My Weekend (High School) Crush

Sometimes you go into a show without any expectations and you leave feeling energized by the evocative power of a simple story told exceptionally well. “High School” is that rare series that draws you in through its sheer relatability, making it feel like a slice of your own life is being told even if you don’t grow up to be part of one of the most influential queer duos in music history. Based on the memoir by the same name by Canadian wonder twins Tegan and Sara, this sweet and unhurried story is sure to melt even the most cynical Gen Xers heart.

Now, perhaps I can relate so hard because this falls right into my generational sweet spot. But truly anyone with a firm memory of the 90s should feel instantly transported back to the era of flannel shirts, combat boots and perma scowls. Plus, if you’ve ever had a fraught relationship with a sibling growing up, you’ll recognize the push-pull that simmers under the surface between you and the person you’re probably closest to in the world, but also sometimes hate with every last fiber in your body.

What “High School” also does exceptionally well is capture the claustrophobia of being a closeted teen in the 90s. The ethereal thrill of like-liking someone for the first time. The stomach-churning panic of discovery because no one can know the person you like-like is a girl. The rush of your first queer crush is depicted in a way that is at once so specific yet also universal. We can all relate to the language of longing, but LGBTQ+ people especially will be transported back to the furtive thrill of first love.

Now, remember, this was before Ellen told the whole world, “Yep, I’m gay.” Before rainbow merch was easy to buy at Target. And before anyone running for president would even consider supporting same-sex marriage.

Now, I shouldn’t really have been surprised that “High School” is so good. The show was created by Clea DuVall (who is countless queer women’s root thanks to ber “But I’m a Cheerleader” days) along with Tegan and Sara with fellow writer Laura Kittrell (“Insecure,” “Black Monday”) and director Rebecca Asher (“Frankie & Grace,” “Raising Hope”). They’ve picked two very talented actresses in newcomers Railey and Seazynn Gililand who will instantly transport you back to the feeling of being a teenager again — for better or for worse.

Truly the only downside is this show is on the ridiculously named free streamer Freevee which most people don’t even know if they have, let alone ever heard of. (But, good news if you have Amazon Prime you already have it.)

The eight-episode series excels at depicting the angsty longing that was the hallmark of coming of age in the Grunge era. You’d also expect a show from two musicians to have an impeccably curated 90s soundtrack and “High School” delivers the mix tape of your dreams. Honestly, after watching the show, I’d recommend letting it play again in the background and letting the music wash over you like sonic nostalgia. (It also helps that the show spends a lot of time showing, less time telling and even less time talkings. It’s all 90s vibes, no filler.)

You can tell DuVall and her team have a deep respect for “My So-Called Life,” the one-season wonder of the mid-90s remains the gold standard for teenage coming of age shows. Like MSCL, “High School” excels at capturing the awkward searching of your teenage years while also offering a more rounded view that realizes these teenagers aren’t the only people on the planet. Also like MSCL, the show’s parents are given more to do than pour orange juice and ask when the kids will be home tonight. But then with Cobie Smulders playing their mother, how could they not. As she studies for her social work degree, her character Simone has her own career and stresses and dreams (including those of escape from it all, including her family).

In perhaps the show’s biggest hat tip to MSCL, in the pilot episode one of the characters invites the twins to a party by saying, “It’s gonna be the time of your life. Or at least a time of your life.” Those with great 90s memories will remember in the pilot episode of MSCL, Angela, Rayanne, and Rickie try to get into a club but end up drinking in the parking lot instead and are hit on by older guys who definitely should not be hitting on teenagers. The next day, Rayanne recounts the Very Big Adventure by saying, “I'm telling you! We had a time. Didn't we. Didn't we have a time.”

You will have a time with “High School,” you really will. Happy weekend, all.

How to Donate To My Little Life Implosion Fund:

Venmo: @Dorothy-Snarker
Paypal: idgie2@hotmail.com

Wonder Twins, Activate

Hey, remember like two years ago when we thought the pandemic was maybe slowing down and we got some really good gay news that made us even more hopeful? The news in question was that Tegan and Sara’s memoir about their high school years was getting turned into a TV series by Clea DuVall.

