(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Ayo Edebiri

It’s exciting to think of the decades we have to watch Ayo Edebiri do her thing. With the one-two punch of “The Bear” and “Bottoms,” she has shown her versatility and star power. Next we’ll see her with Mary-Louise Parker (yes, Ruth!) in the sci-fi film “Omni Loop,” which received high praise at SXSW. I can’t wait to see what’s next. An Irish lesbian rom-com? What, a gal can dream.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway in her 40s is hotter than the entire cast of “Euphoria.” Like how many times does she have to prove the Hathahaters wrong? Also, “Eileen” was underrated, and worth your time if watching sophisticated, mysterious, possibly unhinged women is your thing.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Rebecca Ferguson

Well, kittens, March has been an intense month. Things got a little away from me here at the very end. And I’m leaving early this week to head out of town to officiate my friends’ wedding. Yeah, from divorce to marriage in the same month. *low whistle* So I am going to leave you with some Vacation Vixens (but, also, really Mental Health Minxes) as I get away for an extremely short bit.

My first act of self care is to share my obsession with Rebecca Ferguson. Yes, even post watching “Dune Part 2,” what with the crazy face tattoos and copious headdresses and religious fanaticism, et al. Mostly, I’m obsessed with her cheekbones which could surely make short work of a honey-baked ham and many, many delicious sandwiches. And her back ain’t bad either.

I hope the Ides of March have been gentle to you this year, friends.

5Eva and Chill

Well, it’s been out a week so is “Girls5Eva” a hit now on Netflix or what? I did my part, binge-watching the entire new third season the day it came out. I plan a full seasons rewatch soon. I continue to be so unexpectedly thrilled that this quirky, very funny show was saved from the scrap heap to find not just another home, but a better home at that.

Now, with the first two seasons and the new third season to stream, I hope this show gets the love and kooky recognition it deserves. If you, like me could not resist and chugged the whole new season in one sitting, can we talk about how much GAYER it got? Boob desert! Pre-Friends Courtney Cox Type! If you haven’t watched it already because it was banished to Peacock before, no time like the present to 5Eva and chill this weekend. Welcome to your new Dream Streaming Girlfriend.

Oceans L

Admittedly, sometimes I run out of gay things to post about. Luckily, there is no shortage of images that make me think gay things that I can post about instead. So for this Hump Day, please follow along into my daydreams as I think about all the scenarios Sarah Paulson and Cate Blanchett can get into together. Oceans 8 spinoff where Lou and Tammy decide to start their own freelance heist consulting business - exclusively for lesbian clientele. What? A gal can always dream. Oh, and they need to add Keke Palmer to the next movie, because this look from last weekend’s NAACP Awards is pure Oceans L. Make it happen, lesbian movie gods. Make. It. Happen.

Rather Be Auliʻi

Look, I know I’m two months late. But I finally got a chance to watch the “Mean Girls” musical movie and I liked it. I definitely liked it. Is it just a pretty faithful retelling of the original Mean Girls with songs and dancing? Yes. Am I OK with that since we’re a society that can never stop recycling its stories? Like, we do not need more Batman or Spider-Man or Superman stories, fellas? We really, really don’t.

Still, here’s the thing I definitely don’t agree with. Obviously, I agree with how much the Gen. Z queer girlies love Renee Rapp. But I disagree with their lack of reciprocal love for Auliʻi Cravalho. Like, why stan just one when you could rightfully stan them both, folks? Both are immensely talented. Both can sing their hearts out. Both are out and queer. And this is Auliʻi’s second role as a queer teen heartthrob. Remember “Crush?” I do, it was great and sweet and funny. (You can watch it on Hulu right now! Yes, now!) Granted, Auliʻi hasn’t been out on tour waving a lesbian flag on stage. But, still, can we get a little (age-appropriate) love here for Auliʻi or what? Like her transition from adorable teenage Moana to twentysomething queer standout is chef’s kiss so far. Though, one small suggestion, maybe next time put her in a movie with Renee where they go from enemies to lovers because I would have really, really REALLY loved that “Mean Girls.”

