So the thing about this year’s Oscars is they were very, very, veryveryveryvery straight this year. I mean, sure, Ariana Grande opened with “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” from “The Wizard of Oz” and then Cynthia Erivo followed with “Home” from “The Whiz” and they both finished with “Defying Gravity.” Ari even had a freaking ruby slipper attached to her back. Which, I mean, sure – that’s a pretty fucking gay way to start things off. But instead of staying gay, the rest of the show was pure “Kansas Rainbow” (this is a deep “Somebody Somewhere” cut – which if you recognize it let’s be real gay together).
But after that? None of the higher-profile queer nominees won (not Cynthia, not Brandi Carlile and Elton John, not Colman Domingo and definitely not Karla Sofía Gascón). The highlights for LGBTQ+ folks was out costume designer Paul Tazewell taking home the trophy for “Wicked” – making him the first Black man to win – and Queen Latifah singing “Ease On Down The Road” (was “The Whiz” the telecast’s true winner?) with Glad trash bags tied to her shoulders.
And can we talk for a moment about how neither of the two “Emilia Perez” winners mentioning the trans community even once in their acceptance speeches? Hello??? If you’re wondering why this movie wasn’t embraced by the LGBTQ+ community, uh, that’s why. When you use us as a plot device without any real intention of representing the greater community, it shows. That and it was a bad movie, period.
Honestly, there wasn’t much SGALGG to speak of from the red carpet either. Like hardly any fun shots of straight actresses trying to Sabrina Carpenter themselves with other straight actresses, so clearly queer sensibilities had a bad night. Also, can we talk about how 25-year-old Mikey Madison pulling a surprise upset for Best Actress over 62-year-old Demi Moore is the perfect postscript to “The Substance,” because yeah.
Even if the awards were very cis and very straight, I’m here to bring the GGALGG because that’s my whole and entire mission statement. Granted, most of the Queer Lady Rainbow Mafia only showed up for the after parties – which is just another sign of our good taste. Ahem.
Cynthia Erivo & Lena Waithe
Had to find a sneaky picture of Cynthia & Lena at the Oscars because they did not pose on the red carpet together and posted individual shots of themselves at the Oscars on their respective Instas. Which, hey, I get keeping your personal lives private. But it’s the Oscars, ladies. Not even one official shot together at the Gay Superbowl?
Marissa Bode & Lauren Brooks
The “Wicked” star brought her girlfriend with her throughout the movie’s award show run and happily posed together on the red carpet so I’m not saying she wins Girlfriend of the Year but she’s definitely not losing Girlfriend of the Year for lack of effort.
Brandi Carlile & Catherine Shepherd Carlile
I love them, I don’t love their abundance of bows. Like was Brandi’s suit inspired by Minnie Mouse, what is happening? Are bows the new carabiners? Explain, universe. Explain.
Queen Latifah & Eboni Nichols
Did a Catholic middle school dance chaperone get to them and say they needed to leave space for the Holy Ghost or what?
Niecy Nash-Betts & Jackie Betts
Thank Sappho for Niecy and Jackie, a queer couple that always looks great together and will give us the Gay Superbowl photos we deserve.
Oprah & Whoopi Goldberg
Fine, while neither is truly family, I think we can all just agree they look like the most stylish couple at Senior Prom Night at their high-end 55+ community.
Laverne Cox & Hari Nef
More trans representation in one photo than the entire production of “Emilia Perez.” Enough said.
Sarah Paulson & Hannah Einbinder
It’s like spare body parts from The Substance and a fashion-forward Dalek from Doctor Who showed up as each other’s dates.
Chappell Roan & Elton John
We have reached Maximum Gay. Any more Gay and we may risk Nuclear Rainbow Overload.
Melanie Lynskey & Jason Ritter
The only straight couple I will include because after seeing Melanie in this Jessica Rabbit getup, every lesbian has reaffirmed her spot on their “Celebrity I So Would” lists. And Jason is just adorable, even though he will fight every single last one of us for lusting after his wife.
Renee Rapp
Speaking of Jessica Rabbit, I’m glad to see Renee embracing her inner – or should I say outer – Jessica as well.
Clea DuVall
Again, this is exactly how I would show up at award shows were I ever to be invited to award shows – or in this case, award show after parties.
Katy M. O’Brian
I love that these are actually pants. Oh you didn’t notice the pants because of the muscles? Yeah, you’re gay.
