Spacewoman

So Kristen Stewart is going to make her lead TV/streaming debut playing Sally Ride in a new Prime Video show. The limited series will follow Sally’s journey to become the first U.S. woman in space and also her role in the investigation of the Challenger explosion tragedy. No word on whether they’ll cover Sally’s sexuality, which she famously hid until after her death. But you gotta imagine if Kristen is playing her, they’ll make her queerness front and center – I mean, we have to believe, right? I gotta hand it to her, when K-Stew plays a real person she sure picks really interesting and complicated women. Savannah Knoop/J.T. Leroy, Joan Jett, Jean Seberg, Princess Diana. Now that’s what I call range -- all the way to outer space.

p.s. This also serves as a bonus tank top because I kinda skimped out on the content Tuesday.

Movie Review: Sally

Heartbreak is often the inspiration for great art. But can great inspiration also break your heart? “Sally,” the new documentary about Sally Ride, the first American woman in space, does a little of both. Her status as an American icon is assured, inspiring countless girls and others to pursue science and reach, quite literally, for the stars. But her private life, which for the first time has been laid open for all to see, in the new documentary will also break your heart.

In the end, Sally Ride’s story is that one of the bravest women in the entire world was still too scared to live her life openly and authentically. It was only after her death in 2012, that the whole universe learned she was a lesbian and had a more than quarter century relationship with partner Tam O'Shaughnessy. So while Sally’s name may be on the marquee, the documentary is really Tam’s story as well. She was the partner long shuffled to the shadows and asked to keep this secret about the person who she loved most and who loved her most.

It’s also a sobering reminder that homophobia and anti-LGBTQ+ sentiments are not just an ancient relic. Truly, this era should cure anyone from believing that the struggles for civil rights – be they for queer people or people of color or immigrants or those with disabilities – are over. The sad truth is, we can always go backwards. At 73, Tam’s life continues to be shaped by the specter of the closet. Anyone who also watched the new Pee Wee Herman documentary, in which Paul Reubens also comes out posthumously, had that message reinforced here. We are still losing heroes who believed the only way they could truly be honest with the world about themselves was in death. Still. We have not overcome and the so-called past remains too much of our present.

As Tam says during “Sally”:

“She was afraid. That’s heartbreaking. For me but also for her….The world made it tricky and painful. But we were brave enough to love each other.”

May we reach a point as humans where no one has to be so brave that they feel safer slipping the surly bonds of Earth than being open about being gay. Wouldn’t it be amazing if, as Tam put it, all those tribal fears we hold to about race, gender, nationality, who we love and all the other arbitrary restrictions we place on ourselves and others just melted away. We’re all just little people living on a crazy blue marble. Humans can do extraordinary and inspiring things, but the most extraordinary and the bravest is often simply being ourselves.

A True Star

I was just old enough to remember the historic moment that Sally Ride became the first American woman in space. It was the definition of inspirational. And was an in-your-face to the continuously skeptical sexists everywhere who continue to haunt our national discourse. It was also, to put it simply, the opposite of whatever that tone-deaf celebrity tourist trip to space last month was. But being the first anything almost always comes with a price. And for the very private Ride, it was the ability to live openly as a queer woman with her 27-year partner Tam O’Shaughnessy. I even wonder if I had known way back in 1983 that The Sally Ride was also a lesbian, I might have figured it out about myself a little sooner, too. Instead, we all found out with her passing in 2012. But I am pleased that history sometimes allows us to look back to appreciate the whole person after their passing. I am also so pleased that her partner Tam has this moment to be herself as well. So I can’t wait to watch this when it starts streaming during Pride Month. These are the kinds of stars who will always inspire.

Closet Space

Two more weekends left of Pride and we (very much using the royal WE, since it’s just moi) here at Surrenders continues to highlight queer entertainers, artists and works because we only get 30 days per year and we’re going to make them as gay as fucking humanly possible. And it doesn’t get much gayer than perhaps the most famous queer actor of her generation playing the most famous female astronaut of any generation. Kristen Stewart has signed on to play Sally Ride, the first U.S. woman in space, in a new Amazon TV series.

