GGALGG: Emmys Edition

I had such a busy first-week back I haven’t even had a chance to discuss the Emmys! And lots of people I like won! Did I mention I watched “Widow’s Bay” on the plane? Because I did, and I can assuredly tell you it is both funny and scary because I both laughed out loud and jump scared mid-flight. Anyway, where was I? The Television Academy and its golden statuette that looks shockingly like Megan Stalter. Since we still can, I’ll be mainly highlighting the WLW attendees. You know, the queer ladies and gay girlies and them/them hotties and such. We’re here, we’re queer, we’re GGALGGs.

Hannah Einbinder

I can’t tell if Hannah and her frequent red carpet companion Ellie Neilson are a mixed GGALGG/SGALGG couple, or a full-on GGALGG couple in this shot.

Now I really can’t tell.

Kristen Kish

I want the cameraperson to move just a little to the left, a little more, a little more…

Emma D'Arcy

I haven’t watched “House of the Dragon,” but they’re so handsome sometimes I think – well. And then I remember they wear a long wig in it and I’m like nevermind.

Cynthia Nixon

The older I get the more I appreciate a flowing, amorphous, not-body fitting gown on, really, anyone. Like, I hope it also has pockets, honey.

Niecy Nash

Niecy and her wife Jessica Betts are always a favorite on the carpet. Hey, stop it, head out of the gutter. They look too glamorous for carpet jokes.

Megan Stalter

Whereas if you want to make a trophy wife joke about Meg and her girlfriend Maddie Allen, I will allow it.

Louisa Jacobson

I liked Louisa’s after-party suit (purple) better than her award show suit (black). But, truly, I’m just so tickled one of Meryl’s girls is a hot masc/one of us.

Ayo Edebiri

Admit it, if Ayo, Zendaya and Quinta Brunson turned to look at you like this and asked if you wanted to be their unicorn you would find yourself a sparkly fake horn so fast.

But then you’d be sad because you realize they weren’t talking to you. They were talking to Denée Benton, Cynthia Nixon, Louisa Jacobson and Carrie Coon across the room.

Bonus SGALGG:

Look, I know Rhea Seehorn just playing a lesbian and and Carrie Coon is just sporting a lesbian haircut. But we gotta throw the straight ladies something, they willingly date men. That’s how you know sexuality isn’t really a choice. Poor dears.

Gender Fuck Thursday of a Certain Age

Someone called me “creepy” for noting that Amber Glenn, who is a 26-year-old fully adult woman, is hot. Which, I might add, could just be empirical fact. Regardless, I would like to comfort those who are concerned about my moral compass, that I would never actually initiate any real-world romantic relationships with someone approximately half my age. Nor do I want to. But, also, I have eyes that work – and I’m not dead. Anyway, to not offend anyone’s sensibilities – delicate or otherwise – how about some Gender Fuck Thursday of a Certain Age? All these women are well within an appropriate age bracket for a Gen Xer who keeps throwing those AARP invitations in the trash.

Suranne Jones, 47

It’s the manspreading for me.

Tracy Chapman, 61

Boy, I wish she would play publicly more so I could objectify the shit out of her…talent.

Cate Blanchett, 56

I’ve never pulled off a velvet suit this well at any age.

Jodie Foster, 63

Granted, I might be on the edge of youngish for Jodie depending on her May-December tolerance. Which clearly would be the only thing holding us back and not the fact that she’s already married and also Jodie Foster.

Jenna Lyons, 57

I wish she was still with J.Crew, because as a Gen Xer I still have major residual nostalgia about that brand and its catalogue.

Regina King, 55

I’m pretty sure I can’t pull off an orange suit either, regardless of age.

Lena Headey, 52

I’ll always have a thing for age-appropriate florists thanks to her.

Cynthia Nixon, 59; Carrie Coon, 45; Christine Baranski, 73

Yes, I know Louisa Jacobson (34) and Taissa Farmiga (31) are just sweet baby angel children, so please accept the reverse 20+year age gap with Christine as my mea culpa.

p.s. In case further apology is needed, please accept this with my most sincere age-appropriate feelings (just put your thumb over 38-year-old Karen Gillan’s face if necessary) as everyone else is 50+.

Over Like That

What the fuck was that, quite literal, shit? Like, really and truly, that was shitty. If you’re like me, you have continued to struggle through successive seasons of “And Just Like That…” because of your Cosmopolitan-colored nostalgia about “Sex and the City.” While I think, for the most part, the reboot’s biggest flaws come from trying too hard to atone for its past sins – and also not exactly knowing what to do with middle-aged women with middle-aged problems – the finale felt a little bit like it hated middle-aged women altogether. Or, perhaps, it hated its middle-aged female viewers – though truly its female viewers of all ages.

