Tank Top Tuesday: Strange Days Indeed

Well, shit, another week nearly got away from me. But I caught it! I’m sure you won’t mind this singular tank top apology. Classic Angela Bassett from her “Strange Days” days? Yes, ma’am. (And, no, we are not going to talk about how that movie came out 31 years ago. No, ma’am.) Tuesdays, amirite?

Gender Fuck Thursday: Met with Suits

First things first, the Met Gala is ridiculous. It is the most bready of circuses, feeding us with literally nothing but sparkly celebrity sparkling. But, I can also not resist attractive women in suits. And this year’s theme of dandyism and Black tailoring which brought out SO MANY SUITS. Granted, some outfits were suit adjacent. And there were so many jackets over gowns. Or, um, hotpants. But, still, I love a strong shoulder in a smart lapel. I can’t help it! If we’re gonna eat the rich, they might as well look delicious beforehand. Just saying. Anyway, here are some of the tastiest looks of the gala. Like, Zendaya in that white three-piece? Hot damn. And I do not mean that respectfully. (Sorry, Tom Holland.) Oh and also – yeah, tax the rich.

Janelle Monae

This. Is. Art. Periodt.

Tessa Thompson

This is also art, but possibly by Dr. Seuss.

Doechii

I’ve never been into the little pageboy look, until now.

Whoopi Goldberg

This is perhaps my favorite of her red carpet looks. Maybe even more than her Oscar-winning dress in 1991.

Lupita Nyong'o

Seafoam Mary Poppins is working for me.

Lauryn Hill

This is what people mean when they say “like butter.”

Jonquel Jones

The WNBA finals MVP defied gravity indeed.

Breanna Stewart

Now that’s a good teammate, dressing exactly to theme.

Madonna

Channeling Dietrich is never wrong.

Chappell Roan

Neither is channelling Bowie.

Anna Sawai

I mean, if you’re going to wear the same thing as someone, might as well be Zendaya. Amirite?

Angela Bassett

Just give the Queen her Oscar already.

Everything Oscars All At Once

I’ll admit, somewhere toward the middle of the more than three-and-a-half affair when the German War Movie was picking up technical award after technical award, I started to worry. But Everything Everywhere was All At Once Oscars. Asian Excellence for the win! And the show went off without a single case of on-stage millionaire-on-millionaire violence. So, uh, progress?

While I thought the telecast was overall a tad dull and none of the bits landed with much more than a sensible chuckle (well, other than when Hugh Grant — who had previously given one of the most intentionally caddish red carpet interviews I’ve ever seen— rightfully compared his face to a scrotum), I was generally pretty pleased with the winners. Michelle Yeoh! Ke Huy Quan! The Daniels! Yes, I was rooting for Angela Bassett to do the thing (or perhaps for Stephanie Hsu to pull off the dark bagel upset). Yes, I’m happy for Brendan Fraser even though “The Whale” ain’t it. And what did I tell you about Sarah Polley? (She also happened to be one of the only notable female stars at the Oscars in a tuxedo, so a grateful Lesbian Nation thanks her for her service.)

Other than that, the blah beige “champagne” carpet set the style tone. Given that I watch this show every year in sweatpants and a hoodie, I really don’t have anything substantive to say other than these folks sure are nice to look at. So here are the rest of my extremely queer observations from Hollywood’s biggest night. The Good, the Gay and the SGALGG from this year’s Academy Awards.

Angela Bassett & Michelle Yeoh

This is the moment that made the AP go Horny on Main.

And, honestly, can you blame them? Because *low whistle*

Cate Blanchett

Cate recycling her luxury hotel curtains to make an elegant drapey top for the Oscars feels like the ultimate admission that she was rooting for Michelle this whole time too.

Stephanie Hsu & Everyone Everywhere All At Once

getting hit on by Florence Pugh

getting armtime with Angela

making the edibles kick in with David Byrne

and finally getting a (loving) talking to from Mother Evelyn

Florence Pugh & Her Bed Sheets

I like Flo a lot. And I too would prefer to show up at formal events in my fitted sheet and shorts with pockets.

