Tina Fey Friday

Tina Fey, oh, Tina Fey. My crush on you is so big it’s starting to worry the neighbors and scare the cat. In last night’s episode of “30 Rock,” when Jack described Liz’s night as “meatball sub with extra bread, bottle of NyQuil, TiVo Top Chef” I nearly fell off the couch. If that’s not a perfect evening, then what is? OK, maybe minus the NyQuil. I prefer a nice vodka cran (a drink with the added benefit of helping to ward off UTIs…I’m all about cocktails with a cause). But I digress.

Tina is the awesome. Funny. Smart. Principled. Nerdy. Oh, and sexy. Super sexy. To which she would probably respond, “What? Sexy? You are. Shut up.” Each week I let out what can only accurately be called squeals of delight while watching Liz Lemon bring the hilarious with her awkward everygirl charm. Heck, I could start a whole site just devoted to the show’s one-liners alone (but don’t worry, I won’t). Add in Tina’s gay-positive attitude, bi-curious shoes and all-around winsome dorkiness and, well, you can see why I’m such an embarrassingly smitten kitten.

p.s. My favorite Liz line from last night: “You can’t be gay for one person…unless you’re a lady, and you meet Ellen.”

Two great things that go great together

Dolly Parton and Amy Sedaris? Together? In a country music video? Girl, that’s two kinds of crazy. Or is it? Is it crazy like a fox? Foxy ladies, that is. Actually, the more I think about it, the more this odd-couple coupling makes sense. Both ladies are hilarious. Both ladies are spunky. Both ladies are unique. And both ladies appreciate a good rack, err, of lamb. Ahem.

In the video for “Better Get To Livin’,” Amy plays three characters in a female-empowerment carnival of sorts with Dolly as ringmaster. The video’s director told amysedarisrocks.com that the collaboration happened because of a monkey. Isn’t it always because of a monkey?

“I suggested (Amy) to Dolly and her team, and they thought it was a great idea. Next thing you know, we approached Amy and she said ‘yes.’ It was the promise that Amy would share a scene with a monkey, and of course, Dolly, that sealed the deal.”

Now you know I love me some Dolly. And I adore me some Amy. So to me this pairing is nothing short of awesome. Heck, I even like the song. Better get to livin’, indeed.

Pre-pre-L: Warming up

The sudden stream of new promos for “The L Word” reminds me that I’m going to have to start stretching my pre-capping muscles again. Yep, 39 days to get back in shape until the Pre-L madness. I think I’ll practice on the latest trailer for season five. The new two-minute spot gives us the most in-depth glimpse of the season’s storyline to date. So without further ado, how about a warm up for Jan. 6? I’m rusty, so bear with me. [Click any to enlarge.]

1) Bette/Jodi/Tina: Two is company, three is dyke drama.2) Alice/Tasha: Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t ruin the cuteness.3) Jenny: Wrestling in oil, directing movies, escaping from dingys. Just call her McLesbiver.4) Helena/Prison Daddy: Don’t drop the soap...or do, depending on what you’re into.5) Shane: Who here likes the ladies?

And some rhetoricals, just for fun:

How gay is Tasha’s military prosecutor?How ungay is this man?How hilarious is their prison advice?How much sex can you handle?(Note: Check out the hair color on Bette’s, uhm, friend above. I don’t think that’s Jodi. Tibetters, commence going crazy).

p.s. I left Kit out because it’s just too sad. Last season she was a drunk. This season she’s a victim. Well, at least she gets a gun.
p.p.s. And one last shot of Alice, just because I can.

