Happy Hulu-ween!

Happy Halloween! This is pretty much my favorite holiday, what with the candy and costumes and the it being my birthday week and all. So in honor of all that is good and creepy, I bring you the best of all possible scares. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer pilot. In full. All 43 minutes and 27 seconds. All in clear, crisp digital glory courtesy the new -- and might I add awesome -- NBC/Universal online video site Hulu.com. Happy Halloween, indeed.

UPDATE: Now that I realize the writers get zero dollars, or even pennies, for viewings of online content, I feel considerably less jazzed about Hulu... In fact, I think I'll refrain from watching until this whole thing is resolved. It's not a lot, but it's something.

L is for lovely

That whooshing sound you hear is the wind whipping through my empty skull. You see, a second ago my brain fell completely out. Like, boom, onto the ground. It even bounced, not unlike a Super Ball. I’ve now been rendered unable to use any and all motor skills. Why the sudden brain dropage? Jennifer Beals in sheer teal. So many things are right about these pictures of the incomparable Ms. Beals at the Matthew Shepard Foundation Honors over the weekend. For starters, it’s a GLBT benefit. Yay with the do goodery. And then there is Jennifer’s distinct lack of supportive upper undergarments. Oh, and her arms. Dear God, her arms.Finally, there is Jennifer’s all around cocoa-butter goodness. Bronze. Skin. Everywhere.Damn, I’m going to have to invest in some kind of brain harnessing apparatus come January, what with Jennifer and her L ladies returning and Lena and her Summer gal arriving. For a cold month, I don’t think I’ll have any problem keeping warm.

[Click any of the images to enlarge, which I could not recommend more. Hat tip, cappuccinogirl, with an assist from thelinster!]

Terminator: Rise of the Hotness

Summer Glau on a trampoline. Lena Headey in a leather jacket. My head about to explode. This behind-the-scenes video from a publicity shoot for “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” has me wondering, where are all of these picture?! We demand the hotness. Particularly of Summer and that trampoline and those guns. Is it Jan. 14th yet? And, well, this shot just made me laugh. Summer is all, “Ahoy, lesbians!” and Lena is all, “Uh, not before my coffee, dear.”
Alas, even when the official photos finally do come out, there probably won’t be any like this. [Click to enlarge the femslash goodness. Hat tip, dana mulder. Image by sam991 via the piperandlena.com forum.] How many days until Jan. 14?

My Weekend Crush

Mes amis, ce soir je suis dans l’humeur pour quelque chose de français. Mais pas simplement quelque chose français. Non, quelque chose de français comme La Binoche. Right, so I hope I didn’t totally embarrass myself by dusting off some of the old college French. But, basically, I just feel like going French tonight. And, to me, it doesn’t get much more French than the exquisite Juliette Binoche. She is that perfect mix of ethereal and earthy. While I first saw her in “The Unbearable Lightness of Being,” it wasn’t until “Blue” that I fell head over heels. Now, granted, I fell for all the actresses from the “Trois couleurs” trilogy. But my love for the fair Juliette has proved the most enduring. For a beautiful woman, she is uncommonly grounded, direct and -- best of all -- real. She radiates a warm, honest sensuality without even a hint of artifice. And I can’t think of another actress who looks better with her eyes closed. Be still, ma mon coeur. Happy weekend, all.

Like a fish needs a bicycle

So, despite my better judgment, I’ve been sticking with “Bionic Woman.” Yes, Michelle Ryan is no Katee Sackhoff. Yes, the writing can on occasion make your ear-bleed. Yes, some of the storylines seem to come straight out of “Espionage for Dummies.” Yet, still, I stay. I stay because I like shows about strong women and I really like shows about strong women who kick ass.

But this week’s episode highlighted a lot of what is wrong with the series. First of all, there was no Sarah Corvus. Not even a glimpse. Heck, she is 99 percent of why I’m still watching, if not more. But even more distressing than Sarah’s absence was the episode’s over-arching premise. Namely, that a woman needs a man. Clearly, I have issues with this on nearly ever level.
Lest you think I’m exaggerating, let’s review the episode. It opened with Jamie and friends chatting in her living room. The subject comes to dating and our independent heroine says:

“I don’t need a man in my life right now…I don’t need a man to make me happy.”

