Friday, December 30, 2022

My Year-End Crush

This was, to say the least, not my year. But, if I think hard enough there were some good things about this past year. Like, if I think really, really hard. Like I watched some good stuff this year, so there is that. Here are the favorite things I watched in 2022.

Movies: Everything Everywhere All At Once

Despite all the multiverse madness/dildo fights in this insane, kaleidoscope of a movie, its story boils down quite simply to love your lesbian daughter, and your life. So, obviously, I loved this movie. Obviously.

TV: Station Eleven

As much as I love, love, loved “Yellowjackets” and “A League of Their Own” and “High School” and “Somebody Somewhere” and season 2 of “Hacks” and season 2 of “Girls5Eva” and season 2 of "Abbott Elementary" (and none for you, final season of “Killing Eve” because you know what you did…), the series that moved me the most this past year was the one about the end of the world. Something about this quiet, thoughtful and against all odds filled with hope apocalypse show just stuck with me. This is a kinder, gentler but no less profound look at how we might rebuild something of meaning from the rubble of our modern lives.

Music: Joni & Brandi

Brandi Carlile and friends bringing back Joni Mitchell to sing at this summer’s Newport Folk Festival wasn’t just inspired and deeply moving. It was a reminder that the luckiest amongst us get to see our art and truths deepen over the years. Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, unfortunately. But truly beautiful things have a way of touching the parts of us that defy space and time.

So, what were your favorites this wretched year? Buh-bye, 2022. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. But thanks for the good stuff to watch, I guess. Happy weekend and New Year, all.

Thursday, December 29, 2022

Pre-L: “Little Boxes” (S3E7)

I know, I still can’t get over how much I liked the musical episode. The Power of Dana, I suppose. Now that we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming it feels like this season is all about recurring themes from the original. Micah & Maribel getting desperate for a donor sperm feels very O.G. Bette & Tina Season 1. And if you really want to stretch things, you can say the Angie/Teacher storyline is a distant mirror of the Tim/Swim Team Girl thing in reverse. Also Leisha gets sole O.G. duty in this episode with no Shane and the continued on screen memory holing of Bette & Tina.

1. Can we put all of her whole storyline on ice, not just her nipples?

2. Like I could write an entire lesbian romance novel from this one image alone. Hot Butches Bowling would be an instant bestseller, obviously.
3. I’m actually here for all this intergenerational lesbroing.
4. This is the Spider-Man pointing meme come to life.
5. Fine, Sophie does look great in that dress. It pains me to say this as she is also clearly Generation Q’s Jenny Schecter.
6. Remember when Dani was going to jail for her family’s role in profiteering from the opioid epidemic? Lol, now she’s escorting lesbian pop royalty while wearing matching Miami Vice blazers. I love a good between-season character reboot.
7. Is it finally time to unleash Mama B and Mama T on that future Me Too lawsuit in training?
8. I feel bad for the new love interests on this show. None of them tend to stick around too long, no matter how cute.
9. If you think Fletcher was stunt guest casting, never forget that Snoop Dogg was on the original series. And not as himself! So was Gloria Steinem, but she got to be herself.
10. If Donald Faison’s whole purpose on this show was to unite Alice with Piddles 2, well, a grateful nation thanks you for your service.
11. What, you’re crying. The Dana stuff last week hit hard, OK. I’m still recovering.
12. Maybe it’s because I too have been recently dumped, but Fin’s chaotic, unhousebroken golden retriever shtick didn’t bother me as much this week.
13. Like, this romance novel writes itself.
Scrap Cap:
Alice’s true love is pussy. Go figure.

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Vacation Vixen: Charlize Theron

“The Old Guard” sequel is one of the things I’m looking forward to most in 2023. Charlize Theron and her alternative lifestyle haircut kicking ass and hopefully being super gay along the way? Look, all my New Year’s resolutions can’t be profound. Some of them are just to fully enjoy (respectfully) ogling a hot movie star.

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Vacation Vixen: Michelle Yeoh

I want Michelle to win all the awards this season ALL. THE. AWARDS. Wearing a tank top and flexing dem guns only makes my insistence on this fact STRONGER.