Poster me this

So, who here is good with The Photoshop? Fox, home of “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” (Aside: dude, could you have picked a longer, more cumbersome name? End of aside), is holding a poster contest with a grand prize of a trip to Los Angeles to attend the show’s premiere party. But, really, I could care less about that contest. Instead, I propose we hold our own little contest, right here. We’ve already seen the lesbian daydream potential when you put Lena Headey and Summer Glau together. Now, we’ve got hi-res (super-duper hi-res -- the damn tiffs took forever to download) cutouts of the lovely ladies at our disposal. So, who wants to make some “Terminator: The Lesbian Chronicles” posters? I whipped up a couple quick, crude couplings. [Click any to enlarge.] But, really, in more skilled hands the possibilities are endless. The official contest rules say no pornographic or sexually explicit content. But, clearly, that’s not an issue here. So, who is game? I’d be happy to post the results for everyone’s viewing pleasure. Bring on “L2: Rise of the Lesbians.”

UPDATE: It’s official, Ida is my hero. Oh, the hotness. [Click to enlarge, it is so worth it.]

Like a deer caught in headlights

I’ve never been more frightened by breasts in my life. Ever. It’s like a stick-up gone horribly awry. Look Heidi, you can have my wallet and my watch. Really, take whatever you want. Just, please, put those things away before someone gets hurt.

My Weekend Crush

How cute is Kristin Chenoweth? So cute that in this week’s episode when she brandished a knife while threatening “Don’t make me cut a bitch!” I think I actually squealed. Out loud. Like a little girl. Since I’m on the wrong coast to be a big Broadway fan, I had never experienced Kristin at length before “Pushing Daisies.” In fact the most I knew about her was from “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,” where the character of Harriet Hayes (played by the equally brilliant, not to mention gay, Sarah Paulson) was based on her. On Daisies, Kristin’s Olive Snook is so disarmingly adorable you can’t help but fall in love. She is pocket-sized perfection -- pretty, petite, perky. Plus, she tends to wear low cut tops. Hey, I’m only human.

Now normally I don’t go for the overly perky type. Kelly Ripa and company are high on my list of people I’d never want to get stuck in an elevator with. But with Kristin, underneath the perky is untold depth. In a few episodes she has turned the cheerily love struck Olive into a rich, not to mention hilarious, character. And from everything I’ve read and seen about the woman herself, she is just as delightfully kooky and charming. OK, sure, she recorded a Christian album and there was that unfortunate “700 Club” club appearance. But she later apologized and called Pat Robertson and his ilk “scary.” She has been unquestionably great to her large gay fan base and fully supports gay marriage. I mean, a woman who names her dog after Madeline Kahn could never be all bad. And I haven’t even gotten to her voice. Sweet Lord, her voice. And at 4 foot 11 she is finally a woman I could tower over. OK, fine, “tower” may be an overstatement. Happy weekend, all.

Lesbian. Oil. Wrestling.

This is wrong. This is very wrong. This is “Girls Gone Wild”-level wrong. I object. I object vehemently. I obj… uh… uhm… so... oily... Crap. How many days until January 6, again?

Slice me off a piece of that

You know, I’ve always really liked Helena Bonham Carter. From the first time I saw her porcelain perfection in “A Room With a View,” I knew I was in for a lifetime of adoration. OK, sure, she has had an unfortunate habit of absconding with her married directors. And, yes, she can on occasion don some questionable attire. But it’s her endlessly fascinating face that keeps me mesmerized. So I’m intrigued to see how “Sweeney Todd” turns out. Really, the entire cast is pretty awesome -- Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman, Anthony Head . And Tim Burton, well, he may not always make his dark fantastical visions work, but he is always -- at the very least -- interesting. And you’ve got to admire the crazy cojones on a guy who makes a murderous movie musical with the release date of Christmas. So now, just in time for Thanksgiving, bring on the meat pie!

[Click any to enlarge, plus the poster.]

Have a happy turkey day, all. Though if Mrs. Lovett offers you a slice of her specialty Thursday, just say no. Trust me on this.