Now, I am old enough to remember when Sally Ride went to space in 1983, and I am old enough to remember what a big, huge deal it was – particularly as a girl growing up in the 1980s. Keep in mind, us women had only earned the right to open a credit card in our own names less than 10 years before this (in 1974). So the first woman and arguably the most awesomely named astronaut in history was a Big Fucking Deal in my book.

But, and here is why we should never forget our history, it was inconceivable at the time to think Sally could have been celebrated as BOTH the first woman AND first gay person in space. Because that last part, yeah, that was definitely not something we celebrated back in 1983.

In fact, she didn’t feel comfortable coming out publicly at all until her death, in 2012, when she revealed her 27-year relationship with Tam O'Shaughnessy. And, if you’re thinking, gosh that’s awfully late to come out? Why was she still in the closet in 2012?

Well, the arc of moral history is long, but the arc of recent LGBTQ+ civil rights history has bent extraordinarily toward justice in the last dozen years. Think back. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell wasn’t repealed until 2010, just two years before Ride’s death. President Obama didn’t come out in support of of same-sex marriage until May 2012, just two months before her death. And of course same-sex marriage rights, perhaps our most high-profile legal victory, weren’t conferred on all Americans until 2015, two years after her death.

History isn’t terribly ancient, and the recent strides we’ve made in queer rights are continually in peril as the far-right backlash to, well, really everything good and progressive continues unabated. So I’m thrilled that Kristen is using her platform to both highlight queer elders and champion our history. Also, you just know K-Stew is gonna look good in that astronaut suit.

Out of stardust

Space holds an undeniable romance. That final frontier. The expanse beyond the edges of our understanding. So those who go there, who touch the heavens, they too inspire awe and wonder among us. And to be the first, well, that’s where terms like “role model” and “hero” get thrown around. For a generation of girls, young and old, Sally Ride was that hero. The first U.S. woman in space, the very definition of a trailblazer, the inspiration for dreamers everywhere. The woman who made millions of little girls not only reach for, but know they could touch the stars. So her passing today was sad on many levels. One can never truly understand when a hero dies.

But tucked within the somber news was a very significant piece of news. Written into her obituary was this simple sentence:

“She is survived by Tam O’Shaughnessy, her partner of 27 years; her mother, Joyce; her sister, Bear, a niece and a nephew.”

Yes, universe, the first woman in space was also in a long-term, loving relationship with another woman for almost three decades. People rarely make news with their obituaries. But this, indeed, is news. This is the first time that Sally’s relationship was Tam was referred to anything other than “good friends.” Tam helped found and is COO and Executive Vice President of Sally Ride Science. She has also authored books with Sally. The two had known each other since Sally was 12.

Buzzfeed spoke with Sally’s sister, Bear, about her coming out by way of obituary. And Bear, who also happens to be a lesbian – though with a name like Bear, come on – said:

“I hope it makes it easier for kids growing up gay that they know that another one of their heroes was like them.”

So what does it all mean? A hero to all turns out to be a gay woman in private? It means both nothing and everything. Being gay doesn’t ever change who you are as a person. It doesn’t change what you’ve done – your contributions, your potential, your core. It’s just a little difference about who you fall in love with. Who you make your life with. Who you spend 27 years together with. So, Sally Ride was gay. She’s still awesome.

But then, in another way it means so much. Because in this little piece of news is another reminder that we, gay people, are no different than everyone else. And, sometimes, we can be unfathomably extraordinary. Gay men and women contribute to culture, to history, to science. Our contributions are an integral part of our society and this world. And each time one of us stands up and is counted as gay, our accomplishments are a reminder that we are everywhere and a part to everything.

So I wish Sally had come out during her life so we could have embraced her as a community and she could have seen what her coming out meant to all of us? Certainly. The age of coming out only in death à la Rock Hudson is gradually, happily fading into stardust as more and more people feel comfortable and safe being who they are in life. But what I really wish is that now, when little girls stare at the stars, they’ll know the amazing, inspiring woman who was the first to travel amid them was gay. And that we all have the ability to reach our dreams, no matter how high and how far and how vast. Safe travels back into the stars, Sally.