That's President Straight Bette Porter To You

Well, now, wasn’t that a nice vacation? Took some fun trips. Ate some good food. Celebrated all of the Pride. Saw future president Straight Bette Porter. All in all, a good and inspiring time was had by all. True presidential pride is something I could get very, very much get used to. And, you know, Kamala’s rainbow sparkle jacket.



Oh, and while we were there we saw the casts of “Vida” and of “Tales of the City,” who came to to give the crowd some love. It’s like I always say, love shows that love you back.




p.s. I mean, come on, that’s a great jacket.

Nothing but respect for my President Straight Bette Porter. @KamalaHarris #sfpride pic.twitter.com/xdSMKbiAtq

— Dorothy Snarker (@dorothysnarker) July 1, 2019

Tales of the Tales

“Tales of the City” will live on (and on and on and on and on) as one of the seminal gay book and television series in American history. The original miniseries aired in 1993 on PBS and could be considered the first-ever gay soap opera. So the question is now how does a 90s soap grow into a relevant 2019 story? Well, Netflix is about to find out with its continuation of “Armistead Maupin’s Tales of The City.”

What I can remember from the original series and books is it was overwhelmingly white and male in regards to its gay storylines. But a new, out female showrunner in “Orange I sthe New Black” writer (and Samira Wiley’s wife) Lauren Morelli could help change that.



The new “Tales of the City” is a continuation, not a reboot, of the original. Considering the show has already had an original run, and two subsequent sequels (in 1998 and 2001, respectively). This return to the fictitious shenanigans of Barbary Lane comes 20 years after formerly naïve and wide-eyed Ohio girl Mary Ann (Laura Linney) left to pursue her best life. She returns to celebrate the 90th birthday of her old landlady Anna Madrigal (played by a returning Olympia Dukakis) and reunite with her daughter Shawna (played by Ellen Page who is new to the series, but not Netflix shows (see: The Umbrella Academy).

The new cast features “Looking” daddy Murray Bartlett as Mary Ann’s loveable BFF “Mouse” (who was played by two different actors in the original miniseries and its two previous sequels) and Zosia Mamet of “Girls” fame as someone who sits cross-legged on top of tables and stares deeply into Ellen Page’s eyes. Also she’s a documentary filmmaker who is obviously gonna hook up with our girl Shawna. The show also cast nonbinary actor Garcia who plays Anna’s trans/nonbinary caregiver. There is a lot more diverse LGBTQ talent in-front and behind the camera as well, which is a relief.

Here’s hoping for good things from this show that was one of the first to explain what our chosen families means in the LGBTQ community. Which is, you know, just about everything.

More Tales, More Gays

Hey, remember yesterday when I said it was exciting we were going to be seeing more of Laura Linney. Yeah, well, it’s pretty exciting to see a bunch of cool people like Laura, Ellen Page and Olympia Dukakis sign on for the new “Tales of the City” sequel. Adding to the excitement, the show is being helmed by out writer Lauren Morelli (most recently of “Orange Is the New Black,” where she met and married her lovely wife Samira Wiley), who will act as showrunner. I know, like I keep saying, exciting.

Netflix has picked up the 10-episode sequel that will see the return of Laura as the formerly naïve San Francisco newcomer Mary Ann and Olympia as the perennial quirky landlady Anna Madrigal of 28 Barbary Lane. In the new series, Page will play Mary Ann’s daughter, Shawna.

Now, if you know anything about the original books you’ll know they were a landmark in LGBTQ fiction and their subsequent TV miniseries in the 1990s were among some of the first positive representations of gay people on television. So we can only hope – and with at least two out stars in its cast and crew actually expect – that the new series will continue that out and proud tradition. In short, fuck yeah, this is gonna be hella gay.

p.s. Hey, I just realized both Lauren and Samira are now with shows that have “Tale” in them – “Tales of the City” and the “Handmaid’s Tale.” And both appear to be quite gay. Now that's what I call big queer kismet.

Tank Top Tuesday

Another day, another tank top – and thank heavens for that. This week’s assortment showcases the versatility of the tank. From your tight plain-white tanks to flouncy thin tanks to overall tanks. Look, I don’t make the rules; it has two straps and bare arms. It’s not my fault the pants are attached – or denim.

p.s. If you aren’t watching “Killing Eve” you are missing the utter and impeccable brilliance of Sandra Oh. Also, I mentioned there’s gay stuff, right?

p.p.s. Have you read my opus on Autostraddle about why you should be completely, totally and irrevocably obsessed with “Killing Eve?”

