Life imitates art, minus the immaculate part

Hmm, well this is interesting. I hadn’t paid much attention to the upcoming release of “The Nativity Story.” The film is a retelling of Mary and Joseph’s intrepid journey to a little town called Bethlehem. But, seems life has a way of imitating art, while art imitates the Gospels. In the movie, Oscar-nominated Kiwi actress Keisha Castle-Hughes plays Mary. And, wouldn’t you know it, the 16-year-old “Whale Rider” star is pregnant in real life. All this has presented a problem for the various religious groups (cough, cough, The Vatican, cough, cough) which endorsed the project. Hmm, wasn't Mary an unwed teen who became pregnant? I'm just saying. Another hmm, "The Nativity Story" is helmed by “thirteen” writer-director Catherine Hardwicke. With all its sex, drugs, petty theft and girl-on-girl kissing, that film isn’t exactly the sort of thing you’d expect to find on the resume of the person behind a big-budget Sunday School lesson. Things that make you go hmmm.

Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?

I’m not sure if it is the stars who’ve gotten stupider or the paparazzi who’ve gotten more predatory (I suspect it’s a heady mix of the two), but the recent rash of upskirt shots is beyond tasteless. It’s beyond vulgar. It’s just plain wrong. And this is coming from a gal who, for the most part, enjoys seeing various exposed ladybits. But things have gotten out of hand. Way, way out of hand. Does anyone really want to see this? Sadly, the answer must be yes or the photographers would stop aiming low. But, to me, these images represent a lack of common decency. Have we really sunk to this as a culture? Have we really been reduced to bread and circuses? I feel sad, so very sad.

Take me to your leader

All My Children producers announced that they will make history Thursday as the first soap to introduce a transgender character. “Flamboyant rock star” Zarf will kiss resident lesbian Bianca and then begin to make the transition from a man into a woman. Wow, that must be some kiss. Increased GLBT visibility is always a good thing. But, seriously, Zarf? No one could come up with a better, somewhat gender-neutral, somewhat rock-n-roll name than Zarf? No name should remind people of both space aliens and a ride on the porcelain bus.

Salma says watch her...errr...show

OK, now I think she is just showing off. Seriously, do those things have their own gravitational pull. I’m just saying…

Home For Lesbians

My Thanksgiving treat this weekend was seeing “For Your Consideration.” Granted, I'm predisposed to like any movie where the words “Parker Posey” and “plays a lesbian” are in close proximity. But I digress. While not as laugh-out-loud absurdly charming as previous works “Waiting for Guffman” or “Best in Show,” writer-director-mockumentarian extraordinaire Christopher Guest gives his talented cast (besides Parker, it also stars Catherine O’Hara, Jane Lynch and many more) a chance to take a deliciously wacky bite out of the hand that feeds them. Hollywood is in the crosshairs here and while it’s a big, bloated target, Guest and Co. take a game (and surprisingly pointed) whack at the dream machine. Plus, did I mention Parker plays an actress playing a lesbian? Yes, really, I’m that easy.

p.s. The film also gave me another contender for my personal catch phrase: “Dying is easy. Playing a lesbian is hard.”

My Weekend Crush

I've loved Sandra Oh since her first feature film, "Double Happiness." Why the love? Well, for starters, can you name five other famous Asian actresses from North America? (Sandra's a Canuck, so we'll include our neighbors to the north...) Think hard. If you've resorted to Tia Carrere, you know you're stretching. But, Asian solidarity aside, Sandra makes every role stand out. Hell, I even liked her in "Arli$$," and that's saying a lot. While she showcases her more intense side every week on "Grey's Anatomy," it's impossible to resist her impeccable comic timing in films like "Under the Tuscan Sun" and "Sideways." Oh, and bonus points for playing a lesbian in the former. Happy weekend, all.

Please pass the gravy

Happy Thanksgiving, all. The season of eating has officially begun. Now go enjoy your food coma.