Monday, December 26, 2022

Music Monday: Snowman Edition

Hope all of you who celebrate had a warm and lovely Christmas. May you be warm, safe and loved this season. I’m taking this week off, but I will be posting Vixens. And, if I can get it to work, a Pre-L. Happy Monday, kittens.

Saturday, December 24, 2022

My Christmas Crush

@nicole_coenen Happy Holidays Everyone! #happyholidays #donwenowourgayapparel #gaychristmas #plaid #woodchopping #lesbian #wlw #lesbiansoftiktok #queertok #lumberjack #lesbianlumberjack #maplemommy #canada #canadian #winterwonderland #tellmeyourecanadian ♬ original sound - Nicole Maple Coenen
I've been a tad blue this holiday season. But this has certainly helped me feel more merry and bright. If you're also having a difficult Christmas (or even if you are having a wonderful Christmas), may I also recommend the fine citizens of the Pacific Northwest illustrating both figuratively and literally that The Struggle is very real this time of year for many.

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Pre-L: "Questions for the Universe" (306)

Suffering Sappho! The rumors are true. Yes, lesbians, there is a musical episode of “The L Word: Generation Q.” I mean, holy shit, not even Ilene Chaiken had the unbridled audacity to do a musical episode when she was showrunner. And she gave us circus tent drama and a surprise murder mystery. So, truly, nothing should shock us. And yet I was absolutely, positively stunned that…I kinda loved it. I mean, yeah, it’s kinda weird and total tonal whiplash to throw in the middle of some fairly serious storylines. But, you know what, it’s also kinda fun. Since it’s launch, I’ve said TLW:GQ is a better constructed, more competent show than its original predecessor. But it’s also a little more boring and a lot less fun. But these left field musical shenanigans? No, it doesn’t make sense in the context of this season. Yes, I still kinda loved it. Honestly, allowing the character to express their core feelings over elaborate musical set pieces kinda works. I dunno, maybe my brain has just melted from watching almost nine seasons of this show. Maybe I’ve gotten soft in my old age. But, yeah, I kinda really loved it. Honestly, it feels like this whole season has been an exercise in how to exorcise your past, tie up ends that needed typing and even apologize for past wrongs. Like, if they introduce a Sounder II we’ll know it’s gone too far. But for now? Yeah, kinda love it. My suggestion, just sit back and enjoy the trip.

1. When looking very Shane today is a very bad thing.

2. Look, at least they didn’t make Alice join the Hollywood sex cult.
3. I know, at this point it’s all going to seem like a terrible idea.
4. Oh Lesbian Captain, My Lesbian Captain
5. What in the WandaVision?
6. I immediately demand a whole show about 80s Alice.
7. Dana. Just Dana.
8. Yes. They. Did.
9. Can’t stop, won’t stop.
10. Stand on all the tables you want, we still don’t care.
11. I feel like Musical Shane just wandered off the set of A League of Their Own.
12. This makes up for Waterfall Dana.
13. Thank you, Erin Daniels.
14. Does this shot oddly remind anyone of an alternate universe Evelyn McHale? (Trigger Warning: suicide, self-harm)
15. Never forget, Leisha Hailey is also a damn fine musician. I absolutely loved The Murmurs.
16. Yes, I am also freaked out by how much I loved this episode.
Scrap Cap:
Dana and cats. I want to go to there.

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

Carol Day

Happy Carol Day to all who celebrate. Everything goes full circle. I’m not sure I’ll do my annual rewatch tonight or not, honestly. The movie was a favorite of ours. And watching it solo is, hm. We shall see if it still makes me believe in perpetual sunrises.

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Back to the Wilderness

I can’t wait for my favorite survivalist former soccer stars/probable cannibals to return and bring their dark woods magic with them. Also I cannot wait to see Adult Van played by Lauren Ambrose. Seriously a sarcastic gay ginger? I love her already. I just hope she’s not in the wilderness cult – like I get that lesbians love hiking but that’s definitely taking it too far. Come on March 24, we’re hungry.