Music Monday

As an officially Single Girlie, I’m not sure if I want to relate to queer artist Chappell Roan’s lesbian longing earworm “Casual” or not. On the one hand, I’m aware that situationships have been a thing for a while now and appreciate this anthem for the serially noncommittal. On the other hand, ugh, dating – amirite?

After hearing this song played across countless sapphic yearning TikToks, I decided to find the music video for myself. And, let me tell you, after some initial confusion I am now 1,000% here for this queer-flipped “The Shape of Water.” I mean, who amongst us hasn’t fallen for a sharp-tooted, green-skinned, possibly pansexual, definitely carnivorous sea monster? Also, am I attracted to sharp-tooted, green-skinned, possibly pansexual, definitely carnivorous sea monsters now? How does one signify this on Hinge? Or is Tinder better for that? Ugh, dating – amirite? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of Oscars thoughts coming soon. Very soon.

My Weekend Crush

As much as I don’t want to fund another megayacht for Jeff Bezos, Prime Video has been an unexpectedly rich resource for quality documentaries – especially quality queer documentaries. While the other streamers tend to favor true crime or celebrity behind-the-scenes fare, Amazon has surprised with some of my favorite docs of late. And, with any luck, “Frida” will continue that trend. Carla Gutiérrez, the editor of “RBG” and “Julia,” made her own directorial debut with this look at the iconic Mexican painter. From the trailer, I love how much of her own words and work are used to tell her own story. So I cannot wait to tuck into this film this weekend, and be reminded that Frida is more than just the caricature of the monobrow. She was a force, and deserves to be remembered as such. Happy weekend, all.

Kate & Cate's Wee Party

Who do we have to kill to get these two in a movie together? I’m not going to set this up other than by saying, please delight in Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett telling stories about female peeing on the Graham Norton show recently. Again, who do we have to kill? We will do it. (Please Note: We would also be willing to do things a few steps below murder, but just keeping all options open for the best results – as one should when we’re talking Kate & Cate.)

We Can Hack It

Hacks! Is! BACKKKK! And, from the looks of things, pretty gay. Emphasis on “The Pretty” and “The Gay.” I’m just thrilled this show is returning to give us more May-December platonic female friendship/mentorship/proxy mother-daughter hilarity between Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder. I just love their dynamic. Though, I never really thought they worked as a couple-couple (despite Ava’s occasional daydreams). So I am equally thrilled to see Ava appears to have a new romantic interest in the new season in the incredibly shapely form of Christina Hendricks. Hello. Imma need to see this whole scene immediately, if not sooner.

I mean it. Release the footage! Or at least make this happen in the first episode of the season because three weeks is about all I can wait to see what happens after she gets that pesky top off.

Oscars SGALGG & GGALGG

How about them Oscars? I thought they were…fine. Truly, really fine. There were some nice moments. I enjoyed the past winners introducing each of the acting nominees. I liked Ken. I love love LOVED seeing Jodie Foster and her wife Alexandra Hedison attending their first Oscars together. But first, we start with the Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, per ritual.

Annette Bening, Emma Stone & Lily Gladstone

Best Actress Cuddle Puddle

Regina King & Danielle Brooks

Shooting your shot on the red carpet.

Jamie Lee Curtis & Lupita Nyong'o

I included this photo because omfg Lupita’s back muscles.

Florence Pugh

I included this photo because omfg Flo’s everything.

Kerry Washington & Sandra Oh

If Kerry wanted to become an international assassin who falls in love/obsession with Sandra, I would watch that – but tell them to stay away from boat decks.

Emma Stone & Jennifer Lawrence & Sally Fields

Emma went May-December on her backstage makeouts.

America Ferrera & Gay Gals

I would watch an alternate universe Barbie where America’s Gloria runs off with Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie.

I would also watch an alternate universe Barbie where America was Barbie and Billie Eilish was Ken.

I would watch America, Lena Waithe and Cynthia Erivo read the phone book, among other things.

And the Best Lesbian Oscars Photo Goes To

Jodie and her wife Alexandra and Brandi Carlile & her wife Catherine Shepherd together at the Oscars after parties. Sometimes, it really does get better.