Buffy slays comics

Buffy creator and all-around genius Joss Whedon gave Entertainment Weekly a sneak peak of the new Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic. Joss has said that the comic will represent season 8 of the TV show (which ended in 2003). He also promises the return of everyone’s favorite lesbian witch, Willow. Do you think Buffy looks a little like Scarlett Johansson in these frames? Maybe it’s just me…

Rosie rips Ripa, outs Clay

So, Rosie O’Donnell called out Kelly Ripa for being homophobic this morning. She accused her of homophobia after Clay Aiken put his hand over her mouth with and she scolded him with a, “I don’t know where that hand has been, honey!” Whether you believe the comment and its ensuing celebrity smackdown was homophobic or not, the most interesting tidbit of this little fracas was both stars' casual acceptance of Clay’s sexuality. As Rosie said:

"If that was a straight man, if that was a cute man, if that was a guy that she didn't question his sexuality, she would have said a different thing. To me that's a homophobic remark."

Also, it’s interesting to hear Kelly vehemently defend her actions. Does this elevate being called homophobic to the ranks of "Must Reply" accusations? Will she be making a rambling apology on Letterman later? Mountain out of molehill? Or does the “honey” put it over the edge? You decide.

An American original

Cinema lovers lost a true original today. Wry satirist and uncompromising visionary Robert Altman died at age 81. He directed such films as “M*A*S*H,” “Nashville,” “The Player,” “Gosford Park” and, his final work, “A Prairie Home Companion.” The latter was - appropriately - his soliloquy on death told with multiple voices. I must say, while there were hits and misses, I always looked forward to a new Altman film. He brought out the best and most organic from his enormously-talented ensemble casts. And, while not at the forefront of any of his films, the director seamlessly blended lesbian storylines or actual lesbians (imagine that) into his work like “Prêt-à-Porter” (Lili Taylor and the bald model), “Dr. T and the Women” (Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler) and “A Prairie Home Companion” (Lily Tomlin). For a tiny taste of that signature Altman style, enjoy Meryl and Lily presenting of his honorary Oscar earlier this year.

Have you heard the one about...

Is it just me, or does this strike anyone else like the pictorial beginning to a bad joke? Something along the lines of, "A rock star, a president and a lesbian walk into a bar..."

Catch them all, punchline not included, today on The Ellen Degeneres Show.

To love, cherish and always wear flats

So, the first thing I thought when I saw this picture was, “Wow, is Katie bending her knees under that dress?” Yes folks, on their wedding day, Tom Cruise made Katie Holmes either a) wear flats or b) squat for the photos. Either way, a healthy way to start a marriage, don’t you think?

Oh, and in case you thought I was exaggerating about the height difference... Behold TomKat’s engagement photo last year. You know, before Kate was legally bound to never wear heels.

My Weekend Crush

Who doesn’t love Tina Fey? Smart, funny, sexy, smart some more. And, oh, those glasses. Lord, I love a girl with glasses. She is versed on current affairs, hates Paris Hilton and can even dance. Wouldn’t it be amazing if, instead of saying, “I want to grow up to be like Jessica Simpson!” young girls today would say, “I want to grow up to be like Tina Fey!” Happy weekend, all.

Eva Green: Bride of Frankenstein, err, Bond...

Eva Green is stunning. Seductive, smart and those eyes, those eyes! Which is why it baffles me that the French actress and newest Bond girl would show up at the premieres of the "Casino Royale" looking like something Igor dragged in. The high necks. The frazzled hair. The Wonder Woman pose. What is this, Bride of Frankenstein chic? I'm all for blazing your own trail, but it shouldn't blaze through Transylvania. I mean, see at what happens when someone else dresses her?

Sexy. Sleek. Not plugged into an electrical socket. Mon dieu.

Lesbian chef on the chopping block

Gay Top Chef contestant Josie Smith-Malave was eliminated from the Bravo TV reality series last night. The out lesbian, who introduced her girlfriend in her audition tape, was booted in a double elimination along with her challenge partner Marisa Churchill. Josie’s sexuality didn’t resurface on the show, which makes sense since it’s about, well, cooking. In her tearful exit interview, Josie shared her surprise at being kicked off, but said the experience did not shake her confidence in herself.

