Sitting Courtside

Speaking of the WNBGAY, two of the league’s out stars have signed on to a new sapphic sports film “Courtside,” which has some other very familiar faces the camera as well. Abbot Elementary writer/producer Brittani Nichols and Autostraddle-alum Carly Usdin are writing and directing the film which “follows an injury-plagued women’s hoops superstar whose championship ambitions are upended when she falls for her teammate.”

Real-life out WNBA stars Gabby Williams of the Golden State Valkyries and Sydney Colson of the Indiana Fever and recent WNBA player Theresa Plaisance (last with the Seattle Storm in 2023) have all signed on to play, and I’m wildly guessing here, fellow WNBA stars.

But Colson isn’t just appearing, she’s also an executive producer. And guess what new production company is behind all this love and lesbian basketball? Run-A-Muck which was co-founded by, drum roll please, Ilene Chaiken and Jennifer Beals. Yes, that Ilene Chaiken and that Jennifer Beals of “The L Word” fame and infamy.

It’s actually heartening that two of the women behind the seminal lesbian TV series are still making stories for queer women. And, with the pedigree behind it, I have outrageously high hoops, I mean hopes. (I had too, apologies.).

As Brittani told Deadline:

“It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this kind of excitement to surround women’s basketball, and I’m excited to blend my love of sports, lesbian tension, and comedy into one project,”

Add this to the happily growing list of upcoming sapphic sports stories vying to become queer women’s “Heated Rivalry," including the “Slo Pitch” and “Ripe!” and (maybe) “Cleat Cute.” I say, why have one “Heated Rivalry” when we could have at least one for each sport – softball, soccer and now basketball. Who’s got next? Looking at you, women’s rugby stories.

Vacation Vixen: Jennifer Beals

Fine! Last Met-adjacent post. Jennifer Beals presented her take on dandyism on Instagram recently and there’s a reason we all love Bette Porter even though she’s fairly toxic. And that reason is she looks like Jennifer Beals. (Also, the tie helps).

Mental Health Vacation: POTUS SBP

Truly, the very, most and beyond not a real reason to be genuinely scared and upset in this historical moment, but FUCK WE COULD HAVE HAD PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES STRAIGHT BETTE PORTER. I deal with crippling despair about what is to come with humor and profanity, preferably together. Be kind to yourselves this weekend, all.

Super Sellers

Yes, yes. I watched/snacked my way through the Super Bowl. Like everyone did. It was, after all, the most watched TV program in the history of television. (Thanks, Taylor.) And, yes, yes, I saw all the ads. While I basically enjoyed the whole Super Bowl extravaganza (despite rooting for the Niners - sorry, Taylor), I have to say with a few days perspective the whole thing has left me with a bit of a hangover. No, not from anything I consumed. Just from the conspicuous and existential consumption the whole spectacle has come to represent.

I mean, any TV show that a significant percentage of people tune into specifically for the advertisements is starting in a bizarro world of consumption. And while celebrity stunt casting is nothing new in Super Bowl ads, the sheer volume of famous people willing to hawk basically anything and everything (cell service, facial moisturizer, auto insurance, literally mayonnaise) was a little shocking.

Like, Patrick Stewart, you were in a gazillion Star Trek movies and shows, but you have to pretend to throw a cartoon child for a streaming service? And Arnold Schwarzenegger, you were the freaking governor of California! Come on, Tina Fey, I literally just paid almost $300 to see you live. Martin Fucking Scorsese? Is everyone broke? I mean, I get it, get paid or whatever. But, is there ever just enough for anyone?

Plus, the trend of packing an ever-increasing number of random celebrities into commercials together (Is that Glenn Close? Oh, Pete Davidson again.) continues unabated. May this star-stuffing trend reaches its zenith soon before we’re all subjected to some 21st Generation “We Are the World” singalong for an athletic shoe brand. Honestly, there were so many celebrities in ads that they basically all blended together. Which is kind of hilarious because the whole point of paying these folks is to stand out from the crowd and instead it’s just one big blurry crowd.

