Historically Stupid Men, Always Men

Everything is so stupid (and, of course, scary) all the time these days. But can we all just have a deep, endless belly laugh about the World’s Richest Man crashing out so spectacularly about a 3,000-year-old epic poem? He can’t shut the fuck up about how the casting of Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy in “The Odyssey” is “ahistorical.” My dude, it’s a mythological story. There’s also a cyclops, a six-headed serpent and vessel-devouring whirlpool monster. Are you also gonna complain that the vessel-devouring whirlpool monster is anatomically inaccurate?

But then, why would we expect anything less from the World’s Most Racist Serial Killer (I mean, he killed USAID, which is killing…*stares in ebola crisis*). He’s mad about Elliot Page being cast as (maybe Achilles, maybe not Achilles, really anything) in the movie as well because why just be a Nazi when you can also be a transphobic piece of shit? Anyway, I’m going to see Christopher Nolan’s next opus, not because I’m a homer for Homer. But because it will make Elon crash out even more if it does well at the box office. And these days, it’s the little things that get you through.

p.s. Like how attractive is this female cast? All their faces could launch a thousand ships – and more. So Stay mad, Musky! Stay mad.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Met with Suits

First things first, the Met Gala is ridiculous. It is the most bready of circuses, feeding us with literally nothing but sparkly celebrity sparkling. But, I can also not resist attractive women in suits. And this year’s theme of dandyism and Black tailoring which brought out SO MANY SUITS. Granted, some outfits were suit adjacent. And there were so many jackets over gowns. Or, um, hotpants. But, still, I love a strong shoulder in a smart lapel. I can’t help it! If we’re gonna eat the rich, they might as well look delicious beforehand. Just saying. Anyway, here are some of the tastiest looks of the gala. Like, Zendaya in that white three-piece? Hot damn. And I do not mean that respectfully. (Sorry, Tom Holland.) Oh and also – yeah, tax the rich.

Janelle Monae

This. Is. Art. Periodt.

Tessa Thompson

This is also art, but possibly by Dr. Seuss.

Doechii

I’ve never been into the little pageboy look, until now.

Whoopi Goldberg

This is perhaps my favorite of her red carpet looks. Maybe even more than her Oscar-winning dress in 1991.

Lupita Nyong'o

Seafoam Mary Poppins is working for me.

Lauryn Hill

This is what people mean when they say “like butter.”

Jonquel Jones

The WNBA finals MVP defied gravity indeed.

Breanna Stewart

Now that’s a good teammate, dressing exactly to theme.

Madonna

Channeling Dietrich is never wrong.

Chappell Roan

Neither is channelling Bowie.

Anna Sawai

I mean, if you’re going to wear the same thing as someone, might as well be Zendaya. Amirite?

Angela Bassett

Just give the Queen her Oscar already.

My Weekend (SGALGG/GGALGG) Crush

While watching the Emmys on Monday I had the strangest sensations. Great winner after winner was named: Sheryl Lee Ralph, Quinta Brunson, Jennifer Coolidge, Lizzo, Jean Smart. Did I just experience JOY from an award show? Granted, the telecast ended up fizzling toward the end and then limped to the finish. And, of course, as with any award show, there was plenty of SGALGG. There were also plenty of GGALGG, as is now also always refreshingly the case. So please enjoy these moments of JOY and ladies enjoying being in the presence of other ladies. Though, if seeing newly minted Emmy winners Jean Smart and Sheryl Lee Ralph SGALGGing together doesn’t make you happy, what could? Happy weekend, all.

Jean Smart & Everyone

I mean, who wouldn’t want a chance to hold Jean’s hand, like Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’s Rachel Brosnahan and Yellowjacket’s Tawny Cypress.

Or Maisel’s Alex Borstein and Yellowjackets co-stars Christina Ricci and Melanie Lynskey. Christina appears to also want a handful, and who can blame her.

Jean Smart & Hannah Einbinder

But no one called DIBS as hard as her “Hacks” co-star Hannah Einbinder. They already dream kissed in the show, so real life truly cannot be a stretch. (Yes, I know I know, very May-December.)

Quinta Brunson & Hannah Waddingham

Can Hannah resurrect her Shame Nun from Game of Thrones to shame Jimmy Kimmel for his disrespectful stunt during Quinta’s acceptance speech? Because, yeah.

Zendaya & HoYeon Jung

The future looks bright for young Hollywood. Now how about a “Squid Game” and “Euphoria” cross-over? I mean, the characters are all desperate and destructive in their own ways.

Lizzo & Zendaya

Joy. That’s all, just joy.

Christina Ricci & Reese Witherspoon

Are Christina’s Misty from “Yellowjackets” and Reese’s Tracy Flick from “Election” kind of spiritual twins? I mean, at least in the striving department. Possibly not the (possible) cannibalism. Also, props to Tawny for rooting for some good femslash between these two.

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor

Truly, no award show is complete without our royal lesbian couple gracing the red carpet, now with a new pert alternative lifestyle haircut to boot. Also, there arrival marks our official transition into GGALGG land.

