Heart of Miley

One more musical interlude, because why not. Say what you will about Miley Cyrus, but the gal can flat-out sing. In fact, after hearing her tear into Blondie’s “Heart of Glass” I would definitely buy an album of her covering iconic female rock singers. 100 percent. Do want. Gimme.

America, You a Lie

I think this week needs more musical cleansing, don’t you? I mean, it will not change the fundamental fact that America was built on a lie. That’s the truth, and has been the truth since our we were founded on principles we have yet to achieve. We hold these truths to be self-evident. Then why has every marginalized group had to fight and protest and riot and demand what should be so self-evident? From the indigenous people to Black Americans brought here those four centuries ago who helped to build our nation’s wealth while in chains, to women to LGBTQ people to the disabled to every group that has yet to be granted the full unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But, at least thanks to Janelle, we have a catchy song to sing as we keep on fighting for what’s right. Turntables on all of them, until we’re all free. Until America isn't a lie. One day.

Music Monday: Star-Spangled Edition

Well, as we all knew would happen, that Orange Stain has rushed his nomination for Supreme Court to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Amazing how quickly Republicans can move if they want to. The Democratic-led House passed a second coronavirus relief bill in May 15 (fucking MAY) and here we are 137 days later and still nada from the GOP Senate. So instead for the past six months every American has had to live on the $1,200 stimulus check sent to us back in April (fucking APRIL). And that’s not even getting into the some 395 other bills sitting dead on Mitch McConnell’s desk. But now suddenly they’re extremely ready and extremely excited to confirm a life-time appointment to 48-year-old Amy Coney Barrett.

This is woman who in the next 30 some years she could be on the court will absolutely strip from women the right to control their own bodies (abortion is healthcare, pass it on), deny LGBTQ people non-discrimination protection (and she’s not thrilled about our marriages either), ensure corporations continue to be allowed to pollute, exploit, overwork, underpay & even kill its workers (the corporations are people party), limit the right to vote (Voting Rights Act says hello), and - of course - eliminate everyone’s access to affordable healthcare (buh-hye, Obamacare, buh-bye). All this just 36 days before the election. Mind you, when Antonin Scalia died it was 237 days before the 2016 election, but Senate Republicans were aghast (AGHAST) that a replacement nomination even dare be considered in the year of a presidential race thus not allowing the American people to have a voice. Sigh. It would be nice if both parties played and were held to the same rules.

Amid all this (don’t forget, the pandemic isn’t over just because you’re over it), it’s really (really, really, reallyreallyreally) easy to get down on the United States. Like, we suck - I know. It’s hard feeling patriotic. Even if Biden wins, there is so much work to be done and damage to fix. And, guaranteed,Trump will still take at least 45 percent of the vote, - probably more. Which means almost half of our country wants (WANTS) four more years of this. I just. Please vote for Democrats (imperfect as they are, and they are imperfect) all the way up and down the damn ballot. You vote for the candidate who has the best chance of winning and doing the most good for the most people in a presidential election. Period. Good luck, America. We’re gonna need it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Baking) Crush

At last, my televised Xanax is back. If ever there was a year when we needed the soothing, pastoral, cake-related drama of “Great British Bake Off” (or as its known in the states because Pilsbury sucks, “The Great British Baking Show”), it’s 2020. This season the show is returning without the famed Hollywood Handshake (pandemic, yo) and also without co-host and out lesbian comic Sandi Toksvig (who left to focus on other projects).

