Rizzoli Wherefore Art Thou?

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Since we’re going behind the scenes of beloved shows, let’s pour a little out for “Rizzoli & Isles.” It’s been 15 years since the show premiered, which holy fuck. And as much as I wish they’d finally create a mainstream show with an authentically queer tomboy lead, I’ll take a little Jane Rizzoli being Jane Rizzoli at a wedding any day of the week. And twice on Sunday. Man, I miss those recaps.

Throwback Gayzzoli

Cue “Memories” and grab your Aviators of Sexy Justice. Angie Harmon (at least her voice, and what a voice that is - more on that later) is back! Det. Jane Rizzoli may only live on in our hearts, dreams and rerun marathons, but Angie is bringing her voice back to television to narrate the true-crime docuseries “Cellmate Secrets” for Lifetime. Yes, you can her That Voice narrate a new murder show. Granted, I’d listen to Angie read a phonebook. (Which, for the youths, was a physical paper product that took everyone’s home landline telephone numbers and published them in a bound catalogue that was then thrown onto your doorstep once a year by the telephone company. In short, this is how you Googled someone before Google.) So, definitely I’d listen to her talk about infamous, high-profile crimes? Obviously. And that’s not just because I’m tickled that Angie herself remembers and misses The Ponytail of Righteous Justice. Oh, the good old Gayzzoli days.

p.s. I know the subtext recaps have poofed off that site that shall not be named. And I’ve received questions about accessing them. I am searching to see if I have all the original copy and screencaps. I can’t promise you anything, but maybe one day I could find them a new permanent home. One day.

I Just Called To Say...

Kittens, today marks the year anniversary of the end of “Rizzoli & Isles.” And, yeah, I still miss that show and its crazy, insane, totally gay chemistry. No, the cases didn’t make sense. No, the police procedure wasn’t right. No, I have no idea why didn’t just give in and make Jane and Maura a couple. But despite it all it was still ridiculously fun chronicling seven years worth of Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching, Eye Sex, Ponytails of Righteous Justice, Aviators of Sexy Justice, Adorable Bickersons and, of course, the Synchronized “Rizzoli” and “Isles” Phone Greetings. And, of course, we'll always gave the Subtext Recaps. Ah, the memories.

Miss Them Bad (Badly)

I can’t help it, I miss Jane and Maura. I miss them so much. “Rizzoli & Isles” was such a silly show with such spectacular chemistry and such stupendously likeable stars. I could watch all the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching, Eye Sex, Ponytails of Righteous Justices and the rest forever. I really, really could.

p.s. Oh well, at least we’ll always have The Lesbian Subtext Recaps.

Vacation Vixen: Angie Harmon

Fine, I miss this silly show. I miss watching Det. Jane Rizzoli catch bad buys with her Ponytail of Righteous Justice blazing. I miss watching Dr. Maura Isles recite obscure technical factoids. I miss the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching and Eye Sex and Big Gayzzoli Endings. And, damn, do I miss the Aviators of Sexy Justice. Oh well, there are always the memories. And the DVDs. And the recaps.

My Weekend Gayzzoli

So we begin as we ended. With Jane and Maura in bed and in love. My final “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap is up on AfterEllen today. I’ve spent seven years writing about this sometimes silly, sometimes wonderful, sometimes frustrating show in all its subtext glory. Why? Because the chemistry demanded it, and because it was damn fun. Being involved in the Rizzles fandom has been a true honor and a privilege. Sure, many people scoff at subtext. But I think for any underrepresented group – no matter how our visibility improves – subtext is an acknowledgment that we will always try to bend the world more to our image and our liking. It doesn’t mean we’re settling, it means we will always dreaming of more. Thanks for reading all this time. Thanks for believing and laughing and loving these women with me. Happy weekend and end of Gayzzoli, all.

p.s. You can read the final recap, and the entire seven-season run, here.

The Big Gayzzoli Ending

Well here we are. Tonight is the night. Last chance to follow (and tweet) along to see The Big Gayzzoli Ending. Do I have high hopes for the Gayzzoli? No, not at all. But We have seen it through the start to the finish together. And I intend to go down rooting for this ship, no matter what the writers have in store. Because, of course, this was never about what the show wanted. It was about what the chemistry demanded. And it was about what our hearts and imaginations desired. So, please enjoy and let us tweet along with #gayzzoli one last time together.