How else can you explain subjecting us to literal turds. Poop. Fecal matter. Shit, actual shit, was one of the final indelible images of a show its largely female fanbase has invested the last 27 years of their lives in. And we had to listen to two – TWO – different men pee. Maybe that was for the gay men, but still. What?

And don’t get me started on Miranda’s final scenes involving her literally on her knees cleaning up someone else’s shit. Like, what did Cynthia Nixon do to Michael Patrick King to deserve Miranda’s crown as No. 1 Cringe Queen through the entire series run?

As much as I grouse about “And Just Like That…” it remains one of the few major TV series with a main cast composed entirely of 50-and-60-something female stars. And that matters. I still like these characters, and I will always love the sisterhood they created. Their friendship remains the draw, and I’m glad at least they all still have each other. No, we won’t be mentioning Samantha. We already had real shit to deal with. We’ve suffered enough.

p.s. Also don’t get me started with the giant doll.

p.p.s. Honestly, I think my favorite part was hearing the O.G. “Sex and the City” theme play through the final credits. Cosmos up, ladies, for the memories.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Miranda Edition

I don’t know what’s going to happen with the finally Che-less Miranda in the new third season on “And Just Like That.” But I hope Cynthia Nixon gets a genuinely hot sex scene with a woman or other gender non-conforming person that does not involve her best friend wetting the bed in the next room. Also that she get to wear more suits. Miranda used to wear suits, and she still looks good in them clearly.

Oh, That Again

Against my better judgement and all reason, I just keep watching “And Just Like That…” Nostalgia, it seems, is a hell of a drug. So my lingering late 90s, early 2000s affection for this show continues. Because if it can survive Che Diaz, it can survive anything. As a person who does not watch any of the Real Housewives or other idle rich people arguing for cameras shows, AJLT is I guess my guilty substitute. Except I have history with these women, and now feel weirdly invested in them as they age. And, off the top of your head, how many TV shows can you think of where all the headline stars are women in their 60s (Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis, both 60) and 50s (Cynthia Nixon, 59, Sarita Choudhury, 58, Nicole Ari Parker, 54)? I’m actually interested to see what kind of lesbian adventures/misadventures Miranda gets up to in the new season now she is Che-less. I certainly hope for less cringe for her romantic storylines this season, though it may not be possible. Guess we’ll find out soon enough.

That Again, Again

Fine, FINE, let’s talk about the Season 2 “And Just Like That” full trailer (man, they really do tease these things out). Given that the SATC universe is one of the few franchises to address perimenopause/menopause in its characters lives — in addition to all the other so-called taboos this wildly imperfect but also wildly influential show has tackled — its ongoing incarnation remains of interest.

Last season brought us our fabulous Foursome Threesome all happily interacting with their new Emotional Support POC Friends. The addition of Sara Ramirez, Nicole Ari Parker, Sarita Choudhury and Karen Pittman was welcome, if somewhat superficial. So I hope the new season allows these women’s stories to be better fleshed out instead of remaining in the Friend Zone. I also want to address the ongoing onscreen relationship between the show’s real-life queers, Cynthia Nixon and Sara Ramirez. As much as I think these two very talented actors have ZERO onscreen chemistry together, I hope for good things between Miranda and Che because the world could always use more representations for unconventional queer partnerships — especially now. I just truly hope if they insist on exposing us to Che’s “comedy,” they get better at the actual comedy part. Just..be funny maybe? Just a suggestion.

p.s. And, yes, I am purposely ignoring the Big A reveal because hetero relationships always get all the press already and I already told you my most salient observation about him which is that he is very, very tall.

Like That Again

And just like that, I guess we’re doing this again. I kind of feel about “Sex and the City'' how I feel about “The L Word.” Both were revolutionary at the time. Both carry an enormous amount of cultural nostalgia. And both are very of their times. So now, honestly, I feel kinda the same about their reboots. Having followed these characters so long, might as well continue out of loyalty and curiosity. Granted, I also watched ”The L Word: Generation Q” because I want to see the lives of queer and other LGBTQ+ people reflected on screen. But Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte? Well, they’re like old college friends who I catch up with a couple times a year and still reminisce about all the hot goss of days gone by. Just don’t ask me about Che. Because I don’t wanna talk about Che. While I respect and enjoy Cynthia Nixon and Sara Ramirez, their work and their activism — suffering sappho do those two have negative chemistry together. Also, who fucks in the kitchen while their just out of hip surgery best friend pees the bed? Bad form. Such bad form. But, anyway, we’re getting more of their grand romance which, OK, I guess. Someone said that in the trailer all of the lead stars get their own “emotional support woman of color” this season and OMFG the accuracy. I have no comment on the return of Aidan other than I’ve met John Corbett before and he was very nice and ridiculously tall.