Now, I am still on record as missing Mel and Sue (not to mention Mary Berry). Plus a new season of GBBO without a lesbian manning the tent? I mean, will the yeast even rise without a soft butch present? Her replacement Matt Lewis (who you’ll probably recognize from “Doctor Who” and “Little Britain”) is fine, but not exactly a brave new direction on the diversity front. Still, I need this season of baking politely while surrounded by pastoral loveliness in the English countryside starting tonight on Netflix. I just need it. Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Dumped Town

Damn, damn, damn, damn. In the scope of things, it’s just a (very, very) small injustice. But “Stumptown” getting cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic and its shutdown complications still majorly sucks. It was a fun, sometimes very fun (and quite queer), show with a strong cast and the very appealing Cobie Smulders. The show had actually already been renewed for a second season, but then coronavirus happened and the world upended and now it’s cancelled. So, thanks YOU BIG ORANGE TURD. Alas there’s another thing we can rightfully blame on that horrid excuse for a man and his criminally lethal (200,000 Americans, and counting) handling of the pandemic.

Now, Netlix, looks like it’s time to buy the show and bring it back even gayer. What? We can still dream, right? I mean, for now at least. Who knows with whatever SCOTUS we’ll have moving forward, dammit.

Punkie SNLster

While we’re on a good casting news role, “Saturday Night Live” added three new cast members including its first out Black lesbian comic. Punkie Johnson becomes only the second out lesbian in the show’s history and will join fellow out gay cast mates Kate McKinnon and Bowen Yang in the new, and hopefully very gay, season. I’m sadly not familiar with Punkie’s work, though I do remember her from a particularly memorable (not to mention very gay) “Black Lady Sketch Show” sketch where she plays a mysterious newcomer at a lesbian bar.

According to NBCOut, Punkie will actually be the second Black lesbian cast member and fourth lesbian cast member, period. Those would Danitra Vance (1985-86) and Denny Dillon (1980-81). But neither woman was out at the time.

So welcome, Punkie. The more queers, glorious queers on that show, the better.

A Smashing She-Hulk

I truly cannot express how much I cannot wait to see Tatiana Maslany SHE-HULK SMASH! I have to say, casting perhaps the most gifted transformational actress of our generation (I’ve truly lost count at how many entirely distinct clones she played on “Orphan Black”) was a masterclass in casting. Tatiana has signed on to be attorney Jennifer Walters, who after a blood transfusion from her cousin Bruce Banner becomes She-Hulk. The new live-action show will air on DisneyPlus. I’ve always been a Hulk fan, both of the comics when I was a kid and the TV series starring Bill Bixby. I always thought he brought such pathos to the role, and even to this day when I hear the theme song a beautiful melancholy settles. I have no doubt Tatiana will bring that, and so much more to this transformative role. I delight in more people discovering her multi-faceted (and in many cases, multi-faced and multi-bodied) talent. SMASH, indeed.

RBG Forever

There’s really nothing to say, except thank you. May her memory be a revolution. We’ll pick up the fight from here, Ruth. We promise.

• Donate to flip the White House: Joe & Kamala
• Donate to Flip the Senate: Get Mitch or Die Trying
• Donate to flip Statehouses: Run for Something

[And, if you can’t donate, you can always phone bank, text bank, talk with your slacker friends, persuade your apolitical acquaintances, and yell at every progressive purist you can find (now is not the time, bro). Fight forever.]

My Weekend Crush

The lens of time tends to be the ultimate arbiter of history – both the profound and the personal. So, isn’t it interesting to watch the famous go from the hero to the goat to the new definition of GOAT within the short confines of less than a lifetime.

Mention the name Jane Fonda and depending on the era you knew her best from, you’d get widely differing opinions. Movie superstar. Sex symbol. Leftie radical. Commie traitor. Fitness guru. Feminist advocate. Climate warrior. And, now, a woman who has proven throughout her long and storied career tried to always stand on the right side of history and expanded her definitions to keep including and centering more people in the fight for equality. (Like, respect each person’s personal pronouns, it’s not hard to do. And the right thing to do.)

Whether she is schooling the mainstream media what today’s celebrities should be saying when they say “gay rights” BACK in 1979.

Of course she was right, the side of the angels keeps winning. Sure it took 36 years for marriage equality and 41 years for employment non-discrimination, and we’re still fighting for everything else. But, as Jane knows, we’ll get there.

See Jane. See Jane get on the right side of history. Be like Jane. Happy safe, healthy and Jane Fonda-level righteous weekend, all.

They're Ratched, Together

I knew it, I KNEW it! I knew I got a decidedly deranged “Carol” vibe off the first trailer and stills for “Ratched,”Ryan Murphy’s next all-star horror fest about what made the infamous Nurse Ratched into The Infamous Nurse Racthed. And I was right.

Sarah Paulson and Cynthia Nixon, two real-life queer actresses, are indeed playing queer for each other on screen as Mildred Ratched and Gwendolyn Briggs in the new series. The Hollywood Reporter review for the new show outs Mildred and Gwendolyn’s relationship, describing the latter as the former’s “love interest.” It also preps all us gay lady fans for:

“An oyster-eating scene between the reticent, touch-averse Mildred and the generous but guarded Gwendolyn in the second episode, directed by Murphy, is destined to be savored over and over by a certain segment of the viewership.

” That’s us! We are that certain segment of the viewership. And, if it is anything like Sarah taking a bite out of that peach, we are in for quite the treat. Say what you will about Ryan Murphy, and I certainly have, but he on occasion he can come all the way through for us queer ladies. So if nothing else, I kook forward to this scene. And, if it’s anything like a normal Ryan Murphy production, losing interest between half and three-quarters of the way through.

All the Glorias Fit to Print

Look, if we keep going like this every actress will have a shot of playing Gloria Steinem. And, don’t get me wrong, Gloria definitely deserves the star treatment. But does it also feel a little like she is perhaps the only feminist some folks in Hollywood know exists? (Yes, yes, I know both “The Glorias” and “Mrs. America” feature a host of other important and essential feminist icons – but Gloria is so often the hook.) Anyway, where were we? “The Gloria” has actresses from Alicia Vikander to Julianne Moore play our eponymous Gloria through the ages. And, yeah, it looks good. But sometimes I just feel like saying, hey, Audre Lorde is right there. Hello.

Mask Up, Ladies

Never mind women in tank tops. These days, women properly wearing face masks in public is my new sexuality. After seeing how amazing Cate Blanchett looks in a face mask to prevent the spread of coronavirus, I thought I’d share the love. Because, and I cannot stress this point enough, all women look amazing in face masks. Why? Well, wearing a face mask means 1) you believe in science, 2) you care about other people, and 3) you aren’t an enormous asshole – at least not on the issue of spreading a potentially deadly and debilitating highly communicable respiratory illness.

I know, it seems absolutely insane that six months into a global pandemic we still have to try (largely in vain) to get more people to wear face masks. Like they’re mandated in my state (as they should be across the county) yet compliance is still hit-and-miss. But the very same people screaming about their “FREEDOMS!” are the people who keep telling Black Americans they won’t get shot by police if only they comply. But ask them to comply by putting a piece of cloth over their big, stupid mouth and nose to keep those around them healthy and you’d think we rolled the Constitution into a blunt and started smoking it in front of their faces.

Anyway. Long story short, be like Charlize, wear a damn mask. And, while you’re at it, wash your hands and fill out your Census.

Charlize Theron

I have every confidence if Charlize/Furiosa/Andy ran across you not wearing a mask, they would 100 percent kick your ass.

Janelle Monae

Giving out food to those in need and accessorizing with a hat. She can do it all.

Tilda Swinton

Masks, for humans and space aliens.

Jennifer Lopez

Ageless, flawless, but definitely not maskless. Bonus points for the tank top on a Tuesday, too.

Lady Gaga

Honestly not sure if this mask is medically sound, but it sure is hard to miss.

Naomi Osaka

Wearing the names of Black women and men killed by police on your way to winning her second U.S. Open championish is, what the kids today call, a whole mood. A very, very good mood.