To which her friends reply:

“That is really sad.”
“Pathetic.”
“Yeah, ditto.”

Wow, great message to send to women everywhere. Even if you’re a (super) strong woman, you’re pathetic if you don’t want a man in your life. And, oh, it gets worse. The plot (just as goofy as ever) has Jamie going undercover to college as a British exchange student (those sneaky writers, slipping in her real accent…but more on that later). There she meets a T.A. who turns out to be C.I.A. and they almost get horizontal. By the way, where do they find all these bland dullards to be Jamie’s love interest? First her negatively charismatic doctor boyfriend and now this slightly buffer version of Fred Savage?

So, what are we left with at the end of this episode that opened with Jamie’s supposedly empowering statement that she didn’t need a man to be happy? Her happily getting all kissy face with her new man. Ugh. Not that I’m against happiness or coupleness or kissiness. But, please, don’t insult us with your pseudo empowerment only to take us down the same old boy meets girl road. This is not why I tune into shows about strong women.
That said, the episode did have two very good things going for it. 1) Michelle’s English accent. To quote the geeky lab tech dude: “It’s literally the hottest thing ever!” Is it just me, or does she act better with the accent, too? and 2) The Ani DiFranco song “Recoil” playing at the end. Ani anywhere makes me smile. Ani with a Bionic Woman, well, that makes me really smile.

Hot mamas

Oh my. Oh my, oh my. Halle Berry is looking very, uhm, radiant these days. I guess pregnancy really does the body good. Not to get all weird pregnant lady fetish-y here (oh, Lord, the Google searches), but I have noticed how impending hot mamahood has a, shall we say, exponential effect on certain, shall we say, prominent attributes. First Salma Hayek, now Halle Berry. Damn. I mean, I realize I’m verging on pervy here (oh, great, more Google searches), but I simply could not let these new developments to go unnoticed. No thanks required, just doing my job.

There’s something about Jessica

So, let’s discuss this picture for a minute. I know it’s been making the rounds for a bit now, but I can no longer ignore it’s inherently gay qualities. In fact, it’s just screaming out for further dissection. So, let’s dissect. Here is Jessica Biel and her tank-top wearing friend on the sidelines of the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field game earlier this month. In front of her, as handily pointed out by TMZ’s big yellow arrow, is Jessica’s boyfriend Justin Timberlake. And behind her, Jessica’s friend appears to be giving her behind a nice, firm squeeze.

OK, gratuitous girl-on-girl ass grab aside, this photo is just brimming with The Gay. The girls’ tank tops? Super gay. Their wide, toned shoulders? Mega gay. Their matching shaggy You’re-Looking-Very-Shane-Today hair? Come on, don’t make me repeat it. And that’s not even touching on their butch belts or her buff forearms. I mean, you don’t even have to have good gaydar to pick that stuff up, just moderately good vision. If I didn’t know better I would have sworn this shot was taken at the Dinah Shore. It’s that gay. Based on all this irrefutable empirical evidence, Jessica Biel is clearly either a straight woman trapped in a gay woman’s body or, well, just plain gay. Also, any chance her mystery friends/girlie groper is the same gal as from this photo taken earlier this summer? The evidence, it mounts.
UPDATE: Thanks to Anonymous #1 (with an assist from Anonymous #6) we get to see the front of our mystery groper. And, as I suspected, it only furthers The Gay. Heavens, it’s almost textbook. Punky hair. Camo shirt. Wrist cuffs. Studded belts. Cargo slacks. Checkered Vans. (Click to enlarge The Gay.)
And for the coup de grace, Jessica is wearing the exact same Vans. Flip to the “How to Become Gay Twins”-chapter in the big “Lesbian Relationship Handbook” and you’ll find this picture under Step 1: Buy the same sneakers and wear them out together.

