Stoner comedies aren’t typically my favorite genre. But stoner comedies directed and starring queer female leads and talking cats? Spark that shit now! Let’s fucking go! I have no idea whether “The Wrong Girls,” starring Kristen Stewart and Alia Shawkat and written and directed by K-Stew’s wife Dylan Meyer will be any good. But I know I don’t care because, well, did I mention the talking cats? Also Kate McKinnon is also in this thing. We’re all going, just bring plenty of snacks for the munchies.
p.s. Also here is K-Stew working out in a tank top-adjacent attire for this movie in case you needed some Tuesday bona fides.
So Kristen Stewart is going to make her lead TV/streaming debut playing Sally Ride in a new Prime Video show. The limited series will follow Sally’s journey to become the first U.S. woman in space and also her role in the investigation of the Challenger explosion tragedy. No word on whether they’ll cover Sally’s sexuality, which she famously hid until after her death. But you gotta imagine if Kristen is playing her, they’ll make her queerness front and center – I mean, we have to believe, right? I gotta hand it to her, when K-Stew plays a real person she sure picks really interesting and complicated women. Savannah Knoop/J.T. Leroy, Joan Jett, Jean Seberg, Princess Diana. Now that’s what I call range -- all the way to outer space.
p.s. This also serves as a bonus tank top because I kinda skimped out on the content Tuesday.
Do I know exactly what’s happening in this trailer for Kristen Stewart’s directorial debut “The Chronology of Water”? No, no, I do not. I know it is based on the memoir by Lidia Yuknavitch. And, there’s clearly swimming and also abuse and – wait – is that Jim Belushi? Yes, I checked, that is indeed Jim Belushi as Ken Kesey. If nothing else, I think this will be interesting. And, like I’ve said many times before, I appreciate that K-Stew has a singular artistic vision and pursues projects based on it instead of box office. Yes, of course, she already had her own blockbuster franchise, but she is so clearly never chasing another one. And good for her. Truly, very good for her.
So I’m having a Friendsgiving and going out of town. But as always I will leave you vixens to be thankful for. Because I would never leave you high and dry on a Tuesday, kittens. I promise. K-Stew clearly knows the rules about sports bras counting as tank tops.
Continuing the all-Pride, all-the-time theme of this month, please enjoy Kristen Stewart as a newlywed little pageboy at the Cannes film festival recently. While most of K-Stew’s red carpet choices are things I would/could never wear, I feel like this look is one I might be able to pull off. Maybe minus the cap. And, of course, never heels. Also I’d wear a full shirt. But, that’s me. As I was saying, marriage – and this look – looks good on her. Mazel tov, I hope the honeymoon lasts forever.
And just like that, Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer are married. After more than half a dozen years together, and nearly four years of en-gay-gement, they made it official. I feel like I need to set off a Hunger Games cannon for K-Stew’s singledom. Of course, given the circumstances, it should be a rainbow glitter confetti cannon. But still, *BOOM* There goes the last glimmers of delusional hope for some gay gals. There, there – you truly never had even an iota of a shot, but it’s great to dream big, right?
I actually super love it when queer couples get married because we’ve only been able to do so legally for the last 10 years (well, in June it will be 10 years – if we make it to June…) Each queer couple that vows to love each other until death do they part is a repudiation of the hateful mindset that calls our very existence a sin. Or, in simpler terms, fuck you bigots.
I wish them a long and happy and creative life together. Also getting married at a Mexican restaurant in Silver Lake? Yeah, we’re never gonna be as cool as K-Stew, even now that she’s just an old married lady. Mazel to the couple.
I’m always interested to see what art artists are passionate about. And it seems for Kristen Stewart it is her directorial debut with “The Chronology of Water.” Based on a memoir of the same name by Oregon-based writer Lidia Yuknavitch, it is a coming of age and beyond story of a woman who uses swimming to try to escape an abusive past. And then drugs and bisexuality and BDSM and Ken Kesey and swimming all apparently happen.
I clearly haven’t read the book but I’m fascinated to see the project that K-Stew vowed she would finish before finishing any other films. And clearly it will be queer. The movie is set to premiere at the Cannes Film Festival this May. More queer women behind the camera filming gay things in front of the camera is always, always a good thing.