Uh-oh, Rizzles

Is it any wonder I have been taking longer to write the "Rizzoli & Isles" Subtext Recaps for this, its final run? Maybe I am trying to savor the moment. Maybe I am getting lost in my own moments. Mostly I can't believe there are only eight episodes left. Siiiigh. Thanks for reading all the recaps. New one up at AfterEllen later today tomorrow.

Going, Going, Gayzzoli

And we’re back. So starts the final season of Rizzles. The last of the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. The end of the eye sex. Kidding, Jane and Maura will be having eye sex until the sun swallows the Earth and then collapses into itself into a white hot ball of nothingness. And then even a little bit longer. But I do feel sad that this is the beginning of the end for “Rizzoli & Isles.” For all of its ridiculous flaws it is just a turn off your bran, enjoy the chemistry fun hour of television. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

So please, won’t you join along with me as along with the final “Rizzoli & Isles” episodes come the final “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recaps. Episodes 701 and 702 are up today on AfterEllen. Thanks, for following them all these years. I hope you had even half as much reading them as I did writing them.

Check them out here:

Your 701 Gayzzoli Recap

Your 702 Gayzzoli Recap

Call Me, Rizzles

So “Rizzoli & Isles” is back tomorrow for six episodes to round out season six (the symmetry, the beautiful symmetry). Then, this summer, it should start its final season. Siiigh. Well, we’ll always have the fan videos. This one, in particular, is delightful. Thanks, @kabensi. Proper ringtone selection is an art, Jane. An art.

p.s. As always, subtext recaps will be up on Thursdays on AfterEllen.

Rizzles Out

So, that’s that. After its upcoming seventh season “Rizzoli & Isles” is ending. The ratings stalwart for TNT has been cancelled to make way for more prestigious and edgy fare. New TNT/TBS network chief Kevin Reilly is shaking up the Turner brand entirely. Gone are popular, if not entirely critically acclaimed, shows like “Rizzoli & Isles,” in are more “muscular” FX-style shows. (Oh, have I mentioned Reilly is also the former FX chief?)

You know what that sounds like to me? Bye, shows that lots of chicks like. Hello, shows that dudes and (often) dude critics like.

Sorry, maybe I’m just being cranky at this news. A show starring two female leads and created (and currently run by) female showrunners – not to mentioned based on characters created by a female author – is such a rarity it’s deeply personal to see one go.

Also, duh, I enjoy the show. Sure, it’s not “The Sopranos” or “Breaking Bad” or Mad Men” or “The Wire” or “Game of Thrones” or anything else that has launched a million thinkpieces. But it’s a fun show and easy to watch build entirely on cast chemistry. There’s no shame in liking that.

So what will replace “Rizzoli & Isles,” which is should be noted has been TNT’s second-most-watched show in its history behind only “The Closer?”

One of the first programming announcements is a two-hour horror block led by an M. Night Shyamalan (who is a dude) reboot of “Tales from the Crypt.” Then there’s also “Animal Behavior (created by a dude),” a series about a 17-year-old boy who moves in with his crazy crime family relatives. And “Good Behavior” starring “Downton Abbey” star Michelle Dockery as con artist recently released from prison (based on a book series written by a dude and showrun by a dude) – but hey, the lead is definitely a lady. Also in production is “The Alientist” (based on a book by a dude, created by the dude who helped produce and direct “True Detective” and two other dude co-screenwriters).

Got it, dudes. Like I said, I’m a little grumpy. I’m grumpy because a fun show I like is going off the air (the second in the last year – sniffle, oh, “Lost Girl,” I miss you so) to be replaced by serious things for serious people (often dudes). I’m grumpy because the reason for its dismissal has nothing to do with poor performance and everything to do with the chase for buzz. (I get it, “Rizzoli & Isles” has negative buzz, except among us gay ladies who buzz about its gay potential). And finally I’m grumpy because its end spells the end of the dream of Rizzles.

While I never expected it to happen, there was always the fantasy that if the show went on long enough finally they’d just stop throwing men at the ladies, throw up their hands and throw the ladies at each other as chemistry demands. Sure, it was a long shot. Sure, it was never the plan. But, hey, we can dream. And now, with 13 episodes to wrap things up, that Big Gayzzoli Ending seems an impossibility.