How To Happy Ending

Yeah, I know, bit of broken record at this point but I’m still pissed about that “Killing Eve” finale. Mostly because it took four seasons of bold, complicated storytelling and reduced it to some sort of extended rebirth metaphor. Of course, that’s what I’ve been watching my favorite queer women assassins spy drama for all these years — a morality play.

While I understand that creators do not have a responsibility past telling good stories, and should certainly not be beholden to the whims of fandom, But just because they can do something, doesn’t always mean they should. And for a show with such a dedicated/obsessive (and I say that with love) fanbase of queer women, greater care should have certainly been taken in handling such an iconic queer character’s ending. Honestly, this show could have become legend had it allowed even the faintest sliver of a happy ending for Eve and Villanelle. Instead, this TV series written exclusively about PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING decided to moralize at the bitter end. OK, sure, Jan.

But enough screaming into the void between clueless showrunner ears. How about we celebrate some happy endings instead? If you feel a distinct pang of deja vu, that’s because we did this once before back in 2016 when the Bury Your Gays trope last reared its ugly head in such spectacular fashion courtesy the Clexa debacle. Luckily, we’ve added a few more since then. But just a few.

So, here are a few of my personal favorite happily ever afters for queer women in movies and TV. Obviously there are more (and courtesy The Wayback Machine you can still see them on That Other Website whose name we no longer mention). Here are my Top 10 11 film and Top 5 6 TV happy endings for queer women (what, we’re gays, we always need to be a little extra). Apologies in advance as I have most certainly left off your favs. So, please, tell us your most beloved queer women riding off into that perpetual sunrise together moments. Share more joy, not less, kittens.

MOVIES

1. Desert Hearts (1985)

Kissing through the car window weakened our collective knees, getting on the train took them out.

2. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995)

To this day, I still want to buy myself a white Range Rover and ride off into the sunset together precisely because of this movie.

3. When Night Is Falling (1995)

You probably didn’t see this indie gem about a Christian college professor and a circus performer. But you should because they even resurrect the dog at the end.

4. Bound (1996)

You can’t beat an ending where the girl gets the girl and the truck.

5. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Happy endings plus pom-poms. Like, straight teen rom-coms could never.

6. Saving Face (2004)

Not enough people have seen this movie and more people should see this movie.

7. Imagine Me & You (2005)

This movie set unrealistic expectations for all future lesbian movie endings.

8. Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

I mean it’s got about a cooking competition and lesbians, I’ll ignore the “Ghost Dad” overtones for that.

9. Carol (2015)

Let’s go to the Oak Room and make eyes at each other forever.

10. Summerland (2020)

The only recent lesbian period piece where the lesbians stare off into the ocean and still get to live happily ever after together.

11. Kajillionaire (2020)

Honestly, I had to include one more because this is such a strange and wonderful film AND it gives us one of the most unexpected and swoony happy queer endings in recent memory.

TELEVISION

1.South of Nowhere (2008): Spencer & Ashley

Oh, Spashley. You always remember your first (queer teen TV show happy ending).

2. Glee (2015): Brittany & Santana

Look, “Glee” did a lot of stupid things. But letting Brittana be endgame was not one of them.

3. Lost Girl (2015): Bo & Lauren

Sacrificing Tamsin was obviously not great. But this show about one woman’s insatiable sexual prowess gave us our Doccubus ending after all.

4. San Junipero (2016)

This “Black Mirror” episode is perhaps the most perfect example of how to subvert the Bury Your Gays trope. I mean, they literally bury their gays, but then still let them live on in endless happiness anyway.

5. Ratched (2020): Mildred & Gwendolyn

This is honestly not a very good show, like at all. But, if you ignore the gore and horror and crippling character inconsistencies, it was rather stylish to look at and is one of the only mainstream female queer romances I can think of where both the leads are played by out queer women as well. Plus they literally escape to sunny, beautiful Mexico together to be gay and free, after first faking us out with an unhappy ending before going, “Not so fast, straights!” L.O.L.

