My Weekend Crush

Some days, I don’t feel like analyzing pop culture. I don’t feel like raging against injustice. I don’t even feel like looking at ladies in tank tops. (OK, that’s a lie; I always like looking at ladies in tank tops.) But, in all honesty, some days I just want to watch cute animals sing Pixie songs. After ten years of doing this, sometimes you just have to go with your gut. Enjoy. Happy weekend, all.

Charge It

By now I’m sure you’ve already heard Trump *gagging sound* (sorry, that’s just my involuntary response to each time I hear his name) saying Hillary Clinton is playing the fabled Woman Card. Excuse me while I go scream into the inky void forever. Naturally, we woman folk and our lady brains did not take kindly to these remarks. Not only do they fly in the face of political facts (like, uh, Hillary Clinton is a past Secretary of State and U.S. Senator so she clearly has more qualifications to offer the presidency than her ladyparts), but also half of the humanity’s universal reality.

Look, I’m as terrified and disgusted by the thought of a Trump *gagging sound* presidency as everyone else. But I have to believe also that a man who so blithely insults 51 percent of the world’s population could never, ever be leader of the free world.

Caught your speech, @realDonaldTrump. About that "woman's card"...https://t.co/kKaHWISchy

— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) April 27, 2016

Be a card-carrying member of the female persuasion and get your #womancard Today! Amazing benefits included! pic.twitter.com/7ntpH91wau

— Terri - Web Designer (@SocialTerri) April 27, 2016

Historically the #womancard is the most effective way to win the Presidency so I get the frustration pic.twitter.com/JF1ITIDDui

— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) April 27, 2016

If They Were Your Boyfriend

If I admit I still have a hard time telling Tegan from Sara sometimes, will you take away my Lesbian Card? Look, it’s harder when they cover up their tattoos, OK? Damn, now I’ve ruined my Lesbo Street Cred forever. Good news though, my face blindness when it comes to Canada’s most musically awesome twins has done nothing to make their content less totally gay. To wit, please witness their most recent song “Boyfriend.” Yes, following up a song all about lesbian sex (hello, come a little “Closer”) with one about your on the down-low girlfriend who treats you like her “Boyfriend” definitely counts as totally gay. And I am totally OK with that.

p.s. Clea DuVall directed the video, who I have no problem recognizing - ever. So, um, can I get at least part of my Lesbian Card back?

Ten

Yesterday I took one of the very few weekday vacations days from blogging I’ve taken since I started writing Dorothy Surrenders. Why, you might ask, did I afford myself this tiny luxury? Well because Sunday marked my 10th anniversary, or blogiversary if you will. What started as a whim has become a decade of my life. Holy and shit.

What has kept me going, all these past 10 years, is sharing my love – and sometimes otherwise – of this culture we call pop with you. Being able to write down the things I would otherwise only yell at my television in the privacy of my living room, and connecting with other folks yelling the same things in their living rooms, has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

It’s a reminder that we have so much more in common than what separates us – especially for us gay ladies. So I want to sincerely thank you, as always, for coming here every day to read the sometimes serious, often silly things that float thing my head. It has meant more to me than I can possibly say.

So in celebration of this ridiculous milestone, I will reshare this video that I made some five years ago. Yes, back when I thought five years was a long time to be writing a blog. Thank you, kittens. Thank you for 10 amazing years.

p.s. As a reminder, you can also follow me on Twitter (@dorothysnarker), Tumblr (dorothy-snarker) and Instagram (mssnarker).
p.p.s. Thanks for letting me know how long you have been reading, and where you are from. I love finding out more about you, kittens.

My Weekend Purple Crush

For whatever reason, I never truly entertained the idea that Prince could die. He always seemed so immortal. Death seemed too pedestrian for such a mad genius. I’ve written about the permission to be weird Prince gave to me, as a queer girl growing up, and all us other glorious weirdos over at Women & Hollywood today. So now, I’d like to just revel in the talent. Since it’s hard to find Prince’s music – particularly videos - online on purpose, I’m posting some of my favorite (not to mention some of the gayest) covers of his music here.

Brandi Carlile, “Nothing Compares 2 U”

While practically nothing compares to Sinead O’Connor’s original version of this, Brandi gives it a beautiful go.

Tegan and Sara, “When You Were Mine”

Lots of people, including T&S, forget this song was written by Prince and covered by Cyndi.

The Bangles, “Manic Monday”

Not a cover, since they recorded it originally, but another reminder of the wonderful songs Prince wrote – particularly for female artists.

Cast of “The Color Purple,” “Purple Rain”

Last night Jennifer Hudson et al from the Broadway show performed this tribute. Lovely.

And, finally, not a cover. Just Prince singing his own song, stripped down to its beautiful bones, two months ago.

No Shame

Lena Headey, continual bringer of delight despite her portrayal of one of the most despicable characters in television canon, is back at it. She appeared on “The Late Late Show with James Corden” to recount a particularly personal fan encounter. I won’t ruin it for you. Please, proceed with joy.