Hannah Einbinder & Her Afterparty Suit

Did I mention she changed into this after the awards? Because, yes.

And it encouraged her to perhaps cheat, respectfully, on Jean. Just a little. But then if The Bear’s Ayo Edebiri wanted a bear bug, you’d give one too.

Ariana DeBose & Everyone

Not to be out-gayed, Ariana indeed had a gay old time at the Emmys. Like schmoozing with Amanda Seyfried.

Or canoodling with Tracie Thoms and Rosario Dawson in a mini “Rent” movie reunion.

And how about this epic kibitzing with none other than RuPaul across the aisle.

Finally, there’s this. Possibly the gayest thing to happen at the Emmys. Ariana. Bowen Yang. Kate McKinnon. Like the only way it could have been gayer is if Sarah and Holland photobombed them. Oh well, goals for next year.

Happy (Honeymoon) Pride

I don’t know if there’s any way to watch this commercial for Bulgari without thinking it’s actually an extended honeymoon video for Anne Hathaway and Zendaya. Like, I didn’t even realize they were engaged. Mazel, ladies, mazel! But, seriously, what are we supposed to think with all the dancing for each other, sitting knowingly on the bed together and touching heads while holding one another on a luxurious veranda overlooking the Eternal City. It’s like the most posh “Carol” sequel ever. I mean, I guess that’s one way to kick off Pride Month. Happy Pride, kittens.

SGALGG: Wannabe Queer Oscars 2022 Edition

So, fine, some straight people showed up at the Academy Awards, too. I guess. And they were perfectly lovely, for the most part. But, as always, how those Straight Gals love to act like Gay Gals when the fancy dresses (and suits) go on. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And, yes, a few Queer Gals also slip back into this post. But, then, anyone who has ever been to a college party knows Straight Gals can flock to Gay Gals like moths to a flame when the mood strikes. Or so I’ve heard.

And, to be honest, who isn’t happy to see Sarah, Jean and Judith all together again? On y va!

Judith Smart & Judith Light

See, hanging out with Sara has made them want to SGALGG by themselves.

Rosario Dawson & Amu Schumer

Love means always having to share your jalapeno poppers.

Marlee Matlin & Penelope Cruz

Marlee’s clearly saying, “Don’t worry, Penelope. I was on The L Word, I know what to do.”

Billie Eilish & Megan Thee Stallion

Look, people will try to lick you if you wear a dress made out of Reese’s peanut butter cup wrappers.

Zendaya

I don’t even understand the physics of how she can look like this in that suit. But I kind of hope this signals the return of big shouldered 80s broads – in attitude if nothing else.

Nicole Kidman & Jessica Chastain

Getting a little handsy there, Nicole.

Nicole & Zoe Kravitz

Am I sensing a theme with Nic?

Nicole & Ariana DeBose

Theme confirmed.

Now, this part I call, Everybody Loves Ariana (Unlike Chris, ahem)

Ariana & Kirsten Dunst

It’s the intense hand-holding for me.

Ariana & Jessie Buckley

Using that fellow nominee status to sneak in a long embrace, I see.

Ariana & H.E.R.

Now, that would be a ridiculously talented couple.

Ariana & Rita Moreno

I mean, who am I to judge that May-December love?

Gender Fuck Thurday: Zendaya Edition

Well now, with all apologies to Megan and Sue, THIS is how you wear a suit. I know among all the young lesbian “studs” or whatever they’re called these days, the loose tank top, backwards snapback and long hair is the Uniform du Jour. But can I make a petition to replace that with exquisitely tailored double-breasted suits? Because, DAYUM.



Yes, I know, at 23 years old Zendaya is too young for a geezer like me. But we can all appreciate fine art when we see it, regardless the age. And she is wearing THE HELL out of this suit. So, you know, always respect the suit game. Plus, extra bonus points for pairing it with an old-school watch and chunky index ring. Like I said, respect the game, ladies. RESPECT.

Gender Fuck Thursday

Does the real fear of our country falling under the neo-fascist rule of a racist, sexist short-fingered vulgarian got you down? Then how about some beautiful women of color in black-and-white to cheer you up? Oh, also they’re in various forms of so-called menswear. Why? Because irony is damn beautiful. You’re welcome, America. Now get the hell out there and vote. Oh, and Ted Cruz is just as bad. Shudder.

Viola Davis

Still catching up on HTGAWM Season 2. Question: Does it get gayer?

Gina Rodriguez

She is so damn delightful and I feel so damn guilty for being so damn behind on “Jane the Virgin.”

Janelle Monae

Every time I see Janelle in a suit my heart grows three sizes.

Archie Panjabi

I’m so excited Archie is finally getting her own series.

Angela Bassett

I don’t know why Angela keeps showing up in “American Horror Story,” since she is always so terribly underused. But bless her for continuing to do her very damn best with what she is given.

Lucy Liu

“Elementary” continues to be wonderful. That is all.

Zendaya

I think I am too old to fully understand who Zendaya is.

Janet Jackson

We should all follow Janet’s lead and sip copious amounts of tea throughout this entire insane election cycle.