While we’re swooning over “Wicked,” let us not forget that its star is an out queer woman who is dating another out queer woman who are both absurdly accomplished. I don’t know why it took me two years and a damn People magazine article to clue into the fact that Cynthia Erivo and Lena Waithe are a couple. Like, how did I not know that? At first I thought it was maybe because they’d been lowkey and not gone out in public much. But then I did a quick image search and, uh, they’ve been everywhere together. EVERYWHERE.
How everywhere? Well this year alone they’ve been to…
…the US Open in September
and the Olympics in August (with many famous friends, peep Anna Wintour in the front there, yo),
and the Tonys in June (with another Elphaba),
and The Los Angeles LGBT Center Gala in May (with a woman whose name should be kept out of your mouth, especially if you are Chris Rock),
and the Met Gala in May,
and the “Shirley” premiere in May (with "Shirley" herself),
And the Oscars Vanity Fair party in March (I call this Florence & the Queer Machine).
The thing is, they’ve been officially dating since 2022. Yet somehow I was oblivious to this fact despite them stepping out time and time and time again that very same year.
Like at the SAG Awards dancing February 2022 (with dancing queen Jessica Chastain).
Or the Oscars in March 2022.
Or the GLAAD Awards in April 2022.
Or the Grammys also in April 2022.
Or the BET Awards in June 2022.
Or the Tonys also in June 2022 (with photobomb by Bernadette Peters).
Or the Glamour Awards in November 2022 (though I'm still sad about Poussey).
Yeah, I don’t know how I missed it either. And attending more than one fancy dress event in one month together over multiple months? I hang my head in shame. Though, I will say the most relatable thing about their relationship so far is their (relative) hibernation in 2023. I could find only three images of them out and about. Sophomore year of a relationship nesting, I see you.
From 2023:
Dancing with Dwayne Wade at his Fall of Fame party in August.
Snuggling at the “Stephen Sondheim's Merrily We Roll Along” opening in October.
And hanging with Rustin himself in December.
Anyway, I hope my now exhaustive chronicling (bordering on stalkerish, sorry about that but these were all public events) of this most excellent lesbian power couple suffices as a mea culpa. And, lest we forget, there should be much more to come with “Wicked Part 2” hitting theaters next year. Go forth, and be gloriously gay and tremendously talented together on every red carpet you can find, Cynthia and Lena. Or should we call them Cythna?… Lethia? …Waitiro? … Evithe? Yeah, those are all terrible. Just congrats to the happy couple.
p.s. This one is from when, as they’ve said themselves, they first met at the Met Gala in 2018. Rainbow capes plus rainbow eyebrow rhinestones? It was written in the Celesbian Stars, I tell ya.
How about them Oscars? I thought they were…fine. Truly, really fine. There were some nice moments. I enjoyed the past winners introducing each of the acting nominees. I liked Ken. I love love LOVED seeing Jodie Foster and her wife Alexandra Hedison attending their first Oscars together. But first, we start with the Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, per ritual.
Annette Bening, Emma Stone & Lily Gladstone
Best Actress Cuddle Puddle
Regina King & Danielle Brooks
Shooting your shot on the red carpet.
Jamie Lee Curtis & Lupita Nyong'o
I included this photo because omfg Lupita’s back muscles.
Florence Pugh
I included this photo because omfg Flo’s everything.
Kerry Washington & Sandra Oh
If Kerry wanted to become an international assassin who falls in love/obsession with Sandra, I would watch that – but tell them to stay away from boat decks.
Emma Stone & Jennifer Lawrence & Sally Fields
Emma went May-December on her backstage makeouts.
America Ferrera & Gay Gals
I would watch an alternate universe Barbie where America’s Gloria runs off with Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie.
I would also watch an alternate universe Barbie where America was Barbie and Billie Eilish was Ken.
I would watch America, Lena Waithe and Cynthia Erivo read the phone book, among other things.
And the Best Lesbian Oscars Photo Goes To
Jodie and her wife Alexandra and Brandi Carlile & her wife Catherine Shepherd together at the Oscars after parties. Sometimes, it really does get better.
Well, this was NOT the year to skip the Oscars if you like to see talented queer women living their best lives and/or like to see Academy Award-winning bitchslaps on live television. Like, I sincerely thought the “Moonlight”/”La La Land” best picture fiasco was going to be the craziest thing I watched on the Oscars telecast in my lifetime (baring, of course, the cringe-tastic Rob Lowe/Snow White opening trainwreck).
