But It's A Good Parasite, I Swear

Well now, that was something. I’m genuinely, genuinely thrilled for “Parasite.” South Korea in the house! It only took 92 years for a foreign-language film win best picture. Yet somehow it became the night’s biggest, and most deserving, winner (taking home best picture, best director, best original screenplay and best international film) without earning a single acting nomination. Crazy how that works.

But, it was that kind of night for the Oscars. A night with more jokes/references to #OscarsSoWhite than there were non-white nominees. An Oscars where Natalie Portman wore the name of snubbed female directors on her literal collar – cape collar no less, but they were still nowhere to be seen in the directing category. So, yeah, the white guilt was palpable. And, WTF was up with Eminem singing an 18-year old song for no good reason?

The good news is the night had some deserving winners and a couple fairly gay moments. Like when self –described “black queer artist” Janelle Monae opened the show as a gender-swapped Mr. Rogers and then proceeded to cosplay a movie where a man gets burned alive in a bear costume and dueting with the supercalifabulistic Billy Porters.



The other was, of course, Laura Dern winning her first Oscar. Now I’m sure you’re thinking, but Laura isn’t gay and didn’t play a gay character to earn her best supporting statue for “Marriage Story.” No, she didn’t. But she did play Ellen’s love interest in her historic coming-out episode, “The Puppy Episode,” and then later struggled to find work and was essentially blacklisted in the business. I know, liberal Hollywood and all. Well, look what happens when you do hire her.



So, thoughts? My other favorite film of the year, “Little Women,” was absolutely robbed in the adapted screenplay category (and, you know, freaking directing). Oh, and don’t worry, the SLAGG is coming later this week. I promise.

Not So Little Women

Well, not that the Emmys are over and it is officially October, seems like Oscar season should be afoot. And for what seems like forever now “Little Women” and “Pride & Prejudice” have been locked in a death match for screen adaptation supremacy. While Jane Austen’s novel has about 55 years and a different continent on “Little Women,” Louisa May Alcott’s distinctly American tome remains universally beloved for daring to say women have minds and souls as well as hearts. So then how could I resist when yet another adaptation with yet another all-star cast comes rolling along.

“Ladybird” writer-director Greta Gerwig brings the March women to vibrant life with a cast that includes Saoirse Ronan (Jo), Emma Watson (Meg), Laura Dern (Marmee) and Meryl freaking Streep (Aunt March). Also Timothée Chalamet plays ultimate literary fuckboy Laurie which is perhaps the most perfect casting in an already perfectly cast film. Even without the strong feminist undertones (but, obviously, I love and cherish any and all strong feminist understones), I would watch this film for Saoirse in an assortment of vests, blazers, cravats and bowler hats alone. Her exasperated eyerolls at The Patriarchy, well, that’s just the feminist cherry on top.



p.s. This also means I’ll never have to watch Susan Sarandon’s 1994 version ever again. Which considering she’s up to her old “A Woman, Just Not That Woman” shenanigans again is a very, very good thing.

My Weekend Crush

There were so many things to love about “Star Wars: The Last Jedi.” Strong female characters. Diverse class. The last time we’ll see Carrie Fisher on the big screen. But one of the things I didn’t notice the first time I saw it was the adorableness of Laura Dern. Sure, Vice Admiral Holdo was a badass, lavender hair hero. We all know that. But only those who look very closely know what Holdo also say “Pew! Pew!” when firing her blaster. “Star Wars: TLJ” director Rian Johnson revealed in the special features commentary that Laura kept saying, “Pew!” when she fired her gun. It’s something she confessed to while on Stephen Colbert as well.



Look, I loved me some Laura Dern before. But “Pew! Pew!”-ing her way through an actual “Star Wars” movie has me loving her to a galaxy far, far away and back. Happy pew-pew weekend, all.

p.s. Laura isn’t alone, Hayden Christensen and Ewan McGregor both confessed to making lightsaber sounds like filming their Jedi fight scenes.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I told you it was coming. Though, considering all the LGBTQ moments this year, it seems the Gay Gals are getting jealous of all the Straight Gals acting like them. Sunday’s ceremony showcased the wonderful talent of the out queer female nominees, attendees and winners. Like Daniela Vega who became the first openly transgender person to ever present at the Oscars. And we haven’t even touched on Olympic skater Adam Rippon’s tuxedo harness. Besides all the really, really gay, the awards had a lot of straight women holding hands because they love throwing off our collective gaydar. Like I feel like they’re trying to make SGALGG now; how else can you explain the huge cuddle puddle that all the losing best actress nominees made together? Exactly. Also, I’m pretty sure one of the winners thanked his cats. I even rewound to make sure my ears hadn’t translated it to lesbian.

So here are some of the rest of the great SGALGG & GGALGG moments of the night.

Jane Fonda & Helen Mirren

I would watch this rom-com about two ladies who find love later in life.

Emily Blunt & Guest

News Flash: Mary Poppins is practically gay in every way.

Gal Gadot & Lupita Nyong'o

Themyscira meets Wakanda.

Gal Gadot & Margot Robbie

Fine, Wonder Woman has a thing for disgraced figure skaters too.