Music Monday: Kenough Oscars

Ryan Gosling and the cast of "Barbie" perform "I'm Just Ken" at the #Oscars. https://t.co/UNgGySGz3r pic.twitter.com/00hd0Jw8cy

— Variety (@Variety) March 11, 2024

Look, as a lesbian it pains me to say this, but those Oscars could have done with a lot more Ken. Last night’s show was fine. I liked the smorgasbord of Oscar winners saluting Oscar nominees. But all the frontrunners won. And, again, they let a dude steal the show. But at least it was a dude who did a gender-flipped homage to Marilyn Monroe in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.” Who also got some of the most talented women in the room to karaoke with him. So, you know, there’s that. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t worry, I’ve now had Kenough and will have more Oscar thoughts for you tomorrow.

My Weekend Crush

Well, friends. I’m going to have a bit of a reflective weekend. My ex-wife and I officially filed for divorce this week. So, as Carol Aird would say – well, that’s that. I’m fine. I’m actually really relieved we were able to come to this decision jointly and largely amicably. And it feels good to be officially moving on to the next chapter, whatever that may hold.

Thanks for being so supportive through My Little Life Impolision. It means more than I can express in words, letters and characters. Thankfully, we have Joni to help us in that department. And what is better than one Joni, but two Jonis? Think of it as “Both Sides,” then and now. So, again, thank you, kittens. And, well, that’s that. Happy weekend, all.

Honeymoon Period

Look, I don’t want to still be the person in this year of our Lesbian Jesus 2024 who gives out golf claps for major network shows that do the bare minimum when representing queer female couples. But can I just give a sincere golf clap to “NCIS: Hawaii” for finally remembering that Lucy and Whistler are the best/cutest/sexiest part of their show and they should put them together more, finally? Look, it’s still on CBS so we have to give them plenty of positive reinforcement. They’re new to all this, OK?

The third season of the NCIS spinoff has been a rather light on the lady law enforcement ladies loving lady law enforcement ladies action until now. One small peck and a joke about mochi is all we got. But when I read the description for this week’s episode which said “the team goes undercover as newlyweds” and I knew, I knew, they just had put Yasmine Al-Bustami’s NCIS agent Lucy Tara and Tori Anderson’s FBI Special Agent Kate Whistler together for a mission of sapphic subterfuge.

And they did! And it was great! And they bickered! And they kissed! On a balcony! With the freaking ocean as backdrop! And nary an eye was batted that they were playing lesbian newlyweds! See, CBS, you can do this.

And then this scene? Casual/not casual discussion of wedding expectations from a queer standpoint and subtle reminder that not everyone is allowed to have the same dreams. Again, golf clap, CBS. Though, come on, there’s no way Lucy would have resisted climbing that tree at the beginning there as they were hiding.

I’m going to need a lot more of these two this season, please. And more smooching. Look, you gotta earn those claps, CBS.

Get On the Bus

Well, I’m still recovering from Super Tuesday (I had some election-related work that kept me busy yesterday). So how about you enjoy The Girls on the Bus instead this morning as all us primary states awake from the voting haze. The new show is based on a former NYT Hillary Clinton campaign reporter’s memoir about covering the race and stars “Supergirl” alum Melissa Benoist, Carla Gugino and more as fellow reporters on the trail.

I know politics doesn’t feel very fun right now, because it isn’t fun. It’s life and death and the end of democracy stuff. So, instead, why not settle into a retelling of the 2016 election. I’m sure none of us have lingering PTSD about that or anything. I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure how much of this series I can stomach during another high stakes presidential election year. But I do see that at least one of the reporters is queer/into kissing girls. So, yeah, we’ll see if we can stomach the politics this time around. Admittedly, kissing hotties does help.