You also have to give her bonus points for changing into her duvet for the after party. Extra double bonus points for hitting on Daughter/Stephanie and Mother/Michelle in the same night, too.

Sarah Polley

Honestly, I would wear exactly the same thing if I ever went to the Oscars. So the Relatability Queen wins again.

Jessica Chastain

The only celebrity to wear a mask all evening.

Also, she got to hold hands with Halle Berry and hug Michelle Yeoh so who is the real winner here?

The Female Torso

If the blah carpet’s signature color was bridal white, the Vanity Fair afterparty’s theme was Gray’s Anatomy. Cause you got an anatomy lesson from all the exposed rib cages, upper abs, lower abs and bra-like offerings on display at the after parties.

And now, onto the GGALGG:

Ariane DeBose & someone’s upset husband

Janelle Monae & someone who isn’t Tessa Thompson

Tessa Thompson & Flo & the Duvet Cover

Cara Delevingne & Jamie Lee Curtis

Rebel Wilson & fiancée Ramona Agruma

Sarah Paulson & Queen Latifah

Don’t worry, Dana actually brought Eboni Nichols as her date.

Olivia Wilde, Sarah, Tracee Ellis Ross, Holland Taylor, The Queen

I don’t even know how to describe this other than some kind of Lesbian Moonie Wedding Ceremony.

Sharon Stone, Sarah, Holland, Sienna Miller & Patricia Clarkson

And then this is, obviously, the reception where they’re recruiting for more Queer Sister Wives, duh.

Still, I think the best moment from the whole night was Halle Berry, the first woman of color to ever win a Best Actress Oscar, handing the first Asian woman and second woman of color ever to win her Oscar. That and Michelle, Halle and Jessica walking off like this. Women. I sure do like us.

Return to Golden Hour

So, yeah, the Golden Globes were on a random Tuesday and it felt weird watching them because, well, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association sucks and we all know that. But, well, I love a glitzy event and I REALLY love Everything Everywhere All At Once (duh). And, you know, it’s always fun to see TV People hobnob with Movie People – though the biggest groan-inducing repeat gag (literally and figuratively) of the night everyone saying “Hi!” to Brad Pitt. Honestly, if they’d just let Jennifer Coolidge fill the three and a half hours with her kooky stories while handing out the awards to all the POC who deserve it I would have been just as happy with the telecast.

Admittedly, because they had to, the HFPA did considerably better this year with inclusion both on stage, behind the scenes and among its winners. And, it was pretty gay, too. From host Jerrod Carmichael to Jennifer Coolidge stealing the show, twice. All of the excellence from winners like Quinta Brunson and Michelle Yeoh and Angela Bassett is a reminder that while talent is everywhere, opportunity is not. When we allow the two to come together, everyone – especially the viewer –benefits.

Because this was a somewhat more muted affair (because of its literal cancelation last year), there wasn’t much SGALGG. So here are just some of the most memorable bits – in no particular order because the show was three and a half hours long. That’s a lot to remember.

This is the start of the best later-in-life coming out lesbian rom-com in history.

This whole cast makes me smile and also – smash. Respectfully, because they’re educators, but definitely smash. (What? Like you don't have a thing for teachers, too.)

I’m mainly happy for the success of “House of the Dragon” because it means Emma D’Arcy can show up at award shows dressed like this.

This whole cast makes me smile, and also – smash. Sorry, not you Ke Huy Quan – but your Short Round was one of the first Asian character I saw I saw on screen growing up. So thank you for that.

Meg Stalter and Hannah Einbinder together is like seeing the members of a high school gay-straight alliance grow up and do well for themselves.

Angela Bassett and Rihanna together, I don’t have anything clever to say that’s just like seeing royalty or something (but not real royalty, because those Windsors as kinda the worst).

It’s still so perplexing to me that Natasha Lyonne isn’t gay. Like, still!

Niecy Nash and her wife Jessica Betts are always one of the very best dressed couples on the red carpet. Period.

Oh, Lydia Tar won. But didn’t attend. So in case you forgot what she looks like, here’s a current picture of Cate Blanchett. You’re welcome.