Well, fast forward today and the pandemic is slowing down (but I know enough to not say over because, hello, new variants) and again we get the good gay news that the project about everyone’s favorite singing lesbian twins is moving forward and has cast its twin leads.

Railey and Seazynn Gilliland were apparently found on TikTok, which — wow — does that make me feel old. Anyway, they’ll play T&S and Cobie Smulders and Kyle Bornheimer will play their parents (well, mom and her boyfriend. Yes, that Cobie Smulders. Bless this series for giving lesbians of a certain age someone age-appropriate to crush on.

I had to check, but I do get IMDb TV with my Prime subscription (I know, I know, *shakes fist* Jeff Bezos!). They start filming this week, but there’s no eta on when it might air. Did I mention it’ll be set in the grunge 90s and Cobie Smulders will play their mom? Yeah, clearly we’re watching.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Smulder-ing Edition

I’m always a little baffled by why Cobie Smulders isn’t on every queer gals Hall Pass list. (But you know, a theoretical list, not an actual list since the “Hall Pass” idea is dumb and generally unrealistic and likely sexist in origin, but I digress.) Anway, Cobie has that hot brunette with a great jawline thing going on which is a knee weakener for many of us (I blame/thank Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman).

Cobie has pinned her recent success to that other comics brand (Marvel) as that other female superhero (Agent Maria Hill) and done very well. Yet she somehow still eludes the mass adulation status à la your Cate Blanchetts or your Gillian Andersons among many queer gals. This is despite playing gay in some memorable roles from her appearance as the hot lesbian artist who made the dangerous baby mobile in the original “The L Word” run, or the hot bisexual private detective who made bad life decisions in the sadly cancelled “Stumptown.” The standalone episode where her Dex hooks up with a lady assassin? Come on, that was HOT.

Obviously, I could be wrong about my perception of the queer girl crush size on Cobie. But perhaps it was spending nine seasons on such an aggressively heterosexual show as “How I Met Your Mother” that left her a little off our radars. I mean, any show that turned Neil Patrick Harris into The Ultimate Bro is the heterosexual agenda, periodt.

So, in an effort to right our corrective courses when it comes to Cobie, here is her photoshoot from French fashion magazine L'Officiel’s Australian edition. Her appearance in a variety of suits should help remind people of her crushworthiness. Also, come on, her last name is Smulders. I mean, that’s just custom-made for smoldering (or should I say Smulder-ing) lesbo-hearththrobbery. That and all the suits.

Dumped Town

Damn, damn, damn, damn. In the scope of things, it’s just a (very, very) small injustice. But “Stumptown” getting cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic and its shutdown complications still majorly sucks. It was a fun, sometimes very fun (and quite queer), show with a strong cast and the very appealing Cobie Smulders. The show had actually already been renewed for a second season, but then coronavirus happened and the world upended and now it’s cancelled. So, thanks YOU BIG ORANGE TURD. Alas there’s another thing we can rightfully blame on that horrid excuse for a man and his criminally lethal (200,000 Americans, and counting) handling of the pandemic.

Now, Netlix, looks like it’s time to buy the show and bring it back even gayer. What? We can still dream, right? I mean, for now at least. Who knows with whatever SCOTUS we’ll have moving forward, dammit.

Seize the Dex

I really, really dig “Stumptown.” Most of why I really, really dig “Stumptown” has to do with how much I really, really dig Cobie Smulders as hard-boiled bisexual private detective with a secret heart of (damaged) gold Dex Parios.

It’s a fun little modern noir-lite procedural with just enough of an earnest side to make it hit home. And Cobie brings her signature unassuming swagger to the role. She’s entirely believable as a continually down on her luck, quietly dealing with PTSD, stubbornly ethical, ex-military intelligence badass with a hidden tender heart who happens to kiss (and have sex with) guys and gals.