They're Just Funny

Hello, would you like to laugh – not just at the inherent absurdity of our world, but really funny people? Wait, let me rephrase that, would you like to laugh at a bunch of really funny genderqueer people? Wait, let me rephrase that again, would you like to laugh with a bunch of really funny genderqueer people? Sorry, didn’t mean to come off like a bully about to stuff them into lockers…

I’m excited to enjoy the mid-week pick me up of Hannah Gadsby’s new ensemble comedy special “Gender Agenda” which debuts today on Netflix. The special features ALOK, Chloe Petts, DeAnne Smith, Ashley Ward, Jes Tom, Mx. Dahlia Belle, and Krishna Istha. You might remember DeAnne as the creator of that lesbian hummus cartoon which, honestly, is still hilarious. Mostly I’m just excited to have Netflix platform more queer, trans and otherwise genderqueer folks instead of those transphobic asshats it keeps giving big contracts. Like Chappelle hasn’t been funny since George W. Bush was still in office, and yet.

So, anyway, let’s all have a good laugh at his expense thanks to these very funny queers. For him it’s definitely at and not with.

Music Monday: Craving k.d.

I was thinking about k.d. lang the other day. And I was thinking how in with our current class of queer music stars (boygenius, Renee Rapp, Janelle Monae et al) we sometimes overlook our O.G. butch lesbian icon. Like, “Constant Craving” probably awakened the nascent lesbian cravings of countless baby dykes. Yet k.d. doesn’t always get lumped into the same queer history conversations as a Melissa Etheridge or Ellen DeGeneres or Rosie O’Donnell. But, unlike those three, she couldn’t really hide her queerness. (Yes, of course, I realize the climate was different back then – I lived through the 90s thank you very much.) We haven’t really had a debonair queer crooner of her caliber emerge to fill the void. So I sincerely hope that k.d. rethinks her “semi-retirement” and finds the muse to make music again. Perhaps, buoyed by our current wave of queer hitmakers, she might reemerge to get all the gay flowers she deserves. Otherwise, I’m sure we could find some willing tribute to try to help her find that muse again. Ahem. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

With all this anticipation (or lack thereof) about upcoming movies this week, I thought I’d reshare some love for one you can watch right this very second. Delayed gratification is for suckers. So if you haven’t already, pop on over to Amazon Prime and find “Bottoms.”

If you didn’t catch it last summer at the cineplex, or if you did, you can now enjoy the face-punching hilarity of this ridiculous lesbian high school fight club comedy from the comfort of your own home. I rewatched it when it was released on streaming last month and can highly recommend the experience.

I think what I enjoy most about this film is how it seamlessly fits into the pantheon of teenage hijinks movies. You can see its absurdist misfit teen lineage dating back to classic 80s fare like “The Breakfast Club” and “Weird Science.” And that makes me happy because it means, just maybe, queer cinematic narratives have finally moved on from coming out stories.

I’ve mentioned before how queer narratives crossing over into other genres is an important step in representation -- especially works where we aren’t just the sassy BFF or beleaguered coworker, but the stars and emotional engines of the stories. When the only stories told about you are those of suffering or struggle, it cuts us off from the full spectrum of human experiences. Much like how stories about BIPOC people shouldn’t only be about racism, stories about queer people shouldn’t just be about homophobia, internalized or otherwise (and that goes doubly for BIPOC queer people’s stories). Yes, those stories are still important (as anyone watching school boards ban books that might possibly make its straight white students “uncomfortable” can attest). But they shouldn’t be our only stories, period.

We’ve already conquered the lesbian period dramas, so much so that even SNL took notice. And we’ve been pretty successful with the horror/suspense genre thanks to works like “The Haunting of Bly Manor” and the “Fear Street” trilogy. Now we’re seeing it happen in the horny teen comedy genre thanks to movies like “Blockers,” “Booksmart,” “Bottoms” (uh, what’s with all the single-word B movies, lesbians?) I am clearly also very excited for the new Be Gay, Do Crimes genre of “Love Lies Bleeding” and “Drive-Away Dolls” and would love to see lots more of that in our collective futures.

So, as I was saying, reconnect with your inner high schooler and let the absurdity hit you right in the smacker. You won’t be sorry, though you might metaphorically lose a tooth. In a good way. Happy weekend, all.