No Bed of Roses

Is watching a straight couple try to destroy each other some kind of reparations for the efforts to overturn marriage equality? Because nice try, but no deal. But I am happy to see renowned homosexuals Kate McKinnon and Ncuti Gatwa appear to be cheerleading their downfall (albeit while perhaps playing straight – whatever, if they can play gay we can play straight). I have no idea whether this reboot of the 1989 black comedy with Olivia Colman and Benedict Cumberbatch in the roles made famous by Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas will be good. But did I mention Allison Janney is also in this thing? Like, even if it isn’t good, the cumulative number of good actors makes me know it’ll go on a watchlist when it comes to whatever streamer it’s gonna come to. What? I said there was no deal. I ain’t paying for no ticket.

My Weekend (Lesbian Party Bus) Crush

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Ladies, gentlemen, thems and theys, we have a new “dance like nobody's watching”-goal to aspire to. Let us all enjoy this weekend like celesbians on a Lesbian Party Bus. Now, you may ask, what is a Lesbian Party Bus? Well, it’s a bus filled with famous lesbians, their significant others and closest friends. In short, it’s a Lesbian Party Bus. Thanks to an exhaustive and masterful display of journalisming over at Autostraddle, we know all of the LPB participants. A quick rundown includes celesbian couples Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor, Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne, and Abby Wambach & Glennon Doyle. Also on board were Allison Janney, Carla Gallo, “The Fosters” alum Sherri Saum, “The Talk” co-host Amanda Kloots, director Lee Rose, and a coupla requisite dudes. Again, you can see how this wildly interesting pack is all connected here. But I just want to say if I every have the occasion to rent a party bus and pack it with a host of my most dear and talented friends, you’d better fucking believe we’re going to do a drunken singalong to “Closer to Fine.” This is perhaps the most relatable any celesbian has ever been. Party like you’re on the Lesbian Party Bus, kittens. Happy weekend, all.

Sledgehammer Time

So, um, I guess I’m an inspo blogger now? But, honestly, who wouldn’t be inspired by seeing Allison Janney sporting a stunning red evening gown paired with construction boots and a sledgehammer? It’s a very specific aesthetic, to be sure. But one I think queer women can universally agree deserves our utmost respect, unwavering admiration and loudest wolf whistle. Again, respectfully.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Look, admittedly we live in confusing times. Men can’t seem to figure out when it is and isn’t appropriate to masturbate in front of terrified/revolted women. A 14-year-old girl is a perfectly good dating prospect if you’re a white Republican would-be senator. And the president calls hostile world leaders with access to nuclear weapons “short and fat” because of course he does. But one thing there should be no confusion on is that Hope Hicks in a tuxedo is not a good thing. Granted, Hope Hicks in a tuxedo is empirically not a terrible thing. It fits her nicely and I always approve of women in what has been traditionally considered menswear, always. But, alas, she is a woman in a tuxedo who works in service of an evil toddler who treats women, POC, LGBTQ people, Muslims, immigrants and anyone who isn’t a rich white man like absolute shit. So yeah, Hope Hicks in a tuxedo is not a good thing. But do you know what there should also be no confusion about? Allison Janney in a tuxedo is a very, very, very (very, very, very) good thing. In these confusing times cling to what we hold most dear. Thank you, Allison. We all needed that.

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Piper & Alex 4EVA. God, I know I shouldn’t because of all The Reasons. But I just love seeing Piper and Alex together. Or, you know, Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon for those who insist on reality. I mean the way they look at each other – God DAMN. Too bad “Orange Is the New Black” got totally shivved by the Emmys. Still, it was fun to watch all the Straight (and Gay Gals) Acting Like Gay Gals all night long. Sure, all of the same people won again. But we won because, you know, amazing ladies looking amazing together. (Except that thing where the producers weren’t listening when Beyoncé taught the world about feminism and literally put a woman on a lazy Susan to turn while a man spoke. Ooof.)

Natalie Dormer & Lucy Liu
Whoa, suddenly I ship Moriarty and Watson.

Sarah Paulson & Lizzy Caplan
Ugh, now I ship this, too.

Angela Bassett & Jessica Lange
The Voodoo Queen and the Supreme together is the definition of bow down, bitches.

Allison Janney & Kate Walsh
I love these women. I do (have) not watch their shows. Counterintuitive, but true.

Amy Poehler & Julia Louis-Dreyfus
You know, I have nothing against Elaine Benes. But I want Leslie Knope to kick her ass and take her Emmys.

Claire Danes & Allison Williams
Angela Chase would never be friends with Marnie Michaels. You know that’s true.

Padma Lakshmi & Christina Hendricks
I want Padma to cook for Christina and then feed each other. I’m sorry, did I just say a fantasy out loud?

Lena Dunham & Uzo Aduba
Cast Crazy Eyes on “Girls” next. You know the whole OITNB cast is going on that show at some point.

Laura Prepon & Natasha Lyonne
Natasha is thinking about the time she and Prepon made out. Clearly.

Yael Stone & Lea DeLaria
Best Gay Prom Couple Ever.

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley
They are lesbians. They’re lesbianing together. Allegedly.

Sarah Silverman
Love the dress. Love the bare feet. Love that she beat a category filled entirely with men.

Lena Headey
Like I was going to leave her out. Pshaw.

Kate McKinnon
Love her. That’s all.

Laverne Cox
Love her, too. Now that’s all.

Alexandra Hedison & Jodie Foster
Those are the smirks of some very, very happy lesbian newlyweds.

Nice WIGS

I haven’t watched too many web series. Mostly this is because they can be amateurish and awkward, with non-existent budgets and untested talent. Also, believe it or not, I still enjoy watching things on my TV, from my couch, without an overheating laptop weighting down my midsection. But I do love the entrepreneurial and independent nature of web series. And I love that they can exist outside the Hollywood machine and therefore tell stories that we don’t always get to see. The stories of the people otherwise relegated to token background character or sassy gay friend or simpering supportive spouse. Anyone can be the star of her own web series with a camera and a dream and a functioning YouTube account.

Still, it’s something quite extraordinary when the production values and big stars of Hollywood converge to tell little-heard stories on the web. And that project appears to be WIGS. Billed as “an innovative new YouTube channel producing high-end, original, scripted series, short films, and documentaries, all starring female leads,” WIGS launches next week. And already it has an impressive array of stars attached including Jennifer Beals, Dakota Fanning, Julia Stiles, Jennifer Garner, Maura Tierney, Allison Janney, America Ferrera, Sarah Paulson, Troian Bellisario, Virginia Madsen, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Rosanna Arquette and more. The vignettes will all be short, about five to eight minutes – which is also perfect because most people barely have the attention span to watch an animated gif these days. I wish there was a tad more diversity in the casts – though it’s early and hopefully more people will sign on. Also, I think the name, which stands for “Where It gets Interesting,” is pretty horrible. Also wouldn’ that make it WIGI? But, you know what, show me a project featuring a slew of talented actresses telling women’s stories and I’ll show you a big smile on my face. Consider me sold.

SGALGG: Thankful Edition

You know what we haven’t done in a while? Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, or what I like to call SGALGG – that acronym that sounds like you’re choking on a cracker. But this being a week where we give thanks to what we’re thanksful for, I am thankful for how delicious two straight ladies look when they’re acting totally gay. Also, cheese. I’m thankful for cheese. But mostly the thing about how beautiful two women can look together. Like, for instance, Cate Blanchett and Nicole Kidman. Now that is an attractive couple anyone would be delighted to invite over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Lea Michele & Michelle ChoHow dare she cheat on Dianna like this.

Lisa Edelstein & Dianna AgronDianna, as you can see, did not take Lea’s indiscretion lightly.

Emily Blunt & Allison JanneyIt is taking all of Emily’s will power not to look down.

Tracie Thoms Shanola Hampton & Emmy RossumShanola* is all, “Honey, not here. Later, later.”

*Apologies, she looks so much like Tracie in that picture. Also, I’ve never seen Shameless.


Mary McCormack, Gina Gershon & Kathryn HahnIn Gina’s defense, Mary clearly doesnt care if people look her in the eyes or not.

Jennifer Carpenter & Julie BenzIf only Deb and Rita had dated instead. For one thing, Rita would probably still be alive.

Maggie Q & Aisha TylerIf they just keep smiling, maybe no one will notice the piece of Maggie’s jacket Aisha ripped out earlier while, um, you know.

Gillian Anderson & Kate WinsletNow Kiss. Now Kiss. Now Kiss. NOW KISS.

Olivia Wilde & Sasha AlexanderSo, admittedly, they’re not doing anything particularly gay together here. But seeing them together is making all women all over the planet gay.

Ellen v. Allison: Welcome to Hilaritydome

So ESPN apparently has this great special about the Martina Navratilova/Chris Evert rivalry/friendship called “Unmatched” playing right now. It has gotten very high praise indeed for its portrayal of the two women and their long history, and I need to set my DVR before I forget (schedule is here, if you want to record it with me). But, of course, this rivalry got me thinking (always dangerous) about other rivalries. Which naturally led me to mortal enemies Ellen DeGeneres and Allison Janney. These two women share a vicious, some might say obsessive, rivalry that has spanned years. Competitors cheat. Competitors talk smack. Competitors draw blood. And we, we laugh like crazy people.

Ellen v. Allison: A Retrospective


Ellen v. Allison: Sumo Wrestling


Ellen v. Allison: Arm Wrestling


Ellen v. Allison: I’m Gonna Smash Your Face


Ellen v. Allison: Being Ellen


It’s awfully hard to pick a winner. I’d say us.

My Weekend Crush

I never watched “The West Wing.” Sure I caught parts of it here or there, but I don't think I ever sat down and watched an episode start to finish. It's not that I thought the show was bad, it's just that when it comes to politics I find the real thing provides all the drama I can handle. So, as a result, much of the unparalleled badassery that was C.J. Cregg was largely lost on me. Luckily, my dubious television watching habit did not preclude me from tapping into the awesomeness of Allison Janney.

An imposing figure at “5 feet 12 inches,” as she once told the New York Times, Allison's impressive array of roles have taken her from comedies (“Juno”) to dramas (“American Beauty”) and Broadway (“9 to 5”). Heck, she even got to kiss Meryl Streep. All that and she delivered what has to be one of my most-repeated movie quotes of all time as Peach in “Finding Nemo.” “Find a happy place! Find a happy place! Find a happy place!” What I love about Allison is that she always comes across as infinitely capable. Yet with that aura of utter competence comes a delightfully goofy streak – not to mention a competitive streak. Smart, funny, willing to cheat – now that's my kind of lady. Happy weekend, all.

Clapton who?

Two women enter. One will leave. The other will be -- oh, yeah, that’s right -- totally shredded. Now the only question is, are you ready to rock? Let’s get ready to solooooooo!

In one corner, Jodie Foster. Earlier this week Jodie confessed her love of shredding on Leno. And now, she is ripping it up it on Rachel Ray. Catch the episode Friday and dream about her epic “Stairway to Heaven” solo until then.In the other corner, Tina Fey. Notice the concentration. If she goes for the whammy bar, you know it’s on.But wait, we have a surprise competitor entering the ring, err, stage. It’s Allison Janney putting them both to shame with her tasty guitar licks. She is an animal on that thing, an animal!Now if only I could find a shot of Helen Mirren attacking her axe windmill-style á la Pete Townsend, I could die and go to virtual rock ‘n’ roll heaven.