Hallelujah

Hallelujah! My DSL is back! After 14 long, frustrating, internet-free days, my DSL is finally back. I actually said “hallelujah” to the tech guy when he finally located the problem and I was able to open up my browser without the Orange Page of Death (trademark pending) foiling my every effort. Things had gotten so bad, I was reduced to dial up over the weekend. Thanks to all for your well wishes about my THNGVBW, and your condolences. They were much appreciated. Now, I saw we celebrate. And look, even Jodie is in the mood to par-tay! Actually, Jodie has good reason to celebrate. Yesterday was her 45th birthday. Holy crap, she looks great. I actually think she looks better now than she did 10, maybe even 15 years ago. So in honor of the milestone, let’s take a walk down memory lane with some of my favorite shots of Ms. Foster. Belated birthday wishes, Jodie. You look mah-velous, babe.

Sister act

So remember way back when when I got all excited about the prospect of Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson getting their period piece on to play the Boleyn sisters? Oh, the hotness, right? Well, uh, sort of. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but the hot is kind of muted in the new trailer for “The Other Boleyn Girl.” They’re both pretty, of course, but in their 16th Century garb they look so very young, almost adolescent. Also those headpieces are pretty much hotness shields. I’m not even sure it’s possible to rock one of those and look sexy. Still, the movie looks promising, even if the ending is a fait accompli. And is that Kristin Scott Thomas I spy as the Boleyn girls’ mother? The imaginary gene pool in that family is, well, wow.Check out the trailer (catch it in hi-def here) and let me know what you think. Period perfection or costumed craziness? And more importantly, which Boleyn girl is hotter? Let it never be said that I don’t ask the tough questions here at Surrenders.

[Photos via Just Jared, click any to enlarge]

My Weekend Crush

I’m going to miss seeing Jorja Fox and her skeptical scowl as she squints sternly at whatever tiny piece of fiber or random chip of paint holds the key to cracking the case. When Sara Sidle left Las Vegas this week, Jorja exited the cast of “CSI.” What I’ve enjoyed most about watching Jorja is the no-fuss, no-nonsense, no-bullshit competence she brought to Sara Sidle week after week. It was refreshing to see a woman who was respected for her intellect and her ability, not just how well she filled out a tank top. Not that there’s anything wrong with filling out a tank top well, which Jorja can also do. But, in my mind, Jorja gave Sara a very gay aesthetic. (We’ll just ignore the whole Grissom thing.) The way she walked, the way she carried her shoulders, the way she wore her pants -- it was all so, well, dykey. While Jorja was never out while on the show, it doesn’t take military-grade gaydar to figure it out. Oh, and then there was her song “Satellite” where she kept singing about “she.” So, now that Jorja is free of the TV grind, maybe she’ll feel freer with her personal life as well. So long, Sara. Let’s hope it’s not the last we hear of Jorja as well. Happy weekend, all.

Cate makes everything better

Do you remember Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Well, It’s been like Ms. Snarker and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week here these last few days. I’m not looking for sympathy, just to bitch since it’s pretty much my only recourse. In fact, I’ve gotten so good at bitching, I’m thinking about turning pro. A recap of my THNGVBW: my grandmother died (she was 93, it was expected and very peaceful, but still – of course – very sad); my DSL is still down and won’t be back until Monday at the earliest (hence all the posting irregularity of late); my car wouldn’t start and had to be towed to the shop (luckily it just needed a new battery) and my company’s new health insurance plan will cost me an extra $200 a month (and the coverage is crappier, too – of course). Gosh, I feel fantastic. I think I deserve a little Cate Blanchett today, don’t you? (Click any and all to enlarge.)She is almost exquisite enough to make me forget that I hate the world. Almost.p.s. I don’t care what that magazine cover says, I am not over the F-word. In fact, I’ve been using it liberally all week. That and shaking my fists at the sky.

I, robot. You, hot.

Technology continues to confound me this week, though to be more accurate I should say AT&T continues to confound me. I could rant on, but to be honest I’m just weary of the whole mess. But you know what I’m not weary of? Promo shots of “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.” Looks like we’re finally getting to see some of the finished product from that photo shoot. (Click any and all to enlarge.) Now that, that is what I call better living through technology.