It’s got to be the haircut

So, for whatever reason, I’ve never been that attracted to Mena Suvari. I mean, she is attractive, no doubt. But she has never been my definition of American Beauty, à la Lester Burnham. And then, I saw these pictures of her in Italian Vogue. Well, huh. What do ya know? Isn’t it interesting when something comes up that realigns the very foundation of all you held hot. It’s kind of jarring. But in a good way. Click to enlarge any of the images and let the realignment begin for yourself, too.

We are family

By now, you’ve probably already heard the big news around Hogwarts the world that Dumbledore is gay. Harry Potter headmistress J.K. Rowling flung open the closet door Friday during a reading at Carnegie Hall when a fan asked her if Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore had ever fallen in love:

“My truthful answer to you... I always thought of Dumbledore as gay… [ovation] Dumbledore fell in love with Grindelwald, and that that added to his horror when Grindelwald showed himself to be what he was. To an extent, do we say it excused Dumbledore a little more because falling in love can blind us to an extent? But, he met someone as brilliant as he was, and rather like Bellatrix, he was very drawn to this brilliant person, and horribly, terribly let down by him.

Yeah, that’s how I always saw Dumbledore. In fact, recently I was in a script read through for the sixth film, and they had Dumbledore saying a line to Harry early in the script saying I knew a girl once, whose hair... [laughter]. I had to write a little note in the margin and slide it along to the scriptwriter, ‘Dumbledore’s gay!’ [laughter and ovation] If I’d known it would make you so happy, I would have announced it years ago!”

Later, after another fan thanked her for the revelation [read the full transcript over at The Leaky Cauldron], she added:

“You needed something to keep you going for the next 10 years! Oh, my god, the fan fiction now, eh?”

OK. First of all, Yay, Dumbledore! Welcome to the family. Dude, the bears are going to love you. Second of all, Yay, J.K. Rowling! Just when I thought she couldn’t get any cooler for making millions upon millions of children (and more than a few discerning adults) excited about reading, she goes and does this. I always thought some dark magic had to be at work for there not to be a single gay character in the Potterverse. (Would it have better if he had been declared gay from the start, obviously. Obviously.)

But what I really want to do is take a moment to put this historic outing in perspective. The Harry Potter series is the best-selling children’s series of all time. To date it has sold more than 350 million copies and been translated into 64 languages. The five film adaptations so-far rank among the top 20 highest-grossing films of all-time worldwide. And now, the whole world knows that one of the most important and beloved characters in the series is gay. Wow. I think that makes it a pretty good day to be gay, don’t you?[Hat tip, suenami; Dumbledore Pride photo via mrslaurenm]

My Weekend Crush

For some reason, it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what draws me to Lena Headey. Certainly she is a stunner, but in a more serene way than most beautiful women. And the accent, well, the accent always gets the knees wobbling. Then there is her every-so-slightly lopsided smirk. But in the end, I think it’s because she seems always to be thinking. It’s the eyebrows and a lifetime spent perfecting the sexy scowl. She looks like she is sizing up the situation and trying to dissect what makes the person across from her tick. I like it. I like it a lot.

Many of you may have fallen for Lena as Luce, the hottest florist in the history of pretty much ever. But me, I was a goner 10 years ago when, as Sally, she waltzed into Clarissa’s heart forever in “Mrs. Dalloway.” Dear God, that simple kiss. I watched that movie the second time just for that kiss. Of course, now I can’t wait to see her kick some serious robot ass in “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.” Lena, that scowl and a shotgun? OK, now I’ve pinpointed exactly what draws me to Lena Headey. Happy weekend, all.

Foxy Friday

It’s Friday, so let’s fox things up a bit. I call these photos my black is the new sexy collection. Click any of the images to enlarge. I highly suggest you do, for purely academic purposes, of course. Heck, Jodie thinks you should, too. See how she keeps pointing to the one she likes best. So without further ado:

Do A Little Dance

Make a little love, get down tonight, get down tonight. And in heels, no less. [hat tip, cappuccino girl and Nea!]

