In the waning days of 2016, as the light fades and a future filled with only more darkness looms, let us remember the things we can always rely on. The majority of Americans did not want The Hate Pumpkin to be president, by 2.84 million votes. Cate Blanchett’s existence is proof there is a higher power and she wants lesbians to be happy. And vintage Hollywood female stars in tuxedos make almost anything better. At least for a little while.
Doris Day
Josephine Baker
Constance Cummings
Mary Pickford
Gloria Swanson
Anna May Wong
Marlene Dietrich
Please, like one of these could end without Marlene.
p.s. I am not a smoker. Nor do I encourage smoking. But the picture in question is nearly 90 years old. So please take it in the historical context it was posted. Also don't smoke. The end.
How we love our furbabies. Sometimes all a gay gal needs is her cat. Or her dog. Or whatever furbaby makes her happy. Though some vintage shot of legendary lady celebrities with their pups and pusses isn’t bad either. Some celebs, like Elizabeth Taylor above, clearly can’t decide between their canine and feline friends. Others have taken sides. So please snuggle up to your own fury friends and enjoy the puppy/kitty/et al love.
TEAM CAT:
Bette Davis
Judy Garland
Lauren Bacall
Sophia Loren
Cher
TEAM DOG:
Billie Holiday
Brigitte Bardot
Jayne Mansfield
Josephine Baker
Marilyn Monroe
TEAM DEER:
Audrey Hepburn
Frida Kahlo
So, fess up. Are you Team Cat? Team Dog? Team Both? Though, come on, is Team Deer really a thing?
How about we class up this joint, eh? And nothing’s classier than a fine-looking lady in menswear. And if that fine-looking lady is from a bygone era, well, all the better. Vintage gender fuck is, let’s be honest, some of the greatest gender fuck. But don’t take my word for it. Let Katharine Hepburn and friends show you.
What does a lesbian look like, exactly? It’s a good question without a good answer. Because anyone who tells you he or she knows exactly what a lesbian looks like is wrong. Sure, we can generalize. I, myself, have a propensity for plaid shirts and Doc Martens. But that doesn’t mean al ladies who love ladies wear plaid and Docs or have alternative lifestyle haircuts or prefer cargo shorts and love blazers or own a closet full of clothing covered in cat hair.
So then, it’s particularly galling when people in positions of power who certainly should know better say incredibly stupid things about what lesbians look like. Like Florida Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll who is currently embroiled in a lesbian sex scandal of her own. A fired former employee claims she caught the Republican Lt. Gov. and her travel aide in vag-rante* delicto (*because she was under her skirt at her, oh you know) in her office. The Lt. Gov has denied this claim, in possibly the stupidest way possible to deny this claim. Of, just watch for yourself.
In case you missed it: “Usually black women that look like me don’t engage in relationships like that.” Oh, really? What do black women who do engage in relationships like that look like? Wanda Sykes? Tracy Chapman? Jasika Nicole? Meshell Ndegeocello? Alice Walker? Sheryl Swoopes? Please, I am dying to know. Sigh. The Huffington Post has made a nice response slideshow to this general idiotry thank to the Twitter hashtag #ThisIsWhatALesbianLooksLike. It’s well worth a look (and I even recognize some of your lovely face in there – hey girl!) Guess it’s time for a reminder. Lesbians look like a lot of things Women who love women come in all colors and shapes and sizes and clothing choices. Believe me, it would be a lot easier to find a date if we all looked the same and could identify each other more readily in a crowd. But as is we need to rely on shaky gaydar and that fool-proof strategy of steadfastly refusing to make eye contact while passively hoping that cute girl at the bar will come over and say hi. Because I sure can’t find the common visual trait between all these lesbian and bisexual women. Except they’re all beautiful women and think other women are beautiful.
I don’t know why, perhaps it was researching the great Greta last week, but I’ve been in a retro mood lately. Last Thursday we had The Original Gender Fuck Fatale, Marlene Dietrich. But Marlene wasn’t the only lady back in the day who could mess with what is masculine. Let’s face it, women in suits and menswear are hot now, then and forever. Another look back, in wonder.
Josephine BakerAmelia Earhart(Young) Joan CrawfordClara BowCarole LombardLauren BacallKatharine HepburnGreta Garbo
