Back to Black

In case you missed yesterday’s Lesbian Bat Signal, the trailer for “Orange Is the New Black” season 4 is officially out. It signals some dark – and tearful – times ahead at Litchfield. There’s also precious little evidence – though there is one precious moment – of gay lady happiness in the new preview. Now lots of people complained that last season lacked narrative drive. But I rather enjoyed the third season because it gave me a window into these diverse and fascinating women’s lives while not annoying me with an artificial Big Bad storyline. (cough, RIP Vee, cough) From the trailer, Big Corporate Prison will once again be our main antagonist. We’ll see how it goes.

Some other random and not-so random thoughts on the trailer.

1. So much cry. Don’t be cry, ladies.

2. Sophia is still in SHU. Dammit, get Sophia out of SHU.


3. Sieg heil much, Piper? Because as much as I’d like those shaved heads to be a sign of potential lesbianism, those tattoos are more like “I’m voting for Donald Trump.”


4. Poussey and Soso 4EVA.


Other observations? I’m kind of thrilled Big Boo and Pennsatucky are still BFFs. Blair Brown’s Judy King/Martha Stewart could be interesting. Less interesting? But seriously, where is Nicky? And don’t worry, Alex, I heard you there at 0:55. And I can definitely keep a secret – at least until June 17.

p.s. In case you let your Netflix subscription lapse, or want to own a little bit of Ruby Rose, Season 3 is out on DVD May 17. I highly recommend it.

SGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

Don’t Krysten Ritter and Rachael Taylor look like they’re on a date night here? And date nights don’t get much more glamorous than the Golden Globes. The show itself was kinda meh. LGBT shows/films were largely shut out. Luckily we can always count on Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals to liven things up. Like our gals, Trishica Jones (new recap up at AfterEllen today, by the way). Thanks ladies, you sure helped save the night.

Gina Rodriguez & Sophia Bush

Gina is not America. America is not Salma. Neither are Charo. Now let’s all hug.

Angela Bassett & Taraji P. Henson

Hands, Angela, hands.

Eva Longoria & Katy Perry

She bit a girl’s head, and she liked it.

Joanne Froggatt & Natalie Dormer

Game of Abbeys. Downton Thrones. I could go on but I’ll stop before you start throwing dragon eggs at me.

Laverne Cox & Taylor Schilling

Not even gonna lie, I would ship Sophia and Piper. But, really, we all know Sophia could do better.

Niecy Nash, Regina King & Viola Davis

So much awesome packed into one photo I just want to sit back and admire the view.

Amy Schumer, Kim Caramele & Brie Larson

I actually don’t think anything all that lesbian is happening here, unless you count the obvious sex invites implied by their open mouths. Kidding, sort of.

America Ferrera, Amy Schumer, Eva Longoria & JLaw

Ditto from above, but this time the tongues are the obvious sex invites. Kidding, again, mostly.

Rooney Mara & Cate Blanchett

Yep, even on the red carpet. Even with Rooney’s back turned. Chemistry.

Judith Light, Jill Soloway & Emily Robinson

This show’s glorious queerness, pretty much summed up in one photo.

The cast of “Transparent”

OK, make that two photos.

BONUS: Morgan Freeman & Helen Mirren

Granted, this isn’t two ladies so it doesn’t actually count as a SGALGG photo. But Morgan’s necklace is lesbian enough for the both of them.

My Weekend Orange Crush

So if you’re a gay lady and were anywhere near the Internet yesterday you probably already watched the new “Orange Is the New Black” Season 3 trailer like 3,000 times – possibly more. You’ve also probably already made your food delivery order plans for June 12. But, hey, that’s still a long-ass way away (56 days and counting, yo) let’s go ahead and dissect everything we can from this first trailer. If we can process and argument about doing the dishes for a day and a half, we can certainly spare 15 minutes for this. Happy weekend, all.



1) They Got The Band Back Together

Taystee, Poussey & Black Cindy look thick as thieves again. Not that I’m saying they’re all thieves. Wait, wasn’t that what Black Cindy is in for? Anyway, metaphor withdrawn. I’m just happy they look so happy together again.