Sheer Fabric Rocks

Uma learns the hard way that sheer fabric + camera flashes = nipplepalooza.

God Bless America

Damn, girl’s got curves for days. Just call her Cleavage-y Betty.

The Three Sexies

Julianne, Maggie and Kate give The Three Graces a run for their money in the hottie department.

p.s. Thanks ever so much for the blog love anna, sphygmo, alien queen, et al. Though now I’ve come down with a severe case of the warm and fuzzies. Whatever shall I do? Good thing I have the weekend to recuperate and get back to full snark.

Kristen Bell’s mad skillz

So Kristen Bell debuts on “Heroes” next week. In honor of her impending arrival, I give you a little sneak peek at her power. Can you guess what it is? Super strength? Regeneration? Flight? No, no and not so much. If you look closely, you’ll see that her real power is something much more, uh, handy. That’s right, her special skill is the power of lesbian persuasion.
Look out, world. The Super Lesbian Recruiter is here, she’s queer, and she’s coming for your daughters. OK, fine, so maybe that isn’t her “official” power. But you could see how I could get confused by all of these shots of Kristen and Hayden Panettiere together. Seriously, those girls can’t keep their hands off of each other.
Though, after hearing what Kristen had to say about her character Elle to TV Guide, I think I might actually not be that far off:

“She’s a little messed up in the head, which makes her manipulative and out to get what she wants….She very much enjoys her power and the emotional power it gives her over other people…There’s a very interesting dynamic between her and Claire, in terms of what is and what is not. There’s a deeper relationship there than people are expecting.”

Called it! Damn, now that would make me start watching again.

t.A.T.u. you

Uhm, remember when Mischa Barton had a budding career and a bright future? Yeah, what happened? When I first heard about the new movie “Finding t.A.T.u.,” I was pretty sure it was a joke. A movie about faux lesbian Russian girl group t.A.T.u.? Have we learned nothing from “Spice World?” Yet, per the plot synopsis:

Two teenage girls, Janie who is American and Lana who is Russian, fall in love after meeting at a t.A.T.u concert and are swept into a dangerous world of obsession, drug abuse and murder.

Alas, it’s real and really coming to a theater (or more likely direct-to-a-video store) near you. Making this all weirder, Mischa isn’t playing American Janie. She will be Ruski Lana. So we can look forward to lots of “moose and squirrel!”-level acting. Who then will play the all-American girl? Former “Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Model Search” contestant Shantel VanSanten, whose film credits so far include such illustrious roles as “Hot Date” and “Beautiful Girl.” I am on pins and needles, you? Also, good thing one of them has an accent, otherwise it might get confusing trying to tell them apart.
And just when you thought this whole farce couldn’t get any more farcical, you realize that once-acclaimed director Roland Joffé, known in better days as the director behind the Academy Award-winning film “The Killing Fields,” is helming this insane clown car of a production. Just in case you think I might be exaggerating about the film’s insane clown car/moose and squirrel-qualities, please enjoy (and I say that very loosely) this 4-minute trailer/sneak peek/what-the-hell from “Finding t.A.T.u.” Dramatic exposition via text message? Clear some shelf space for that Oscar, Mischa.

Girls rule, Warner Bros. drools

So, I know this whole Warner Bros. brouhaha about no longer doing movies with female leads broke big last week, but I’ve been marinating on it for a while now and thought I’d throw my final thoughts into the fracas. You see, whether the story is true (as Nikki Finke alleges) or false (as the PR flaks at Warner Bros. allege) really isn’t the point. That this story is even being debated as something that feasibly could have come out of the mouth of the president of a major motion picture studio in the year 2007 is the point. And it’s a point that reflects pretty fucking poorly on the state of women’s continued representation and respect in our culture. We are more than half the population and that it is still a heated debate in this country whether we can do anything our male counterparts can do (carry a movie, run a company, lead the country) is ridiculous and beyond insulting. It also makes me sad.

