SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Oh, Emmy Awards. Each year I have such high hopes that only the most deserving will wing and each year something like Jon Cryer happens. And I even used to love Duckie. While they’re not always the most merit wothy of meritocracies, they are almost always a great source of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Like whatever is happening here between Sofia Vergara, Sofia Vergara’s mom and Julie Bowen. Well, Julie did go on about sister wives in her award speech. So keeping it all in the family must just come naturally. A few more SGALGG moments from this year’s Emmys which merit your attention.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus & Amy Poehler

Even Julia thought it was a shame Amy didn’t win. But at least they hugged it out.

Lucy Liu & Julianne Moore

In my head, Julianne just told Lucy she wanted to see her Russia in her house. Are those euphemisms? You betcha.

Jessica Lange & Connie Britton

You can’t blame Connie for taking a shot at Jessica. In fact you’re probably a little jealous.

Morena Baccarin & Claire Danes

While nothing overtly SGALGG-y is happening here, you have to believe the magnificent V in Morena’s dress is giving Claire pause.

Amy Poehler & Tina Fey

If I can’t marry My Fake TV Wife, then I want Amy to have her and I want them to make the funniest babies in all the world together.

Ginnifer Goodwin, Emily VanCamp & Julie Bowen

Julie just made Ginnifer and Emily and offer they can’t refuse.

Katee Sackhoff & Tricia Helfer

What happens in the photobooth rarely every just happens in the photobooth. Ahem.

Christina Hendricks

While she isn’t doing anything gay, she is certainly making a lot of new gays just by sitting there.

Sarah Paulson

This is what I call a Gay Gal Acting Like a Gay Gal. I mean, really, look at how excited she is at the sight of sensible shoes.

Sofia Vergara & Julie Bowen

Screw Jay and Phil. Think how big a hit “Modern Family” would be if we got to see Gloria and Claire do this every week.

NSFW BONUS

So Sofia Vergara suffered a bit of a wardrobe malfunction right before “Modern Family” took home the Emmy for best comedy. I think this might be proof there is a benevolent God, and she loves us lesbians.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I love the Bridesmaids more than cheese. Granted, this isn’t saying a ton because I’m lactose intolerant and too much cheese makes me bloaty. But still, dammit, if I don’t love me a hunk of Camembert every now and again. You always hurt the ones you love, no? But, truly, the Bridesmaids typified what I enjoyed about this award season. Ladies enjoying each other’s company, making each other laugh and giving us all great entertainment in the process. Which, after all, is the true spirit of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Sure, it’s about the touchy feely fabulosity of those fauxosexual moments. But it’s really about women being comfortable in the presence of other women and appreciating each other for the fantastic creatures that we are. So, in that spirit I give you a very special Oscars Edition of SGALGG.

Rose Byrne & Melissa McCarthyNo true drunken straight gal hookup starts without shots. Scorsese!

Viola Davis & Octavia SpencerI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Arms Appreciation Post.

Viola Davis & Meryl StreepI just love these two together. Also, this is a Viola Davis Back Appreciation Post.

Busy Phillips & Michelle WilliamsThese two are obviously taking a couple shot for their Facebook profile pictures so they can simultaneously change their statuses to “In a Relationship.”

Gwyneth Paltrow & Penelope CruzIs it just me, or does this totally look like albino Batman is giving hot Robin a hug here?

Glenn Close & Janet McTeerGlenn’s all, “Did you see her flash those puppies in ‘Albert Nobbs?’ Yeah, keep your hands off. They’re MINE!”

Claire Danes & Rashida JonesI am overcome with the unshakeable desire to see Claire guest on “Parks & Recreation” as a grown-up Angela Chase who befriends Leslie and Ann.

Jessica Chastain & Milla JovovichI feel like they’re silently acknowledging to each other that 1) They had two of the prettiest dresses on the red carpet and 2) They’d love to see each other’s dresses in a pile on their hotel room floors.

Dianna Agron & Malin AkermanI feel like Dianna is not-so silently acknowledging the No. 2 point above.

Amy Adams & Olivia WildeReboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry, I think my brain short circuited for a minute from all the pretty. Reboot. I’m sorry…

Ginnifer Goodwin & Sasha AlexanderSuddenly, looking at Ginnifer’s sexy pixie cut, Jane Rizzoli is starting to feel a little insecure.

Heidi Klum & Bar RefaeliClearly they did this purposely to get into SGALGG.

Cameron Diaz & Kate HudsonPlease see above.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly OsbourneWell now it’s almost starting to feel desperate.

Amy Adams, Jennifer Westfeldt, Claire Danes & Paula PattonYou want us to do you one on one? Or two by two? Or we could do three on one? Or we could do four by four? Do four by four? Four by four.

And finally, I call these last group of pictures: Meryl Streep Seduces The World

With Sandra BullockSandy is reminding Meryl of the time they kissed and trying to impress her with her finger size.

With Rooney MaraNow is your chance, Rooney. Kiss her! Hard, on the mouth!

With Octavia SpencerAnd we’ve come full circle with the drunken straight gal hookups. Someone must have yelled Scorsese and Meryl obliged.

Bonus: Angie’s Right LegI think we should acknowledge that Angelina’s bisexual side was alive and well at the Oscars as her right leg was obviously trying to initiate a threesome with Angie & Brad.

Maybe he is blind...

Scarlett Johansson has joined the ever-expanding cast of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Which, for the record, means that he is just not that into Scarlett, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Aniston and Ginnifer Goodwin. If these are the women that he is just not into, then he is an idiot.
The movie is a fictionalization of the self-help bestseller by the same name which I never read but even some (discerning) lesbians swear by. Scarlett will play a Pilates instructor and aspiring singer who finds herself in love with a married man. The only part about the previous sentence I care about is “Pilates instructor” because that means we can look forward to lots of shots of Scarlett stretching. Oh, my. Scarlett + bendy = Ms. Snarker is just sooo into her.