2) Big No

Oh, Big Boo. What? Butch down, BUTCH DOWN.

3) Major Headlights

You know you want to know exactly what Flaca told Maritza that made those nips stand at attention.

4) Turnabout Is Fair…

Yeah, Alex, we know how you’re back here. We know exactly how. Though, I am curious how she got that shiner.

5) Once Upon a Mattress

Hey, what happened to their mattresses?

6) A Rose is a Flirt

Look, I’m as much Pipex/Vauseman as the next gay gal, but I also approve of this Ruby Rose flirting. I approve very much.

7) Where’s the Beef?

Dammit, are Gloria and Sophia fighting? Can’t we all just get along?

8) Big Tucky? Pennsaboo?

I approve of this Big Boo/ Pennsatucky friendship. I really, really do.

9) Give Peace a Chance

Aw, man, Tank Girl and Piper are fighting, too?

10) Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry for Hitting it With Two Other People and Aliens

Oh, Crazy Eyes, how I’ve missed you so.

BONUS: Man, after watching “Going Clear” I’m even less OK with Scientology, but damn, if Laura Prepon isn’t still on my “Free Pass” list. I can’t help it. Alex Vause can get it.



p.s. Yo, is that Vee in the background of No. 6? I was such a lesbian I did not notice because, you know, Ruby Rose.

We Wish You a Merry Litchfield

Twas the night before Christmas and Piper, Alex, Taystee, Big Boo, Crazy Eyes, Black Cindy, Pennsatucky (Taryn Manning), Nicky, Morello (Yael Stone), Gloria and Red hope visions of sugar plums are dancing through your head. And some other stuff, too.

p.s. Oh, look, an extended cut with out takes!

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Piper & Alex 4EVA. God, I know I shouldn’t because of all The Reasons. But I just love seeing Piper and Alex together. Or, you know, Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon for those who insist on reality. I mean the way they look at each other – God DAMN. Too bad “Orange Is the New Black” got totally shivved by the Emmys. Still, it was fun to watch all the Straight (and Gay Gals) Acting Like Gay Gals all night long. Sure, all of the same people won again. But we won because, you know, amazing ladies looking amazing together. (Except that thing where the producers weren’t listening when Beyoncé taught the world about feminism and literally put a woman on a lazy Susan to turn while a man spoke. Ooof.)

Natalie Dormer & Lucy Liu
Whoa, suddenly I ship Moriarty and Watson.

Sarah Paulson & Lizzy Caplan
Ugh, now I ship this, too.

Angela Bassett & Jessica Lange
The Voodoo Queen and the Supreme together is the definition of bow down, bitches.

Allison Janney & Kate Walsh
I love these women. I do (have) not watch their shows. Counterintuitive, but true.

Amy Poehler & Julia Louis-Dreyfus
You know, I have nothing against Elaine Benes. But I want Leslie Knope to kick her ass and take her Emmys.

Claire Danes & Allison Williams
Angela Chase would never be friends with Marnie Michaels. You know that’s true.

Padma Lakshmi & Christina Hendricks
I want Padma to cook for Christina and then feed each other. I’m sorry, did I just say a fantasy out loud?

Lena Dunham & Uzo Aduba
Cast Crazy Eyes on “Girls” next. You know the whole OITNB cast is going on that show at some point.

Laura Prepon & Natasha Lyonne
Natasha is thinking about the time she and Prepon made out. Clearly.

Yael Stone & Lea DeLaria
Best Gay Prom Couple Ever.

Lauren Morelli & Samira Wiley
They are lesbians. They’re lesbianing together. Allegedly.

Sarah Silverman
Love the dress. Love the bare feet. Love that she beat a category filled entirely with men.

Lena Headey
Like I was going to leave her out. Pshaw.

Kate McKinnon
Love her. That’s all.

Laverne Cox
Love her, too. Now that’s all.

Alexandra Hedison & Jodie Foster
Those are the smirks of some very, very happy lesbian newlyweds.

