muscles, I mean, music. Happy Weekend, all.

We will do it

Us ladies, we’ve had a rough go of it in the political arena of late. Men folk keep thinking they know what’s best for us. They want to tell us what we can and cannot do with our lady business. How we’re allowed to use it. (Not to decide for ourselves to when we can best start a family, that’s for sure!) How we aren’t not allowed to use it. (Not for recreational fun, that’s for sure!) And how our doctors should treat us. (Not based on their sound medical judgment alone, that’s for sure!) Those who dare to say otherwise are sluts or strumpets of so much worse. Of course, these same folks keep saying this War on Women is imaginary. We’re just being tricked by our little lady brains into thinking the Republicans want to tell us what to do with our little lady bits and pieces. But we, we know better. We know when we’re being bullied. We know when we’re being disrespected. We know when our rights are being trampled. For a party that prides itself on disavowing government intervention, they sure have a strange way of getting the government into the most personal nooks and crannies of us ladyfolk. So, for all those who think they can slip this year of lady hating by us, be warned. We are strong. We are angry. And we are paying attention. We can stop this War on Women with our votes. As Rosie told us all so many years ago, “We can do it!” As these modern-day Rosies would surely tell you now, you can stick your big government where the sun don’t shine on yourselves instead.

Alexis Bledel

You know Rory got all Occupy Yale this year.

Alison Brie

She won’t have Brita-ed women’s rights.

Christina Aguilera

I would like all the past Christina personas (Genie Xtina, Dirrty Xtina, Voice Xtina) to sing a rousing rendition of “Fighter” to congress.

Princess Leia

Alternately, I’d love for Leia to tell John Boehner he’s a little orange for a stormtrooper.

Kelly Rowland

Queen B isn’t the only one who can do it.

Beyoncé

But, of course, you never count out the queen.

Melanie Laurent

We can do it ingloriously.

Pink

Party to reclaim our rights, already started.

Amy Adams

Practicing BYOT – Bring Your Own Tools.

Amy Poehler

If that wasn’t one of the most perfect, Knope affirming, woman affirming, life affirming season finales, I’ll buy you a Sweetums bar. Today the city council, tomorrow the presidency. America, you beautiful tropical fish.

Tank Top Tuesday: Music Edition

Music makes the people get together. Or at least that’s what Madonna said at the Super Bowl. But I think it also makes the people get sweaty. And when the people get sweaty, might I suggest they wear a tank top? Yeah. You saw that one coming. Today, as you might have guessed from the thrice-as-nice Pink, is all about musicians getting their tank top on. Or as Pink also illustrates, a little bit off.

Alicia KeysWas anyone else all “Whaaaat?” when you learned she was married to the CEO of Megauploads?

Brandi CarlileI had to miss her when she was in my area. I still have not forgiven myself.

Ani DiFrancoThere’s just something about a woman straddling a chair. And that something is hot.

FeistIs she going to give us some new music again? Soon, please.
p.s. Shoot, she did? Damn, never mind me & the rock I live under...

Michelle BranchI understand she’s gone country. If she keeps wearing stuff like this, I say yeehaw.

Tegan & SaraRemember when I met them over the summer? They definitely weren’t wearing this eye shadow then.

Missy HigginsShe went blonde. I know I’m not supposed to be noticing that, but oh well.

Meshell NdegeocelloPut on “Beautiful” for your girl and try to not get laid. Hint: It is impossible.

Emily HainesI could watch her dance around and play the tambourine on stage forever.

See, Madonna was right. Looking at musicians in their tank tops made us people come together. Happy Tuesday, kittens.