Everything is so stupid (and, of course, scary) all the time these days. But can we all just have a deep, endless belly laugh about the World’s Richest Man crashing out so spectacularly about a 3,000-year-old epic poem? He can’t shut the fuck up about how the casting of Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy in “The Odyssey” is “ahistorical.” My dude, it’s a mythological story. There’s also a cyclops, a six-headed serpent and vessel-devouring whirlpool monster. Are you also gonna complain that the vessel-devouring whirlpool monster is anatomically inaccurate?
But then, why would we expect anything less from the World’s Most Racist Serial Killer (I mean, he killed USAID, which is killing…*stares in ebola crisis*). He’s mad about Elliot Page being cast as (maybe Achilles, maybe not Achilles, really anything) in the movie as well because why just be a Nazi when you can also be a transphobic piece of shit? Anyway, I’m going to see Christopher Nolan’s next opus, not because I’m a homer for Homer. But because it will make Elon crash out even more if it does well at the box office. And these days, it’s the little things that get you through.
p.s. Like how attractive is this female cast? All their faces could launch a thousand ships – and more. So Stay mad, Musky! Stay mad.
Yeah, yeah, I know it’s not Pride anymore. But I wanted to salute these Pride Hard Launches that slipped in late in the month. How did people announce their relationships before Instagram? So belated mazel tov to Elliot Page who hard launched on the Gram with “Overcompensating” star Julia Shiplett. This is Elliot’s first public relationship since coming out as trans I believe, so very much good for him. Also the kids today seem to love “Overcompensating.” Truly well done all around. And congrats to Top Chef-testants Melissa King and Nini Nguyen who Storied their hard launch. I just watched Nini in “24 in 24: Last Chef Standing” (yes, I watch all the Food network slop) and Melissa has always been *swoon*. These cuties all deserve each other. More happy queers being happy queers together makes my heart happy, and we could all use happier hearts. Happy weekend (and hearts), all.
How about a big old queer roundup of roles for big old queers to round out the week? Yeah, say that five times fast. As we all search desperately for things to look forward to in the next four years, here are some projects and actors who I am thrilled remain busy for the foreseeable future.
Let’s start things off with Elliot Page, who is on a bit of a run what with his signing a deal with Bell Media and being super cool and all. Next up will be the high-profile Christopher Nolan adaptation of The Odyssey. The ancient Greek poem by Homer will also star – among many, many stars – Matt Damon, Tom Holland, Zendaya, Robert Pattinson, Lupita Nyong’o, Anne Hathaway, Charlize Theron and Samantha Morton. No idea yet which character Elliot will play, but with a cast like that it seems any role is a good role. After the “Emilia Pérez” debacle, it’s nice to see trans actors making good headlines in what we at least hope will be a very good project.
Next, more high profile queer casting news. Pansexual actress Jena Malone will star in a highly anticipated new series from “Stranger Things” creators The Duffer Brothers. This news made me happy for a number of reasons including but definitely not limited to the fact that it alerted me to Jena’s pansexuality. I had missed her 2022 coming out somehow. But I’ve been a fan since “Contact” and have always admired her independent steak. Also did you catch her in last year’s “Love Lies Bleeding?” Her new series, “The Boroughs,” has been described as “Stranger Things” but in a retirement home. Joining Jena will be Geena Davis, Alfre Woodard, Alfred Molina and Bill Pullman, among many others as a “group of (older) misfits who fight an otherworldly evil.” So, the Upside Down but with arthritis and reading glasses, I guess. No news yet on Jena’s character, but at 40 she seems too young to be a resident. Maybe she’ll be staff? Who know but just like with “Stranger Things” I hope and expect there to be prominent queer characters.
And finally, more gays and more laughs are coming to the series remake of “The Burbs.” Based on the 1989 black comedy by the same name starring Tom Hanks and Carrie Fisher, the TV reboot has already announced its lead queer star Keke Palmer. But now they’ve also added Paula Pell. Two queers, one show! The wildly charismatic Keke first got my full attention in Jordan Peel’s 2022 “Nope” and is currently starring alongside SZA in “One of Them Days,” which I can’t wait to catch once it comes to streaming. Paula is fresh off the sadly canceled “Girls5Eva” (come on, isn’t there another streamer out there who wants to experience “Yesternights” for themselves!) and basically always plays middle-aged gay lady so let’s hope that trend continues here.
If nothing else, it’s nice to see a bunch of gays gainfully employed in our current political hellscape.
Woof, well we’re in Week 3, I guess. In case you’re looking for some good news – especially good trans news (no, I’m not talking about you, “Emilia Pérez”) – amid the onslaught of The Worst news, here is something to smile about at least. In rare positive news for the LGBTQ+ folks these days, Elliot Page is partnering with Canada’s largest media company Bell Media to bring more queer/trans inclusive shows to TV. His production company Pageboy Productions will create original scripted shows to run on Bell’s main channel CTV and streamer Crave.
