Oscar GGALGG(BBTWTTO)

So, let’s just be honest, those Oscars were pretty straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Kinda. But I’m pretty sure the live telecast featured zero – at least by my count – live lesbians. Yeah, sure, they featured Jane Lynch in a pre-recorded joke ad for the future YouTube Academy Awards (which is a real thing, by the way, hello 2029). And, OK, fine – Barbra Streisand showed up and sang. So there’s that. But I don’t think the camera ever panned to Oscar-nominated Tig Notaro once (admittedly, I could have missed a split-second shot, but I don’t think I did.) So I will rectify that by featuring the sapphics of the red carpet. So welcome to Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals By Bringing Their Wives to the Oscars (GGALGGBBTWTTO, duh)

Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne

So they didn’t take home the best doc Oscar for “Come See Me In the Good Light,” but what lesbian couple wants a shiny naked man in their bedroom anyway?

Brandi Carlile & Catherine Carlile

Brandi’s suit is very Captain von Trapp and I’m into it.

Abby Wambach & Glennon Doyle

I wish Abby had a tie, but bonus points for the pins. (And, of course, the bag.)

Robby Hoffman & Gabby Windey

Girls really do just love funny little guys*. (*As a Gen Xer, I reserve the right to use guys in a non-gendered way courtesy “The Electric Company” forever)

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor

Fine, they aren’t married that we know about. Which, come on Sarah, put a ring on that.

Auli'i Cravalho

Fine, I had to give you at least one single lady. Not that there aren’t legions of age-appropriate wlws clamouring to wife her up.

p.s. I was rooting for “Sinners,” and all I can say about “One Battle After Another” having a big night is that I’m very happy for Maya Rudloph. Oh, and I’m happy Sean Penn didn’t want to attend.

p.p.s. I thought the show was overall pretty good, Conan landed some magnificent hits, and Amy Madigan and Ed Harris are a reminder that straights can have good marriages too.

Gender Fuck Emmy Nominees Thursday

This year’s Emmy nominees have some pretty queer nominees. And pretty queer nominees who made history to boot. While I will argue that “Somebody Somewhere” deserved more love (though huge bravo to Jeff Hiller/Joel). I also enjoy how all the nominees have their own, distinctive, definitively gender fucky style. So here’s a gay old cheer to the nominees. May all you gaymos take home the trophy next month.

Bella Ramsey, Best Actress in a Drama

They became the first nonbinary performer to earn multiple Emmy nominations, with a second consecutive lead in a drama series acting nod for “The Last of Us.” Also, sick suit.

Ayo Edebiri, Best Actress & Directing in a Comedy

Ayo became the first woman to be nominated in both a directing and acting category in the same year for her work in “The Bear.” This also makes her the first Black woman and first queer woman to be nominated for directing and acting categories in the same year. Yes, chef, indeed. (Also, you and Julia better kiss.)

Hannah Einbinder, Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy

I want Ava to have a real win this next season of “Hacks,” and a girlfriend. I mean the throuple was fun and all, but give the ladies what they want. And by ladies I mean me.

Kristen Kish, Best Host for a Reality/Competition

I cannot say I condone this white lace suit. But I also definitely don’t condemn it. I’m Switzerland about it, but Switzerland with a wandering eye. What, Padma is gone. It’s OK.

Cherry Jones, Best Guest Actress in a Drama

I stopped watching “The Handmaid’s Tale” after the first season because life is hard enough, you know. But do you remember when Cherry played a lesbian in that TV movie with Brooke Shields?

Cynthia Erivo, Best Guest Actress in a Comedy

I wish Cynthia would wear more suits. Also while I love basically everything about “Poker Face,” I hate the Columbo story structure where you know whodunnit at the start. So I never saw her episode.

Robby Hoffman, Best Guest Actress in a Comedy Series

Did you know the Hacks guest star married “Bachelor/Bachelorette” and “Traitors” star Gabby Windey this year? Like, former Bachelor Nation stars are lezzing it up everywhere!