Well, now that I’ve had my say, please enjoy this entirely kick-ass clip of female empowerment by Katheryn, courtesy the lovely lasses over at AfterEllen. Awesome ladies, simply awesome. I’m holding out for a hero, indeed. And when she finally arrives, she’ll be wearing a bra. Or at the very least a nicely formed breast-plate.

“I Need a Hero”

[Hat tip, slacker & julissa for the WB tip!]

My Weekend Crush

So my weekend has officially started early. My sister is coming into town and I’m taking a mini-vacation and will be offline ‘til Tuesday. We’ll be doing girlie stuff. You know. Shopping. Gossiping. Talking about boys. OK, that’s what she will be doing. I’ll be carrying bags, nodding and listening to her talk about boys. Oh, who am I kidding? I love to gossip, and to shop. But, yeah, not so much the boy stuff.

As I thought about who to post as my crush this extended weekend, I decided I’d go classy. Hey, stop laughing. I can be classy. Seriously, stop laughing. Now you’re just being rude. Fine, whatever, I’ve risen above it. See, I’m being classy. When I think about classy women, I naturally think of Grace Kelly. She was, in a word, impeccable. Stunningly beautiful and supernaturally regal (even before she became actually regal), Grace was the epitome of her name. That her fairytale ended tragically early only furthered her mystique. She is forever the princess, frozen in perfection. Happy weekend, all.

UPDATE: Uh, I can’t believe I wrote “mystic” instead of “mystique” and it sat up there for four whole days. Clearly, I needed that vacation. That is all.

Nigella cooks my brain

I think Nigella Lawson is, what I believe the kids today call, Teh Sex. She cooks. She eats. She licks food off her fingers. She wears really, really tight sweaters. Pretty much, it’s all working for me. Really, really working. So when I heard she had given UK Esquire a racy interview, complete with a snap of her in a tinfoil dress, I had to look [hat tip, FeltHat!].

While the resulting interview, sadly, re-avows her rampant heterosexuality, she gives us just enough naughty bits to keep the daydreams going. And going, and going.

What does she like in a man: “Hairiness. I like an animal. Hairy back, hairy everywhere. I don’t understand why a woman would want to be with a hairless man. If I was going to go for someone smooth, I may as well be a lesbian.”

OK, I’m totally ignoring the hairy back stuff because, uh, gag. But she also said “smooth” and “lesbian” in the same sentence. And she goes on to say this:

“Stockings never fail to make you feel sexy. I like hold-ups, but the problem is if you’ve got too much meat at the top, you get a bulge there. So I often wear those over-the-knee French schoolgirl socks. But I know men like the whole strappy thing of suspenders, so I’ll wear them. In fact, thinking about it, I’ve actually worn them with nothing but a pair of shoes in bed before.”

Hold on, hold on. I’m getting a mental picture. I’m getting a…oh, my. There it is. I’ve just found my happy place. Very, very happy.

But for those who need a visual aid, I present you Teh Sex: Exhibit A (photo tip, ravaj!). I believe I just lost all higher brain function. Yep. Gone. I’ve never felt better about being an idiot.

Dear Abby: You rock

I know it’s hard to believe, but some stuff does melt my cold, cold heart from time to time. And one of the things that gets me every single time is straight allies. I don’t know why strong voices of support from our straight friends, relatives and neighbors makes me go all warm and gooey at my center. I guess it’s because it’s not really their fight. They don’t have to get mired in the muck, or have much thrown at them. But still they raise their voices for what is right -- they raise their voices for us. And that, that is awesome in my book.

So today I raise a glass to Dear Abby, the syndicated advice columnist, who has officially announced her support of gay marriage. The column is written by Jeanne Phillips, who took over in 2002 from the original Abigail Van Buren, her mother Pauline Phillips.

“I believe if two people want to commit to each other, God bless ’em. That is the highest form of commitment, for heaven’s sake.”