With the Olympics over, you might be thinking, dang I wish I had more strong women to watch. Well, do I have the movie/super gay head trip for you. I missed out on seeing “Love Lies Bleeding” in the theaters because of some bad timing. But as soon as it began streaming on Max last month, I made sure to watch. And, well, that sure was something.
What I liked about “Love Lies Bleeding” was its approach to its queer characters and queer desire. No need for any “coming out” framing. No earnest struggles with homophobia or self-doubt. Just two women attracted to each other who become the epitome of “Be gay, Do crimes.”
In order to enjoy this film you just need to be prepared for violence and muscles. You also need to brace yourself for a little magical realism. This is less the “Water for Chocolate” whimsical magical realism and more of the queer fantasy magical realism. Either way, it’s trippy and unexpected and weird as hell – but mostly in a good and definitely in a gay way.
And while K-Stew is the marquee name here, Katy O’Brian is the breakout star here. I mean, those muscles alone. *heart eyes emoji forever* I’m surprised between “Love Lies Bleeding” and “Twisters,” that Katy isn’t hanging on a poster in every young lesbian’s wall right now.
While this movie probably won’t go into your feel-good canon of lesbian rom-coms à la “Imagine Me & You” and “But I’m a Cheerleader” or even grand sweeping romances like “Carol” or “Portrait of a Lady on Fire,” it deserves its own place in queer pulp history. Back-to-back screening with “Bound?” Now that’s a noir lesbian movie night I can get behind.
So, thoughts? I don’t want to give away the ending too much, because I think you just need to experience it. Buckle up and wear a helmet.
Two more weekends left of Pride and we (very much using the royal WE, since it’s just moi) here at Surrenders continues to highlight queer entertainers, artists and works because we only get 30 days per year and we’re going to make them as gay as fucking humanly possible. And it doesn’t get much gayer than perhaps the most famous queer actor of her generation playing the most famous female astronaut of any generation. Kristen Stewart has signed on to play Sally Ride, the first U.S. woman in space, in a new Amazon TV series.
Now, I am old enough to remember when Sally Ride went to space in 1983, and I am old enough to remember what a big, huge deal it was – particularly as a girl growing up in the 1980s. Keep in mind, us women had only earned the right to open a credit card in our own names less than 10 years before this (in 1974). So the first woman and arguably the most awesomely named astronaut in history was a Big Fucking Deal in my book.
But, and here is why we should never forget our history, it was inconceivable at the time to think Sally could have been celebrated as BOTH the first woman AND first gay person in space. Because that last part, yeah, that was definitely not something we celebrated back in 1983.
In fact, she didn’t feel comfortable coming out publicly at all until her death, in 2012, when she revealed her 27-year relationship with Tam O'Shaughnessy. And, if you’re thinking, gosh that’s awfully late to come out? Why was she still in the closet in 2012?
Well, the arc of moral history is long, but the arc of recent LGBTQ+ civil rights history has bent extraordinarily toward justice in the last dozen years. Think back. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell wasn’t repealed until 2010, just two years before Ride’s death. President Obama didn’t come out in support of of same-sex marriage until May 2012, just two months before her death. And of course same-sex marriage rights, perhaps our most high-profile legal victory, weren’t conferred on all Americans until 2015, two years after her death.
History isn’t terribly ancient, and the recent strides we’ve made in queer rights are continually in peril as the far-right backlash to, well, really everything good and progressive continues unabated. So I’m thrilled that Kristen is using her platform to both highlight queer elders and champion our history. Also, you just know K-Stew is gonna look good in that astronaut suit.
Yesterday was Kristen Stewart’s birthday. So congratulations to our Millennial Lesbian Icon, now a wizened 34! Like if you told me 16 years ago when “Twilight” came out that one day KStew would be one of the most famous lesbians in the world I would, well, I would say that checks out because I saw her in “Panic Room” as mini Jodie Foster. So, yeah. No surprises there. Anyway, to celebrate this auspicious milestone, why not enjoy 17 minutes of Kristen day drinking, acting while drunk and lesbi-fying Seth Meyers. Truly, time well spent. Also, I hope posting this makes up for the fact that I have not been able to catch “Love Lies Bleeding” yet in theaters. I know this makes me a Bad Lesbian, but hopefully I can be forgiven and make amends by wearing a beanie and a carabiner the next time I go day drinking.
