Tank Top Tuesday: Amazing Lesbians Edition

So I guess I need to start watching “The Amazing Race.” I know, they’re entering season 39, so maybe I’m a little late. But now that soccer lesbians have joined the show, I think I can finally give it my full attention. US National Women’s Team and NWSL players Ali Krieger and Joanna Lohman have joined the new season of the long-running adventure reality series. Now in case you were wondering, and the hair wasn’t already a giveaway, yes, Joanna is also a gay. Her Instagram bio includes the title “celesbian” (and lots of photos of her wife and their child – and rainbows). Anyway, I’m so glad Ali continues to live her best life (and is happily together with a new, better soccer lesbian). Guess I’ll have to record the new season and fast forward to the lesbian bits, per usual.

p.s. Also, just because it’s Tuesday and sports bras and muscle shirts are included in the Tank Top Cinematic Universe, here’s a little preview. Hopefully they packed for the race accordingly.

Vacation Vixen: Ali Krieger

Am I vicariously living my Lemonade Era through Ali? Maybe. But I definitely believe swimsuits are just tank tops that don’t know when to quit. And, it is a Tuesday. (Also, I am giving myself a continued Blog Break as I get through my first week. Thanks for understanding. Also, you’re welcome for the swimsuit pic.)

My Weekend Crush

As a lesbian getting a divorce let me just say I feel this level of sweet, sweet karma with my whole body. While we’re obviously not taking sides (cough, Team Ali, cough), Ali Krieger got the storybook ending to her professional soccer career we were all no-so secretly rooting for. And while Pinoe’s early exit in the championship match was a bummer, nothing could take away from the sheer joy of Gotham FC’s win. The win also means Ali’s fellow out queer teammates Kristie Mewis, Kelley O’Hara, Delanie Sheehan, Sinead Farrelly and Michelle Betos have some new shiny hardware to show off as well. Plus, it was an exciting game – even without Megan Rapinoe. Women’s sportsball for the win! Soon-to-be divorced lesbians for the win! See, I can be on many teams. Happy weekend, all.

The Krashlyn Crash

FINALLY, some true dyke drama worthy this blog’s best and most Sapphic original intentions! Now, I am not one to revel in other people’s misery. And, believe me I know, breakups are almost always some sort of miserable. So I take no joy in the breakup of former USWNT and NWSL stars and longtime celesbian couple Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger. Oh, Krashlyn, Krashlyn. Like, we knew them when they were just *wink, wink* really good friends.

So, yes, their breakup after nearly 4 years of marriage (and with two children) is sad and I take no pleasure in it.

But now, here comes the dyke drama part. First, official news of their breakup dropped days before Ali’s final game in the NWSL this past Sunday, which was a huge celebration of her career. So, you know, the timing is *grimacing emoji face*

Then – because these are the same fans/stans who catalogued every single detail of the pre-out Krashlyn’s dating chronicles – rumors based on sightings started to spread that Ashlyn and Sophia (who had just two months before filed for divorce from her husband) were maybe dating. And then, today, People magazine (yep, still making headline gay news after all these years) drops the bomb that, yes, they are in fact dating.

The Lesbian Bat Signal she is strong and she works FAST.

I say all of this not to pick sides (though, I’m kinda Team Ali because who are we kidding we all pick sides). Still, I am happy to see that we have another proud toaster oven recipient in Sophia, who while I know was the focus of many a queer lady’s wishful thinkings, as all parties involved can now attest, sometimes those wishes are true.

Speaking of us all wishing and hoping the former “One Tree Hill” and “Chicago P.D.” star’s queerness into reality, did you all watch the Netflix anthology series “Easy” from a few years ago? It aired from 2016 to 2019 and I only really care about the final season (season three) and really only one of the episodes (episode 3) because that’s the queer lady one.

Anyway, it starred a pre-“The L Word: Generation Q” Jacqueline Toboni who was so much more femme in the show it now almost weirds me out now. And in Season 3, Episode 3 her character was just dumped by her girlfriend, and is then hit on HARD by her (former, so it’s OK) boss played by Sophia Bush. And, let me tell you, after watching that ONE SINGLE EPISODE OF TV I was like, Sophia Bush knows what it’s like to want to fuck a woman. I think her chemistry made my screen sizzle. So, you know, my gaydar remains undefeated. *polished gay knuckles*

Also, Jacqueline’s character was such a bonehead. I get it, breakups suck. But Sophia Bush has basically thrown herself at you. And you bounce? Yeah, that’s almost on par with Archie Panjabi not following Gillian Anderson onto the elevator in “The Fall.”

Anyway, as I was saying. I am sad that a longtime and, one would hope at least for most of the time, loving relationship has ended. But I’m also grateful for the distraction in a case where I think all three women will land securely on their feet no matter the ultimate outcome. The world is a lot. We need this dykestraction.

Tank Top Tuesday: Sportsball Ladies Edition

As sports cautiously, strangely make their way back into our public lives, women’s soccer was the first out of the gate. And while I tend to agree that professional sports should be the reward for a functioning society - and we are very much not functioning yet - it is nice to see America’s soccer stars again. And if they are wearing tank tops or tank top adjacent items of clothing, all the better. Again, we have to take our joy where we can find it these days. Also, I know the above shot of is technically about how truly terrible it is to play on turf. But, horrible turf rash/bruising aside, the ladies of the NJ Sky Blue team look, um, ready to play sportsball. 