“I’ve proven in the first few challenges that I have talent and the ability to lead a kitchen …. I expected to see myself at the end. I know I have talent.”

Too bad. She was one of the more spunky contestants. A little cocky, but with the skills to back it up.

Who you calling gay?

Well, well. well. Time for that salt shaker again. The webmistress and forum administrator of Michelle Rodriguez’s official website is saying that Kristanna’s statements are “100% false.” Really, 100%? Not, like maybe 60-40? Or 80-20? 50-50, even? She goes on to call it a “publicity ploy” and says “Michelle and Kristanna Loken are JUST friends. It is unknown who is at fault for these insinuations and accusations.” Accusations, I love it when they use that word to describe being called gay or lesbian. Lumps it in with murders, wife beaters, child molesters and your garden variety petty thief. She posted her comments on the site’s Forum and also on the IMBD Message Board. She also says that Michelle’s camp is unhappy, but has no plans to make a statement. Now I REALLY want to read the entire Advocate interview.

Michelle Rodriguez outed by the Terminatrix

Hollywood's resident tough girl/"roommate" assaulter Michelle Rodriguez got kinda, sorta outed by her apparent girlfriend, Hollywood's second resident tough girl/kisser of Pink on the dance floor Kristanna Loken. The pair reportedly got close on the set of their 2005 vampire-adventure flop BloodRayne. Kristanna came out as bisexual in Curve magazine earlier this year. And now, she tells The Advocate that Michelle is her sexy housekeeper. I won't comment on the whole joking about a Hispanic as your domestic servant thing here. Plus I'm guessing there is more about their relationship in the full story, cause I don't get the "Michelle & Kristanna In Love!" vibe from this excerpt. It's kind of a backdoor way of coming out, but better backwards than not at all. Huzzah, Michelle!

Not ready for this jelly

NEWS FLASH: Eva Longoria is not, repeat NOT, starring in a lesbian movie with Beyoncé Knowles. You are, however, still allowed to stare at the picture above and imagine your own movie in your head. Oh, and, I told you so.

Shaken and stirred

Is it bad that I've always had a thing for James Bond? Yes, 007 is a chauvinistic womanizer. Yes he is prone to bad sexual puns. Yes, he kills people at an alarming rate. Yet, still, I can’t help but like the big galoot. Wow, I've just effectively canceled out my women's studies minor, haven't I? I blame a childhood spent watching old Bond reruns on lazy Sunday afternoons. I was young and impressionable…but, really, is it even physically possible to resist the allure of Sean Connery? The tux. The accent. Yummy. (In my defense, the Bond girls never hurt either.) When Daniel Craig was first announced as the new Bond for "Casino Royale," I was a tad horrified. Blond, James blond? Bond is suave, dark and handsome. Not rugged, blond and with an oddly blockish head. Now, after hearing continued reports of a reinvigorated franchise and reading glowing reviews both from the British and American press, I’m sold. Bring on blondie. Plus, have you seen Danny boy in his speedo? Hell, that even works on me.

Desperate Lesbians: Ring the (suspicious) alarm

So, I have to comment on the internet rumors that have been swirling all weekend about Eva Longoria and Beyoncé Knowles rocking each other’s jelly in an American adaptation of “Tipping the Velvet.” Am I the only one whose first response was, "Huh?!?" The report sounds at best extremely suspicious (like some horny guy was paging through Maxim and though, “You know who I’d love to see play lesbians!”) and at worst terribly miscast (Who would be Nan? Who would be Kitty? Who would wear the leather dildo!?!). This would supposedly come from the refined eye of Sofia Coppola (who I’ve carried a torch for since “Lost in Translation”). Sofia’s presence in this scenario is the only one that makes any sense, and only if you cock your head and squint. As a bitter, I mean seasoned, media watcher, I’m taking this with a whole shaker of salt.