Laura Dern & Greta Gerwig

Look, I told you I wasn’t kidding about the hand holding.

Also, these two totally continued off stage.


Everyone Wants to Touch Meryl

Viola does.

Nicole definitely does.


J-Law is just being greedy.


Jennifer Lawrence & Salma Hayek

See, greedy.

Lupita Nyong’o & Danai Gurira

Wakanda forever, indeed.

Octavia Spencer & Sally Hawkins

I would have rather she wound up with Octavia than the fish, to be honest.

Janelle Monae

Obligatory Janelle post.

And now for the GGALGGs to show them how it’s really done.

Jodie Foster & Frances McDormand

Crutches won’t slow her down.

p.s. Yes, Jodie is a tiny little garden gnome compared to J-Law, and most people really.


Rachel Morrison & Rachel Garza

The first woman ever to be nominated for best cinematography and her wife on the red carpet. Yeah, that sounds nice.

Dee Rees & Sarah M. Broom

And out filmmaker Dee, who hired Rachel in the first place, brought her wife with her on the red carpet. Also sounds so nice.

Darla K. Anderson

The out Coco producer thanked her wife, and her producing partner thanked his husband.

Kimberly Peirce, Evren Savci & Emily Blunt

I mean, hitting on Emily in front to your wife is bold. But, perhaps she’s on her “list.” And she saw all her hand holding business from before, so gave it a shot.

Reclaiming Our Time

Right, let’s dig in shall we? This weekend’s Golden Globes were an interesting clash in acute cultural awareness and standard superficial bullshit. Pretty much everyone wore black, which while it can be seen as an empty gesture was also arresting in its own way because, well, pretty much everyone did it. Everyone. You can’t even make everyone in an office take a piece of free cake. Now, to be fair, I am guessing like 90 percent of the dudes who wore black did so by default anyway because that’s what color men’s formal wear is. But still.

This reckoning was always about more than just Hollywood. #MeToo is about the systematic abuse of women, all women. And therefore it will only be successful if it embraces the plight of all women – regardless of race or class or sexual orientation or gender identity – not just those with the privilege and platform to finally speak out. It must lift up the voiceless, which is why I commend the Time’s Up Initiative, which instead of just offering lip service is putting up real hard cash (so far $16 million dollars and counting) to start a legal defense for women who might otherwise not be able to fight their harassers. Three hundred Hollywood women signed a letter of solidarity with female farm workers and domestic workers and service workers and factory workers and so on. That matters.

And some stars even brought female activists, many of who work directly for nonprofits that help these the groups, with them as their dates to the Globes. Michelle Williams was with Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo Movement and senior director of Girls for Gender Equity. Meryl Streep was with Ai-jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance. Laura Dern was with Monica Ramirez, president of the female farmworkers women’s group Alianza Nactional de Campesinas. Amy Poehler was with Saru Jayaraman, co-founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United. Emma Watson was with Marai Larasi, executive director of the UK-based black feminist organization Imkaan. Now this is some non-gay same-sex coupling this gay lady can certainly get behind.



I forced myself to watch some of the red carpet coverage before the ceremony, which I normally ever view on mute, to find the line of questioning a teensy bit better but only – of course – for the women. Because what in the world could men have to say about sexual harassment, even though the vast majority of its perpetrators are indeed men?

I was also pretty disappointed by all the male winners who, aside from some of their shiny “Time’s Up” pins, had precious little to say about this particular moment in our social acceptance of the bullshit women have put up with for centuries at the hand of their male counterparts. Like, yo, Alexander Skarsgard and Sam Rockwell, your projects specifically revolved around the abuse of women. And yet, nada. Solving sexual harassment isn’t just up to women and can’t be done without men’s unequivocal commitment. Also, if you wore a Time’s Up pin and worked with Woody Allen or Roman Polanski recently, GTFO.

Anyhoo. I liked quite a few of the women’s speeches. Oprah, of course. Oprah always. Babs wasn’t bad either. And Laura Dern. And Frances “Fuck yeah, I made them think tectonic shift was a cuss word” McDormand. Though my favorite cut was from Natalie Portman with his fatal delivery of “And here are the all male nominees,” just before announcing the Best Director nominees. Like, damn, this Natalie needs to come out to play more often.



As for the awards themselves I was pretty happy for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and its star Rachel Brosnahan because it’s charming and she is charming. And you can’t be mad at “The Handmaid’s Tale” and its queer-inclusive storylines and terrifyingly plausible dystopia getting more attention. “Lady Bird” was lovely and while I haven’t seen “Three Billboards” I can never not root for Frances, so there’s that.

All in all, the Golden Globes felt like a glamorous shot in the arm. May it bolster our determination to work hard and tirelessly and take advantage of the momentum of this moment. Perhaps we can accomplish the needed sea change for women, all women. Look out, sexual predators. We’re gonna chase down every last one of you and hold you accountable for your actions. In heels, and backwards if we have to. Though, naturally, as a gay lady I’ll be doing it in sensible shoes.



p.s. Tomorrow we’ll revel in some SGALGG, I promise.