But, hey, it’s their $7 million to spend, I guess. Oh, yeah, that’s right. Each of those 30-second ads cost $7 million. I’ll try not to spiral too much while I think about what good could be done with $7 million that would last a whole lot more than 30 seconds for a whole lot more people.

Also, don’t get me started on all the Jesus ads, particularly the Jesus Feet ads from those anti-LGBTQ+, anti-abortion backers. And that RFK Jr. ad, well, that anti-vax loon is no Jack Kennedy - that’s for damn sure.

Look, I’m as susceptible to the bread and circus of late-stage capitalism as the next person. And, again, I totally watched and generally enjoyed the Super Bowl. I also ate, and generally enjoyed, a plate of chicken wings. But, I can’t help but think we all need some spiritual (but definitely not in the Jesus Feet way) Tums to deal with the queasy feelings brought forth by our annual spectacle of conspicuous consumption.

Still, if we’re all gonna over-consume, I want equal representation! So while this Super Bowl wasn’t overtly gay in any way (sorry, Gaylors), we did have some famous family score tickets like Lady Gaga and Janelle Monae and Queen Latifah and Ice Spice. Sorry, fellas, looks like you really only got Tim Cook. Guess all the interesting gay boys were doing something else.

As far as queer representation in the ads, we had a lesbian couple in VW’s “Here’s Our History (Just Not the Nazi stuff)” ad. And Kate McKinnon loves her mayo. And Aubrey Plaza does the Dew (with Ron Swanson on a dragon which, yeah, OK, that extra celebrity cameo made me laugh). And Dan Levy tried to use reverse psychology to make us go to Homes.com, I think. I didn’t really get the point of his ads — was it to make a generally extremely likable famous person seem unlikable, because that’s what I got out of them.

And, finally, there was Jennifer Beals. Actually, two Super Bowl ads this year referenced Jennifer’s iconic Flashdance dance (we all know the one, cue the water). The first was the animated one for Nerds, which then featured an influencer whose name I can’t remember as its celeb cameo. And then there was the T-Mobile ad with Jason Mamoa, the dudes from Scrubs and a surprise cameo by Jennifer and a garden hose. (See what I was saying about increasingly random celebrity cameos in ads?) Granted, I loved having a little Bette Porter representation during the Big Game. But, alas, the endless consumerism (in Vegas, no less) made me want to go find a quiet place to think it all over. Or, at the very least, find a moment to myself where no one was trying to sell me a single thing. Unless, that is, Jennifer wants to come over with her garden hose.

Fucking Tuesday

Hey, so guess what, I’m having a bit of a week (my work bestie put in her two week notice the same day I came back to work from vacation and I haven’t been on track since, and other life blergh.) So let’s all share a primal Bette scream into the void and hope that “Fuck” carries to the outer edges of our universe and takes all of our last fucks with it. Reset, start again tomorrow. Promise.

My Weekend (Canceled) Crush

Well, I guess we should talk about “The L Word: Generation Q” cancellation. I mean, we all expected it (hell, I prematurely called it when I mistakenly thought the penultimate episode could be my last Pre-L for the show ever). But it’s still what can best be described as a bummer. Symbolically, canceling the one show that focuses entirely on queer women’s lives really is the cherry on the Cancel Your Gays cake. Remember when we just wanted them to let our queer characters live? Now they won’t let whole damn shows live. Whenever I start to think that maybe, maybe we’re getting somewhere truly significant with our representation, mainstream media decides we’re still expendable and not part of their core mission. And it’s a reminder that corporate America sees diversity and inclusion initiatives as fringe benefits to be quickly cut loose when times get a tad tougher.

Like, I’m sure Amazon Prime only have “A League of Their Own” those four episodes because they knew the fallout would be so shattering if they didn’t (or, well, because they’ve got an overall deal with one of the creators who also happens to be head of another show on the same streamer they’ve actually put a big publicity push behind…).

But, as with everydamnthing these days, a reboot might still be alive and kicking. Per Deadline, The Ilene Chaiken is in development to reboot the series as “The L Word: New York” or some such thing. Think “Sex and the Lesbians” or “And Just Like Gay…” Lol. I have absolutely no comment on what a Chaiken NY reboot would mean for us other than to say please leave the stray dogs, circus tents and breast cancer storylines out of it.