Show Me the Tubmans

Sometimes, sometimes, if you wait long enough, something good happens. Today was one of those sometimes. Today the Treasury Secretary announced that African-American abolitionist and all-around American hero Harriet Tubman would supplant President Andrew Jackson on the front of the $20 bill. Yes, please, let us relish the delicious irony of a former slave replacing a former slaveholder as the face of American money. (But, don’t get too excited, because Jackson will remain on the back of the $20 – cue sad trombone sound.)

It was previously announced that the Treasury Secretary wanted to replace founding father Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill with the image of an undetermined female civil rights leader. But then he wisely changed their mind, which is a good thing for Hamilton fans and non-fans of Jackson (particularly the latter’s campaign of genocide against the Native Americans).

Harriet Tubman is as righteous as they come. Born into slavery she escaped, became an abolitionist and worked as a spy for the Union Army. She will become the first African-American person, not to mention first black women, to appear on U.S. currency, period.
I for one cannot wait to start asking for my change in “Tubmans.”

In honor of this momentous occasion, please enjoy the Harriet Tubman edition of “Drunk History.” Harriet Tubman is coming with her army full of bad bitches to snatch your bills, Jackson.

Back to Black

So how about that “Orphan Black” season opener? Starting off with a flashback? Showing us more about Beth? Introducing a new clone named MK? Not a Castor clone in sight. Yes, yes, and yaaaaaaaas. Of course, the problem with showing us more about Beth is now we want more of Beth. But alas, we all know how that ends.

Last season of “Orphan Black” was, well, convoluted. And adding the Castor Clones diluted what has always been best about the series – Tatiana Maslany in all her many incarnations. I hope this season premiere signals a return to form for the show. And I hope against all possible hope that we can also see a return to Delphine. Yes, I know – those bullet holes looked pretty convincing. But a gal can dream. Come back, Evelyne Brochu. Come back.

Let Them Eat Cake

Well, when you put it this way all these new “Religious Freedom” bills seem pretty damn silly, don’t they? Life, liberty and the pursuit of denying basic goods and services to LGBT people. That’s how the constitution goes, right? While it’s all fun to joke and scoff at the ridiculousness of these so-called religious liberty laws and so-called bathroom safety laws, it’s also important to never forget that these are really the arguments being made by some. That LGBT people are still being used as scapegoats to scare people. That bigotry is being masked as religion. I mean, who do they think they’re kidding? We all know God is a boob woman.

My Weekend Crush

You guys, YOU GUYS. Sorry, I don’t mean to yell. But after too many shows made us slog through disappointing seasons, I’m all in for a fun new show that shoots from the hip. And that show, my friends, is “Wynonna Earp.” Now, we already knew its bona fides were legit. The new Syfy series was created by none other than Emily Andras, the former executive producer and showrunner of “Lost Girl.” And, kittens, you all know how I feel about “Lost Girl” (*heart eyes forever*). It’s also based on a graphic novel by the same name and revolves around a proverbial Strong Female Lead. But knowing something might be good and realizing it in fact is are two different things.

The pilot was, well, a pilot. It was a little uneven and went for the dump you into action instead of explain too much route of storytelling. But then the second episode, goodness, did the show find its feet – or boots. I don’t know how far I should push the cowboy metaphors. To nutshell the show for you it’s about the eldest heir to legendary lawman Wyatt Earp who inherits his gun which has the ability to kill demons. Oh, and it also has a charismatic world-weary female lead, spunky smart sister sidekick, punchy one-liners and a big-ass pistol. What’s not to like?

But, because it’s Emily and because she loves being good to us ladies who like ladies, the show also features some hot – or should I say Haught – potential ladies who like ladies action. In its second episode the show introduced Officer Haught. YES HER NAME IS HAUGHT. Sorry, I’m yelling again. But, indeed, the sheriff deputy is a) hot and b) very interested in Wynonna’s sister, Waverly – and vice versa. And no, this isn’t some thinly veiled subtext. But don’t take my word for it. See all the unabashed lady-on-lady flirting for yourself.



Obviously, there’s already a perfect shipper name for these two. It’s WayHaught, naturally. Look, any show that can get both an impromptu wet T-shirt contest and woman in a uniform so seamlessly into the same scene deserves your respect, and your viewership. It airs tonight on Syfy. Happy watching and weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Vintage Edition

How about we class up this joint, eh? And nothing’s classier than a fine-looking lady in menswear. And if that fine-looking lady is from a bygone era, well, all the better. Vintage gender fuck is, let’s be honest, some of the greatest gender fuck. But don’t take my word for it. Let Katharine Hepburn and friends show you.

Katharine Hepburn

The original great panted one.

Josephine Baker

Dapper goals, forever.

Audrey Hepburn

Not everyone can pull off a plaid suit. But, of course, Audrey can.

Maggie Smith

She looks like a 70s politician running for office. I’d totally vote for her.

Frida Kahlo

Impeccable vest game.

Marlene Dietrich

Nobody does gender fuck better. Never has, never will.