Mary Lambert

You see, now this is what the classic white tank is a classic.

Tessa Thompson

I want Tessa to star in everything I watch, and so far she’s doing pretty well. Thor, Annihilation, Westworld, every single Janelle Monae video.

Laura Linney

I miss her. Good news I probably won’t have to for much longer. (More on that tomorrow.)

Constance Wu

I don’t think I’ve recovered from the warm, tingly feeling of having seen Constance Wu in a lesbian movie. And I might never – which I’m perfectly fine with.

Katie McGrath

Just because I stopped watching “Supergirl” doesn’t mean I’ve stopped shipping Super Corp.

Gal Gadot

The next Wonder Woman movie needs more tank tops. Just saying.

Always a bridesmaid

Unless all the other nominees fall into a “Rabbit Hole” (puns, puns!) and therefore clear the field for a Nicole Kidman upset, whoever wins for best actress or supporting actress this year will be taking home her very first shiny naked gold man. Well, fine, I don’t want to make any assumptions about these women’s sexual peccadilloes so to be safe let us say their first shiny naked gold man named Oscar – without private parts or facial features, and holding a sword. Right, so my point is that the vast majority of the actresses nominated for Academy Awards this year haven’t won before. No wins for Annette Bening, no wins for Natalie Portman, no wins for Helena Bonham Carter, no wins for Amy Adams. Nada. But that could all change for two lucky ladies. (Though until then, please feel free to ogle their award-winning tank top form as a consolation prize.)

Still, there are so many other ridiculously talented actresses who won’t have that chance this year and are likewise trophyless. Like, did you know Greta Garbo and Judy Garland never won an acting Oscar? No wonder Garbo wanted to be left alone – the shame. And there are plenty of modern-day actresses who have never gotten their proper due. Here is a look at a ten of today’s continual bridesmaids, never a bride when it comes to the shiny naked golden man.

Julianne Moore

Julianne has been nominated four times (“The End of the Affair,” “Boogie Nights,” “Far From Heaven,” “The Hours”). More often than not, Moore picks interesting, off-beat projects over commercial, big-budget offerings. And she is ready and quite convincing at playing gay from “The Hours” to “The Private Lives of Pippa Lee” to “Chloe” and “The Kids Are All Right.”She should have been nominated alongside Annette. I mean, if she can make a totally ludicrous stalker flick like “Chloe” watchable, she should have a whole separate room in her house just to hold all of her Oscars already.

Glenn Close

Glenn Close has not won an Oscar. Yeah, let that sink into the little gray cells. Five nominations (“The World According to Garp,” “The Big Chill,” “The Natural,” “Fatal Attraction,” “Dangerous Liasons”) and no wins yet Mira Sorvino, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Roberto Benigni all have acting Oscars.

Sigourney Weaver

Everything I said above, ditto. Three nominations for Sigourney (“Aliens,” “Gorillas in the Mist,” “Working Girl”) and no wins. Don’t make her get into that hydraulic robot suit from “Aliens” and crush some heads, people.

Naomi Watts

The first time I saw Naomi was in the dream within a nightmare within a blue box that was “Mulholland Dr.” When she made the transformation from Betty to Diane, I didn’t even recognize her for a minute. And then I knew – I knew this one was special. Only one nomination so for “21 Grams,” but that’ll change. It has to.

Angela Bassett

Angela only has one nomination for 1993’s searing “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” but that’s not for lack of talent but the paucity of strong roles for actresses of color, period. Come on, she’s been giving us two tickets to the gun show for years, the least we could do is invite her to a few more award shows.

Michelle Pfeiffer

I think the problem with Michelle is that she is so damn beautiful that sometimes you forget she can act. Three nominations (“Dangerous Liasons,” “The Fabulous Baker Boys,” “Love Field”) prove she can. But once you see that face, you’re all, “Um, wait, what were we talking about?”

Laura Linney

Laura is one of those people I fear will never win because she is always good, always. In fact, she is so good we take her for granted. But being that consistent isn’t luck, it’s hard work – like her three nominated roles (“You Can Count on Me,” “Kinsey,” “The Savages”). Well, at least she is doing well for herself on TV.

Catherine Keener

Nominated twice (“Being John Malkovich,” “Capote”), Catherine is another one of those unendingly dependable actresses. But just because it looks easy, doesn’t mean it is. Also, dude, she’s Dawn Denbo’s sister.