I will be sad if this is the last we’ve seen of Bette, Tina, Shane and Alice. While TiBette got their storybook wedding (though, I still have questions for their wedding suit tailors), Alice got her Tasha and Shane got...well, at least she still looks very Shane today. I hate to say it, but there aren’t too many of the Generation Q characters I will miss. I mean I thought they were mostly likable. But, yeah.

In the end, TLWGQ — while sometimes more well structured (though, clearly not always - they sure dropped the Gini/Dani relationship like the most unceremonious hot potato for apparently no reason) than the original — was never truly more fun than the original. And that may have as much to do with timing as anything else. Back when TLW premiered in 2004 it felt like a revelation. A show about us! Sure, it didn’t encompass all of us (which has always been one of its issues), but then no show can truly represent the vast spectrum of queer women. And they did make much more of an effort with the reboot. But the vitalness of seeing ourselves, well, it’s not as urgent thanks to begrudging progress.

Now, at least before they were canceled, you could find yourself in a show about superheroes or marooned high schoolers or warrior nuns of unimaginably glamorous international assassins, etc. etc. It didn’t have to be a group of well-to-do queer women in LA. It could be anywhere. And while I certainly appreciate all the representation and think our ubiquity is key to equality, it still hurts when the thing that was explicitly ours is taken away. So thanks for being their TLWGQ. Our stories always deserve to be told. I mean, it’s the way that we live and looooove after all. Happy weekend, all.

My Weekend (Tibette Is Endgame) Crush

We may have (for real this time) watched the very last episode ever of “The L Word.” Or at least the last one until in 20 years they decide it’s time for another revival, like a lesbian “80 for Brady” or something, but with actually likable sportsball stars because they’ll all be lesbians. (But who knows, Showtime might give us another season of fighting, fucking, crying, drinking - we shall see.) The series remains, true to its continual form, uneven and often frustrating. In between that we’d catch glimpses of what has made us watch this show from the start. That look — however imperfect, frustrating, over glamourize and under inclusive as it was — into the daily lives and loves and lots and lots of drama of contemporary queer women. We watched because we saw ourselves, or perhaps what we aspired to, in this tight-knit group of queer female friends. And we watched because it was all we had as the very first show just about us. And, well, you just never forget your first. So I’m just going to say congrats to TiBette Nation, this whole season was a culmination of their long-dreamed of endgame. It’s taken us almost 20 years. But we all got to see the longest-running lesbian couple on American TV finally get legally married (I mean, I’m sure Alice’s internet ordination was legit, right?). And in the presence of White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre and Ilene Chaiken, no less. I could get into specific plot points and key details (like, not sure about Tina’s suit or the tailoring on Bette’s pants), but really in the end it was the vibe we came for and the characters we loved that kept us here. As more and more shows feature inclusive queer female characters, the truth is “The L Word” is just not as essential anymore. (Though maybe stop canceling all these LGBTQ+ shows, networks. K, thanks.) But if there is another season, yep, imma watch it. Because, well, it’s “The L Word.” Happy weekend, all.

Pre-L: Quiet Before the Storm (S3E9)

Well, seems this show about a letter has learned its lesson from Dana and will no longer kill off even moderately liked characters. (No comment on Jenny Schecter.) So Rosie O’Donnell isn’t dead, not on screen or in real life, and last week wasn’t the finale, not on screen or in real life. Apologies again for last week’s confusion, I blame it on post-holiday malaise and/or generalized life bullshit. This week’s episode starts with an unmistakable troll, showing us a hospital corridor and giving us all a tad of PTSD in the process. I see what you did there, show. Thank the Sapphic gods they didn’t play “You Are My Sunshine” over the scene, too. But there’s still one episode after this, so no non-death kudos just yet. But at least Bette & Tina are alive and well.

As always, MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD. BIG. HUUUGE. So if you don’t want to know, don’t scroll. But you know you want to know. That’s why you’re here.

1. Honestly, I would watch a whole show about a middle-aged lesbian couple that takes in a stray gay youth who then becomes their House Boi. Seriously, get on that whatever streamer won’t cancel shows with lesbian content after one season.

2. Me, when I’m eating my healthy New Year’s resolution meals.

3. TiBette Supermoms is also a show I’d watch, like “The Fosters” but less about the annoying teenagers.

4. I get it, Shane. I also bought a pinky ring over the holidays thinking it would fix my whole life.

5. Alice remains a relatable queen, showing friends 200 photos of her cat with no plans of ever stopping.

6. Isn’t it crazy it took this many seasons to get a couple where both women had haircuts like this?

7. Ugh, can we just skip through the Alice being canceled storyline? After Lydia Tar, is there really anything left to say on the matter?

8. Modern queer relationships are 90% just sending each other TikToks, often while in the same room together snuggling.

9. Fine, Bisexual Evel Knievel is also a show I’d watch. Look, I’d watch a lot of shows.

10. First the candy in her purse. Then these glasses. Is Bette entering her Meemaw Era?

11. Classic Alice hijinks is classic.

12. Oh, Angie. Baby girl. No, baby girl. No.

13. Lesbian couples in their PJs binging “Grey’s Anatomy” is the representation we need and deserve.

14. End of game.

15. Oh, Tess. Baby girl. Also, sadly, no.

16. I mean, we all knew this was going to happen. Luckily we still love a woman in a uniform.

Scrap Cap:

I mean, there were literal and figurative fireworks, so how could I not?

Pre-L: Los Angeles Traffic (302)

You wanted Pre-Ls, you’re getting Pre-Ls. Today’s is a tad late what with the holiday and all. But today’s is also TiBette Endgame Valhalla. Did they crib extensively from the ending of “Imagine Me & You?” Obviously. Am I made about it? Obviously not. If only Bette had screamed, “You’re a wanker No. 9!” the whole of queer female fandom would have fainted from delirious joy. And now, onto the caps. As always, there be spoilers ahead. That’s, like, the whole point.

1. It’s. All. Happening.

2. Nope. Still a nope from me.

3. Still Shane, after all these years.

4. This scene was a gift for the O.G. TiBetters.

5. Well at least they never tried to make them date.

6. Hardest nope. This whole storyline on my queer female show is a no thank you very much.

7. Why get an Uber when you can have offspring is an angle of parenting I never considered.

8. Someone please splice this scene with Luce running for Rachel. I mean it, I would pay cash money.

9. Yep, endgame.

TV Review: TLW:GQ Season 3 So Far

Right, so maybe it was the two gummies I took. Or maybe I’m just getting soft in my advanced age. But, um, I rather enjoyed the first four episodes of the new season of “The L Word: Generation Q.” Like, don’t get me wrong, they gloss over a whole bunch of things to stutter time jump us forward a year. But then this ridiculous show does what this ridiculous show does best – is make us invest in these characters in spite of their actions and our better judgement.

So, yes, here we go betting sucked RIGHT BACK IN to TiBette despite it being basically settled law for the last 13 years now. But whatever, bam, we’re right back in it.

I think (and, again, it could have been the two gummies) what has made the new season more engaging so far is that instead of chasing whatever all-caps PLOT the show was determined to shoehorn into its seasons – be that breast cancer awareness or corporate culpability in the opioid epidemic (I know, when you write it out it’s still like whaaaaat, ok show, lol) or conservative crusades against artistic expression to addiction (to be fair, they’ve taken quite a few swings at this one, but they really went there with the hall pissing scene so there’s that) – they just let the stories happen.

Instead of all of whatever all that (point to previous paragraph)is , the relationships drive the plots and honestly it’s for the best. Granted because of our uneven investment in the various couples, some of those storylines have more impact than others. But I appreciate that the writers have, at least for now, allowed its stories to grow more organically.

