Free To Be...

So ABC Family, indisputable the best channel on basic cable television and perhaps televisions in general for LGBT representation, is changing its name to … wait for it … Freeform. The new rebranding is meant to reflect the channels, um, freeform approach to programming aimed squarely at what they call the new (network-coined) “Becomers” life stage. In short, it means anyone – regardless of age – who thinks/tweets/Instagrams like a millennial and/or whatever the next most highly sought after advertising target groups will be called.

As far as names of channels go Freeform is purposefully amorphous and pretty ridiculous. What does it mean? Who the hell knows! But the good news is the channel will continue its programming aimed – most solidly – at young women age 14-34. And the best news about that age group is they love shows with great LGBT representation. “Pretty Little Liars,” “The Fosters,” “Switched at Birth” and (cue wah-wah sound) the just cancelled “Chasing Life.”

But, all joking aside, the ABC Family name really didn’t convey the channel’s approach to programming anymore. So a rebrand in that regard makes sense. But what I love most about this entire evolution is that the gayest channel on basic cable television was founded by televangelist and noted bigot Pat Robertson as the Christian network The Family Channel back in the 70s. But today, we happily accept that “family” encompasses gay teenagers, lesbian moms and everyone else on the sexual otherness spectrum. Now that is truly ironic, and not the Alanis Morissette kind.

I can only ABC Family went with Freeform because ABC WhateverFloatsYourBoat and ABC TooGayToFunction tested poorly with focus groups. Still, whatever you call it, ABC Family/Freeform is still the channel that gave us an uninterrupted 3 minutes and 22 seconds of Emily Fields making out with girls. Welcome to brave new Freeform world, America. You’re gonna like it here.

p.s. Holy lesbianism, Batman, how does that video not have 900 million views already?

Tank Top Tuesday

Each time I post a Tank Top Tuesday I struggle to find a theme. The universal theme is hotness, because ladies in tank tops are hot. Duh. But specificity is also important. So if the family is hot, then the genus is brunettes. Sorry blondes, sometimes we’re the ones having more fun. But wait, there’s more. If the kingdom is hot and the genus is brunettes, the species would be tasteful black and whites. Hey, I didn’t make the hierarchy of biological classification, I just put things into their place. Or that was a really long-winded excuse to post Shay Mitchell in her tank top on the beach. And all these other hot, brunettes in black and white. Just keeping it orderly.

Emmanuelle Vaugier

I continue to feel inconsolable about the end of “Lost Girl,” and it hasn’t even started yet.

Angie Harmon

I am considerably less bereft about the cliffhanger on “Rizzoli & Isles.” It’s not like they are going to rename the show “Isles & Her Wikipedia-Like Memory.“

Julia Ormond

Apparently she’s on some Lifetime show about witches. I haven’t watched and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

Hettienne Park

She is definitely on that show about the cannibalistic serial killer. I haven’t watched that either, but only because I can’t spare the nightmares.

Kristin Scott Thomas

Remember when she said she was a lesbian once in college? That’s back when we all still thought Hugh Grant was charming.

Juliette Binoche

I fear I’m probably getting my hopes up too much about her lesbianing together with K-Stew in “Clouds of Sils Maria.” But a gal can dream.

Jada Pinkett Smith

I still don’t understand her speech pattern on “Gotham,” but I do appreciate her swagger. The lady brings her own bat.

Tank Top Tuesday: Play Gay Edition

You know what gay ladies love? Well, lots of things, really. But besides cats, tea, recreational sporting events and other ladies in general, what gay ladies really love is are actresses who play us on TV (or movies, but come on everyone eventually watches movies on their TV so potayto/potahto – say that last bit out lout in your head). So thought I’d give a few of these fine thespian ladies the old tank top salute and thank them for their faithful, super gay service. A very small sampling of the ladies who will happily play gay for fun and profit. Also, who doesn’t like looking at pictures of Piper Perabo? She has a Twitter now, by the way – and has already tweeted Lena. Sigh. Now off to watch that movie on my TV again.

Rutina Wesley

Did you watch the “True Blood” season premiere? No spoilers, but holy shit.

Famke Janssen

Remember when she made out with Kelly Preston in “Eulogy?” Of course you do.