I guess this is the week where I sound off on movies coming soon. And I’ve gone from hatred, to begrudging respect to hot damn imma see this the first weekend I can. Continuing the new sapphic cinema trend of Be Gay, Do Crimes (hello, Drive-Away Dolls), is “Love Lies Bleeding.” Kristen Stewart talked about the movie and her motivation behind it at length in her Rolling Stone cover story. But each passing trailer gets me more excited to see what kind of murderous muscled mayhem KStew and Katy O'Brian can get up together.
Now, it’s not just the murderous muscled mayhem I’m here for. Make no mistake, I’m here for the gay murderous muscled mayhem I’m totally here for. Films about queer female relationships rarely let us see the destructive, clothes-ripping kind of lust that seems to be at the center of “Love Lies Bleeding.” And even if this is part of some hallucinatory fever-dream, can we just marvel at the unicorn-level queerness of this?
And then the Hulk-smash hotness of this?
Hello. Look, I’m in this for the story as much as anything. But, like I said, I am also sometimes deeply, deeply shallow. And this movie, well it just might satisfy both my brain and, well, other parts.
We should probably talk about that Rolling Stone cover by Kristen Stewart. Since its release last week, right wingers have already had all of the aneurysms about its overly queer aesthetic (A woman! In a jock strap! With her hand…!) Kristen has already reveled in said conservative hyperventilating, and generally a jolly gay time was had by all (who aren’t conservative asshats).
But what I really think that Rolling Stone cover is perhaps this generation’s “Yep, I’m Gay” Time magazine cover. Sure, it might not have the same overall cultural impact. But to queers in her age bracket? Maybe. Here she is intentionally, unapologetically doing “The Gayest Thing You’ve Ever Seen in Your Life.” And here she is, intentionally, unapologetically and thoughtfully discussing her gay identity and gender norms and what it has been like for her in Hollywood and what she wants to do next. (Though, man, I wish the interviewer had asked her about “Happiest Season,” her one bonafide queer role to date. Alas.)
Still Kristen Stewart’s nonchalant “I'm, like, so gay, dude” coming out during her SNL monologue typified a generational shift where we didn't need to announce things on magazine covers anymore. Yet here she is, again intentionally and unapologetically reminding people on a magazine cover. I dig it. I also love that she’s reading Jeanette Winterson. Same, girl, do you need to borrow any of her books?
It’s all interesting, all very gay. Give the whole thing a read (Internet Archive version here in case you hit that Rolling Stones paywall). And in the end, I think the takeaway is no one gets to define who Kristen Stewart is, not as a queer person not as an artist not as a celebrity, but Kristen Stewart. As it should be. Happy gayest weekend you’ve ever seen in your life, all. (Or at least a darn good one.)
Look, I didn’t have “Watch Kristen Stewart and Her Muscle Mommy Do Gay Crimes” on my 2024 to do list before this either. But now, well, it’s basically my top resolution. Like, how can you not want to watch KStew and her mullet and Katy O’Brian and her muscles make out and fuck shit up together in their tank tops. Also, Ed Harris looks insane and Jena Malone is apparently in this thing too which is awesome because Jenna Malone is awesome. Seriously, do more gay films, Jenna. And, carry on with the so gay, Kristen.
Well, finally, here is something actually gay this week. Since it’s Spooky Season (and Friday the 13th in OCTOBER), I will forgo my typical disdain for supernatural investigator shows because a) Everyone is Gay and b) Kristen Stewart is the executive producer. So say hello to “Living for the Dead,” the new super duper queer ghost hunting show. I admittedly kind of hate the current crop of ghost hunting series (like the dude who wears the tight T-shirts and screams at the ghosts). But this seems, I dunno, fun. Maybe it’s the season. Maybe (probably) it’s the gay. But when this debuts next week on Hulu, I’ll give these queer as folks a shot. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Demonic possession? We already lived through a Trump presidency, how bad could it be? Happy spooky weekend, all.