[Spoilers for upcoming episodes]

And, besides some obvious stunt castings (Kehlani as Shane’s latest side chick is, well, good for Kate Moennig), the new season has brought some pleasant surprises with its guest stars so far. One, they’re having Alice date Joey Lauren Adams (who queer ladies of a certain age will no doubt have a soft spot for thanks to repeated watchings of “Chasing Amy” – don’t judge it was slim pickings back in the 90s), which is age appropriate casting at its finest. And two, they brought back Max (Daniel Sea), and acknowledged – even if a tad in passing – the shittiness of the original show’s trans storylines. What they made Max endure were truly, truly shameful. An on-screen apology is the least they could do, honestly.

Oh, and I hate – hatehatehatehate – the storyline they’re giving Angie. Hate it. HATE. But then, that’s what happens when this show decides they want to tackle an “issue” instead of just letting relationships make sense.

Oh, oh, and while I am complaining is this another show that has wasted Margaret Cho’s talents on a way too small part without much consequence? Shame bell, shame bell. (The other one was “Hacks,” so shame bells all around.)

So, how did everyone like the premiere? Hopes for the new season? Because I don’t get Showtime anymore, are they still releasing episodes each week? Do you want Pre-Ls? Or just an endless stream of TiBette caps? Can you believe we’ve been talking about “The L Word” together since before Twitter was even born? Did I mention I took two gummies before starting the new season? Because, yeah.

Nine Seasons in TiBette

Well, well, well, well. Here we are again. Will they. Won’t they. Will we. Won’t we. I honestly don’t have a metaphorical dog in this hunt anymore. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a long-term endgamer. I’ve basically been Team TiBette for the duration, but so much time and so much history and so much this, again has happened that honestly at this point I just want to see how it all ends. Period. So here, in the first clip of the third season of “The L Word: Generation Q” and of course this is what they release. Of course. So, thoughts? Will they? Won’t they? Should they? At least we don’t have to worry about Jenny Schecter anymore. But everything else? Yeah, here we are again. Get ready for the ninth season of TiBette, starting Nov. 18. Get those tight dresses ready, metaphorically.

My Weekend (Pride) Crush

Obviously, these ladies get the honor of being the last My Weekend Crush of Pride Month. Obviously. As much as we like to gripe about this show, we still watch. We watch because no matter its shortcomings, “The L Word” is important to queer women. Never perfect, but always important. And, indeed, its overall quality has gotten better. If you watched the new reboot of “Queer As Folk,” Ruthie sums it up kinda perfectly as “actually better than I thought.” I know I’ve griped about how while the new show is more competent it’s also less fun. We also have more, and more diverse choices now so the pressure and impact of being The One L Show is no longer there. But, you never forget your first. So I’m excited as the show begins filling its third season. Call me a hopeless optimist. But they say the third time’s the charm, so maybe the new season will merge the fun of the old show with the quality of the new show. But, who am I kidding, I’d watch these three ladies read the phone book. Happy last weekend of Pride, all.

You Can Bette On It

How late is too late to fire up the Lesbian Bat Signal? Yeah, I know I’m behind. To put it in the predominant sports vernacular of our times, I was deep in my Covid protocols when this Very Important Lesbian News broke. But, truly, all the lesbians would have revolted had they left things on that cliffhanger. Instead, for now, we can put the rainbow-colored pitchforks and torches away. Because “The L Word: Generation Q” is returning for a third season so Bette can finally invite Tina inside…or not.

So, wish manifestation time — what do we want to see happen in Season 3? Is TiBette endgame? Will Dani realize you can’t ignore subpoenas (unless you’re an ex-Trump official)? Is Alice really gonna end up with that dude? Also, please, can we maybe not piss in hallways this season?

My Weekend Crush

So to round out my Birthday Blog Week, here’s another blast from the past/an parallel universe where Bette Porter is K-Stew’s mom and lesbian worlds collide in spectacular fashion. Travel, if you will, back with me to 2004 when Jennifer Beals and Kristen Stewart played mother and daughter (I know, suppress your laughter if you can) in “Catch That Kid.” I’ve never watched the movie, since by 2004 it was way out of my demographic. But I read the synopsis and it’s something about the daughter of a paralyzed mountain climber scheming with friends to rob a bank to pay for his surgery which, um, GRIM, AMERICA, GRIM. We could have healthcare for all, but instead bank robbery is a viable movie option. Anyway, long story somewhat shorter, in my head this is Bette telling K-Stew to keep that jacket cause one day it’ll really go with her future aesthetic. (Also, congratulations are in order for her ENGAGEMENT this week, cementing that queer aesthetic permanently one might say) Also also Jennifer clearly kept that wardrobe for “The L Word.”