“Partnering with Bell Media feels like a natural evolution for Pageboy Productions. We’re excited to create captivating content that amplifies voices that deserve to be heard. This collaboration will allow us to tell powerful, genuine stories that challenge perspectives, and inspire audiences both at home and internationally.”
Would ya look at that. Instead of rolling back so-called “DEI” everything like the USA, Canadian media said bring us more queer and inclusive stories. Crazy, right? Canada’s leader also isn’t signing nonsense orders pretending there are only two genders. Inconceivable! Oh, Canada, how envious this American is of your everything right about now.
Look, our neighbors to the North have had to deal with a lot of our crap over the years. But they just keep cranking out great queer icons (k.d., Tegan and Sara, Elliot, et al) and giving us shows like “Lost Girl” and “Wynonna Earp.” And, of course, then there’s Anne of Green Gables. I’m so sorry about the whole 51st state thing. Rest assured that 75 million of us down here can’t stand President Orange Turd-US either. Please keep sending us your super gay TV.
p.s. Do you think the Oscars are gonna give us this kind of inclusivity and celebration of queer joy this year, like the JUNO’s did last year? Or are they just gonna give “Emilia Pérez” some awards and then pat themselves on the back?
Gosh, it’s good to see Elliot Page on screen again. And, goodness, I can already tell this one is gonna make me cry. Elliot’s first feature film since coming out as a trans man looks emotional and powerful and emotional some more. Admittedly, I haven’t been watching “The Umbrella Academy” – I watched the first season but then just never returned. So this will be my first time in a while seeing Elliot perform. And, goodness, if the trailer hits like this the whole movie is gonna be pretty emotional. I also love seeing Wendy Crewson (of “An Unexpected Love” and “Under the Christmas Tree” queer fame) and Peter Outerbridge (of “Orphan Black” and “Bomb Girls” queer fame) have an impromptu “Better Than Chocolate” reunion. Wendy played the mom and Peter played Judy in that 1999 lesbian classic. Small, small (Canadian) world.
First, I’m back! Second, sorry for that terrible pun. Third, but definitely not least, you love to see Elliot Page living his best life. Like being snapped at a New York Liberties home game on Pride Eve (yes, it’s a thing now, we’ve claimed it). As I’ve been saying, I think we should celebrate as much queer joy, trans joy, gay joy, lesbian joy, bisexual joy, every kind of other joy this Pide as possible. I think we need to come back even stronger after last year’s ugly Right Wing temper tantrums. I’d say having courtside seats at a WNBA game is about as joyfully queer as you can get. Just ask Rosie & Leisha. Well played, Elliot.
Look, obviously men are not the main focus of Surrenders. But it’s Tuesday and he looks great in a tank top so we’ll make an exception for Elliot Page. The actor has a cover story in this month’s Esquire talking about his new “gender euphoria,” which honestly — how great is that term? We should all feel euphoric about our genders, and euphoric about other people getting to feel euphoric about their genders too. It’s hard enough living in our bodies when we feel our given genders actually match how we feel inside about our actual genders. Imagine how much harder it must be if they do not.
Which makes the massive hate and downright villainy cast on the transgender/genderqueer community even more perplexing. How are possibly the most vulnerable among us, particularly for trans/genderqueer people of color, somehow the greatest evil/problem facing American schools, bathrooms and public spaces? Clearly, they’re not. They’re just human beings trying to live their lives in peace, like everyone. But this one political party (it’s Republicans) has decided that stoking fear and pitting humans against other humans is the best way to get votes, make money and stay in power. So, there’s that. This party also, by the way, wants to mandate inspection of children’s genitals to ensure no one child is trying the transition. And they (it’s Republicans) keep calling us groomers.
Nothing is new about this kind of hatred except the speed and ease at which it is disseminated now thanks to social media and, again, this one political party (again, it’s Republicans) making trans people the latest wedge issue to get them votes.
Anyway, all of this is just a long way of saying I am very happy for Elliot and the joy he feels with how he and the world see him now. And I’m also impressed by the hot dirtbag aesthetic he is cultivating here. Tattoos and tank tops and so many abs, oh my.
Well, this was NOT the year to skip the Oscars if you like to see talented queer women living their best lives and/or like to see Academy Award-winning bitchslaps on live television. Like, I sincerely thought the “Moonlight”/”La La Land” best picture fiasco was going to be the craziest thing I watched on the Oscars telecast in my lifetime (baring, of course, the cringe-tastic Rob Lowe/Snow White opening trainwreck).
Anyway, while the men created their own, scene-stealing mess, queer Hollywood — particularly queer women of color — came out and shone brighter than a damn diamond. Queer women, trans women and trans men were the highlight of my night and almost enough to erase the ugliness of the evening. Almost.