My only criticisms of the show have to do with it still finding its footing on full representation. My first complaint is that for a series with a strong female star, it only has a small handful (like, seriously, two) other female character – who it should be noted are only recurring characters – with whom her character can regularly interact. All of the rest of the series regulars are men. So that’s a bit of a series regulars Bechdel Test fail.

My other complaint is that while they have had no problems representing Dex’s sexuality – showing her being attracted to and having sexual relationships with both men and women – they have had a problem representing those kinds of relationships equally. Alas, so far all of Dex’s sexytimes* with ladies have been one-offs. They’re the literal and figurative equivalent of one-night stands. Her character to this point has reserved her long-term onscreen relationships to men, exclusively.

But as I said from the start, I still I really dig “Stumptown.” And I really, really dig Cobie. But, as in life, nothing is above improvement.

p.s. One of the reasons I dig the show so much is that Dex’s sexytimes with the unfortunate assassin from a few weeks ago was among some of the better ladies flirting with other ladies on the small screen sexytimes scenes I’ve ever seen. No lie. I rewound it a, uh, couple times. Is it weird to hope that a cold-blooded killer returns sometime soon?



p.s. Yeah, I know you wanna watch after that. It airs Wednesdays on ABC or, you know, whenever on Hulu.

Lez Watch Fall TV

The new fall season of TV is like dating. All these shiny new options and no clue which ones will actually be worth it and which will be epic disasters. While I’ve never had to swipe right or left on a real person, I’ve committed to swiping right on these network TV shows. You may notice, true to form, I’ve only swiped on shows with female leads because, hello, have you met me? While I am well aware there may be other worthy and others with queer characters, these are the ones I’ve decided to take home, for better or worse.

“Stumptown”

I knew after the first episode that “Stumptown” and I were gonna work out. Why? Well, it’s got Cobie Smulders. It’s got Cobie Smulders playing a bisexual private investigator. It’s got Cobie Smulders playing a bisexual private investigator as created by Greg Rucka, the comic book artist you may know best for making Kate Kane/Batwoman and Renee Montoya super duper gay.

So, as you can see, that’s a lot of reasons to like “Stumptown” without even watching the show. But if you have watched the show you’ll know it’s a hard-boiled PI show with a big heart, plus a lot of getting punched in the face. Cobie, who most gay women have had a not-so-secret crush on since she showed up in a white tank top on “The L Word” to make Bette and Tina’s baby mobile/flirt shamelessly with Bette. In short, I basically can’t wait for this show each week and I super hope that have Cobie’s Dex hook up with a lady sometime pretty soon.

“Batwoman”

Please, like I wasn’t going to watch “Batwoman.” The clunky exposition of the pilot episode aside, “Batwoman” has become an enjoyable superhero show that takes itself a tad more seriously than “Supergirl” while injecting a lot of needed swagger into it’s heroine. That swagger all comes from Ruby Rose, who what she may lack in Shakespearean acting chops she makes up for in presence and smolder. I mean, the lady can smoulder really, really well.

And it got super gay right away, which is the least it could do considering Batwoman is the very first lesbian superhero to headline her own TV show. Let me repeat that, the very first lesbian superhero to headline her own TV show, It’s called Batwoman, about Batwoman, and Batwoman is gay. So while the Supreme Court mulls over whether we should have the right to work and not be fired for simply being who we are, TV has already decided that America willl watch a lesbian superhero work and kick ass every week.

“Evil”

To be completely honest, I’m not sure if I can recommend “Evil” just yet. I’ve also been trying out the show, but remain on the fence. I will tell you that I continue to watch because of a) Katja Herbers, and b) It’s actually genuinely scary. Like, for real, I had some nightmares about it last week. And I like the strong supporting cast, though it could certainly do with more regular female characters (who aren’t just Katja’s characters four - yes FOUR - daughters).

But what I don’t like as much is its ponderous religious philosophising, which has been rather heavy handed to start but hopefully will mellow a bit. Like, I get it, this show is very very Catholic. So, we shall see.

p.s. I also have a number of episodes of “Emergence” no my DVR, which I have not watched yet because I am wary of getting into a mystery show that might get cancelled quickly. But I really love Allison Tolman (gosh, I miss “Downward Dog” so so much) so there it sits.