Megan Follows

Remember when she was a gay lady making Kerry Weaver feel uncomfortable on “ER?” Maybe not, but thank heavens there’s video.

Berta Hernández

I didn’t keep up with “Tierra de lobos” like I should have. Is everyone still a lesbian, and alive?

Shay Mitchell

I’m pretty sure burning that plaid shirt in the Season 3 premiere of “Pretty Little Liars,” was a major felony in lesbian court. But having met Shay, I can safely say we should forgive her anything ever on the planet.

Charlize Theron

Saw “Prometheus” over the weekend. Eh. Guess now I am holding out my high heroine hope for “Brave.”

Naomi Watts

“Mulholland Drive” remains one of the hottest/most confusing movies ever.

Allison McAtee

“Bloomington” wasn’t really a great movie. But it did give legions of budding lesbians hope that their college would be filled with lascivious professors like Catherine.

Evan Rachel Wood

In order of my favorite gay roles for EVR ERW I’d have to go “Once & Again,” “True Blood” and then “Thirteen.” But, really, they’re all pretty close. Also, dammit, I still miss Queen Sophie-Anne.

Vacation Vixen: Shay Mitchell

You might not watch “Pretty Little Liars,” but maybe you should. (p.s. It returns tonight at 8 p.m. on ABC Family)

Lesbians for Ezbian

We’re here, we’re queer, we’re Ezbian lovers! If you love “Pretty Little Liars.” Or if you love Anne Shirley and therefore anyone who looks like Gilbert Blythe. Or if you just love really awesome T-shirts. Man, do I have the deal for you. My genius friend Heather Hogan has made the cast and crew of “Pretty Little Liars” fans of her equally genius recaps. And, as fans of the recaps, they’ve come to know her recap lingo. Risen Mitten = A. Boo Radley Van Cullen = Toby Cavanaugh. Ezbian = Ezra Fitz, the Gilbert Blythe doppelganger with lesbian tendencies. And, you might also come to know that the cast is really responsive to fans. So after Ian Harding, who plays Ezra, gave his stamp of approval to the “Ezbian” label, naturally, a call for a T-shirt suggesting such was made.

Ian and TV lesbian Shay Mitchell provided the action shot.

Heather provided the T-shirt design.

And, voila, the official “Ezbian Loves Lesbians” T-shirt was born.

Not only is it a kick-ass T-shirt, it’s a kick-ass T-shirt for a good cause. Heather is donating all proceeds to The Trevor Project.

Buy your very own T-shirt here. Well, what are you waiting for? Show you Ezbian pride, ladies and discerning gentlemen.

p.s. In case you’re hankering for some TV lesbian on TV lesbian interaction, please relive the most cotton-mouth inducing scene in “Pretty Little Liars” history. How Samara had enough saliva left to utter a single word after that display, I have no idea.

p.p.s. Who wants to draft Heather into starting a T-shirt business? Accepting petition signatures below.

SGALGG: Hanily Edition

Lots of co-stars get along. And thank heavens for that, because not everyone is a good enough actor to fake it through a whole season of TV. But some, they’re especially close. Like Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals close. Like Achele close. OK, I can’t think of a close than Achele. But Hanily is pretty darn close. That is Hanna and Emily from “Pretty Little Liars.” Co-stars Shay Mitchell and Ashley Benson are by all appearances great friends on set and off. And when I say by all appearances, I mean by all of the pictures they tweet out. Seriously, those two take more pictures together than most married couples I know. Think I’m kidding? I am so not.

Here they are all splendor in the grass.
And here they are again.
And again.
And, yes, again.
Also, have you noticed Ashley is almost always on the left and Shay on the right? I mean, come on, they even have their own sides. Hell, they even have themes.

With Sunglasses
With Food
With Costumes/Outfits
With Ashley on the Right

Heck, Ashley even ships their characters together. When asked by Just Jared Jr. who Hanna should end up with, she made Hanily shippers hearts go pitter patter.

JJJ: Who does Hanna really belong with?
AB: Caleb! No, Emily, I mean…(laughs)

Look, I liked Maya and I liked Paige and Samara is, well, blonde. But “Pretty Little Liars” should really consider making Hanily happen. Because you can’t fake chemistry like this. Also, no lying, aren’t they just the prettiest little couple ever?

