Let me go on...to 2021

Well, we celebrated Christmas Eve with “My So-Called Life,” it only seems right we spend New Year’s Eve together too. Also, I will always happily age myself by referring back to my favorite one-season show. Something about the energy of this clip has stuck with me all these years. The freedom of releasing something that absolutely destroyed you for a long time is more than cathartic. It’s healing. So as we end this most horrible and horrifying of years, let us all figuratively (and literally, if you can – I mean, why not?) exorcise the demons of 2020 by collectively dancing on our beds with complete abandon. Fuck you, this fucking year. May we all find a happier, healthier 2021 ahead.

Light One Candle

Some 26 years after it aired, I still remember this episode so well. You don't have to believe in angels to be moved by this story. Rickie Vasquez was one of the first, and still one of the most crushingly accurate, depictions of the lives of LGBTQ youths to be shown on television. May we continue to light candles for those who need them, metaphorically and literally. In this terrible, truly monstrous year, we all need light in our lives, now more than ever. Happy Christmas Eve, kittens.

My So-Called Reunion

Gosh, this sure made my heart feel good amid all the awfulness. This strange separation that we all find ourselves in together has made us crave connection like never before. And it’s made us reach out in new ways to old acquaintances. I know I’ve had more Zoom cocktail hours with my friends over these last few weeks than we probably would have ever had real cocktail hours together. It’s even made the cast of the best one-season show in the history of television reunite after 26 years. Most of the stars of “My So-Called Life” (well, the best ones, anyway – ahem) reunited last week for a Zoom catch-up. Wilson Cruz (a.k.a. Rickie Vasquez a.k.a. the best gay male teen character in the history of television – yes, I am making a lot of grand proclamations – it’s a pandemic if not now when?) shared a photo of the historic and heartwarming event.

So...This happened the other night. Most of the #MySoCalledLife cast was available for what turned out to be a very comforting, sweet, heartfelt and overdue reunion. We all have such love for each other, even 26 years later. It was overwhelming to see all of those faces together. pic.twitter.com/sei5eBRYw2

— Wilson Cruz (@wcruz73) April 16, 2020

Present were (clockwise from top left): Wilson Cruz (Rickiiiiiie!), Bess Armstrong (Angela's entirely relatable and very human mom, Patty), Devon Odessa (Angela's former bestie, Sharon), Mary Kay Place (Sharon's mom, Camille), Claire Danes (Angela Chase herself), AJ “I Am Legit a Countess Now” Langer (Angela’s new bestie, Rayanne Graff who I have absolutely no doubt would have come out as bisexual or poly or at very least sexually fluid in later seasons), Devon “Lisa the Lesbian Man” Gummersall (the guy Angela probably should have had a crush on instead, Brian Krakow), Tom Irwin (Angela’s cheaty yet also still relatable but in a different way dad, Graham), and in the center creator Winnie Holzman and her husband Paul “I Had No Idea You Were Married to Winnie Holzman” Dooley (Angela’s adorably tax evading grandpa, Chuck).

The only major missing pieces were Angela’s little sister, Danielle (played by Lisa Wilhoit) and Jordan “He Leans Great” Catalano (played by Jared Leto…no comment on Jared Leto – ahem). And, of course, Cousin Tino was a no show.

Yeah, so, not everything is bad. Some things are so beautiful, it hurts to look at them.

Actually Beautiful

Happy Valentine’s Day, kittens. No matter your relationship status, I hope you take the opportunity today to practice the most important kind of love you can give – and that’s to love yourself. Yes, I know, it may sound trite. But if we were all kinder to ourselves, it would go a long way toward being more kind to each other. Now, this is not that superficial, narcissistic kind of kindness. This is the deeper kindness. The kindness that allows us to forgive our imperfections and those in others. The kindness from which all empathy flows. Because - in the words of Angela Chase - when you look really closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Definitely even you.

My Weekend Countess

As we all know, the cast of the short-lived but eternally beloved “My So-Called Life” has done pretty well for itself. Angela Chase is an only somewhat overly paranoid CIA agent. Jordan Catalano has an Oscar (cough, shoulda been played by an actual trans woman, cough) and a band. Rickie Vasquez is still ridiculously handsome and making the world a better, gayer place. And, of course, Brian Krakow is a lesbian man named Lisa.

But what of the beautiful, free-spirited, slightly broken Rayanne Graff? Well, don’t worry, she’s doing just fine. She’s a countess and lives in a castle now.

Now, you may recall back in 2005 Rayanne actress A.J. Langer married Charles Courtenay, who just so happened to be the 19th Earl of Devon. They had two kids and lived in LA until 2015 when his father died they moved to his ancestral home of Powderham Castle in the English countryside. Like a real, legit castle.

People has a nice little profile on the happy family. And I have to say they look very happy and also OMG RAYANNE LIVES IN A CASTLE. Happy weekend, countesses and everyone else.

My Weekend Crush

Sometimes, out of seemingly nowhere, I remember this “My So-Called Life” scene. It’s such a simple scene on its surface – a rehearsal of a high school production of “Our Town.” But it contains multitudes. And, as with so much in life, it’s what we don’t see that makes this so very powerful.