So, what are you watching, kittens? And should I give “Emergence” a try?

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

In her new Harper's Bazaar cover story, Kristen Stewart revealed she has been told by Hollywood folks that, “If you just like do yourself a favour, and don’t go out holding your girlfriend’s hand in public, you might get a Marvel movie.”

What you just heard there was a sharp intake of breath from every queer woman everywhere. As much as we are grateful for the progress the LGBTQ community has made in terms of acceptance and openness, we still have so far to go – obviously. As far as mainstream entertainers go, it is telling that Ellen DeGeneres (who came out 22 years ago) and Kristen Stewart (who was 7 when Ellen came out) are probably our most famous out lesbian, bi and/or queer women celebrities.

Sure, there are a ton more out celebs than in the old days, like The Other Ellen and Cara and Sarah and Janelle and Ruby and Samira and the good news is I could go on. But if you think about which of those women came out at the very start of their careers, versus after they’ve become famous, well, that list shrinks. And, in terms of our superstars, the truth is there should be more.

But the reason there aren’t more is thinking like that Hollywood goon who dangled a “Marvel movie” in front of K-Stew if only she’d quit with the icky hand holding. The double standard remains that for an actress to really break out really big she that must be seen as straight and desirable, especially to all the drooling fanboy contingent. Gotta make that green, right?

So, in dishonor of that outmoded and money-at-all-costs kind of thinking, here are a slew of straight (and some not-so-straight) actresses who have proudly held hands with women and yet, somehow, have still managed to land themselves in Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. A chronological list from when they appeared in their first “Marvel movie.”

Gwyneth Paltrow

Somehow, the “Iron Man” star has managed to star in seven, yes Se7en, MCU movies despite flaunting her hand love with Nicole Kidman.

Natalie Portman

Not only did Natalie star in two “Thor” movies, she is going to be a new female “Thor” in a new film. And all this despite holding hands with Nicole Kidman. Though, to be fair, after openly holding hands with two Marvel ladies Nicole has only managed to land one (really, really bad – man is “Aquaman” bad) D.C. movie.

Hayley Atwell

The “Captain America” star is shown brazenly holding hands with Sally Hawkins, who has not been in a Marvel movie but did get to make out with a fish. So, win-win?

Cobie Smulders

The stoic “Avengers” star got all handy while promoting an indie film at the Sundance Film Festival a few years back. But, you know, it was an indie movie, maybe nobody noticed.

Karen Gillan

The “Guardians of the Galaxy” star is British, so many that’s why clasping hands with new late night talk show host Lilly Singh doesn’t really count, right?

Evangeline Lilly

Maybe she thought being in “Antman” would make her hands so small no one would see this.

Tilda Swinton

I mean, everyone knows Tilda is an alien from another galaxy. So this gratuitous hand holding with Charlize Theron (because aliens have good taste) had no impact on her “Doctor Strange” role, obviously.

Marisa Tomei

Well, she is playing Aunt May in “Spider-Man,” so despite the character wildly Benjamin Buttoning throughout the “Spider-Man” movies/reboots, she is still an aunt. So, that means she’s well past fuckable age anyway so hold hands all you want, “old” lady.

Tessa Thompson

Look, we know the “Thor: Ragnarok” star likes to wear Pussy Pants with a certain lady. But this obviously doesn’t count because Evan Rachel Wood is a robot, duh.

Lupita Nyong'o & Danai Gurira

Two of the stars of “Black Panther” holding hands with each other? Does that mean they cancel out? I was never good at math.

Brie Larson

The “Captain Marvel” actress got to be the titular star of her very own superhero movie and she repays the studio by unapologetically holding hands with her stunt double Joanna Bennett. The nerve!

In the end, K-Stew just needs to channel the power of Cate Blanchett who got to star in a Marvel movie, loves holding hands with ladies, happily and swoonily plays gay in movies, and has won two damn Oscars.



p.s. Given her recent comments on believing Woody Allen and being more than happy to work with him again, no one really wants to hold Scarlett Johansson’s hand anymore.