Tank Top Tuesday: Gay it Forward

You know, I’m supposed to notice Stephanie March’s big yellow bandana. Because, you know, it’s yellow. But you know what I notice, well, besides the tank top? Her watch. That’s a big gay watch. Now, of course, I know Stephanie isn’t gay. She’s got Bobby freaking Flay cooking for her at home. But, she does play gay convincingly (as the brilliant plastics engineer slash lesbian on “30 Rock”). And, of course, gives good subtext with one Det. Olivia Benson. So, wait, where was I going with this? Oh right, those who play gay for our pleasure. Sometimes, they also wear pretty gay things for our pleasure, too. Like watches. And, of course, my personal favorite – tank tops.

Elizabeth MitchellElizabeth has earned the honorary hot plate for playing gay not once, not twice but three times. If she does a fourth, I say we have it bronzed.

Penelope CruzPenelope has only done it twice for us – but it was Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson, respectively. So, you know, good job.

Charlize TheronFine, so also played a lesbian serial killer. But, you know, nobody’s perfect.

Shay MitchellPoor dear, “A” made Emily a juicer. Though on the plus side, think of the muscle definition.

Patricia ClarksonSometimes I still expect her to talk with a German slur, like Greta from “High Art.”

Zoe SaldanaShe got to make out with Mila Kunis before it was Oscar-worthy to make out with Mila Kunis.

Piper PeraboAlso a twofer, but let’s be honest, we’ll love her forever just for kissing Lena.

Jenny ShimizuShe doesn’t have to play. She just is. My, is she ever.

Thanks for gaying it forward, ladies. And, yes, the tank tops.

EDIT: Looks like Piper and Penelope get their honorary hot plates as well for making the third time the charm. We anxiously await their fourth.

Tank Top Tuesday: Summer TV Edition

You know what I love? Summer TV. I mean, I love TV in general, clearly. But summer TV is a breed unto itself. When I was a kid I don’t really recall having a summer TV season. We called it reruns. But now we’ve got entire shows that only come on when the temperature rises. And something about running in the summer, perhaps the heat or the fact that people are daydreaming about vacation, that makes them more fun. There’s a wink and a nod involved in some of the best summer shows. Leave the serious stuff for those cold, windy months. When the weather gets warm, the TV gets sunny. And when the weather gets warm, the stars of our favorite summer shows, like the lovely Mary-Louise Parker, have a habit of reaching for the tank tops. Like I was saying, I love summer TV.

Mary McCormack, In Plain SightI’m not going to lie, I love all of the pregnancy boob humor the show has gone for this season.

Marsha Thomason, White CollarShe certainly put the “special” in special agent. I demand to see more of Diana and her girlfriend in their “shegulls nest.”

Piper Perabo, Covert AffairsIs it just me, or has this show greatly improved this season? I think it’s because Annie gets to be a real kick-ass agent now, instead of just a pawn used to get to her ex-boyfriend. Also, there’s been a tad less ridiculous running around in high heels.

Kiele Sanchez, The GladesThis show hits my crime procedural sweet spot. Charismatic leads, good chemistry and interesting yet not too scary cases. And Kiele is not exactly terrible to look at either.

Troian Bellisario, Pretty Little LiarsHer voice makes me want to commit a crime, which she will then try to solve. Please come hide in my bushes, Spencer. Wait, that sounded…just about right.

Shay Mitchell, Pretty Little LiarsFor someone freshly out, Emily sure has amassed quite a string of girlfriends already. Maya, Paige, Samara. Though, if you were a teenage lesbian who looked like Shay Mitchell, you wouldn’t be single long either.

Kristin Bauer & friend Liz Vassey, True BloodIn honor of Pam, I declare “think of Estonia” as a new euphemism for cunnilingus.

Rutina Wesley, True BloodOn that note, I’m so glad Tara is thinking of Estonia this season. So glad.

Sasha Alexander, Rizzoli & IslesOh, Dr. Isles. How I’ve missed you and your high femme flirty ways.

Check out AfterEllen.com later today for the return of my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps.