Help a Grandma Out, Ladies

If you watched “Thunder Force” on Netflix since it premiered last weekend, you probably enjoyed the scene with Grandma Norma and her wishful lesbian thinking. I liked the Melissa McCarthy and Octavia Spencer comedy, which is kind of the “Now and Then” of buddy superhero movies, just fine. But, as always, it would have liked it better if they made them gay, just like grandma wanted.

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

I told you it was coming. Though, considering all the LGBTQ moments this year, it seems the Gay Gals are getting jealous of all the Straight Gals acting like them. Sunday’s ceremony showcased the wonderful talent of the out queer female nominees, attendees and winners. Like Daniela Vega who became the first openly transgender person to ever present at the Oscars. And we haven’t even touched on Olympic skater Adam Rippon’s tuxedo harness. Besides all the really, really gay, the awards had a lot of straight women holding hands because they love throwing off our collective gaydar. Like I feel like they’re trying to make SGALGG now; how else can you explain the huge cuddle puddle that all the losing best actress nominees made together? Exactly. Also, I’m pretty sure one of the winners thanked his cats. I even rewound to make sure my ears hadn’t translated it to lesbian.

So here are some of the rest of the great SGALGG & GGALGG moments of the night.

Jane Fonda & Helen Mirren

I would watch this rom-com about two ladies who find love later in life.

Emily Blunt & Guest

News Flash: Mary Poppins is practically gay in every way.

Gal Gadot & Lupita Nyong'o

Themyscira meets Wakanda.

Gal Gadot & Margot Robbie

Fine, Wonder Woman has a thing for disgraced figure skaters too.

Laura Dern & Greta Gerwig

Look, I told you I wasn’t kidding about the hand holding.

Also, these two totally continued off stage.


Everyone Wants to Touch Meryl

Viola does.

Nicole definitely does.


J-Law is just being greedy.


Jennifer Lawrence & Salma Hayek

See, greedy.

Lupita Nyong’o & Danai Gurira

Wakanda forever, indeed.

Octavia Spencer & Sally Hawkins

I would have rather she wound up with Octavia than the fish, to be honest.

Janelle Monae

Obligatory Janelle post.

And now for the GGALGGs to show them how it’s really done.

Jodie Foster & Frances McDormand

Crutches won’t slow her down.

p.s. Yes, Jodie is a tiny little garden gnome compared to J-Law, and most people really.


Rachel Morrison & Rachel Garza

The first woman ever to be nominated for best cinematography and her wife on the red carpet. Yeah, that sounds nice.

Dee Rees & Sarah M. Broom

And out filmmaker Dee, who hired Rachel in the first place, brought her wife with her on the red carpet. Also sounds so nice.

Darla K. Anderson

The out Coco producer thanked her wife, and her producing partner thanked his husband.

Kimberly Peirce, Evren Savci & Emily Blunt

I mean, hitting on Emily in front to your wife is bold. But, perhaps she’s on her “list.” And she saw all her hand holding business from before, so gave it a shot.

SGALGG Oscar Edition

Yeah, I still am not over how the Oscars ended. Or how many people (not you, Casey Affleck) who I was genuinely rooting for won. Or that it took until 2017 for the first LGBT film/first film with a black cast/first film directed by a black director to win. All these wonderful, barrier-break moments plus a lotta straight gals acting like gay gals? Some nights are just lucky, I guess.

Emma Stone & Some Lady

Kuddos to Some Lady for totally going for it with Emma.

Michelle Williams & Busy Philipps

Michelle is looking at Busy like she can’t believe her dream date agreed to go with her to prom.

Octavia Spencer & Janelle Monae

Meanwhile Janelle is beaming like she can’t believe Octavia accepted her invitation to dance at prom.

Amy Adams & Elizabeth Banks

Elizabeth is doing everything she can to maintain eye contact and not get lost in Amy’s cleavage.

Jennifer Aniston & Nicole Kidman

Jennifer is explaining to Nicole that Keith is obviously just a sad doppelgänger (cut, chunky highlights) for her and she should face her real attractions.

Taraji P. Henson & Mimi Valdes

Taraji is really, really trying to steal Pharrell’s Oscar date. And It’s working.

Charlize Theron & Shirley MacLaine

Charlize isn’t acting particularly gay towards Shirley, but her ponytail is.

Scarlett Johansson

President of the Alternative Lifestyle Haircut Lovers Club.

Kate McKinnon & Katie Couric

You know Kate is making Katie consider it. You know.

Viola Davis

Gay or straight, Viola is giving this face for all womankind disgusted that this sexual harasser is now an Oscar winner.

Numbers Game

You know when you see something and say to yourself, “Man, that is too good to be true.” Well, say, hell, hello trailer for “Hidden Figures.” At first, it plays like almost any other feel-good story of so-called American exceptionalism. Hidden talents, overcoming odds, uplifting soundtrack. But then those five little words flash on screen: “Based on the untold true story.” The story of the black women who worked for NASA during the space race of the 1950s and 60s is about as untold a true story as they come. The deficiency of our history books is nothing new. But that so few people – myself very much included – knew these extraordinary women even existed let alone what they accomplished is a true miscarriage of history.

Take Taraji P. Henson’s real-life character in the film, Katherine Johnson. A math whiz from a very young age she entered college at age 15 and graduated by age 18. And in segregated Jim Crow America she worked for NASA, she was the one who calculated the trajectory for Alan Shepard, the first American in space, as well as verifying the numbers for John Glenn’s historic orbit around the Earth. And she also calculated the trajectory for Apollo 11 – you know the one that made that “one giant leap for mankind” on the Moon.

Yet, I never learned about her in my texbooks I don’t recall her in “The Right Stuff.” Nor did she make an appearance in “Apollo 13,” though she helped devise the plan to bring them back safely to Earth. Not in our history books, not in the mythologizing of our heroes. Invisible if not for a concerted effort to correct the record, decades later. Last year President Obama awarded Johnson the Presidential Medal of Freedom, our nation’s highest civilian honor.

You see, that’s why it matters who takes down our history. Sexism and racism and all those other –isms find their way in when only one group dictates who gets the credit for our accomplishments. And, make no mistake, this is intentional. These are no accidental omissions – this once again is one of the mechanisms to perpetuate the patriarchy. Yes, yes – I know. I am feminist hear me roar. But a movie like this, it matters.

And, on a much more superficial note, it just looks so damn good. Taraji! Octavia Spencer! Janelle! Monáe!! Hell, yeah. Now that’s one for the history books.

Show Me the Tubmans

Sometimes, sometimes, if you wait long enough, something good happens. Today was one of those sometimes. Today the Treasury Secretary announced that African-American abolitionist and all-around American hero Harriet Tubman would supplant President Andrew Jackson on the front of the $20 bill. Yes, please, let us relish the delicious irony of a former slave replacing a former slaveholder as the face of American money. (But, don’t get too excited, because Jackson will remain on the back of the $20 – cue sad trombone sound.)

It was previously announced that the Treasury Secretary wanted to replace founding father Alexander Hamilton on the $10 bill with the image of an undetermined female civil rights leader. But then he wisely changed their mind, which is a good thing for Hamilton fans and non-fans of Jackson (particularly the latter’s campaign of genocide against the Native Americans).

Harriet Tubman is as righteous as they come. Born into slavery she escaped, became an abolitionist and worked as a spy for the Union Army. She will become the first African-American person, not to mention first black women, to appear on U.S. currency, period.
I for one cannot wait to start asking for my change in “Tubmans.”

In honor of this momentous occasion, please enjoy the Harriet Tubman edition of “Drunk History.” Harriet Tubman is coming with her army full of bad bitches to snatch your bills, Jackson.