But, goodness, imagine if they did. And wouldn’t that be the most delicious irony? That there, at the very end, it was finally “edgy.”

Head West, Young Rizzles

This is, quite literally, how I see every single episode. So now as we head into the (almost) summer finale tonight, please join me in watching one more time through rainbow-colored glasses. Looks like this week our Boston married couple will be headed out my way, to California. Cue Jane and Maura’s romantic stroll on the beach.

p.s. Don’t forget to catch up on the entire season with my Gayzzoli Recaps on Afterellen.

p.p.s. Oops. I could have sworn this was the finale. They're always mixing up the schedule on this show. 

Storyline D.O.A.

Why did Senior Criminalist Susie Chang have to die? Good question, strange question. It’s a question I asked loudly two weeks ago in my recap when the episode first aired. A question we were all basically guessing at wildly for the whole week after it happened…until. Until the actress herself Tina Huang addressed it in an interview with Talk Nerdy With Us last week. So, how was this decision made? Did the actress want out? Had she booked another project? Was Was it anything other than a creative decision by the writers to kill of yet another – albeit this time for less sadly mandatory reasons – longtime character from this series?

So here is Tina’s answer to whether she knew about Susie’s death going into Season 6:

“I actually did. Jan and everybody at TNT handled it so professionally. I knew pretty early on but of course I didn’t want to spoil it for the fans and that was a really difficult secret to keep under wraps. The Susie character is such a fun lovable character that Jan Nash (the show runner) is very, very sensitive about. She called me and we were all really upset to see this character go. At the same time I think the story opens the world up to interesting story lines for the other characters to go through that grieving process. I knew pretty early on. The writers and directors of the episode called me and we all spoke privately.”

So, there you have it. It was a creative choice by the writers. Siiiiigh.

Writers have every right to write whatever stories they want. But the decision by a show built largely on cast chemistry to kill off another recurring, and – may I also say – beloved, character kind of baffles me. Yes, I get this is could be some big arc they want to have about grieving. But, dude, we already did that – and in very real, very sad life with Det. Barry Frost. So unless her death is part of a larger mystery that becomes a overarching plot this season, I just don’t get it.

Also, if her death was so integral to this season, why in the very next episode afterward, was there not one single, solitary mention of her, her passing or her absence from the crime lab? Hey, this person we supposedly like, respect and see every day in the office was murdered. Let’s all eat zeppole and ignore it!

Maybe they’ll get back to it this week. The writing staff was actually extremely sensitive and respectful in its handling of Lee Thompson Young’s unexpected death last season. But, then again, that makes me wonder why they want to revisit such a similarly emotional storyline. We’ve seen these people grieve – and for horrible real reasons. Why do it to us again?

The other thing about this decision that really drives me nuts is its essential halves the show’s diversity. Now we only have poor Nina Holiday to carry the torch. And – whether intentionally or not – they’ve basically added a white male while taking away a woman of color from the cast. Now the addition of Kent Drake to the crime lab smacks of a replacement for Susie Chang. And, as an Asian-American woman myself, I hate to see another character like Susie go. There are so few of us already. Why not give us our own (living) storylines instead of making our deaths catalysts for storylines in other (white) characters?

Like I was saying, siiiigh. Who knows, maybe it’ll all pay out fine. But for now, I’m left wondering what possible “interesting story lines” could be opened by these developments that seem worth this loss.

Who ya gonna call?

Ask and ye shall receive from The Internets. And just in time for gayzzoli. Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a glorious mastercut of Det. Jane Rizzoli and Dr. Maura Isles performing their signature “Rizzoli” and “Isles” synchronized phone greetings. That series of tubes never fails to amaze. [Hat tip, @loudestdork!]

p.s. Don’t forget to check out my Gayzzoli Recaps up at AfterEllen on Thursdays this season.

Let's Hug It Out

So, today might be the day. Or today might not be the day. You never know with the damn Supreme Court. But whether SCOTUS gives its same-sex marriage ruling today or not, the one thing I can guarantee is if you pop on over to AfterEllen you will find a brand new “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap for your reading pleasure. Sure, there might have not been a ton to work with in the Season 6 premiere, but we work with what we’ve got. So kindly head on over and leave a comment over on the recap if you would be so kind. I gayzzoli for you. Fine, also for me. It just makes watching this silly show more fun.

p.s. If SCOTUS does rule today, expect more celebratory gifs. As you can see, I just figured out how to ad captions.

