Gender Fuck Thursday: Dapper Ladies Edition

It’s my Thursday, and I can post women looking dapper as fuck in traditional men’s wear if I want to. So I will. And they do, look dapper as fuck. I mean, look at Kate McKinnon striking her best Katharine Hepburn – and pulling it off. Plus after the entire year that the first – checks calendar – 12 days of March have been, we deserve this. We truly do.

Tatiana Maslany

A long lost dapper clone, no doubt.

Evan Rachel Wood

Sad-yet-glam dapper is still dapper.

Tessa Thompson

Casual going to South Beach for a weekend getaway dapper.

Sarah Silverman

Still, when in doubt of how to dapper, you can’t go wrong with a tux.

Megan Rapinoe

Fine, dapper looks easier for some of us than others.

Ellen Page

Casual dapper is hard to pull off, but clearly not impossible.

Tina Fey

If you were ever to get me a singing telegram, Hot Dapper Nerd in Suit (who is also my Fake TV/Movie Wife) is exactly my type.

Jennifer Beals & Kate Moennig

O.G. Lesbian TV Legends dapper.

Suranne Jones & Sophie Rundle

What? Historical dapper is very much a thing. Very much.

Mind the Gap

I would have posted this for Sarah Silverman’s unique name for her girls alone. But the message is an important one as well. Granted, I don’t suggest we all get surgically enhanced (unless you want to, or need to, or are one of our trans friends, etc.). Anyway, please enjoy. Also, I’m totally kicking myself for not thinking of that boob name before her.

E.T.A.:

Top 5 Gay Lady Boob Names: 5. Rizzoli & Isles 4. Bette & Tina 3. Cagney & Lacey 2. Thelma & Louise 1. Xena & Gabrielle

— Dorothy Snarker (@dorothysnarker) October 8, 2014

Tank Top Tuesday: Back to Basics

Like Amy Poehler, I will always say “Yes please!” to a plain white tank top. While there are endless variations on a classic, sometimes going back to basics is the best. So let’s do just that. Plain white tanks of summer, activate.

Angie Harmon

“Rizzoli & Isles” is back Tuesday and it’s both good and bad – you know, like the show. Good, as always, the chemistry. Bad, oy, this show.

Beyonce

What the Solange/Jay Z elevator fight was about will remain one of the great unsolved mysteries of our time.

Sarah Silverman

What has she been up to lately? Is there some sort of Comedy Overlords rule that there can only be one funny, inappropriate lady comic making headlines at a time? And right now Amy Schumer is filling that position. Oh, right, it’s called sexism.

Evelyne Brochu

Well, at least last weekend’s crush was justified. I think. I am distracted because it was apparently a bit nippy wherever Evelyne was for this photo. Ahem. (p.s. I can’t believe there’s only one episode left.)

Lena Headey

Sure, Cersei is technically (not technically, really) “bad.” But gotta give her props for helping to ruin Tywin Lannister’s Father’s Day. .

Days of Our Lesbians

It was a big news week for us gay ladies. Some of it mere rumor, some of it true facts. K-Stew may or may not be dating her lady BFF. Naya Rivera may or may not be fired from “Glee.” Michelle Rodriguez may or may not have broken up with her model girlfriend Cara Delevingne. Queen Latifah definitely wants to star in a biopic about bisexual singer Bessie Smith helmed by out “Pariah” director Dee Rees. Sarah Silverman definitely is playing a lesbian on the new season of “Masters of Sex.” And Ellen Page most very definitely looks hot on the cover of Flare magazine. And wasn’t it just last week Jodie Foster got married to Ellen DeGeneres’ ex-girlfriend? EVERYTHING HAPPENS SO MUCH.

These are heady times to be a gay lady, indeed.

I kid, of course. I mean the definitelys are definitely positive. Thought, dammit, does this mean I have to start watching “Masters of Sex” again? But mostly I just want to say what an interesting time we live in. When I started this blog eight (yes – EIGHT) years ago, it seemed only a pipe dream that so much news about out lesbian actresses/lesbian and bisexual characters/rumored lesbians would happen in less than a week. Speaking of those eight years ago, I realize I missed my eighth blogiversary last Thursday. So I’ll blame my last weekend lapse in posting on unconscious anniversary partying. And, as I do every year, I want to thank you all for sticking around all this time. Heady times, indeed.

p.s. I claim absolutely no knowledge of the veracity of the “may or may not” items. I am Jon Snow, I know nothing.

p.s. I really wasn’t kidding about how great Ellen Page looks in Flare. I feel old and skeevy just thinking about it.