Tank Top Tuesday

Tuesgay, Tuegay, gotta get down in tanks on Tuesgay. Yes, fine – I know. That was terrible. TERRIBLE. Anyway, let’s pretend it never happened. Instead, let’s focus on these criminally underused actresses. Here are some talented ladies who need more screen time (or to be back on screen, period). That they just happen to look hot in tank tops is an added bonus.

Cobie Smulders

Now that “How I Met Your Mother” is over I say Cobie goes back to her root on “The L Word” and play gay again. I mean, she already looks amazing in a tank top and that’s half the battle.

Rachel Shelley

Speaking of “The L Word,” poor Helena Peabody needs to be more than just Rumplestiltskin’s scorned ex-wife.

Samira Wiley

I want more Poussey this season on “Orange Is the New Black.” I want more Poussey always, but that’s another story altogether.

Julie White

Yes, I am still bitter about “Go On” being cancelled. I will always be angry about this.

Emmanuelle Vaugier

She’s so deliciously dastardly as the Morrigan. And now that she’s even more human, we can only hope for even more screentime.

Michelle Krusiec

I watched “Saving Face” again recently. Damn, that movie is cute. And so, naturally, is Michelle.

I am woman, feel me avenge

Let’s get this out of the way right away. “The Avengers” was awesome. Like hot damn, holy cow, fuck yeah AWESOME. And chances are you saw it and thought it was awesome too. Because it made like a bajillion dollars over the weekend. ($207.4 million to be exact, which is the biggest opening weekend ever, besting previous record holder “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2” by more than $38 million).

As an avowed Joss Whedon fangirl, I couldn’t be more proud and pleased with the movie or its reception. It was everything you want from your big-time, big-name, big-hero super films. Exciting. Epic. Funny. Fierce. Cohesive. Contextual. Geeky. Gripping. And fun, man, was it ever fun. Sometimes event movies forget that they’re supposed to be fun. And while I like shit blowing up as much as the next gal, that doesn’t make it fun. Nor does taking oneself super seriously. But “The Avengers,” now that was fun. It earned my $11. And I plan to give it another $11 very soon.

But, and fuck if there isn’t always a but, it also underscored one of the continuing and institutional problems with the big summer blockbuster. And that is they almost never pass the Bechdel Test, “The Avengers” sadly included. While the movie passes the first crucial test: Yes there are more than two named female characters. “The Avengers” has three: Black Widow, Agent Maria Hill and Pepper Potts. But then it fails the last two tests. They never talk to each other, about a man or anything else for that matter.

Of course, this isn’t to say that female representation is terrible in “The Avengers.” Quite the opposite, really. None of them are damsels in distress. One could argue that Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper is a standard-issue superhero girlfriend, but given her backstory in two previous solo “Iron Man” films makes her more than mere arm candy. Plus she’s about the only person who can cut cocksure Tony Stark down to size. Sure, Cobie Smulders’ Agent Hill mostly just looks stoic (also hot, so hot) in her SHIELD uniform while providing exposition. But she also battles her own brainwashed agents with heroism and flare. And then there’s Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow who is not only integral to the plot, she nicely turns some female tropes (she’s weakened by her apparent love for a man) on their head. All these women are strong and smart and so much more than action movie T&A. This is Joss, after all.

In fact, if anything is overtly sexualized in this movie, I’d say it was Captain America’s massive back. I swear, his upper body is like a stingray’s silhouette on steroids.

But, still, this is Joss after all, so we expect a lot – and more. This is in fact the only project Joss has written and directed (besides the shoe-string budget “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog,” which only had four named characters total) that has failed the Bechdel test. “Buffy,” “Angel,” “Firefly,” “Serenity,” “Dollhouse.” All these passed with flying colors. But “The Avengers,” which should be noted is also the only writing-directing project where Joss did not also create the universe in which it exists, does not.

