SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Go Emmys, it’s your SGALGG Day. Go Emmys, it’s your SGALGG Day. Look, sometimes I run out of smart things to say. But, luckily, not out of things to show you. So here, without further ado-ing, your 2018 Emmy Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals.

Rachel Brosnahan Claire Foy, Tiffany Haddish & Angela Bassett

Is it just me, or does this look like Tiffany and Angela are inviting Rachel* to the most amazing threesome ever?

*Damn, Rachel and Claire were both working that short, slicked back brunette thing so from the side I sleepily mistook them. So they should probably make it a foursome is all I am saying.

Sandra Oh & Jessica Biel

Look out, Justin. Sandra is clearly explaining to Jessica the benefits of falling in obsessive love with a beautiful psychopathic assassin.

Amanda Crew & Suzanne Cryer

This feels like what Sporty Spice would wear to the Emmys if she came out and started dating Posh.

Angela Sarafyan & Stefani Robinson

Because I don’t know why Angela from “Westworld” and Stefani with “Atlanta” are posing together I’ll just assume it is because they are dating. Please don’t tell me otherwise.

Nina Kiri & Madeline Brewer

When you see your girlfriend on the red carpet looking super hot and neither of you are in Gilead.

Millie Bobbie Brown & Emilia Clarke

Fine, so Eleven and Daenerys aren’t doing anything particularly gay together. But both their characters project Big Dyke Energy, so there’s that.

Alex Borstein & Her Emmy

I mean, performing cunnilingus in public on your Emmy is also a pretty B.D.E. move.

Laurie Metcalf & Alex Borstein

Though, I guess Laurie Metcalf checking out your rack in front of everyone has a confidence boosting effect.

Chrissy Teigen & Gina Rodriguez

The moment you realize how great it feels to press your whole lady body against another whole lady body.

And now time for a brand new segment called “Straight Girls Acting Like Gay Gals With Sarah Paulson” or SGALGGWSP.

Sarah & Connie Britton

Connie to Sarah: “Look, we’d be great together in ‘American Horny Story’ is all I’m saying.”

Sarah & Claire Foy

Claire to Sarah: “Look, you’re the Supreme. I’m the Queen. We could really make this work.”

Sarah & Felicity Huffman

Felicity to Sarah: “Look, I’m not saying I’d do anything for you. But I was on a show with ‘Desperate’ in the title.”

Sarah & Jessica Biel

Jessica to Sarah: “Look, I’m really the one in the family who knows how to rock a body – if you know what I mean.”

Sarah & Holland

Holland to Sarah: “Look at those poor dears, like they ever had a chance.”

The Lesbo-less Mrs. Maisel

So, are they gonna go ahead and make Susie a lesbian in Season 2 or what? I really enjoyed the first season of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” It was fun and punchy and very funny. One of the things I’ve enjoyed most (beside Rachel Brosnahan’s everything as Midge) is Alex Borstein’s portrayal of Midge’s manager and obvious lesbian Susie Myerson. Now, there are a lot of things you could probably do to improve the show (chief among them adding more POC to the cast in significant roles and not just “Jazz Musician #2”), but giving Susie more of a backstory and owning up to her unmistakable queerness is right up there. I mean come on, look at Susie. She isn’t a 100-footer, she is a 200-footer. Also this is 1959 America. No woman dressed like back then that who isn’t an out proud gay lady. So, yeah, let’s get happy and witty and gay in Season 2, show.



p.s. Since they’re going to the Catskills there had better be at least one sly, “Nobody puts baby in a corner” reference.

p.p.s. I would also accept a joke about carrying watermelons.