Back to Gayzzoli

And they’re back. Yes, it seems hard to believe but we’re six seasons in and this totally gay, not gay pas de deux between one Det. Jane Rizzoli and one Dr. Maura Isles continues. But here we are, back for a new season. Ready for more gayzzoli. Eager for any eye sex. Still tickled by the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. I’ve always said I was in it for the fun of it all. While it would be nice if they eventually gave in to the undeniable chemistry, I have no illusions that this will happen anytime soon. So for me, it’s about molding the stories into what we really want to see. And, again, it’s another of those rare shows revolving entirely around female leads. Because – as silly as the crimes and stories may seem sometimes – there is just something so indisputably likeable about these women together. Now, if only they’d see it, too.



Plus, it seems like a pretty fun set. Also don’t forget to use #gayzzoli in your live tweets and look for the subtext recaps Thursday on AfterEllen.

Holy Moly, Gayzzoli

http://dorothy-snarker.tumblr.com/post/113769826685/jobethdalloway-feltknickers

With that, please enjoy the back-to-back recaps (way to make a recapper's job tougher, TNT, by burning off the final two episodes on the same night) over at AfterEllen today.

p.s. No, I did not watch Sasha's episode of Shameless. Yes, I did see the, um, pertinent scenes with Sasha in them. Hello.

Back for More

It’s baaaaaaack! So I guess Jane didn’t down. Big shocker, right? Anywaaaay. I thought they were just coming back for three episodes, but it looks like there’ll be six. (I’m not crazy, they added episodes because the original episode order for Season 5 was only 15 episodes. I swear.) But, you know, the more the merrier. So, of course, the return of Jane & Maura & Co. means the return of Gayzzoli. Subtext recaps will fire up again this week, so check back at AfterEllen on Thursdays for all the eye sex, Totally Gratuitous Totally Gay Touching, random sleepovers et al. I can’t say what the remaining six episodes of the season will bring. But we can guess given some of the new promo photos. And by guess I say imagine the gayest scenario possible. Duh.


Wow, I mean, presume much? We never agreed to a foursome, so get off that table and put your clothes back on, OK.


I knew it! I knew it! Prof. Jack Beard was on an assignment all along and now he is ready for his treatment. This whole relationship with Maura was just for an episode of “Dollhouse.”


Jane, just because we’re both wearing gloves doesn’t mean we can slip away to a backroom. Dead body, remember? Priorities, remember? *slips off to backroom to make good use of the gloves anyway*


Jane is drinking wine. Jane is drinking wine for Maura. Jane really wants sex. From Maura.

Sorry, I’m a little rusty. But, you know what they say, subtext recapping is just like riding a bike. Fine, no one says that.

My Weekend Crush

So, looks like I’ll be recapping these ladies giving each other serious Eye Sex for another season. As much as I know – and do not expect – these two to actually become a couple, the way they look at each other. Lord. Have. Mercy. If the producers of “Rizzoli & Isles” had any eyes in their head they’d just give in to the chemistry and start “going with the flow,” to quote one DSI Stella Gibson. Now there is a woman who knows how go after what she wants. Like I was saying, this show is so…



May these two get on the elevator together, like Reed Smith should have. Get Happy weekend, all.

Vacation Vixen: Rizzles

I rather enjoyed this summer season. I mean, not the finale – which came with its now-requisite totally unsurprising cliffhanger wherein Jane risks her life to save someone else. (Must be Tuesday!) But I thought the crimes were (a tad) more interesting and the stories were (a tad) more believable. And, yes, there was the ever-present chemistry, which is and will always be why I watch. Yes, Jack is terrible and we are all very glad he has landed another TV show. (Nothing against Enver, but he has zero chemistry with Sasha. ZERO.) Now that my vacation is (almost) over I’ll have the very late Subtext Recap for the finale up today (or early tomorrow – depending how much work I get done on the plane) over at AfterEllen. Thanks for watching another season of the Gayzzoli with me. And thanks for being patient. Cheers, Rizzles Gals. See you again in February when Jane (gasp) survives.