Chrissy Teigen

A mask plus three pizzas? Who says the perfect human being does not exist?

Hillary Clinton

We probably wouldn’t even still have to be wearing masks if the stupid Electoral College didn’t exist.

Kamala Harris

A mask, a blazer and some Chucks. Now that’s my Vice President Straight Bette Porter.

Music Monday: Billie Eilish Edition

Well, this is a lovely way to start the week. Just a short little Tiny Desk (From Home) concert featuring the very talented Billie Eilish and her brother. I especially like the Tiny Desk cutout cardboard backdrop. Very convincing! Can I do this for, say, a street cafe in Paris? Since we Americans aren’t allowed to travel anywhere anymore, it’ll be the only way to see the world for a while. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, yes, escaping our current reality. Good luck with that. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Look, if Cate Blanchett looking glamorous in a mask doesn’t convince you to wear a mask, well, I don’t know what else will. Certainly not the entire medical community. Or facts. Or science. Or caring about other human beings. Anyway. Be like Cate, wear a mask. And elbow-bump instead of shaking hands, because this is life now.

And, because masked living is our life now especially in the United (lol, “United”) States where this pandemic will seemingly never be under control, wear a variety of kinds of masks. Like, of course, your standard surgical mask. Bonus points if you can have an also masked manservant assist you while wearing one.

This kind of mask accessorizes with everything, like say a blazer you may or may not have stolen from the set of “Oceans Eleven.”

Make that two blazers stolen from “Oceans Eleven.”

Or, you can always go with your plain cloth mask. More bonus points for the quick temperature check as well.

Or your neck gaiters, which signals “I’m definitely not about to rob a bank. Probably.”

And – if you are very lucky and wear a mask properly while in public (over the mouth and nose, people) – you might just also get the treat of a properly socially distanced air kiss from Cate.

I mean, we can all dream, right? Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Fight Like a Girl Edition

Look, the world is a lot. So please enjoy actress/stuntwoman Joanna Bennett show off an absolutely epic “fight concept” for Captain Marvel. Bennett has been stunt double for Brie Larson in “Captain Marvel,” Gal Gadot in “Wonder Woman,” Karen Gillan for “Avengers: Endgame” and “Jumanji,” among many other roles. This fight, shot and edited by fellow Captain Marvel stuntperson Walter Garcia, is just cool. It’s cool and invigorating and kickass fun – and precious little is kickass fun these days. So enjoy this bad-ass lady badassery. Fight like a girl, indeed.

Waddler Wednesday: Pandas Edition

This pandemic has been more than any of us expected – especially our criminally inept federal government. So please allow this poor panda zookeeper to be the adorable metaphor we need for the frustrations of life right now. If only all of our problems could be this cute, and easily distracted.

The (Lesbian) World To Come

I love a lesbian period piece, I really do. And I am excited to see another lesbian period piece, I really am. I am just a tad curious about why we seem to only be getting lesbian period pieces of late – particularly lesbian period pieces with practically all-white casts.

The latest to add to this growing category is “The World to Come,” which debuted at the Venice Film Festival this month and has garnered critical acclaim. It stars Vanessa Kirby (the only good thing about “Hobbes & Shaw”) as Tallie and Katherine Waterston (kind of the only good thing about “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”) as Abigail – two neighboring rural farm wives who live in upstate New York in the 1850s and start an unlikely relationship together with “increased intimacy and passionate devotion to one another.”

See for yourself here:

Am I the only one getting some seriously grown up Anne Shirley and Diana Barry vibes from these two? Like, the movie synopsis even calls them each other’s “kindred spirit.” I mean, come on! Total Anne and Diana subtext vibes.

I will definitely watch this movie (even though it also stars Casey Affleck and, yeah, not a fan), as I am grateful for any and all quality lesbians movies whether they are lesbians who stare longingly at the sea and paint or lesbians who stare longingly at the sea and dig up fossils and so on and so forth. (Not to be confused with the associated genre of lesbian period pieces about lesbians who write longingly about each other.)