Somebody up there likes us

Yesterday was the 41 anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Yet still the assault on women’s reproductive rights continues unabated. I don’t know what it is exactly about women being in control of our own bodies that drives the Far Right so crazy. Perhaps it’s the crazy concept that we’re human beings with our own minds, hearts and agency that they just can’t wrap their heads around. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s it. And we haven’t even touched on the hypocrisy that puts an unborn fetus above all else, including that same child once it is born and its mother if they have the nerve to be poor and happen to need some additional assistance for luxuries like food and housing. Also, don’t even mention preventing pregnancies in the first place with comprehensive sex education and access to birth control in the first place.

Anyway, all of this is a very long way of saying Sarah Silverman has been totally killing it of late. I mean, I’ve always admired her even if her humor hasn’t always been my total, um, thing. But her social commentary has been always been particularly razor-sharp and recently very impressive. Not to mention hilarious. She is an unwavering feminist and champion of a woman’s right to choose. Like, take her chat yesterday with Jesus. Sure, it might not convince the wingnuts. But for everyone else, it is the very definition of “good talk.”

Country Star (without the "O")

As a general rule, I don’t use the C-word. I find it crass and, in most cases, just another cheap way to denigrate women. But, I will also concede, that the term has its uses. Conversely, I have no such similar problem deploying the D-word when the need arises. Which, I suppose in the interest of full gender equality, isn’t fair. This is a long and winded way of saying, damn, I laugh-snorted at this song. Oh, Sarah Silverman. You’re not for everyone. But, even if you don’t agree that this particular deployment of the C-word was judicious, you have to at least admit it’s damn catch. Great, now I’m going to be singing this at work today. That’ll be fun to explain to my boss.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. So the Oscars were on Sunday. If you want a comprehensive recap of the big show (Cliffs Notes version: boobs song, sexist joke, Jaws theme, J-Falls perfectly) check it out over at AfterEllen. If you want to see a bunch of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals together, well, you know where to go. No, wait, don’t go anywhere. Stay here, because that’s where they are. No, I mean it. Just scroll down.

Jennifer Lawrence & Anne Hathaway

Don’t they look like the toppers on a gay lady same-sex wedding cake? Replace those shiny naked golden men with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and it’s pretty much ready for the “I Dos.”

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Jennifer Hudson

I am telling you, I’m not going…down on you in front of all of these people. Wait until later, darling.

Amanda Seyfried & Jessica Chastain

Zero Dark Eyes Up, Chastain. Eyes up.

Norah Jones & Adele

Think of the beautiful music they could make together. Figuratively and literally.

Reese Witherspoon, Naomi Watts & Isla Fisher

Naomi is the shiny meat in this beautiful cobalt blue sandwich.

Sally Field & Amy Poehler

Kiss! Make it a threesome with Tina Fey! Or with Aubrey Plaza since she’s leering at you two together in the background already.

Halle Berry & Paula Patton

No, you’re prettier. No, you’re prettier. No, you’re prettier. No, you’re… Sorry, I’m imagining their conversation.

Anne Hathaway & Sarah Silverman

Unlike Zeta-Jones and JHud, they’re not waiting to be alone to make the magic happen.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly Osbourne

This is becoming a regular thing for these two. Same time, same place next year I can only assume.

Jennifer Aniston & Charlize Theron

The blurriness of this picture was obviously caused by Jen lunging toward Charlize because no one has the kind of restraint to hold herself back when presented with that much stunning.

Charlize’s Hair

I’ve never asked a haircut to call me before. But in this case, gurl, call me.

My Weekend Crush

One of my many dirty little secrets is that I don’t always find Sarah Silverman all that funny. Sometimes, sure – fucking hilarious. But other times, eh – not so much. I just don’t really dig potty humor, so when she veers overboard into adolescent absurdism I have to roll my eyes. But I do appreciate Sarah for her unending boldness and unabashed independence. She is willing to say the unsayable. Quite frankly, the world needs more women who are unafraid of putting it all out there. After all, any gross thing boys can go, girls can do grosser. What I have always appreciated is Sarah’s unwavering support of the GLBT community. In fact, it was a tweet of Sarah’s about marriage equality that got me to follow her on Twitter in the first place. This week it was another tweet of hers and the very succinct, very heartfelt message behind it that reminded me why I keep following her. So even if I’m not big on licking dog butts, I am always going to be big on Sarah Silverman. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday

Sometimes simple is best. A quiet evening on the couch. A home-cooked meal. A good book. And, of course, a plain white tank top. Never let it be said that in the hustle and bustle of the modern world, we cannot stop long enough to enjoy the simpler things. In fact, I’d say they were more important now than ever. Granted, I’m not exactly sure how fake mustaches fit into this back-to-basics equation, but I’m happy to let Sarah Silverman try to explain. ‘Tis a gift to be simple, indeed.