The set-up – Angela and her best friend Rayanne have stopped being friends because the latter slept with the former’s ex-boyfriend – is remarkably pedestrian. Female friendships torn asunder over a boy. Nothing revolutionary about seeing that on television. But it is the execution that never fails to bring a lump to my throat. I wondered why this particular scene sprung to mind so vividly the other day. And I think it is because I’ve been watching “Girls.” The past few episodes have dealt with the ways young women support and alternately let each other down in the most mundane ways. But when played for more than the lazy catfight, the way it feels when women break each other’s hearts and how – if we’re very lucky we heal them again – is unmistakably riveting. That’s all human beings are. Just blind people.

Right, so I think my subconscious is telling me it’s time to marathon “My So-Called Life” again. Happy weekend, all.

You are beautiful

Sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that with so much ugliness in the world, these is still more beauty to those who look. It’s been a very busy week for me. I’ve hardly had time to catch my breath. But when I do, if I’m looking, I can almost always find something that moves me. Something that cuts through the mundane. Something that surpasses the meanness. Something beautiful. So today, just as a little Jesus why is it only Thursday and not Friday yet pick me up, here is a compilation of beauty – both literally and figuratively. Please enjoy.

My So-Called Life


Christina Aguilera


Parks & Recreation


Lost & Delirious (NSFW, but worth it)

People are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Definitely even you.

Everybody dance now

I like to dance, but only under certain circumstances. Most of those circumstances involve adult beverages. Many, many adult beverages. I’m not particularly good, but I hope my enthusiasm makes up for my utter lack of coordination or grace. But what I do like is to watch other people dance. It’s all of the sexy and none of the sweaty. Not that sweaty is necessarily bad. Hot. Sweaty. Sticky. Wait, where was I going with this? Right, dancing. As much as I love super sexy dancing (and, I do – see previous sweatiness tangent) I really love dorky dancing. You know, the spontaneous, out-of-context, exuberant kind that isn’t about being in da club (God, I hate the phrase “in da club”) or on a chorus line. It’s just about your body releasing. It’s about joy. Dancing, when done right, is an expression of joy. Our days can sometimes seem an endless series of mundane tasks and rote responsibilities. But, once in a while, we break free and let our limbs follow their own song.

Dorky dancers of the world, I salute you. Now, let’s get down with our bad selves.

Cast, Grey’s Anatomy

This makes me wish I watched this show more. And was friends with Cristina Yang.

Angela Chase, My So-Called Life

Angela’s “Blister in the Sun” dance is exactly how it feels to finally be over a breakup. Exactly.

Dana Fairbanks, The L Word

Dana Fairbanks will forever and always be the queen of dorky dancers. All hail the queen.

Liz Lemon, 30 Rock

But, you’ve got to admit, Liz Lemon is at the very least a princess of dorky dancing.

Angie Harmon, Rizzoli & Isles

There is no better job in Hollywood than behind-the-scenes backup dancer to Angie Harmon. None.

Kat Graham & Candice Accola, The Vampire Diaries

Truth be told, this sort of workout is my total nightmare. I’m the person always jumping left when everyone else is jumping right. But I’m not above observing a class. Ahem.

Callie Torres, Grey’s Anatomy

This isn’t dorky. Just hot. Smoking hot.

So, any favorite dorky dancing TV moments to share? Don’t be shy. Nobody’s watching.

Sorry I am

They say love means never having to say you’re sorry. But that’s an enormous crock of shit. Love means always having to say you’re sorry, and if you’re lucky, being forgiven anew each time. What the fairy tales seldom say is what happens after all that riding off into the sunset. Because after you do win the girl, it’ll be your ability to apologize for everything from life’s little annoyances to life’s colossal fuck-ups that will actually allow you to keep the girl. (Helpful Hint: Crying never hurts.)

I finally got a chance to finish Season 4 of “Skins” over the weekend and, woo doogie, that was big slice of holy hell. (Spoiler Alert: Skip to the next paragraph if you haven’t finished Season 4, or you ever plan to – which should be all of you who haven’t already. Seriously.) OK, first of all, they Chaikened Freddie? It’s just… I don’t… And then… BASEBALL BAT. Also, don’t the British play cricket? I can’t even get into the insane intricacies of how this show about the outrageous slings and arrows of being a teenager in the tenth year of the 21st Century turned into some sort of mad midnight slasher flick. All I can say is, oh my God, they killed Freddie!

Right, but back to what we were talking about, which was saying you’re sorry. Movies and TV tend to be a good job of showing the grand romantic gesture. Cymbals, fireworks, screaming about wankers on the top of a cab. But the raw, oozing innards that make up a really good apology, well, that’s tricky. Yet, when done right that release of one’s pride, that admission of one’s failing, that acceptance of pain caused, that acknowledgment of pain felt, that promise to do right, try harder, be better – all of that can be more beautiful than a moonlit kiss atop the Eiffel Tower. Which is just a very long way of saying that Naomi’s apology to Emily just might be my favorite apology ever committed to screen.