Please enjoy this entirely lesbian sentence: Queer indie supergroup boygenius has tapped Kristen Stewart to direct its upcoming music videos. That’s, like, so gay, dude. But before that happens, please enjoy this video for “Not Strong Enough” shot by boygenius themselves — Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus. So if you’re into watching three very talented young queer white women having a fun road trip together, please enjoy. Though, I have no comment on their respective batting stances. Also, don’t worry, when the K-Stew directed video drops, I’ll let you know. Happy Monday, kittens.
Well, this was NOT the year to skip the Oscars if you like to see talented queer women living their best lives and/or like to see Academy Award-winning bitchslaps on live television. Like, I sincerely thought the “Moonlight”/”La La Land” best picture fiasco was going to be the craziest thing I watched on the Oscars telecast in my lifetime (baring, of course, the cringe-tastic Rob Lowe/Snow White opening trainwreck).
Anyway, while the men created their own, scene-stealing mess, queer Hollywood — particularly queer women of color — came out and shone brighter than a damn diamond. Queer women, trans women and trans men were the highlight of my night and almost enough to erase the ugliness of the evening. Almost.
In particular I was heartened by “West Side Story” stand-out Ariana DeBose’s win for best supporting actress which makes her the first queer person of color and first Afro-Latina to take home the naked golden man. While accepting her trophy, Ariana also gave one of the most touching speeches of the night, which honestly I tear up even now transcribing.
“You see a queer, openly queer woman of color, an Afro Latina who found her strength in life through art. And that’s what I believe we’re here to celebrate. So to anybody who has ever questioned your identity ever, ever, ever, or you find yourself living in the gray spaces, I promise you this: There is indeed a place for us.”
No slap can overshadow this sincerity. We belong. Considering yesterday Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed the hateful “Don't Say Gay” bill into law, it’s a message we could all hear a few more times right about now.
In fact, you should watch/rewatch her whole acceptance. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
So here’s the rest of the Big Gay Oscars. What a night for women who love women, queers who love being fabulous and all of us at home who got to feel like — if only for a moment — the somehow, some day, somewhere we’ve all been dreaming of has finally arrived.
First, The Couples:
Ariana DeBose & girlfriend costume designer Sue Makkoo
I mean, they even do the stock photo favorite lesbian forehead meld pose together.
Niecy Nash & wife singer Jessica Betts
Niecy’s purse says “Wifey for Lifey,” y’all. And more red carpet lesbian forehead meld.
Wanda Sykes & wife Alex Niedbalski
Wanda was great as one-third of the night’s hosts. But then, Wanda is always great, as is her white tux in particular.
The Queen brought her longtime partner (read into that line however you will) to Hollywood’s biggest night for the first time. Ahem.
Kristen Stewart & fiancée screenwriter Dylan Meyer
I truly, truly appreciate that KStew came to the Oscars with one and only one fashion goal in mind: Look hot for the lesbians. Thank you, a grateful nation of queer women thank you. Also, that smooch? Yeah, I bet that made a bunch of kids in the middle of nowhere feel a little less lonely.
Also, pretty sure she out Shane-ed Shane with this look.
Next, The Stag:
Hannah Einbinder
I just appreciate how the “Hacks” star can two-fist her drinks. Also, I didn’t know if this was her date or not so I didn’t want to make things awkward for either of them on Tinder. Apologies if you should be in the above category. Also, white tuxes are apparently a thing for us now, queer women. Take note.
Stephanie Beatriz
I just love how she’s finding fame in a whole other way than her “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” way. Yes, duh, I love “Encanto.” (Also, technically, I think her husband was there somewhere but she’s solo in this shot so there.)
Elliot Page
You really can’t go wrong with a classic tuxedo. I love seeing his smile these days.
Laverne Cox
Flawless, no notes.
Tessa Thompson & Janelle Monae
No, I don’t think they’re still a couple. But they sure look good side-by-side. Like a couple from the future on Earth Colony 275 or something. Not that they’re a couple.
Lady Gaga & Liza Minnelli
The Lady and the Legend. Gaga’s tender, dignified care for Liza was a salve on a lot of the ugliness from last night. Kindness can also be iconic.