Whoosh Wednesday

I’ll admit to feeling some ambivalence toward the upcoming “Xena” reboot. On the one hand, holy shit that’s fantastic. On the other hand, wait, isn’t this from the guy who wrote that episode of “The 100?” On the one hand, he has promised to “fully exploring a relationship that could only be shown subtextually in first-run syndication in the 1990s.” On the other hand, why is 48-year-old Lucy Lawless too old to play Xena again when 73-year-old Harrison Ford is just fine to play both Han Solo AND Indiana Jones again? Like I was saying, ambivalence.

The one thing I know for sure is the reboot will undoubtedly not have the same gloriously cheesy “whoosh” sound affects whenever characters snap their heads. Well, at least we will always have the memories – and this video.

Quittin' Time

These days there’s much talk of us being in the age of Peak TV. With over 400 scripted series on American television, a viewer has no choice but to feel perpetually behind. Oh dear, I’ve always wanted to watch A, B, C. Oh no, I still haven’t caught up on X, Y, Z. But as we enter season finale season, I’ve been able to scratch a few shows off my watch list once and for all.

For whatever reason I quit watching a number of shows this year. And I do not regret it at all. They include, in no particular order: “The 100,” “Gotham,” “Sleepy Hollow” and (at least for now) “The Walking Dead.”

I think my issues with “The 100” are pretty self-explanatory. Ahem. I stopped watching “Gotham” just a few episodes into its new season. I hated what happened with Barbara Kean and missed Fish Mooney. I did my best to soldier through “Sleepy Hollow” this season, I really did. But killing Abbie Mills? Dealbreaker. And “The Walking Dead” seems to be once again entering into another lengthy chapter of “Humans Are the Worst” – which have always been my least favorite kind of plotlines on the show. Also they killed Denise; those bastards.

(Side Note: Hey, television, can you maybe cool it on the whole killing women – queer, of color, and otherwise – business? What does a girl have to do to stay alive past the season finale, people?)

I can’t tell you how freeing it feels to decide you just don’t care – and delete your season pass and/or pile-up of unwatched episodes. I’m assuming it’s the same sort of specifically 21st Century satisfaction one feels when achieving Inbox Zero. (I assume because I don’t know, my inbox is over 2,500 right now.)

What this also does is allow me to focus on the other shows languishing on my DVR. Like, I still haven’t made it past the first few episodes of “Supergirl.” So maybe this is my chance to give it a fair show. And (don’t yell at me) the entire last season of “Agent Carter” is stilling on my watch list taunting me. I know, I know. Though the one I continue to feel the worst about is “Jane the Virgin,” which I got behind on in the first season and, well, you know how this story goes. Forgive me, Gina Rodriguez. I still think you’re lovely.

So, did you drop any shows this year? Pick any new ones up?

p.s. Oh, and don’t worry, we’ll talk all about “Wynonna Earp” later this week. Oh, yes we will.

Another One Four Bite the Dust

So, wow, I was gone for two weeks and four (yes, FOUR) lesbian, bisexual (or as Ilene Chaiken likes to say “opportunist”) female characters were killed off. That’s two on “The Vampire Diaries” and two on “Empire.” Forget boat, we’re going to need a bigger graveyard to bury all these gays. By my (and Autostraddle’s) count, that is 11 dead queer female characters on American scripted television in the 102 days of this year. If you do the math, that’s about 1 dead queer lady every 9 or so days of 2016. Cool story, bro and bro-ette. Tell me again about how your dead and buried gays “aren’t a part of that phenomenon or conversation.” Well, at least this allows us all to once again shake our fists at the sky and scream, “CHAIKEN!”

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it and will keep saying it a thousand times until it fucking sinks in. The stories we tell, particularly about underrepresented groups – like queer people and people of color and people with disabilities and the like – matter. They feed into a cultural narrative which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – both for LGBT people and how the outside world views LGBT people. It really isn’t much to ask that the majority of stories told about queer women not be tragic. And if none of that matters to you all those TV makers out there, maybe this will: At the rate burying your gays is just one small step above waking up and having it all being a dream in terms of stunningly unoriginal storylines. Do better, television. Because LGBT fans deserve so much better.

Vacation Vixen: Lena Headey

You’re welcome.

Vacation Vixen: Uzo Aduba

If OITNB Season 4 isn’t at least 50 percent Crazy Eyes and her new girlfriend making out I will be very disappointed. The other 50 percent, of course, will be Poussey and Soso.

Vacation Vixen: Constance Wu

Are you watching “Fresh Off the Boat” yet? If you were, you’d know Constance’s Jessica Huang is one of the funniest female characters on television today.

Vacation Vixen: Laura Prepon

Guess Vause survives to see Season 4. If she keeps wearing great suspenders and tank tops like this and stays out of the toxic Pipex vortex, I could not be more thrilled.

Vacation Vixen: Tilda Swinton

I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve posted La Swinton. A thousand apologies, please allow me to hurl myself into the endless abyss of mist and fog that rise from the tears that have been planted by her absence. (What? That is how I imagine Tilda apologizes.)

Vacation Vixen: Tina Fey

Nothing is better than Tina, except for maybe two Tinas.