Also, you see that beanie? Like HOW DID PEOPLE NOT KNOW? How? Happy weekend, all.

Pre-L: Last Call (210)

Well here we are standing together at the end. And while I hate to be that gal, boy-howdy was I right this season. Not just about Finley’s reckoning, but all the easily telegraphed couplings this year. Oh are two people suddenly spending a lot of time together on screen? Oh, yeah, they gonna smash.

Yes, “The L Word: Generation Q” is a much more consistent and competent show than the original. The first TLW has serious borderline personality disorder, and we are all dealing with our respective PTSDs from that era. The new TLW: GQ knows what it’s doing, which makes it less surprising in both a good and a bad way.

In the end I think the biggest difference from the original and the revival is where things are for LGBTQ+ people socially and politically. In 2004, when the original show debuted, George W. Bush was president and federal marriage equality and workplace non-discrimination were nowhere in sight. In the presidential election that year neither Bush nor Kerry supported full same-sex marriage. (Though at least Kerry was against a Constitutional amendment banning it, so uh, thanks?)

Now, 17 years have passed since the original debuted. That’s a whole high school senior’s lifetime ago. For those who can still remember that far back and beyond, being out and queer (though, honestly, we didn’t universally call it queer as a norm back then because it was still a no-no word that hadn’t been fully reclaimed) was still a pretty radical thing to be. And finding a community that understood that was a critical part of our success and survival.

Queers throughout time have relied on their chosen families for support and companionship against a world that until very, very recently (six years ago for marriage equality, one year ago for workplace non-discrimination) was consistently unabashedly hostile to our very existence.

Now, at least on its surface, being openly homophobic is frowned upon. And while coming out is still an undeniably major life event, many are able to approach it with less anxiety than before because of the acceptance and hard work of LGBTQ+ activists through history. These are all good things.

But that also means that bond that tied the first show together, that hunting for something that reflected our lives, isn’t as desperate. Each on screen representation meant more because we had so few to choose from. Like, I watched everything – and I mean everything – with gay women in it back then. Now, I can’t watch it all and don’t feel the urgent pull to either. Granted, we could always use more, better and more inclusive representation. Representation will forever matter. But I think it’s perhaps a sign of progress that maybe the new TLW is less a desperate communal touchstone than the old TLW.

At this point you’re probably thinking, I came here for the hot lesbian screencaps, not some rambling essay about the fairly recent olden days. What is this, one of those recipes that makes you read their life story before telling you how many eggs to use? Yes, yes it is. This is essentially my long-winded way of saying, “You’ve come a long way, lesbians!” Let’s see how they mess everything up here in the finale just to prove me wrong.

1) It’s my party and I’ll roll my eyes if I want to.

2) When New Shane doesn’t like when you bring up Old Shane.

3) Who wears the flannel in this house?

4) So many pussy bows on this show, like, we get it costume department – they’re LESBIANS.

5) I thought everyone knew the “If You’re Naked, Don’t Answer The Phone”-rule.

6) Like the lesbians and turkey baster jokes just write themselves at this point.

7) I mean that’s generally frowned upon in court, but as judge I’ll allow it.

8) The happy-ish couple.

9) Jesus, haven’t you heard of long-distance relationships? I hear all the TikTok Lesbians are doing them.

10) Is it wrong to yell “Fight! “Fight” Fight!?

11) I regret to inform you The Straights are at it again.

12) Either their relationship has terrible timing, or you believe in karma.

13) See, I told you that was some “Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry”-shit.

14) Choices. Choices.

Well, Showtime better renew them for a Season 3 right quick, or you’re gonna have just so many pissed off queer women. Desperate cultural touchstone or not.