Vacation Vixen: Gunpowder Milkshake

As promised, I watched “Gunpowder Milkshake” basically as soon as it came out. And while it has flaws and isn’t a perfect movie, I did greatly enjoy it’s moxie and matriarchal assassin society. Plus, goodness, you can’t beat that cast. I mean, you can beat them, but these ladies beat right back and then some. While the story is a bit Lady John Wick-ish, honestly it’s just refreshing to have women continue to enter the male-dominated action world and kick all kinds of ass. And, I mentioned the cast, right? Lena, Karen, Angela, Michelle, Carla. Yeah, gimme a movie filled with unbelievably talented women and point them at something to attack and I’m yours for two hours.

p.s. Had to add one more picture because I mean, look at them.

Drink Your Milkshake

Fuck. And. YES! The trailer for “Gunpowder Milkshake,” the movie I plan to watch no matter what because HELLO, is finally out. I don’t think I need to say much more than Lena Headey, Karen Gillan, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. The trailer makes it out to be a bit like if the Birds of Prey decided to let their inner John Wicks out while trying to Kill Bill. Heck, if this wasn’t coming to Netflix in July I’d happily go see this in an actual real theater with other humans. Yeah, that’s how much I am definitely watching “Gunpowder Milkshake.”

My Milkshake Brings All the Girls

You know when you just look at a cast and say, damn, I don’t care if it’s good or not. I am going to watch the shit out of that. And that’s exactly how I feel about “Gunpowder Milkshake.” The new action thriller about an organization of elite female assassins stars Karen Gillan, Lena Headey, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. Oh and I guess maybe some dudes, like Paul Giamatti or whatever. But, yeah. That cast, ladies, THAT CAST. Netflix won the U.S. rights to the movie, which means I’m going to be very happy on my couch in the not-too-distant future. And, a sequel is apparently already in the works, according to Deadline. As with the planned follow-up for “The Old Guard,” a lady could get positively used to seeing all these amazing women starring in their own action flicks. And casting Luce the Florist and Amy Pond as mother-daughter? Yes, and thank you.

Also, the behind-the-scenes photos on female-fronted action films are so much better than the dude ones. Like, could you see the cast of “The Expendables” doing this? Carry on, ladies, carry on.

Their Milkshake Brings All the Girls

I know there aren’t a lot of things to look forward to right now. But, there is at least one thing, which is “Gunpowder Milkshake.” The movie description says, “Gunpowder Milkshake will follow three generations of female assassins who, over the course of a single night, fight to stop a cycle of violence.” Which, cool. And then you read the roster: Karen Gillan, Lena Headey, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. So that’s a lot of things to look forward to, actually. The film finished filming last year, and is now awaiting release. Which, uh, yeah. Who knows when that will happen. But with a cast that great and a premise this interesting, I think it’ll be worth the wait.

p.s. Here is Lena strangling Karen with what appear to be socks. Like I said, something to look forward to indeed.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

In her new Harper's Bazaar cover story, Kristen Stewart revealed she has been told by Hollywood folks that, “If you just like do yourself a favour, and don’t go out holding your girlfriend’s hand in public, you might get a Marvel movie.”

What you just heard there was a sharp intake of breath from every queer woman everywhere. As much as we are grateful for the progress the LGBTQ community has made in terms of acceptance and openness, we still have so far to go – obviously. As far as mainstream entertainers go, it is telling that Ellen DeGeneres (who came out 22 years ago) and Kristen Stewart (who was 7 when Ellen came out) are probably our most famous out lesbian, bi and/or queer women celebrities.

Sure, there are a ton more out celebs than in the old days, like The Other Ellen and Cara and Sarah and Janelle and Ruby and Samira and the good news is I could go on. But if you think about which of those women came out at the very start of their careers, versus after they’ve become famous, well, that list shrinks. And, in terms of our superstars, the truth is there should be more.

But the reason there aren’t more is thinking like that Hollywood goon who dangled a “Marvel movie” in front of K-Stew if only she’d quit with the icky hand holding. The double standard remains that for an actress to really break out really big she that must be seen as straight and desirable, especially to all the drooling fanboy contingent. Gotta make that green, right?

So, in dishonor of that outmoded and money-at-all-costs kind of thinking, here are a slew of straight (and some not-so-straight) actresses who have proudly held hands with women and yet, somehow, have still managed to land themselves in Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. A chronological list from when they appeared in their first “Marvel movie.”

Gwyneth Paltrow

Somehow, the “Iron Man” star has managed to star in seven, yes Se7en, MCU movies despite flaunting her hand love with Nicole Kidman.

Natalie Portman

Not only did Natalie star in two “Thor” movies, she is going to be a new female “Thor” in a new film. And all this despite holding hands with Nicole Kidman. Though, to be fair, after openly holding hands with two Marvel ladies Nicole has only managed to land one (really, really bad – man is “Aquaman” bad) D.C. movie.

Hayley Atwell

The “Captain America” star is shown brazenly holding hands with Sally Hawkins, who has not been in a Marvel movie but did get to make out with a fish. So, win-win?

Cobie Smulders

The stoic “Avengers” star got all handy while promoting an indie film at the Sundance Film Festival a few years back. But, you know, it was an indie movie, maybe nobody noticed.