Salma Hayek

Don’t let the accent fool you, Salma is good. Her one nominated turn in “Frida” was great. And – think about it nominating committees – why would you ever pass up the opportunity to have Salma in a form-fitting ball gown on your red carpet? That opportunity you’re missing is golden.

Lauren Bacall

In 1996, when Lauren lost in an upset to Juliette Binoche after her first and only nomination for “The Mirror Has Two Face,” you could almost see her mentally telling Juliette to put her lips together and blow.

So many snubs, so many ways that blows.

Emmys on the Rocks

What do you call five Emmy hosts and not one single laugh? The first eight minutes of last night's Emmy Awards telecast. And when I say not one single laugh, I mean the sound you'd hear in a black hole. And it got a whole lot worse before it got a whole lot better. And, when I say a whole lot better, I mean Tina Fey. Once, twice, three times a Tina Fey. What? You thought I'd miss an opportunity to rave about my gal? Again? Sheesh, it's like you don't even know me at all. But more on her later.

The Emmys are, at best, Oscar's less flashy younger sister. At worst they're the wicked stepsister Oscar can't uninvite from Thanksgiving dinner. Last night's show started out in stepsister territory and was only saved from a permanent banishment from all future family gatherings by some deserving winners. No, I'm not talking automatic-for-the-Emmy winners like Jeremy Piven (third consecutive, really? Though his zing on the uber-lame Emmy opening bit redeemed him a tad). Speaking of the five-headed hosting monster of Bergeron-Klum-Mandel-Probst-Seacrest, I've seen more chemistry in a bag of Pop Rocks.

And while I'm on the topic, whoever had the bright idea to have two men literally rip the clothes off of Heidi Klum should be fired. No, wait, they should first be paraded into a public square and have their clothes ripped off. Then they should be fired. I'd expect some terrible, not to mention terribly sexist (the real kind, not the Palin variety), stunt on “Who Wants to Marry America's Most Eligible Pirate Whisperer,” but never on a show that is actually supposed to award excellence.

Now I will try to forget the night's copious blerg-worthy bits and only think the happy thoughts the night's most deserving winners gave me. A salute to the people who made losing those three hours of my life called the Emmy Awards seem almost worth it.

Glenn Close: Best Actress in a Drama

“We're proving that complicated, powerful, mature women are sexy in high entertainment and can carry a show. I call us the sisterhood of the TV drama divas.” Darn tooting!

Sandra Oh: Emmy Presenter/Nominee

“My parents couldn't be prouder, unless I actually was a doctor.” Oh, Sandra, please don't let that stop you from playing naughty doctor with me whenever you want.

Laura Linney: Best Actress in a Miniseries/Movie

The woman who played Abigail Adams thanks all the “community organizers who helped form our country.” Yes, she can...go there. p.s. Is it just me or does Laura totally look like Laurel Holloman's long-lost sister here?

Stephen Colbert: Outstanding Writing for a Variety/Music/Comedy Program

His bit equating McCain with prunes later in the night was great, but what was best was watching a truly humbled and honored Colbert accept the trophy. Person/character, character/person. Now I can't wait to see the character crow about it next week.

Tina Fey: Queen of Fucking Everything
(Best Comedy Writing, Actress, Series)

Oh, kittens. From her proclamation of “Oh, nerds” when she won her first award of the night (for writing) to her thanking of her parents for “raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. Well done. That is what all parents should do” (while winning for acting) and her recitation of all the places online and TV you can watch “30 Rock” (watch, dammit, watch!) she alone made those three hours of my life worth it. Plus, did you see her holding hands with Amy Poehler when she came on to present? Commence femslash in 5-4-3-2-1...

[Click any to enlarge, especially that last one.]

p.s. I cannot possibly overemphasize how much the show (minus its winners) both sucked and blew. Wretched, utterly wretched.

My Weekend Crush

There is something at once ordinary and extraordinary about Laura Linney. She is the girl next door who grew up smarter than all the boys in the neighborhood. She comes across so solid, sensible and salt-of-the-earth, you’d almost mistake her for a Midwesterner. I think it’s those disarming dimples. But, the open-faced blonde is a born and bred New Yorker with Juilliard training and a theater pedigree. She is unquestionably excellent and brings a grounded realism to each role. And she is proof positive that actresses don’t have to trade on their sex appeal alone to carve out a career. They can also use their smarts. And, like Laura, just be damn good at their job. Happy weekend, all.