And finally, The Sarah:
Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet
Don’t have a heart attack, Sarah and Holland are still together. Sarah just took her bestie/girlfriend stand-in Amanda to the show instead and had some — shall we say, fun. Also, of course Sarah’s dress has pockets.
Sarah & Kirsten Dunst
All I’m saying is, while the cat’s away, The Sarah will Kiki. But in a respectful way that never denigrates her love. Look, I don’t want their whatever their portmanteau’s name is stans to come after me.
Sarah & Sophie Turner
All hail Sarah Catharine Paulson. First of Her Name, Queen of the Lesbians, Protector of the WLW Kingdoms, the Mother of Fangirls, the Paulson of the Queer Lady Sea, the Unstraight, the Breaker of Heteronormativity
Sarah & Lena Waithe
That’s almost too much queer excellence for one photo. Almost.
Sarah & Jean Smart & Judith Light
This is photographic proof that at least one of the gods loves queer people and wants us to be happy.
Bonus, The KStew Dancing
I don’t think this is Dylan. (And, apologies if it is.) But, um. Queer women, seriously, after seeing all of this… What slap?
I just felt like, after everything 2022 has dished out so far, you needed a beautiful, talented women in a white suit. Or gold vests. Or luscious mustaches. Sometimes, truly, it is just that simple.
Mary J. Blige
Queen shit. And King shit. Truly.
Elle Fanning
A little circus ringmaster chic and I’m good with that.
Gillian Anderson
I just. Love her.
Also, congrats to the engagement and your first red carpet outing together, Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer.
I will count this shiny crop top number as a suit because of the pending nuptials and all. And, goodness, K-Stew is bringing the vava-and-voom.
So it’s mini-vacation time at Surrenders as I celebrate my 10-year dating anniversary with my wife (and also her birthday) this week. So, as always, I’ll leave you with some Vacation Vixens in my absence. Charlize and Kristen kick it off as we ponder the eternal question: Why would you put these two in a movie together and not make them kiss. Like, you know, at least once. For science! See you next week, kittens.
Well, now that the big en-GAY-gment news is out, time to look back at what has made K-Stew America’s Lesbian Sweetheart. Kidding! There’s no such thing as America’s anything because we’re all living in corrosive and conflicting parallel universes, some with very little understanding and willful disregard for basic facts. But, anyway, the good news is still no matter what political universe you live in Kristen Stewart remains “So gay, dude.” I’ve found Kristen’s public persona to be pretty fascinating. She has gone from very obviously reluctant teen starlet to obviously reluctant movie star to what she is today – a marquee celebrity who eschews most big budget products in favor of indie fare and is also very, very out and gay. So, here’s a look back at K-Stew’s gay-volution since coming out, officially, in that SNL monologue in February 2017. And mazel tov to Kristen and her screenwriting fiancée Dylan Meyer (who co-wrote “Moxie” btw, which I enjoyed). May you live long, gay, happy lives together.
The Monologue, Feb. 2017
We all have a coming out story, but we don’t all have a coming out story that includes going on national television to essentially telling Donald Trump to leave you alone and fuck off.
The Chop, March 2017
Almost exactly a month after her “So gay, dude” heard around the world K-Stew shaved her head which, relatable.
The Regrowth, August 2017
Also relatable, wearing hats during that awkward growing back out after shaving one’s head phase.
The Greaser, May 2018
I mean, who hasn’t channeled their inner Danny Zuko a time or two?
The Roxbury, Jan. 2019
Frosted tips and shiny suits 4Eva!
The Zuko Redux, Sept. 2019
I mean leather jackets never truly go out of style, right?
The Vest, Oct. 2019
Anytime a vest is substituted as a top, well, gayness is happening.
The Everything, Nov. 2019
Truly, the hat, the jacket, the pose, the rolled sleeves, the hand in pocket. Everything, including the “Charlie’s Angels.”
The Wow, Nov. 2019
Obviously, thanks to the “Charlie’s Angels,” we’re in a very gay period. Call them the Gay ‘19s, if you will. Also the last of the wondrously unaware Before Times pre COVID.
The Sophisticate, Oct. 2020
Getting dressed up for that first big pandemic outing is always a challenge.