Anyway, while the men created their own, scene-stealing mess, queer Hollywood — particularly queer women of color — came out and shone brighter than a damn diamond. Queer women, trans women and trans men were the highlight of my night and almost enough to erase the ugliness of the evening. Almost.
In particular I was heartened by “West Side Story” stand-out Ariana DeBose’s win for best supporting actress which makes her the first queer person of color and first Afro-Latina to take home the naked golden man. While accepting her trophy, Ariana also gave one of the most touching speeches of the night, which honestly I tear up even now transcribing.
“You see a queer, openly queer woman of color, an Afro Latina who found her strength in life through art. And that’s what I believe we’re here to celebrate. So to anybody who has ever questioned your identity ever, ever, ever, or you find yourself living in the gray spaces, I promise you this: There is indeed a place for us.”
No slap can overshadow this sincerity. We belong. Considering yesterday Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed the hateful “Don't Say Gay” bill into law, it’s a message we could all hear a few more times right about now.
In fact, you should watch/rewatch her whole acceptance. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
So here’s the rest of the Big Gay Oscars. What a night for women who love women, queers who love being fabulous and all of us at home who got to feel like — if only for a moment — the somehow, some day, somewhere we’ve all been dreaming of has finally arrived.
First, The Couples:
Ariana DeBose & girlfriend costume designer Sue Makkoo
I mean, they even do the stock photo favorite lesbian forehead meld pose together.
Niecy Nash & wife singer Jessica Betts
Niecy’s purse says “Wifey for Lifey,” y’all. And more red carpet lesbian forehead meld.
Wanda Sykes & wife Alex Niedbalski
Wanda was great as one-third of the night’s hosts. But then, Wanda is always great, as is her white tux in particular.
The Queen brought her longtime partner (read into that line however you will) to Hollywood’s biggest night for the first time. Ahem.
Kristen Stewart & fiancée screenwriter Dylan Meyer
I truly, truly appreciate that KStew came to the Oscars with one and only one fashion goal in mind: Look hot for the lesbians. Thank you, a grateful nation of queer women thank you. Also, that smooch? Yeah, I bet that made a bunch of kids in the middle of nowhere feel a little less lonely.
Also, pretty sure she out Shane-ed Shane with this look.
Next, The Stag:
Hannah Einbinder
I just appreciate how the “Hacks” star can two-fist her drinks. Also, I didn’t know if this was her date or not so I didn’t want to make things awkward for either of them on Tinder. Apologies if you should be in the above category. Also, white tuxes are apparently a thing for us now, queer women. Take note.
Stephanie Beatriz
I just love how she’s finding fame in a whole other way than her “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” way. Yes, duh, I love “Encanto.” (Also, technically, I think her husband was there somewhere but she’s solo in this shot so there.)
Elliot Page
You really can’t go wrong with a classic tuxedo. I love seeing his smile these days.
Laverne Cox
Flawless, no notes.
Tessa Thompson & Janelle Monae
No, I don’t think they’re still a couple. But they sure look good side-by-side. Like a couple from the future on Earth Colony 275 or something. Not that they’re a couple.
Lady Gaga & Liza Minnelli
The Lady and the Legend. Gaga’s tender, dignified care for Liza was a salve on a lot of the ugliness from last night. Kindness can also be iconic.
And finally, The Sarah:
Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet
Don’t have a heart attack, Sarah and Holland are still together. Sarah just took her bestie/girlfriend stand-in Amanda to the show instead and had some — shall we say, fun. Also, of course Sarah’s dress has pockets.
Sarah & Kirsten Dunst
All I’m saying is, while the cat’s away, The Sarah will Kiki. But in a respectful way that never denigrates her love. Look, I don’t want their whatever their portmanteau’s name is stans to come after me.
Sarah & Sophie Turner
All hail Sarah Catharine Paulson. First of Her Name, Queen of the Lesbians, Protector of the WLW Kingdoms, the Mother of Fangirls, the Paulson of the Queer Lady Sea, the Unstraight, the Breaker of Heteronormativity
Sarah & Lena Waithe
That’s almost too much queer excellence for one photo. Almost.
Sarah & Jean Smart & Judith Light
This is photographic proof that at least one of the gods loves queer people and wants us to be happy.
Bonus, The KStew Dancing
I don’t think this is Dylan. (And, apologies if it is.) But, um. Queer women, seriously, after seeing all of this… What slap?