But, you know, lesbians have existed through all time periods and even present day. So, let’s keep mixing it up both with the storylines and the time periods and the cast diversity. More, better, varied and diverse representation matters, always and forever.

Music Monday: Amber for Naya

Please start your week off with a little grace from the wildly talented Amber Riley (who goes by Riley now as a solo singer) as she performs a tribute to her friend, former co-star and everyone's favorite Cheerio Naya Rivera. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

So on Monday Niecy Nash came out to the world via her wedding photo, which even for me might be a new one. Niecy (a.k.a. Mrs. Carol Denise Betts) has been a standout in whatever she has appeared in from “Scream Queens” to “Claws to “Reno 911!” And now, she has a new lifetime role as wife to singer Jessica Betts. Before posting about her marital bliss, Niecy had not been publically out. And while it might seem like old news to have a celebrity come out and get married, just five years ago (yes, only five years ago) their nuptials would not have been recognized by the federal government and most states. We’ve come a long way, LGBTQ babies. And you know it was a real queer wedding because at least one of the brides wore a formal vest. Congratulations to the happy couple. May your lives be filled with love and laughter and so many formal vests. Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Elementary, Dear Enola

Goodness, doesn’t this look fun. I’ve never read “The Enola Holmes Mysteries,” but if they’re anything like this trailer I really should have. The new Netflix film based on the young adult book series has an impressive roster of stars (“Stranger Things” Millie Bobby Brown, Superman/perpetually square jawed Henry Cavill, “Hunger Games” survivor Sam Claflin, forever goth queen Helena Bonham Carter and out queer actress Fiona Shaw, to name a few) and a fun premise. My only gripe, they took a book series by a female author about a spunky and norm-defying female heroine and gave it to a male screenwriter and male director to adapt. But, in better news, Millie and her older sister Paige Brown are listed as producers. So, ladies, tell the stories you want to tell and be in charge of those stories. And if those stories involve imaginary sisters to imaginary famous detectives who have imaginary adventures where they dress in-and-out of drag and fight people while solving mysteries in unconventional ways, all the better.

Happiest Holiday Photos

Look, lesbians also celebrate Christmas! Sometimes. And they use giant reindeer to help balance them while ice skating with their girlfriends! Sometimes. And they definitely have to awkwardly pose with their families on Christmas morning in their PJs! Sometimes. We’re getting a somewhat steady drip-drip of images from the new lesbian rom-com “Happiest Season.” Billed as the first mainstream lesbian holiday rom-com (yes, there have been others from indie outlets), the film is certainly building expectations.

I sometimes worry that with movies aimed at mass markets like this, the story naturally becomes something that’s most accessible to the masses. Hence the movie’s plot revolving around a woman (Kristen Stewart) wanting to propose to her girlfriend (Mackenzie Davis) over the holidays, which gets complicated by the fact that her girlfriend isn’t out to her conservative family yet. Yes, I know, another coming out story. But, under the helm of “But I’m a Cheerleader” (and lots of other stuff) alum Clea DuVall, I have faith it will be funny, sweet, romantic and relatable for both its queer female viewers and straight wider audience.

And, again, I’ve watched more than a lifetime’s worth of truly mediocre straight rom-coms over the years. So even an average effort (not that this movie will be average) would be a landmark for us gay ladies. So bring on the tinsel and strap on those skates (or whatever else, ahem). The “Happiest Season” is almost upon us.

Tank Top Tuesday: Belated Edition

Here is a (belated) reset for your week. Please channel the joy of Luce dancing (in a tank top) with Rachel (not in a tank top, but probably wishes she was). Dance like we are not in the midst of a gloabl pandemic at the same time our government veers unapologetically toward authoritarianism all to reelect a chronically corrupt, racist, sexist hatemonger who never reads.