6. Wynonna Earp (2021): Waverly & Nicole

Continuing the Marry Your Gays grand tradition pioneers by Brittana/Klaine, WayHaught’s series trajectory follows what I hope will be the also much emulated Give The Gays Everything They Want trend.

And That's Just That

And just like that…it’s almost over. I’ve been critical of the queering of “And Just Like That…?” since the revival series started. On paper, it would seem like a perfect scenario for LGBTQ+ representations. I mean, I like Cynthia Nixon. And I like Sara Ramirez. I like them both – a lot. But, to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure they work as a couple, chemistry-wise. The show has pushed the Awkward Miranda v. Cool Che dichotomy so hard they feel trapped in their respective bubbles. Like, heck, even the production photos have them trapped on their respective sides. (Like, for real, what’s up with that framing?)

Truly, Che and Miranda seem unable to connect apart from all the life-changing finger banging. Instead their interactions too often feel like a remedial “Taste the Rainbow” lessons. Like Awkward Miranda is the proxy for walking the audience through the LGBTQ+ basics or something. You see, viewers, some people have open relationships and some people are non-binary. Say it with us, “Non-bi-nar-y.”

Granted, as I’ve said before, it’s certainly welcome to tell a late-in-life coming out story. But the possibility of Miranda being gay was already explored and roundly rejected on SATC. Yes, obviously, people can change. But here Miranda’s sexual renaissance seems more a product of middle-aged boredom than personal introspection. I realize that may not be their intent, but the execution feels like malaise instead of discovery. Perhaps they’ll get better at addressing sexual fluidity in later life - they have one episode left - so we can only hope. And at least they’re trying to address gender fluidity, expression and identity given the Rock storyline and Che’s presence.

I guess, maybe what annoys me most is how they’ve taken a very capable character in Miranda and made her a nearly useless mess all for the service of someone who is supposed to be totally irresistible (which – I get it, it’s Sara Ramirez). But then they’ve given the “irresistible” character a charisma vortex. I mean, yeah, they’re hip and have an excellent alternative lifestyle haircut. But their comedy is, uh — how do I put this politely? Their comedy mostly sounds like an overly long Medium essays. They don’t actually have, uh, jokes. Also, stop calling it a comedy concert!

Honestly, maybe that’s my biggest beef. That for some big-time comedian, Che is not actually all that funny. But then again, this is a show that had us believe a single freelance columnist could afford a brownstone on the Upper East Side and a closet full of Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos. So there’s that.

Gay Like That

And just like that, Miranda is pretty gay now. Sorry I know that’s a spoiler. But we’ve obviously been speculating since that first trailer dropped and our collective gaydar went wild. Granted, I guessed the wrong person. But having the queer in real life Cynthia Nixon and the queer in real life Sara Ramirez hook up on screen is undeniably exciting, even if the series itself has been sort of a downer. And I’m not even talking about all the credible accusations of sexual assault against Mr. Big — though honestly now I’m thrilled they killed him off.

Miranda’s queer awakening is welcome, but also confusing. The original series gave her ample, AMPLE, opportunities to realize her sexual orientation. Indeed in “Sex and the City’s” very first season, it’s addressed in the third episode when Miranda is mistaken for a gay by her law firm’s senior partner. I mean, she even gets fixed up with a real lesbian named Syd and there’s softball. And they even kiss in the elevator. But, in the end despite the short hair she was still firmly on Team Hetero.

I guess time does change all things. Like Miranda’s entire personality, self confidence and sexual orientation.

Again, don’t get me wrong, I am always happy to have more queer characters because — say it with me — representation matters. And it’s good to have representation of people coming out later in life. All of that is great and positive and I hope someone sees themselves in her experiences.

But making Miranda a bit of a clueless Karen whose every other word is cringe worthy? Yeah, come on, we all know that’s Charlotte’s role.

Anyway, I’m obviously going to continue watching to see where this all goes. And, again, I am happy the SATC universe is now more LGBTQ+ inclusive. And, clearly, Sara Ramirez is always welcome on my screen anytime. But overall the series so far has been a series of downer observations about growing older and losing touch. But I still have residual fondness for all of these characters. So, yeah, I want to see where they take this. Though, I could maybe do without the weird washed out fantasy sequences. And, just a thought, maybe next time let’s not juxtapose the queer sex scene with Carrie literally wetting the bed.

p.s. I also would like to note the “finger” line was kind of hilarious in its cluelessness. Because, a) fingers, and b) Yeah, they sure can.