So am I disappointed “The Avengers” fails the Bechdel Test? Of course. Would it have been that hard to give Agent Hill and Black Widow a moment together? Perhaps they could commiserate on the fit of zip-front jumpsuits. Am I disappointed with the women in the film? Hell no. They’re awesome – especially Black Widow and her thighs of fury. They’re superheroes, not just females in spandex. In fact one could argue that the female heroes in this film are in a way even more heroic than many of its male heroes. They stand up and fight without super powers or super armor or super God powers. They’re just humans, who are damn good at what they do.

But “The Avengers” is also a reminder than even when you’ve got a big-time feminist like Joss Whedon at the helm, who has built his reputation on being able to build strong female characters that break the Hollywood mold, it’s damn hard to break the Hollywood mold. The big boys of summer continue to rule, but us ladies won’t stop fighting to get in our licks, too.

Tank Top Tuesday: Superhero Edition

I like superheroes. I particularly like female superheroes. Sadly, there aren’t too many of them around, particularly on the big screen. Which kind of makes no sense because female superheroes tend to wear skin-tight outfits. And we as a culture love to look at women in skin-tight outfit. So it’s a win-win, really. Of course, the other side is that our culture tends to be scared/dismissive of women with power. And you don’t get much more powerful than a female superhero. So I guess our society’s love of sexy ladies is overridden by its need to subjugate all ladies.* Hm. That was kinda deep for a post featuring a lot of sexy ladies in skin-tight tank tops. My point is, we need more movies with female superheroes. Particulary good ones, because I have sat through too many really bad female superhero movies than I care to acknowledge. And as excited – duh, Joss Whedon and superheroes, of course I’m excited – as I am about “The Avengers” opening this weekend, I’m still bummed that the ladies are fewer and less prominent than the gentlemen. So let’s hear it for the ladies in lycra. Long may they save the world.

*Temporary wording fail. All fixed. Carry on, sisters in spandex.

Scarlett Johansson, Black Widow

Whatever boys, I’m all about Scarlett and her incredible thigh power.

Anna Paquin, Rogue

I kinda miss her as a brunette. But I really miss that white streak.

Jessica Alba, The Invisible Woman

Any movie that casts Jessica Alba and then makes her invisible is missing the point.

Charlize Theron, Aeon Flux

I wish this movie had been better, like a lot.

Halle Berry, Storm and Catwoman

Oh, Halle – you know I love you. But, alas, you’re really not at your best in superhero films.

Cobie Smulders, Agent Maria Hill

I want Cobie and Scarlett to have a lot of screentime together. Because the boy shippers can’t have all the fun at “The Avengers.”

Famke Janssen, Jean Grey/Phoenix

I love her eyebrows. Yes, I realize those aren’t what I should be staring at.

Helen Slater, Supergirl

True story, my dad took me to see Supergirl when I was a kid and afterward on the way out I accidentally hit one of the theater armrests and broke it in half. And my dad said, “Whoa there, looks like I’ve got my own little Supergirl.”

Eartha Kitt, Catwoman

Now that’s how you do Catwoman, Halle.

Which female superheroes are you holding out for – so to speak?

Naked Lady Monday

Oh, shit. It’s Monday again. But wait, naked ladies. There, all better. Sometimes, kittens, it’s just that simple. I mean, if our beautiful friend Freida Pinto above doesn’t improve your day exponentially, then I’m not sure anything will. But why am I still talking? Happy NSFWish Monday.

Emmanuelle BeartDid you know Emmanuelle is 47? French women apparently don’t age, either.

Eva GreenThough French women do, in the immortal words of Sir Mix-A-Lot, got back.

Anna FrielSeriously, I still miss “Pushing Daisies” so much.

Jenna FischerYou always have to look out for the nice ones.

Cobie Smulders

I don’t watch her show. Why don’t I watch her show?

Keira KnightleyWell, now I can see why the thought of never having Keira would drive that poor bloke with the flashcards to go fight zombies instead.

Sarah Shahi

I have never enjoyed a Monday more. Ever.