Hold on, I’m a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I need a minute. OK, I’m back. So, why is this so important? Well, Dear Abby is only the most popular and widely-syndicated column in the world. Yes, the world. Her advice runs in 1,400 newspapers worldwide with a daily readership of more than 110 million people. People who read it for its “uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.” And now she is telling the world that anything less than full marriage rights for gays and lesbians is second-class citizenship. Talk about your uncommon common sense.

“If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion.”

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (which her mother, the original Abby, helped put on the map when she referred a parent to the support group in 1984) will honor Jeanne with its first-ever Straight for Equality Award. If she keeps saying stuff like this, maybe they should consider giving her the Most Awesome Straight Person in the World Award. What? It’s a real award. Or it should be.

“I’m trying to tell kids if they are gay, it’s OK to be gay. I’ve tried to tell families if they have a gay family member to accept them and love them as they always have.”

Oh, Abby. You are a dear. Thank you.

Moaning for Moennig

Wow, I apologize for that headline. The homonym alliteration was there, and I had to take it. But I think you’ll understand the sentiment after seeing these shots of Kate Moennig looking very Shane today for Diva magazine. Damn, what’s up with Diva and all the L Word actresses? Leisha was October, Kate is November. Is Jennifer Beals December? Oh, Santa, please make Jennifer Beals December*. I’ve been a good girl, I swear.It’s always a delicate dance when an actress who doesn’t talk about her sexuality does a cover story for a gay publication. I guess she is just going to let her white tank top do the talking. And her tattoos. And her fedora. And her tie. And her tongue. And what they’re all saying is, “Damn, girlfriend, you need a cheeseburger.”
The interview reads a bit like a gushing fan encounter. She asked her what she was wearing over the phone? Seriously? But it did yield some interesting tidbits, with my accompanying commentary, of course:

Which other TLW character she would play: Jenny. “I really admire what Mia does on camera. She’s created such a layered and multi-dimensional character. Jenny’s not a stereotype, you know, and I think that’s why a lot of people don’t like her - she’s complicated.”
[Uh, no, we don’t like her because of the crazy. Totally crazy]

How she would end the show: “Someone burns down The Planet Cafe. We’re all in there, talking some crap about waxing or pubic hair, and the place just spontaneously combusts.”
[Uh, I think Ilene Chaiken needs to hire an on-set therapist. Girl’s got some issues to work through.]

What is her guilty pleasure: “I’m totally addicted to Perez Hilton!…. He’s a highly entertaining person and has a wicked sense of humor …. If I saw a picture of me on that site and Perez had written something awful about me, I really don’t know how I’d feel. It could be devastating but I guess it would depend on the context.”
[Uh, there are better bloggers out there Kate. Hint, hint.]

Though, I think the most tantalizing tidbit from the show wasn’t how far she is in the last Harry Potter book or how the cast likes to watch “The Hills” in between shots, but that she just finished reading Anderson Cooper’s autobiography “Dispatches from the Edge: A Memoir of War, Disasters, and Survival” and she said, “It blew me away,” You know, Anderson Cooper the closeted prematurely-gray CNN anchor who also found himself on the cover of a national gay magazine not too long ago. Birds of a feather, I guess.[Click on any of the images to enlarge. For the full article, photos and scans, check out the French Kate Moennig site.]

p.s. I don’t know why, but this photo of her with the leaf in her mouth freaks me out. I think it’s because I grew up in an area with a lot of poison ivy. Not that it looks like poison ivy, but I’m just saying. You can never be too careful. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to Shane’s lips, now would we?

*UPDATE: Well, Christmas indeed came early. Jennifer was on the August cover all shiny and happy. Guess I’ll have to make a new wish list for Santa. Rose Rollins or Marlee Matlin, perhaps?

Naked Lady Monday

Well, you know the drill. Scroll down and find the (tasteful) NSFW shots. Resist the urge to scroll down and miss out on seeing Penelope Cruz’s photo shoot from the 2007 Pirelli Calendar. Of course, once I tell you it’s Penelope in a beds sheet, all resistance will be futile. (Click to enlarge any of the muy caliente)