Juliet and her fair Juliet

So, I told you about how I watch South of Nowhere - even though it’s about high schoolers and even though my 10 year reunion has long since passed - right? Well, last Friday’s episode was the “Shit, My Parents Found Out I’m Gay” (OK, it was actually titled “Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are”) bombshell that had been building since season one. It involved Spencer’s homophobic mom walking in on our lovebirds mid tryst (seriously, folks, locks…has no one though to invest in door locks?) Sadly, we didn’t see much of said tryst. Only the hurried reapplication of clothing. Well, kiddies, next week we see slightly more of the aforementioned tryst (see above). Sure, it’s fairly tame. But when you’re used to crumbs, you’ll consider anything bigger than a crouton a feast. So, bon appetit. Catch the entire sneak peak here. Also, check out the online webisode (titled "Alone Together"). Is it sad that I think the shot of Spencer blowing on Ashley’s nails is kinda sexy? Yeah, it’s sad. I’ll go slink away in shame now… Oh, one last thing before I slink away, did you notice in next week's promo that the "de-gaying" counselor momophobe hires to cure Spencer is Principal Snyder from Buffy? Worlds colliding. Universes meshing. Must. Lay. Down.

First Annual Androgyny Off

Welcome to the First Annual Androgyny Off. We've got girlish boys versus boyish girls and boys often mistaken for girls versus girls often mistaken for boys and boys who want to be girls versus girls who want to be boys and...you get the picture. Facing off in our main event are two well-matched opponents, both with emo haircuts and piercing stares. In one corner, wearing a girl’s cap-sleeve tee and a look of excruciating sensitivity, is singer-songwriter Bright Eyes (née Conor Oberst). In the other corner, wearing a man’s wife-beater and look of seething butchess, is L Word actress Daniela Sea (née Moira/Max). Who will take it? Whose androgyny reigns supreme?

My Weekend Crush

Cate, Cate...was it something I said? Please, don't cut back on acting. The movies need you. We'll miss you. Who else can play Katharine Hepburn, a New Jersey housewife, an elf queen, the Virgin Queen, a fortune teller, a prisoner of war, a murdered journalist, her own cousin and herself? Without Cate Blanchett the movies will be a little less interesting, and a lot less smart. Well, at least we can still look forward to your portrayal of Bob Dylan. Happy weekend, all.

Hot, steaming Beta

So, as some of you eagle-eyed readers might have noticed, I've switched my template to Blogger Beta. There are some leading/spacing issues to iron out (like, why is some of my text all scrunched up...why, Blogger, why?!?) But I'll fix that another day. For now, I'm basically pleased with the results. What I covet the most is the "Older Posts" button at the bottom of the page which allows you to scroll chronologically through the blog. Feel free to try it out in the comfort of your own home. Happy reading.

UPDATE: Well, I figured out the leading issue. Now, I'm adding Labels. If you'll direct your attention to the right column, you can categorize my obsessions. Fun for the whole family!

Polls closed, but pole always open for business...

Well, now that we’ve gotten all that superficial political stuff out of our system, it is time to carry on with the really important news of the week. I could find no more important, historic, socially-relevant news than this moving clip from "Ellen" yesterday. Yes, that is two-time Oscar winner Emma Thompson pole dancing to "I'm a Slave 4 U" while The Great Panted One throws sweaty dollar bills her way. The perfect amuse-bouche, n'est pas? Enjoy.

Jim Webb is a lucky man

OK, so I never noticed this before, but Jim Webb’s wife is a hottie. The newly-minted senator-elect of Virginia (whose win snagged the Democrats control of the Senate – woo hoo!) married Hong Le last October. The 38-year-old securities lawyer, who is seven-months pregnant, emigrated from Vietnam with her family as a child. And, she’s no trophy wife.

Deliver us from Britney

Bans on gay marriage/domestic partnership passed in seven of eight states yesterday. And, irony of ironies, the second marriage of avowedly-hetero, avowedly-Bush backing superstar/dingbat Britney Spears ended the same day. Thank heavens those seven states saved the sanctity of marriage for someone like her. Cause, you know, us gays would only muck it up. Sigh.