Thinking about “Skins” makes me think about my other favorite show about teenagers, “My So-Called Life.” Which, in turn, had its own rather spectacular apology by way of classroom note and Cyrano de Bergerac.

These sorrys serve as a reminder that the best apologies are, in their own way, grand romantic gestures. But this time, you know how high the stakes are and exactly what could be lost. Which also makes them that much more important.

It hurts to look at you

Somewhere, Angela Chase is sobbing into the sleeve of her flannel shirt. Oh Claire Danes, honey, no. When I heard that you had signed on to shill for that creepy eyelash growing prescription medication, I was appalled. Latisse? The stuff that “may cause increased brown pigmentation of the colored part of the eye, which is most likely permanent?” What’s wrong with mascara? What’s wrong with normal lashes? Anything sounds better than a drug that will make your entire eye turn brow. Are longer lashes really worth “eyelid skin darkening, which may be reversible?” You were already so beautiful it hurt to look at you. Now you want everyone to get weird bushy eyelashes. This is not what you stand for. This is not what Angela would do. STOP RUINING MY CHILDHOOD!

OK, sorry, I had a moment. Actress is not the character. Actress is not the character. Actress is not the character. But still, when an actress you identify so deeply with something meaningful in your life (and, oh my fucking God, “My So-Called Life” was meaningful, even if it only unjustly ran that one season), it hurts your soul when years later that person’s actions seem in diametric opposition to everything that you once held dear. But hey, everyone’s got to eat – right?

“Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It’s good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth – that when you really look closely, people are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.”

That’s with or without long eyelashes, Angela. With or without.

Can't they just cheer to themselves

So last night I was only joking about not posting today. But then I ran into some major technical difficulties. And now I think we can all learn from the collected wisdom on Angela Chase. Oy. Technology. Angela never worried about internet outages.

My Weekend Crush

I think a part of me will always be in love with Claire Danes. From the moment Angela Chase lifted her head with those doe eyes and that Manic Panic hair, I knew. On “My So-Called Life,” Claire's achingly-real portrayal of everyteen awkwardness puts all of today's glossy, fast-talking, over-sexed TV teen pretenders to shame. And in case people whose name rhymes with bacon (cough, Chaiken, cough) want to see what a perfect (albeit unintentional) open-ended finale looks like, go back to that moment in front of the Chase house. Go back to that moment when Angela realizes Brian is the Cyrano to Jordan's Christian. Go back to that moment when anything seems possible, only to have her ride off into the darkness. Wow, that's an ending. Rewatching those episodes now, even all these years later, sometimes Claire is so beautiful it hurts to look at her. To see her blossom from the fumbling wallflower of a girl to an elegant woman of angles has been a treat. It's a bit like getting to see Angela actually grow up. Of course, part of my eternal love for Claire might also be that Angela reminds me of my first girlfriend (hi, honey), who I will always think is pretty. Happy weekend, all.

It’s a So-Called Life

So last night instead of playing with any of my new toys (damn Photoshop is, like, complicated), I popped in one of my birthday presents from last month -- the “My So-Called Life” box set. Naturally, I clicked over to the show’s Christmas episode, titled “So-Called Angels.” I’ve waxed eloquent (or at least tried to) elsewhere about the show and its star Claire Danes before. I’ve even been known to judge a person’s character on whether she watched, adored and can recite lines verbatim from the show. (Hey, I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do, I’m just saying it happens sometimes.)

The Christmas episode, while it tiptoes into very-special-episode territory, is a perfect example of what made this series great. To be more precise, the story of Rickie being thrown out of his home over the holidays is a perfect example of what made this series great. Rickie Vasquez was, and remains, the most realistically drawn gay teen characters on television. His story is so many of our stories. It’s a boy fully aware of his otherness, yet still trying to understand what it means. Wilson Cruz’s portrayal of him is nothing short of perfect. I’ll admit, this episode puts the old lump in the old throat even today. God, I’m a softie. Wait, I never said that. Oh, who am I kidding? Does anyone have a tissue?

p.s. If you’ve never seen the episode, please enjoy a very-special recap complete with snark and sniffles courtesy those mad geniuses at Television Without Pity.

Where for art thou Jordan Catalano?

So, what the fuck happened to Jared Leto? Remember when he was all dreamy and broody with those pretty eyes on My So-Called Life? I do. I wasn't sure who I thought was cuter, him or Claire Danes. Yeah, it's not much of a contest these days. I mean, he's not the first actor to try his hand at rock stardom (hell, he's not even the only one to try with 30 in his band name). And he's not the first man to wear too much eyeliner (but Bob wore it well, dammit). He's not even the first guy to think he looks awesome with an emo haricut (with ridiculous results). So, why the concern? Because he used to look like this. Sigh.

p.s. Oh, I almost forgot to add that he thinks that "the blog is yesterday’s parachute pants. It’s here now but it’s gone tomorrow." Sure, buddy, but that frosty blue eyeshadow is clearly the wave of the future...