OITNB Inmate Profile: Piper Chapman

As promised, here is the start of my character recaps of our favorite inmates on “Orange Is the New Black.” In lieu of formal episode recaps, which don’t really make sense when you binge watch, I thought we’d discuss the big-picture narrative arcs instead. And, just as we can all watch the show at our own pace (or all in one day like a crazy person like me), I expect to put these out at random intervals as well. I’d love to hear your thoughts, as always – this is a Safe Place. But, sorry, I don’t have any cookies.

Let us start where it all started. With the reason we met all these complex, beautiful, damaged, fascinating, troubled, magnificent women in the first place. Piper fucking Chapman. This could have so easily have just been a fish-out-of-water story. That it went beyond its simple set up – upper-class, educated white woman goes to jail – to become the richest portrayal of diverse female characters on television today is a testament to its creator, its cast and its writers.

Still, love her or hate her, we owe it all to Piper. She cracked open the door to reveal the wonders (and horrors) that awaited us at Litchfield Federal Penitentiary. But the story is no longer just about her, and therein lies the true strength of this amazing show. And by taking the spotlight away from Piper, it has made Piper a so much more interesting character. Less really is more. The Piper we met when she was first handed her orange uniform, by her own admission, is not the Piper we see today. She is changed – and, despite everything awful that has happened to her, it is for the better.

When you peel back all the artifice we surround ourselves with – our fancy clothes, our college degree, our artisanal soaps – what lies beneath is the raw truth of our lives. How we navigate our way in this world, how we treat other people. What matters is never, really, what we think matters. The car, the house, the country club membership. Who gives a flying shit about any of it. Take that away and we’re all just people passing time, trying the best we can – or not.

Piper isn’t perfect. She’s needy and co-dependent and privileged. She does things she shouldn’t be proud of, for her own selfish means. But then she does other things that show how much she is starting to own up to her own bullshit. She doesn’t give a flying fuck if Larry (Ugh, Larry) keeps her website updated anymore, and that matters. As she tells her father, who has never once visited her in prison, during her furlough:

Mr. Chapman: You are my little girl, that woman in there, that’s not who you are.
Piper: That is exactly who I am.

And then to the older couple at the reception:

Older Couple: We’re sure you’re anxious to return to your old self.
Piper: I’m not, actually.

Plus, holy shit, they could teach a whole class on the complex motivations behind Piper’s decision to contact Alex’s probation officer. Is she protecting her from the drug lord’s retribution? Is she being selfish again to have her close? Was it good? Was it bad? Is it everything all at once? I know, I know – mostly you just don’t care because you’re happy it means the return of Alex Vause. Believe me, I feel you on that.

In the end, Piper Chapman may well be the least interesting woman at Litchfield Federal Penitentiary. But she is getting more worth caring about with each passing day. And that, in the end, is what matters.

Behind the Orange

Did you know Jodie Foster directed the second season premiere of “Orange Is the New Black?” (She also directed the third episode, “Lesbian Request Denied,” of the first season). And, yes, I saw you in there, too, Rebecca Drysdale.

Much more on OITNB and my complete thoughts on the second season coming tomorrow. For now, please enjoy this photo of Jodie Foster and Laura Prepon having a hot lady in glasses off.

p.s. In this photo I’m assuming she is giving Taylor Schilling tips on proper technique for Episode 10. Kidding, kidding – sort of.

My Weekend Crush

Every inmate dance now. If by some chance yesterday you didn’t see the first full trailer for Season 2 of “Orange Is the New Black,” I envy you the momentary anticipation before you click the play button right now. If you have already watched it, multiple times, like me I don’t envy you the burning agony of knowing how far away June 6 is. Having viewed the clip many (many, many, many) times, I have a few key thoughts.



1. Damn, Piper.

Time in the SHU has left our girl a changed woman.

2. Dayum, Vee.

Hot damn, am I excited for a new badass to make things interesting.

3. Aw, damn, Alex.

So far the split-second shot of Alex looks to be in flashback.

Netflix also released some new production stills from the season. Looks like the shot of Piper and Alex is from the same scene in the trailer.



(You can check out some more of the images here.)

Oh, and here’s a little tease from the cast. As with the show, there’s too much Larry. Dammit, June 6 is also too far away. Happy weekend, all.