Monday, December 19, 2022

Music Monday: Still Manic

Damn, I miss The Bangles. Admit it, 80s girl pop groups will always be the coolest. And The Bangles, well, swoon forever. Did I mention Susanna Hoffs still sounds (and looks, swoong again) amazing? Plus, it is Monday after all. I will probably be posting shorter this week, as I will have a friend visiting and the whole holidays and all that. So, may this week be merry and bright for you all. Or, at very least, not too manic. Happy Monday, kittens.

Saturday, December 17, 2022

My Weekend Crush

While it's not everything we wanted, The Respect for Marriage Act is still vital protection for LGBTQ+ relationships. Our commitments to the people we love are no different than those of our straight counterparts, because that's how love works. And our marriages should be no different either. President Biden's signing of the bill into law this week means married queer people across America will continue to have those marriages recognized even if the far-right SCOTUS does what the far-right SCOTUS is dying to do. We've got so much more work to do. But let's celebrate the wins, because they're all hard-earned. Also, I just can't resist the chance to play a little Cyndi. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Please Hold

Well, I am having technical difficulties with my TLW: GQ Episode 5 screener. So no Pre-L this week unfortunately. I'm also a little sad. So My Weekend Crush will be posted when I find the motivation. Apologies. Some weeks are just like this, I guess. Thanks for your patience and understanding, kittens.

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Lotus Lesbian

I honestly don’t think I wrote about the first season of “The White Lotus.” Not that I didn’t think it was well done and worth watching. The HBO Max anthology series set across a chain of expensive boutique hotels has become a sharp-elbowed showcase for its always talented casts. But the first season’s examination of the wretched rich felt down-right cruel in its treatment of its poorer, working-class characters — all the workers’ denouements were worse than their ultra-rich customers. And that’s just depressing. We get enough of that shit in the real damn world. Also there weren’t any lesbians in the fist season.

Luckily, the second season took some notes and while its still a tragi-comedy with cutting commentary on the lives of the 1% and dynamics of social power, the show has chosen to shift away from wealth as its theme this to sex. Yes, I know that probably makes me sound horny. Look, I’m newly single. Times are, uh, tough. Anyway. If you haven’t watched the season finale be warned, SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD.

So the most welcome thing about the new season is that the working-class characters finally, finally get to triumph. And aren’t, you know, accidentally murdered by hotel guests. This season, set in stupidly gorgeous Sicily, continues the show’s posh, ominous tension.

Also, this season had Aubrey Plaza, Meghann Fahy, more Jennifer Coolidge and an actual lesbian character who does not die. Yes, that’s right, the lesbian gets a happy ending as do pretty much all of the show’s less wealthy, working-class characters — heck, even the working girls. Now, isn’t that fucking refreshing?

Valentina, played to perfection by Italian actress and comic Sabrina Impacciatore gets a truly lovely arc, as well as some of the show’s most quietly moving moments (I just loved her back alley lunch with the street kittens). Granted, this is still another form of coming out story — but it’s an old chestnut for a reason. But you got the sense that you really witnessed the moment someone’s life changed — and for the better. And that sex scene with Beatrice Grannò’s Mia was, well, hot. It was hot. Yes, I already copped to being horny. Leave me alone.

Maybe it’s because I binged the second season all in one day (I wanted to watch before the finale could be spoiled on Sunday), but it wasn’t too tricky guessing the key plot points. Of course Albie got scammed. Of course Portia went for the “hot” boy instead of the “nice” boy. Of course Dominic will cheat again. Of course those high-end gays were trying to kill Tanya. Also, do you think Aubrey’s character being called “Harper” is the universe fixing the ending of “The Happiest Season?”

Now, was I expecting Tanya to go on a murderous rampage at the end, only to accidentally off herself? Well, a little. I was pretty sure the body in the water from the first episode was Tanya’s (the show even foreshadowed how she dies with Valentina’s concerned expression as Tanya got off the boat to come to the resort in the first place, watch again, she indeed does). But the shooting all of the faux upper crust queers on the boat? No, I was not expecting that. Is having Jennifer Coolidge onscreen murder gays a hate crime? Did we just beat ourselves up in a parking lot? I kid. But it sure was a twisted love letter to Jennifer’s status as a queer icon.