EDITORS NOTE: Lest we burst our own bubble too quickly today, let us still rejoice in yesterday's landmarks:

• First woman speaker of the house: Nancy Pelosi
• First Muslim in Congress: Keith Ellison
• First Democratic Socialist in Congress: Bernie Sanders
• First Jewish governor of New York: Eliot Spitzer
• First African-American governor of Massachusetts: Deval Patrick
• And, according to the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund, 67 openly gay candidates were elected to state and local offices (more than ever before).

Plus, ding-dong the witch is dead jigs of joy for Rummy, Rick Santorum, John Hostettler, Katharine Harris and Richard Pombo. Wow, for me? Is it Christmas already?

Thank you, America

A woman will be two heartbeats away from the Presidency. Holy fucking shit. Say hello to Madam Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the soon-to-be first female speaker of the House of Representatives (and a proud California gal!). Sometimes, when you least expect it, America wakes up and looks toward the light. Sure, the nation still needs to address its not-so internalized homophobia (gay marriage/domestic partnership bans passed in all but one state where it was on the ballot - we heart Arizona). But overall, it was the rare recent election where I’ve gone to bed feeling proud of our country. Democrats take the House. Democrats look good to take the Senate (pending recount hell in Virginia). Democrats take the majority of Governorships. Now, onto 2008.

Isn't something important happening today?

Never mind the elections. On CNN and Fox News today, the big “Breaking News” item was Britney Spears filing for divorce from Kevin Federline. Now I am all for the dissolution of this marriage. Perhaps now we can get back to good, old, hot Britney. But just think what kind of coverage this “breaking news story” would get if it wasn’t – say – the day all Americans exercise their democratic rights and possibly change the course of history. Priorities, people, priorities.

Vote Dammit!

I think the button says it all. Vote. Be a good citizen and, if you want to be a really good citizen, vote for your friendly neighborhood Democratic candidate. Unless, of course, you like the direction the country is going. In which case...are you sure? Seriously? Wow. You may want to read my blog header above and quietly exit the room. Just a suggestion.

UPDATE: Just in case you needed another reason to vote today:

chicks think it's hot.

Salma gets Ugly

So. I, ahhh... Yeah, uhm... OK, I have no idea what I was going to say. But I do know that, if you don’t watch “Ugly Betty” already, here are two very convincing reasons to start. See Salma Hayek begin her (revealing) guest stint on the show she also executive produces at abc.com. Or, you can just stare at these screencaps and wonder, “How the hell did Eric Mabius get so damn lucky?”

Dr. B and the Women

Guestbians Ahoy! Say hello to new The L Word cast members Marlee Matlin and Cybill Shepherd. The actresses will play new women in Bette Porter’s world. Cybill is Bette’s new boss at the University of California. Marlee is “a fiery artist who catches (Bette’s) attention.” Is it just me or does this shot of the ladies clustered around Jennifer Beals look, well, off. It’s a little too Dynasty meets Photoshop for my taste. Oddly stiff and shiny photo aside, I am still (rather impatiently) counting the days until the January premiere of season four. As uneven and at times crappy as season three was, a new year means a new start. And, let's face it, it's lesbian required viewing. Though, the confused folks over at Showtime seem to think it's contagious, since in their eyes (and new promo) everyone is a lesbian. If only.

My Weekend Crush

Ugly really is the new pretty. I’m starting to love “Ugly Betty.” The new series effortlessly blends camp and heart (no small feat) and brings us something practically unheard of on primetime televisions: a big, brainy and brave Hispanic heroine. Betty Suarez is the opposite of the rail-thin glamazons and too-cool hipsters we see everyday on TV. Can I get a Hallelujah. The woman behind Betty is lovely young actress America Ferrera. She proves that, like her first film, “Real Women Have Curves” - and they look damn good with them, thank you. Happy weekend, all.