In particular I was heartened by “West Side Story” stand-out Ariana DeBose’s win for best supporting actress which makes her the first queer person of color and first Afro-Latina to take home the naked golden man. While accepting her trophy, Ariana also gave one of the most touching speeches of the night, which honestly I tear up even now transcribing.
“You see a queer, openly queer woman of color, an Afro Latina who found her strength in life through art. And that’s what I believe we’re here to celebrate. So to anybody who has ever questioned your identity ever, ever, ever, or you find yourself living in the gray spaces, I promise you this: There is indeed a place for us.”
No slap can overshadow this sincerity. We belong. Considering yesterday Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed the hateful “Don't Say Gay” bill into law, it’s a message we could all hear a few more times right about now.
In fact, you should watch/rewatch her whole acceptance. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
So here’s the rest of the Big Gay Oscars. What a night for women who love women, queers who love being fabulous and all of us at home who got to feel like — if only for a moment — the somehow, some day, somewhere we’ve all been dreaming of has finally arrived.
First, The Couples:
Ariana DeBose & girlfriend costume designer Sue Makkoo
I mean, they even do the stock photo favorite lesbian forehead meld pose together.
Niecy Nash & wife singer Jessica Betts
Niecy’s purse says “Wifey for Lifey,” y’all. And more red carpet lesbian forehead meld.
Wanda Sykes & wife Alex Niedbalski
Wanda was great as one-third of the night’s hosts. But then, Wanda is always great, as is her white tux in particular.
The Queen brought her longtime partner (read into that line however you will) to Hollywood’s biggest night for the first time. Ahem.
Kristen Stewart & fiancée screenwriter Dylan Meyer
I truly, truly appreciate that KStew came to the Oscars with one and only one fashion goal in mind: Look hot for the lesbians. Thank you, a grateful nation of queer women thank you. Also, that smooch? Yeah, I bet that made a bunch of kids in the middle of nowhere feel a little less lonely.
Also, pretty sure she out Shane-ed Shane with this look.
Next, The Stag:
Hannah Einbinder
I just appreciate how the “Hacks” star can two-fist her drinks. Also, I didn’t know if this was her date or not so I didn’t want to make things awkward for either of them on Tinder. Apologies if you should be in the above category. Also, white tuxes are apparently a thing for us now, queer women. Take note.
Stephanie Beatriz
I just love how she’s finding fame in a whole other way than her “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” way. Yes, duh, I love “Encanto.” (Also, technically, I think her husband was there somewhere but she’s solo in this shot so there.)
Elliot Page
You really can’t go wrong with a classic tuxedo. I love seeing his smile these days.
Laverne Cox
Flawless, no notes.
Tessa Thompson & Janelle Monae
No, I don’t think they’re still a couple. But they sure look good side-by-side. Like a couple from the future on Earth Colony 275 or something. Not that they’re a couple.
Lady Gaga & Liza Minnelli
The Lady and the Legend. Gaga’s tender, dignified care for Liza was a salve on a lot of the ugliness from last night. Kindness can also be iconic.
And finally, The Sarah:
Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet
Don’t have a heart attack, Sarah and Holland are still together. Sarah just took her bestie/girlfriend stand-in Amanda to the show instead and had some — shall we say, fun. Also, of course Sarah’s dress has pockets.
Sarah & Kirsten Dunst
All I’m saying is, while the cat’s away, The Sarah will Kiki. But in a respectful way that never denigrates her love. Look, I don’t want their whatever their portmanteau’s name is stans to come after me.
Sarah & Sophie Turner
All hail Sarah Catharine Paulson. First of Her Name, Queen of the Lesbians, Protector of the WLW Kingdoms, the Mother of Fangirls, the Paulson of the Queer Lady Sea, the Unstraight, the Breaker of Heteronormativity
Sarah & Lena Waithe
That’s almost too much queer excellence for one photo. Almost.
Sarah & Jean Smart & Judith Light
This is photographic proof that at least one of the gods loves queer people and wants us to be happy.
Bonus, The KStew Dancing
I don’t think this is Dylan. (And, apologies if it is.) But, um. Queer women, seriously, after seeing all of this… What slap?
So OK, so as promised I found a couple fun SGALGG images from last month’s big swanky shindigs: The Met Gala, Emmy Awards and Tony Awards. And by “fun,” I mean “gay.” And by “gay” I mean, “Yep, they’re gay.” So here are the Not Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, and their straight-ish friends, from all of September’s fancy functions. We’re here, we’re queer – we look amazing on the red carpet.
I truly love and am so happy for Elliot, but I think we can all also agree this suit doesn’t fit and he would look much hotter in something nicely tailored. What, I can’t help a dude out sometimes?
Kristen Stewart, Zoe Kravitz & Cara Delevingne
This is like a lesbian Renaissance painting, K-Stew reaching out and Cara watching out.