Wedding of a Decade

Well, how about one last very good thing to end this very insane year? Just in time to become a contender for Lesbian Wedding of the Decade, USWNT stars Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris got married. The couple, who has been dating since the basically the start of the decade closed it out by making Krashlyn official. Of course, at the start of this decade they couldn’t have made it official, because same-sex couples weren’t able to legally marry. Now that’s progress. And their wedding was attended by a bunch of their out teammate and former teammates (Hey, Megan! Hey, Abby!), looking mighty gay. And that’s also progress. So, mazel tov to the happy couple.





p.s. Did I mention there was rainbow wedding cake? Because there was rainbow wedding cake.



p.p.s. Lesbian Wedding of the Decade, or Lesbian Royal Wedding of the Decade?

My Weekend Crush

I love this team. I love their swagger. I love their talent. I love their passion. I love their determination. I love their conviction. I love their activism. I love their heart. I love their joy. I love, love, love the USWNT’s unabashed celebration of hard-earned success.



And of course it goes without saying that I love the Rapi-pose.



Just for good measure, I also love, love, love, love, love, love how incredibly gay the team is. Five, make that six, out players. At least one on-team couple. An out coach. And – you know – welcome, Kelley O’Hara. Your toaster oven is in the mail.



Fine, also I love that they’re not bad to look at in the face, arms, legs, full-body, whole human person kind of way. So whether they’re beating the world, partying at a ticker-tape parade, or glamming up for the ESPYs, I simply can’t get enough of these ladies. (And I can’t get enough of Ashlyn Harris' Instagram stories.)



Fine, I also can’t get enough of members of all the world’s national women’s teams kissing their girlfriends.



See you again in 2023, World Cup. And, hell yeah, ladies – you deserve this. We all deserve this. Happy weekend, all.

SGALGG: USWNT Edition

So, just this once the “S” stands for “Sporty” and not “Straight” because, um – well, you know. The United States Women’s National Team opened their FIFA World Cup play with a 13-0 route of Thailand. A few naysayers said the ladies shouldn’t have run up the score like that. But 1) This is Group Round play so scores freaking matter, and the more you score the better you have a chance of moving to the next round, and 2) When do they ever ask male athletes playing at the highest level to take it down a notch?

Oh, yeah… Never.

Instead this opening match was yet another example of the startling performance vs. pay wage gap between men’s and women’s sports. The record-setting game for the USWNT was:

- The most goals ever in a Women’s or Men’s World Cup Game (13)
- Tied the most goals scored by a man or woman in a World Cup game (5 for Alex Morgan)
- The most ever second-half goals scored in a Women’s or Men’s World Cup Game (10)

In the last 17 years (between June 2002 and 2019), the USMNT has scored 12 goals in all its games of World Cup play.

Meanwhile, in under two hours this past Tuesday the USWNT scored 13 points in one game World Cup Play.

All this, of course, makes it all the more galling that the women’s national team makes so much less than the men’s national team. Like much, much less.

Bottom line: Women’s sports are exciting. Women athletes are exceptional. Women athletes deserve equal pay. Period.

And, just in case, this is how female members of the USWNT hug each other (with their legs in friendship and otherwise) when they score. And, I think we can all agree we’d like to see a lot more of that.



p.s. Special shout out to the out members of the USWNT (remember, I said out): Coach Jill Ellis, Forward Megan Rapinoe, Defender Ali Krieger and Goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Krashlyn Edition

Well, Krashlyn has made it official. Last month soccer stars Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris announced their engagement in People magazine, which was also their de facto joint coming out statement for anyone who hasn’t been paying or attention and/or does not have eyes. The couple plan to get married this year after being together since 2010. The women both play on the United States Women's National Team and for the Orlando Pride in the National Women’s Soccer League – so it’s another case of workplace romance. Now, one might quibble with the nine whole years it took for these ladies to make it official while past and present teammates like Megan Rapinoe and Abby Wambach have been out for years. But, you know, better late then never.

But what I really care about, what truly matters, is what suit Ashlyn plans to wear to the wedding. The two soccer stars haven’t been shy about stepping out together looking…good. They look good. It’s all good. The suits are good. The dresses are good. The suits and dresses together are good. In short, we expect next-level suit game at these nuptials.

Believe It, Baby

AMERICA! WOMEN! SPORTS! LESBIANS! WHOOOOO! Hot damn, that was something else. Like, really, something else. I won’t go into an extensive recap because if you cared you were watching. And if you don’t care, well, what is wrong with you? But, holy crap, that was pretty amazing. All I’ll say is I am very proud of this team and these athletes and women’s sports in general. Also, for gay ladies. But, you know, that goes without saying. And now, I’ll just let these glorious pictures of the United States Women’s National Team celebrating their World Cup win do all the talking. Well done, world. Congratulations, USA. Let’s do this all again in four years, eh?



p.s. Abby running over to kiss her wife Sarah in the stands after the game is now officially recognized in all 50 states.



p.p.s. The Eagle Fan, excuse me, SHEAGLE, was clearly the team’s secret weapon. Naturally, she plays for the LA Derby Dolls.