Jenny ShimizuClearly, Angelina was powerless to resist.

Naomi WattsNormally I would advise against wearing dark undergarments with a white tank. Normally.

Leighton MeesterWho needs Chuck Bass, anyway?

Jenna FischerThis is why every office should have Casual Fridays.

Kristin Scott ThomasRemember when she said she was a lesbian once in college in “Four Weddings & a Funeral?” Hello, visual aid.

Kristen Stewart

If she wore stuff like this in “Twilight,” maybe I’d finally watch. Maybe.

Reese Witherspoon

Eat your heart out, Ryan Phillippe.

Amanda MooreProving that lesbian style is not an oxymoron

Tina Fey Tuesday

Yes, yes, I realize I’m starting to sound like a broken record. Tina Fey = Tina Awesome. Lather, rinse, repeat. But today I’m all about sharing the Tina love with other hilarious women. You see, Vanity Fair finally rebutted its own beyond insulting essay from January 2007, “Why Women Aren’t Funny.” Whatever you do, don’t read it without blood pressure medication on hand. A year and three months later, the magazine has finally responded to its own outrageous claim with an Annie Leibovitz lensed cover story titled “Who Says Women Aren’t Funny?” Assembled, along with Tina, are some of the hottest (both career-wise and looks-wise, as the article pointedly observes) female comics around. God, there’s not much sexier than a smart, funny woman, is there? Also, how much do I love Amy Poehler copping a feel on the cover? Nice.Now, I really don’t know where this whole “women aren’t funny” bullshit came from. In fact growing up, I didn’t even realize this was a stereotype. I mean, I’d heard about the humorless feminists and uptight schoolmarm types. But all of womankind? None of us are funny? I guess I was just raised in one of those sheltered environment where my parents and friends told me that a woman could be anything she wanted to be, including funny.For a more thorough analysis of the article, check out AfterEllen later today. But for now, can we please just enjoy women being funny with other women? Seriously, I’ve got to Weekend Crush like six of these women immediately.


p.s. How does one become a faux boob tattoo appliquér because this is a job I think I could really excel at?

UPDATE: See the hotness and hilarity in glorious hi-res over at Popbytes.

Host this

My plan was to do another live(-ish) blog, a la the Oscars post, about the MTV Movie Awards, but I was so stunned by Sarah Silverman’s spectacularly enormous brass cojones in her opening monologue that I was unable to type for about 15 minutes as I had to both pick up and reattach my jaw from where it fell onto the floor. Seriously. I mean, Paris was sitting RIGHT THERE. That, my friends, is the definition of ballsy.

So in lieu of the live blog, I’m going to give you the three moments that really mattered. The rest was pretty much a two-hour commercial for the Transformers movie and Orbit gum.

1. It only took Sarah 4 minutes to rip on “300,” “Spider-Man 3,” the MTV Movie Awards producers, Jack Nicholson, every actress Jack Nicholson has ever slept with, “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End,“ Cisco Adler’s balls, the paparazzi, famous vaginas, Tobey Maguire, Lindsay Lohan, Alec Baldwin and Paris Hilton. The latter was…well, just watch. (Viacom hates YouTubers, so you'll have to watch it HERE now.)

(p.s. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt the teeniest, tiniest bit sorry for Paris as she squirmed in her seat, particularly because later that night she surrendered herself to authorities to begin her jail sentence. You know all that clapping and cheering is going to be ringing in her ears all 23 days. Ouch.*)

2. Sarah and Jessica Biel showed super-human restraint while teasing millions of horny men and lesbians with their up-close-and-personal moment. Hot girls don’t kiss; Will Ferrell and Sasha Baron Cohen do kiss. Has the world gone mad? (Again, blame Viacom...See it HERE instead.)3. Amy Winehouse. That’s all.

*Well, there goes the last vestiges of my pity for her, now that her 23-days turned into about 75-hours.