More Like Gay-mmys

Hey, the delayed Emmys were pretty cool. At least they didn’t have a host who blamed the writers for bombing. Also, some fairly gay stuff happened. Also, I guess this really means I should start watching “The Bear.” Also, fine, yes I know I already featured Tina and Amy. But they almost look like they might kiss here and I have an active imagination.

1) In an evening of pretty good speeches, Niecy Nash-Betts gave the nights most impassioned and most empowering speech. Also did you see her wife, Jessica Betts, escort her up to the Emmy steps? Hot.

2) Pedro Pascal brought his sister, trans actress and activist Lux Pascal, as his date because fuck the right wing persecution of trans existence.

3) Bringing a sister was a trend, as Aubrey Plaza brought hers too. Also very resourceful of her to wear her hotel mending kit as a dress. More reason Abby should have picked her instead of Harper.

4) Don’t fear drag queens, give them Emmys. So sayeth Ru, amen.

5) Like, I mean, the show was so gay they gave GLAAD an award. And you’d better believe I loved seeing Wilson Cruz standing on stage because his LGBTQ+ advocacy throughout his entire career has been so very Rickie Vasquez of him.

6) Fine, there’s nothing gay about Amy Poehler and Natasha Lyonne. But, dammit if there shouldn’t be.

7) While we’re wishing for things, how about a women of a certain (awesome) age lesbian rom-com starring Jennifer Coolidge and Lorraine Bracco? I mean, Jennifer already thanked us “evil gays,” so you know the built-in fanbase is ready. Think of it, Stifler’s Mom and Mama Rizzoli. Make it so, evil gays!

8) Speaking of lesbian rom-coms, I would also watch this movie. Hannah Waddingham and Ariana DeBose could totally do the thing.

9) While there was nothing gay about these two moments either I just thought they were wonderful passing of the torches/trophies from different generations of female comedy geniuses to another.

10) Jodie Foster. Yeah, any time she shows up and throws on a suit jacket I’m gonna notice. Obviously.

Return to Golden Hour

So, yeah, the Golden Globes were on a random Tuesday and it felt weird watching them because, well, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association sucks and we all know that. But, well, I love a glitzy event and I REALLY love Everything Everywhere All At Once (duh). And, you know, it’s always fun to see TV People hobnob with Movie People – though the biggest groan-inducing repeat gag (literally and figuratively) of the night everyone saying “Hi!” to Brad Pitt. Honestly, if they’d just let Jennifer Coolidge fill the three and a half hours with her kooky stories while handing out the awards to all the POC who deserve it I would have been just as happy with the telecast.

Admittedly, because they had to, the HFPA did considerably better this year with inclusion both on stage, behind the scenes and among its winners. And, it was pretty gay, too. From host Jerrod Carmichael to Jennifer Coolidge stealing the show, twice. All of the excellence from winners like Quinta Brunson and Michelle Yeoh and Angela Bassett is a reminder that while talent is everywhere, opportunity is not. When we allow the two to come together, everyone – especially the viewer –benefits.

Because this was a somewhat more muted affair (because of its literal cancelation last year), there wasn’t much SGALGG. So here are just some of the most memorable bits – in no particular order because the show was three and a half hours long. That’s a lot to remember.

This is the start of the best later-in-life coming out lesbian rom-com in history.

This whole cast makes me smile and also – smash. Respectfully, because they’re educators, but definitely smash. (What? Like you don't have a thing for teachers, too.)

I’m mainly happy for the success of “House of the Dragon” because it means Emma D’Arcy can show up at award shows dressed like this.

This whole cast makes me smile, and also – smash. Sorry, not you Ke Huy Quan – but your Short Round was one of the first Asian character I saw I saw on screen growing up. So thank you for that.

Meg Stalter and Hannah Einbinder together is like seeing the members of a high school gay-straight alliance grow up and do well for themselves.

Angela Bassett and Rihanna together, I don’t have anything clever to say that’s just like seeing royalty or something (but not real royalty, because those Windsors as kinda the worst).

It’s still so perplexing to me that Natasha Lyonne isn’t gay. Like, still!

Niecy Nash and her wife Jessica Betts are always one of the very best dressed couples on the red carpet. Period.

Oh, Lydia Tar won. But didn’t attend. So in case you forgot what she looks like, here’s a current picture of Cate Blanchett. You’re welcome.

Lotus Lesbian

I honestly don’t think I wrote about the first season of “The White Lotus.” Not that I didn’t think it was well done and worth watching. The HBO Max anthology series set across a chain of expensive boutique hotels has become a sharp-elbowed showcase for its always talented casts. But the first season’s examination of the wretched rich felt down-right cruel in its treatment of its poorer, working-class characters — all the workers’ denouements were worse than their ultra-rich customers. And that’s just depressing. We get enough of that shit in the real damn world. Also there weren’t any lesbians in the fist season.

Luckily, the second season took some notes and while its still a tragi-comedy with cutting commentary on the lives of the 1% and dynamics of social power, the show has chosen to shift away from wealth as its theme this to sex. Yes, I know that probably makes me sound horny. Look, I’m newly single. Times are, uh, tough. Anyway. If you haven’t watched the season finale be warned, SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD.

So the most welcome thing about the new season is that the working-class characters finally, finally get to triumph. And aren’t, you know, accidentally murdered by hotel guests. This season, set in stupidly gorgeous Sicily, continues the show’s posh, ominous tension.

Also, this season had Aubrey Plaza, Meghann Fahy, more Jennifer Coolidge and an actual lesbian character who does not die. Yes, that’s right, the lesbian gets a happy ending as do pretty much all of the show’s less wealthy, working-class characters — heck, even the working girls. Now, isn’t that fucking refreshing?

Valentina, played to perfection by Italian actress and comic Sabrina Impacciatore gets a truly lovely arc, as well as some of the show’s most quietly moving moments (I just loved her back alley lunch with the street kittens). Granted, this is still another form of coming out story — but it’s an old chestnut for a reason. But you got the sense that you really witnessed the moment someone’s life changed — and for the better. And that sex scene with Beatrice Grannò’s Mia was, well, hot. It was hot. Yes, I already copped to being horny. Leave me alone.

Maybe it’s because I binged the second season all in one day (I wanted to watch before the finale could be spoiled on Sunday), but it wasn’t too tricky guessing the key plot points. Of course Albie got scammed. Of course Portia went for the “hot” boy instead of the “nice” boy. Of course Dominic will cheat again. Of course those high-end gays were trying to kill Tanya. Also, do you think Aubrey’s character being called “Harper” is the universe fixing the ending of “The Happiest Season?”

Now, was I expecting Tanya to go on a murderous rampage at the end, only to accidentally off herself? Well, a little. I was pretty sure the body in the water from the first episode was Tanya’s (the show even foreshadowed how she dies with Valentina’s concerned expression as Tanya got off the boat to come to the resort in the first place, watch again, she indeed does). But the shooting all of the faux upper crust queers on the boat? No, I was not expecting that. Is having Jennifer Coolidge onscreen murder gays a hate crime? Did we just beat ourselves up in a parking lot? I kid. But it sure was a twisted love letter to Jennifer’s status as a queer icon.

Right, so, thoughts? Did you like the second season? More than the first? Also is anyone else hopelessly earwormed by the show’s theme song? As soon as the “woo-woos” drop, admit it, you do them along with the music. And if you don’t, omg, try it. It’s so fun. Look, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. That song’s a banger, period.

Well, now I can’t wait to book myself into the third season of “The White Lotus.” Just, please, keep giving us the “woo-woos” and lesbians.