Cancel This

Well, shit. Shit shit shit and shit. Granted, “First Kill” was not a great show. But getting axed as one of the few new shows this season on cable or streamers to center queer female characters as its stars, well, it hurts. And, honestly, it’s bullshit. THIS IS BULLSHIT.

If you’ve been paying attention to entertainment media, you’ll know we’re in the midst of The Great Diversity Purge of 2022. Do you have a show that appeals to underrepresented minorities? People of color, LGBTQ+ people, women, people who know Trump lost the election? Too bad. Would you like another show with Chris Pratt instead?

So gone are, in no particular order, “Gentleman Jack,” “Batwoman,” “The Wilds,” “The Motherland: Fort Salem,” “Legends of Tomorrow,” “Betty”... I could go on.

Part of this is new, fierce competition between the bazillion streamers out there now. And part of this is consolidation of major media companies. Indeed, the Warner Bros/Discovery merger looks to be about to tank possibly the best streamer out there, HBO Max. If they take away my “Hacks” and my “Somebody Somewhere” and my “Harley Quinn” I will cut a bitch. And, of course, by bitch, I mean rich straight white male studio executive.

Indeed, the recent purge of inclusive titles shows how shallow the efforts to bring marginalized voices into the fold often are. As soon as things start to go a little sideways, it’s bye queers and POCs and women. Don’t worry, the men are still in charge to straighten this ship, literally and figuratively, based on their perceived place at the center of the universe. I mean, again, it’s already happening at Warner/Discovery where the new boss has hired a raft of new department heads who are also white dudes just like him. Gosh, whodathunkit?

Also, what kind of a company spends $90 million on a movie with the first Latina Batgirl on screen and then just shelves it entirely and refuses to release it on any platform? Holy tax write off, Batman, I guess.

One of the nice things about the proliferation of streamers is more content has also meant more diversity. But if they are going to cut back on that kind of content then how are they different from basic/premium cable? It is simply not enough to offer a couple “diverse” shows yet give them almost no marketing or publicity and then immediately cancel them if they somehow don’t meet expectations.

In fact, the murkiness of streaming viewership data (and metrics targets that seem to change at whim) makes it hard to discern whether “First Kill” and other more diverse shows like it were actually meeting those expectations or not. Netflix told the “First Kill” showrunner Felicia D. Henderson the series did not meet “thresholds for viewing and completion of episodes.”

Yet the series made Netflix’s Top 10 for English-language TV series in its first three days, ranked No. 7 with 30.3M hours viewed. And in its first full week it shot to No. 3 with 48.8M hours viewed. During that time it was just behind “Stranger Things” and “Peaky Blinders” — two shows with zero renewal problems. But I guess 100 million hours viewed in its first four weeks simply isn’t enough for a show with queer characters and prominent POC stars. What a joke.

Real diversity efforts means providing support, promotion and time. Real diversity efforts means hiring POC, LGBTQ+, women and other marginalized people to fill the C-suites. Real diversity means giving more people from underrepresented groups a place in front and behind the camera.

I wish there was a way to swoop up all the canceled diverse shows and find them a place together. But instead they’re going to the great streaming cemetery in the sky, I guess. RIP, “First Kill.” You weren’t a perfect show. But I could have watched hot women kiss/bite each other and Elizabeth Mitchell vamp around for several more seasons, at least.

TV Review: Fire Kill

How you feel about “First Kill” is probably an expectations game. If you were expecting some pioneering, genre-defying, soul-cleansing work of art, well…no. But if you were expecting a campy show about sapphic star-crossed lovers that hasn’t fully embraced its camp potential yet and that you don’t have to turn your brain on too much to watch with, then bingo-bongo is this show for you.

“First Kill” isn’t a great show. But it is occasionally a fun show. And it has hot women smooching which, honestly, can absolve many a show’s sins. We watched it over a weekend and while I haven’t thought too much about it since, I’m happy we gave it a binge.

The series is about as subtle as a pair of vampire fangs. It lays its scene in fair Savannah — not Verona — but the Romeo & Juliet overtones are, well, very overtoney. Like, the young vampire heroine is called Juliette. JULIETTE, GET IT. Her star-crossed Romeo is Calliope, Cal for short and masc representation reasons. Juliette is from a long-line of vampire legacies. Cal is from a long line of vampire slayer legacies. You get the deal.

