My Weekend Crush

Sometimes it’s funny to remember when Angelina Jolie was seen as the untameable wild child of Hollywood. She of the razor-sharp cheekbones and pillowtop lips, with the blood vials and the brother kissing and the lady more-than-kissing and whatnot. I’ve admired how through the years she has carefully chosen her projects – going for more family friendly fare of late with Maleficent and Kung Fu Panda and The Eternals and all. I always thought her action hero era was too short. Anyone who saw her in “Salt” knows she could Jason Bourne the hell out of a series like that. If only the Lara Croft scripts were even halfway decent – alas. I have no idea if “Maria” will mark a new, prestige phase of her acting career. She has certainly earned the right, and respect, to pick whichever projects she chooses. Mostly, I’m just happy to see someone so clearly born to be a star (I mean, we all have eyes) on our screen again. Tres Jolie, indeed. Happy weekend, all.

Tiny (Lethal) Dancer

So, admittedly, there’s nothing particularly gay about the new trailer for “Ballerina,” the John Wick universe spinoff. Plus after watching Keanu summarily dispatch hordes of nameless suit-wearing adversaries through four films, the whole formula was starting to feel repetitive. John Wick is wronged. John Wick fixes the wrong by pretty much killing everyone. The end.

But darn it if I don’t fall for the young girl raised to be an assassin trope pretty much every time. Killing Eve. Black Widow. You name it, I’ve watched it.

So, OK fine, I will watch Ana de Armas shoot a lot of people with sideways Glock and stab people in the brain. Why not? Also, she reminds me a little of Eliza Dushku, who should have had a successful action career after Buffy but alas. (Though, she appears to be very happy and healthy working outside of Hollywood now, so good for her!) Anyway, as I was saying, more women kicking ass always.

The Aubrey & Patti Show

If you’ve ever wanted to hear Aubrey Plaza and Patti LuPone scream “Fuck off bitch!” at each other while eating hot wings, fuck yeah do I have the show for you. Now, you may never have thought you needed to see Aubrey and Patti grow increasingly more unhinged as the unspeakable heat from some hell sauce sizzles their neurotransmitters. But you would be wrong about that. Because, friends, I plan to save this video and rewatch it whenever I need a quick serotonin boost.

Honestly, this is probably the best 15 minutes you can spend today. Yes, I know you’ll also be able to watch them for another 30+ minutes camping it up in “Agatha All Along” tonight. And, don’t get me wrong, I am super enjoying that super gay show. But this? This is ART. Also, the innuendo! I mean Aubrey literally gushes, “I love you. I’m in love with you. I love you!” Which, truly, same about this whole video. Like I would watch a whole channel dedicated to these two telling stories about each other – especially if at least one of them is wearing a suit. Make it so, television gods! You owe the sapphics for all the canceled shows anyway!

Return to the End of the World

Holy, and I mean this sincerely, shit. Like, holy shit does the second season trailer for “The Last of Us” look good. Like holy shit, should I be feeling weepy about a trailer? Now, I haven’t played the video game. But I have a general sense of the emotional shitstorm that’s coming in the new season. And, of course, the sapphic relationship that made me pay any attention to a video game in the first place. This show is, to put it succinctly, scary as hell. But it’s also filled with so much quiet pathos, which is a hard duality to pull off. And, I am biased, but I love that a queer character (and actor) is at the heart of this show that has become a bit of a cultural phenomena. And it’s definitely not subtext or wishful gay thinking. It’s just a queer girl (played by a nonbinary actor) fighting to stay alive at the end of the world. I mean, holy shit, how cool is that?

Also, I was not expecting Moira Rose to pop up. But now I’m pretty sure I’d tell her each and every last one of my deep, dark secrets. And it’s reassuring to know that even during an apocalypse, playing acoustic guitar for a girl you like totally and completely works. (Well, for lesbians. Men are still advised to stop playing “Push” aggressively at women, per the Barbie rules.)

So, thoughts? As a non-gamer, I’m not sure what the exact dynamic will be between Bella Ramsey’s Ellie and Kaitlyn Dever’s Abby – but I’m guessing it’s not good. So that will be quite something to watch Bella and Kaitlyn square off (again, if they do – no spoilers). Also, are we already a little swoony about Isabela Merced as Dina? Because the way she looks at Ellie with that guitar, well, heart eyes is an understatement. Finding gay love in a desperate, mushroom apocalypse place? Holy shit, I can’t wait.