Right, so, thoughts? Did you like the second season? More than the first? Also is anyone else hopelessly earwormed by the show’s theme song? As soon as the “woo-woos” drop, admit it, you do them along with the music. And if you don’t, omg, try it. It’s so fun. Look, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. That song’s a banger, period.

Well, now I can’t wait to book myself into the third season of “The White Lotus.” Just, please, keep giving us the “woo-woos” and lesbians.

Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Lizzo for the People

If you don’t love Lizzo, well, I’m no so sure about you. Unequivocally positive. Unabashedly joyful. Unreservedly political. Truly, what’s not to love? She champions the marginalized. She listens and learns. She has the audacity to be entirely herself, and celebrates everyone finding their joy. Bringing activists on stage with her to accept her People’s Champion honor at the People’s Choice Awards is the best kind of “on brand” move for her – and incredibly inspirational to boot. So, sit back and enjoy. Power to the people, always.

Monday, December 12, 2022

Music Monday: Forever Brandi

This song really started it all, didn’t it? Back when we were pretty sure (even before she made it official) about this new artist named Brandi. Then Grey’s Anatomy went and showcased her music as the soundtrack to the biggest lesbian love story on mainstream TV at the time, almost a dozen years ago. And, well, we all know the rest of the story. I loves seeing Brandi break out a song on SNL this past weekend for those of us who loved her even back then. I mean, just look at her now. You can’t help but feel proud of how far she’s come. Happy Monday, kittens.

Friday, December 09, 2022

My Weekend Crush: Freed BG

Wow, and thank goodness. Yesterday, after nine long, hard months, Brittney Griner is free. The Biden administration made good on their promise and brought BG home. Yes, it took swapping a despicable arms dealer to make it happen. But, uh, what exactly do you think the NRA is if not an arms dealing organization with better PRR that has an entire political party beholden to them like lapdogs? So. I won’t get into the political machinations of what made this happen. (Also, Paul Whelan’s family praised it as “the right decision,” so stop with all the “They left a (very former) Marine!” stuff.) Russia was using her – a Black, openly queer, more masculine-presenting, married gay woman – as a political cudgel to extract what it wanted. Diplomacy is hard, and not magic.

Yesterday also saw the House pass the Respect for Marriage Act, following the Senate’s successful passage last month. President Biden may be signing it as we speak. It passed 258-169, meaning only 39 Republicans voted for marriage equality while a whopping 169 of them voted against queer people being allowed to marry. In this year 2022. Tell me again that there’s no difference between Democrats and Republicans. Also you thing That Orange Stain would have freed Brittney? Please.

While old-school homophobia is back in a big ugly way, we don’t have to retreat into despair. Yesterday we had two unequivocal wins on the world stage. And if a win is a win, then two wins is two wins. I’ll take it. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, December 08, 2022

Pre-L: “Last to Know” (304)

It’s High Gay Holiday season on TLW: GQ, which means it’s the Halloween episode. Honestly, I can’t remember. Has The L Word ever had a Halloween episode? Or costumes? I mean, they made a music video with Snoop Dogg, but dress up like an avocado? I mean I remember Jell-O wrestling and circus tent trauma. But not Halloween.

1. Pleated high-waisted jeans? Haven’t lesbians suffered enough for fashion?

2. If she can’t end up with Tasha, I approve of this very much instead.
3. The original L Word did Max dirty and we all know it. So this is a welcome mea culpa. Welcome back, Daniel.
4. If I was Dani, I would have hidden my Latina Lesbian Zoe Kravitz bestie from my friends for three years, too.
5. Like, I would have remembered if they had costumes like this in the past. I’m pretty sure.
6. They named her Taylor because of all the lesbian Swifties, right?
7. Dude, you pissed in your girlfriend’s ex-fiancée’s hallway. Maybe ease up on the judging. But the James Dean/Rebel Without a Cause look is one many a lesbian should steal next Halloween.
8. Breakups are hard, yo. Honestly, we all could just use a really good hug. I get it.
9. We stan a realistic, age-appropriate relationship.
10. This felt…right. It actually felt right. More shows should apologize for their past problematic storylines on air.
11. Whereas this? Oh, Shane.