Doogie comes out

Wow, it has been an unusually crowded year for male celebrities coming out of the closet. First Lance Bass. Then T.R. Knight. Now Doogie, I mean Neil Patrick Harris. The current "How I Met Your Mother" and former "Doogie Howser, M.D." star (if you're too young to remember Doogie, for the love of God spare me the pain and keep that information to yourself) came out today to People.

"I am happy to dispel any rumors or misconceptions and am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest and feel most fortunate to be working with wonderful people in the business I love."

The actor's statement came after recent reports that his publicist denied a gossip item about his sexuality by saying "He’s not of that persuasion." Looks like the truth really is good medicine. As a side note, when did People become the coming out messenger du jour? Lance, T.R. and Neil all used the magazine to release the big news. Apparently, People is the gayest magazine around. And here I was thinking that title went to Vanity Fair.

Fun with hypocrisy

As Election Day draws near, the hypocrites are really coming out of the closet, so to speak. A couple gay-themed goodies from the family-values set to chew on over the weekend.

• Republican Tennessee senatorial candidate Bob Corker apparently didn’t properly communicate his anti-gay stance to 19-year-old daughter Julia who appears in Facebook macking on a female friend and generally having a “Girls Gone Wild” good time. Corker – who is running a tight race against Harold Ford, Jr. – recently aired an ad featuring his daughters with the tag line, “I wanted you to meet my girls.” Well, we sure met Julia.
• The Rev. Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, stepped down from his post this week after allegations arose that he had an ongoing sexual relationship with a male prostitute, from whom he also purchased meth. During his tenure, Haggard fought against abortion and gay rights. He recently supported a ban on same-sex marriage on his home state of Colorado. Seems Haggard is of the “why buy the cow if you already pay for the milk” school of gay relationships.

I love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning. It smells like...victory.

And now for something completely different...

Oh. My. PopWatch is reporting that this man, CBS Early Show weatherman Dave Price, may take over for retiring “Price is Right” host Bob Barker. After watching this footage of him shake it like a Polaroid picture for “Dance Friday,” words escape me. Seriously, wow. I will let you judge for yourself where this item falls on the Kinsey Scale. But the man does say, “This is Olivia Newton-John, one of the greatest artists of the 20th Century.” I rest my case.

Trailer Trash

Since today is shaping into your quintessential slow news days, I thought I would dissect a trailer I just saw for the new film “Notes on a Scandal.” The British indie drama stars the venerable Cate Blanchett and the even more venerable (venerabler?) Judi Dench. Now, I have nothing but respect for these actresses. They are talented and smart, two attributes that work on me like catnip. That said, the trailer for their new film disturbed me and probably not in the way the filmmakers intended.

Why the consternation? Well, from what I can see the movie has an uncomfortable gay subtext. Now, this might be due to unfortunate editing, but you can’t mistake the sexual innuendo in the clips. Dench’s character strokes Blanchett’s hand and says, “I’ve such a dread of ending my days alone.” After lingering glances, Dench confides, “She’s the one I’ve waited for.” Later, Blanchett wails, “You think this is a love affair?!”

This would be all fine and good if it wasn’t for the more insidious May-December “Single White Female” meets “The Killing of Sister George” overtones also present. Please, tell me there is more to this film than a matronly spinster with latent lesbian tendencies who falls for the vivacious younger woman with tragic results. What do you think? Interesting psychological drama or tiresome evil-lesbian cliché?

Future's so bright...

So, here is another example of why you need both men AND women in the media. The indie entertainment magazine Paste sent out a press release yesterday listing the “top ten most significant shade-wearing roles of all time.” Yeah, it was pretty random, but you know how America can’t resist a list. Anyway, as I checked it out something struck me. See if you can spot what’s missing…

10. Men in Black
9. Midnight Run
8. Blade
7. Cool Hand Luke
6. Top Gun
5. Reservoir Dogs
4. The Matrix
3. Risky Business
2. The Terminator
1. Blues Brothers

Guess what’s not there? Say, oh I don’t know, how about any predominantly FEMALE shade wearing roles. What about “Lolita?” “Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” “Thelma & Louise?” Come on, boys, I know you can do better.