Karen Gillan

The “Guardians of the Galaxy” star is British, so many that’s why clasping hands with new late night talk show host Lilly Singh doesn’t really count, right?

Evangeline Lilly

Maybe she thought being in “Antman” would make her hands so small no one would see this.

Tilda Swinton

I mean, everyone knows Tilda is an alien from another galaxy. So this gratuitous hand holding with Charlize Theron (because aliens have good taste) had no impact on her “Doctor Strange” role, obviously.

Marisa Tomei

Well, she is playing Aunt May in “Spider-Man,” so despite the character wildly Benjamin Buttoning throughout the “Spider-Man” movies/reboots, she is still an aunt. So, that means she’s well past fuckable age anyway so hold hands all you want, “old” lady.

Tessa Thompson

Look, we know the “Thor: Ragnarok” star likes to wear Pussy Pants with a certain lady. But this obviously doesn’t count because Evan Rachel Wood is a robot, duh.

Lupita Nyong'o & Danai Gurira

Two of the stars of “Black Panther” holding hands with each other? Does that mean they cancel out? I was never good at math.

Brie Larson

The “Captain Marvel” actress got to be the titular star of her very own superhero movie and she repays the studio by unapologetically holding hands with her stunt double Joanna Bennett. The nerve!

In the end, K-Stew just needs to channel the power of Cate Blanchett who got to star in a Marvel movie, loves holding hands with ladies, happily and swoonily plays gay in movies, and has won two damn Oscars.



p.s. Given her recent comments on believing Woody Allen and being more than happy to work with him again, no one really wants to hold Scarlett Johansson’s hand anymore.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Gray Days Edition

I’ve been in a rather gray mood this week. The ridiculous realities of our political landscape and cultural discourse tend have a way of bringing a gal down. But I am determined to turn that frown upside down. Gray skies are gonna clear up and all. So let’s celebrate gray in all its glory. Sure, the black suit gets all the formal occasions. But a nice gray suit can really cheer a gal up when worn on the right gal. Case in point, these ladies. See, things are looking better already.

Emma Watson

Hermione went to college and joined the Newsboys Club.

Isabella Rossellini

I love a woman who ages with dignity, and in a suit.

Janelle Monae

She’s easy breezy and then some.

Ellen DeGeneres

So is Ellen, but we knew that already.

Karen Gillan

Sept. 1, I’ll be there.

Evan Rachel Wood

Vests count too. Possibly double. Possibly triple with those suspenders – and hair.

Rashida Jones

I’ve decided to adopt Ann Perkins’ description of Leslie Knope as my new personal mantra: “She’s a little doofy, but she’s sweet.”

Scarlett Johansson

She makes a rather dapper Buster Keaton. Who knew?

Angie Harmon

I miss Det. Sexy McBadass and her Ponytail of Righteous Justice.

What geekery is this?

True story: I loved action figures as a kid. I know, not to surprising given my overall continued tomboy tendencies. But I LOVED them. I could play quietly for hours, lost in my own fantasy world where my Han Solo figure bickered with my Buck Rogers figure and Princess Leia went ahead and rescued Superman instead. My childhood fantasy world was kind of awesome. But being a geek then was different than being a geek now. Now it has a cache. Geeks, like bowties – if you ask The Doctor, are cool. But then, geeks were geeks. So it’s with a slightly bemused sense of satisfaction when I watched all the pretty ladies clamor to get their geek on last weekend weekend at Comic-Con.

So in celebration of everyone’s inner and outer geek, here are some lovely ladies getting geeky. Geekery, it’s not just for geeks anymore.

Alyson Hannigan

Willow will always be my favorite geek. Always.

Anna TorvThese should be Special Agent Olivia Dunham action figures, but otherwise, perfect.

Lucy LawlessWhen lesbian subtext and geek fandom collides.

Anika Noni RoseSo this is kind of more of a “doll,” but Anika looks so happy to be holding herself it’s pretty geeky.

Meryl StreepThis is her “Fantastic Mr. Fox” figure. If there was a real Meryl Streep action figure I would buy two. One to keep new in the box and another to play with. Wait, that sounded weird. Good.

Elizabeth MitchellThese aren’t technically action figures either, but getting this excited about your cake doppelgangers is's adorageeky.

Yvonne StrahovskiAlso, not an action figure. But it’s a light saber. So, you know, even better.

Sarah Michelle GellarBuffy is using Darth Vader as an armrest. Your argument is invalid.

Felicia DayIf Felicia in a squid hat doesn’t brighten your day, then you are probably not a geek.

Natalie PortmanGeeks and politics, two great things that go great together.

Karen GillanNow that is how you play with action figures.

Britt Robertson, Maggie Q, Yvonne Strahovski, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Morrison & Anna TorvI don’t know who Britt Robertson is, but otherwise, GEEKGASM.

Check out the special Comic-Con issue of The Hollywood Reporter for more on Sarah, Anna, Yvonne, Maggie et al.

Vacation Vixen: Karen Gillan

I gave Heather endless shit about lusting after young little Karen Gillan. But then I watched the new “Dr. Who.” Um, yeah. Age is just a number, right?