Honestly, the acting is pretty meh. The matriarchs of both the vampire and vampire hunter clans — Aubin Wise and Elizabeth Mitchell, respectively — are the best actors on the set by a mile of wooden stakes. Everyone else, well, I’m always happy when actors get work.

Sarah Catherine Hook as Juliette and Imani Lewis as Cal are likable actors, but the chemistry between them when they aren’t smooching is, uh, underwhelming. But when they are smooching? Again, I fully embrace my shallowness sometimes.

The plotting could also use work. An extravagant amount of time is used setting up the show’s lore, which could have been better used showing and not telling us how this vamp/vamp hunter world works. And its action is, well, let’s just say Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s fight sequences will look like they’re filmed in fast-forward compared to these.

Yes, I realize I’ve listed a lot of negative things in a row yet still somehow think people should watch this show. But that’s the thing about art. I enjoy all of it — the highbrow, the low-brow and even sometimes the middling. Not everything has to be “Mad Men” or “Breaking Bad” or “The Sopranos” or whatever else male-dominated world critics convince us is Very Important and Thus Good.

Some things can be kinda dumb and kinda fun and, again, hot women kiss and there are also vampires.

This Bites

Remember a year ago when we learned a queer female vampire/vampire hunter love story was coming to Netflix and we were all like, “Can’t wait to sink my teeth into that!” Well, get those chompers ready. Just in time for Pride, Netflix is dropping its new lesbian Romeo/Juliette vampire/vampire hunter series “First Kill” next month.

It stars Imani Lewis as Calliope “Cal” Burns, who comes from a long line of vampire hunters, and Sarah Catherine Hook as Juliette Fairmont, who comes from a long line of vampires. You can see where this relationship might have some issues to work through with that premise, but who am I to judge another’s relationship.

I’m not familiar with either actress, though they have a few handful of credits their names. Mostly I wanna know if they’ll have good chemistry and the trailer is not a great indicator because it’s too busy making sure we realize this is “Romeo & Juliet” but MAKE IT GAY WITH FANGS.

Obviously, I am going to watch this. The tone from the trailer and poster feels more campy/sexy “True Blood” than quippy/zeitgeisty “Buffy” on the “What Kind of Vampire Show is This”-scale. Though I am 100% not mad about the inclusion of Elizabeth Mitchell, who fellow Olds will remember as Dr. Kerry Weaver’s O.G. lesbian love interest on “E.R.,” Dr. Kim Legaspi. If you’re sitting down I can also tell you that that Kerry and Kim storyline is…wait for it…TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD.

Right, so like I said, I will watch this. But possibly with a walker nearby.

Teenage (Lesbian Vampires) Wasteland

[Hook (& Lewis]

Right, so how is it that a whole damn show about teenage lesbian vampires (and teenage lesbian vampire hunters) is coming to Netflix and nobody told me? Like, is the Lesbian Bat Signal broken or something? Did we collectively forget how to work a phone tree? No, instead I had to have TikTok – TikTok of all places – tell me that there was a whole damn show about teenage lesbian vampires (and teenage lesbian vampire hunters) coming to Netflix. The indignity of it all.

But, seriously, I’m happy to report the aforementioned teenage lesbian vampire show, called “First Kill,” is based on a short story of the same name. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the story follows a “teenage vampire Juliette Fairmont (played by Sarah Catherine Hook), who has to claim her first victim in order to take her place in a powerful vampire family. She sets her eyes on Calliope Burns (played by Imani Lewis), a new girl in town. Calliope, it turns out, is a vampire hunter from a celebrated family of slayers. They each find out that the other won't be easy to kill — but far too easy to fall for.”

So, what you’re telling me is this is “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” crossed with “Romeo & Juliet” but MAKE IT GAY? Yes, thank you. I will watch this. I haven’t heard of either actress before, which is fine considering they’re supposed to be teenage lesbians and all. Hook has episodes of “Law & Order: SVU” and “Monsterland” on her IMDB, and Lewis has some recurring roles on “The Get Down” and “Hightown” on hers. I know nothing else about the series except Emma Roberts is producing it. But then, again, they had me at star-crossed lesbian vampire and lesbian vampire hunter series.