Happy Sexy Halloween

I love me some All Hallow’s Eve. But I do not love “Sexy” costume trend. Sexy nurse. Sexy cop. Sexy pizza. Yes, sexy pizza. I have no problem with women being sexy on Halloween. I have a big fucking problem with the commercial mandate that women’s costumes be sexy. So in case you’re one of those last-minute costume people, might I suggest this reclaiming of our sexiness. You might have to improvise with crepe paper and some pink throws. But with a little tape and imagination I have every faith that all of you can craft your very own sexy vagina this Halloween. Wait, what am I talking about. You have them already. Happy Halloween, kittens.

Reaching for the popcorn

While the lesbian TV sitcom remains elusive, we’re come into a mini glut of indie arthouse lesbian movies. OK, glut is a little strong. More like three. “Concussion,” “Blue Is the Warmest Color” and now “Reaching for the Moon.” But three is better than two and one and definitely none. So I’ll take this tiny embarrassment of riches with a big bucket of popcorn.

Now I’ve written about “Concussion” and “BITWC,” but only recently happened upon the trailer for “Reaching for the Moon.” It’s the real-life love story between American poet Elizabeth Bishop and Brazilian architect Lota de Macedo Soares in the 1950s.



Gorgeous set pieces, gorgeous women, gorgeous backdrop and clickity-clackity typing on typewriters? Yes, yes. Please sign me up, yes. Also, Bishop is played by Miranda “I am no man!” Otto. The film has picked up awards at Outfest in LA and Frameline in San Francisco among other film festivals. It opens in New York Nov. 8 and L.A. Nov. 29. Wolfe Video picked up the rights, so expect it on streaming and VOD in the near future as well.

Right, so guess I’ll be seeing you at the movies, ladies. Who is bringing the Junior Mints?

p.s. I’ve finally watched al three hours of “Blue Is the Warmest Color” and in the midst of processing my Big Lesbian Feelings about the whole thing. Expect a review soon.

My kingdom for a lesbian sitcom

It seems every season or so for the last few years we get teased with the mythical unicorn of a lesbian-based comedy coming to broadcast television that we actually get to watch on television. First it was Carol Leifer’s gay lady pregnancy by ex-husband comedy “You Me And He” in 2009. It didn’t make it to our TVs. Then there was Jhoni Marchenko’s lesbian couple pregnancy comedy “I Hate That I Love You” for NBC in 2011. It didn’t make it to our TVs, even though the hilarious Anna Camp was cast in the pilot. And finally there was the lesbian-and-straight best friends lady comedy “My Best Friend Is a Lesbo” also for NBC in 2012. No word on if either becomes pregnant, but regardless it didn’t make it to our TVs.

During that same time we’ve had the gay male couple sitcom “The New Normal” (which made it to TV, but lasted only one season) and the gay male dad sitcom “Sean Saves the World” (which is still on TV, though rating aren’t terribly encouraging).

So into that historical framework we’re given yesterday’s news that Ellen DeGeneres and Liz Feldman are developing a lesbian and her straight male best friend pregnancy comedy for NBC. Yep, that’s a lesbian lady comedy from the last person to give us a lesbian lady comedy on TV. “Ellen” ended 15 years ago, in case you’re keeping score.

Now, I could go on a long and involved diatribe about why three out of the four gay* lady sitcoms involve gay lady pregnancy. (*Yep, I am using “gay” as an umbrella term to denote any female sexuality that is not exclusively straight. Ellen said, “Yep, I’m gay” on that Time magazine cover.) I suppose lesbian pregnancy just plays better to TV executives. Two ladies has to mean two times the maternal instinct, amirite? Oy. But pregnant or not, I’d just like one of them to actually make it to a television set near me.

Not to get our hopes up, but I think this one might actually have a shot. I mean it comes from The Great Panted One Ellen herself. And then there’s Liz Feldman form “2 Broke Girls” and her AfterEllen vlog “This Just Out With Liz Feldman.” Liz also used to write for Ellen on her talk show and other gigs. So, you know, that’s a pretty impressive lesbo street cred behind this project.

So, let us once again open our hearts to the dream of a lesbian sitcom on our television. Maybe, if we’re very lucky, this one will deliver. Sorry, with all the pregnant lesbians everywhere I just had to go there.

Music Monday: Angel Haze

Have you picked out your Halloween costumes yet? Looks I expect to see at parties everywhere is lots of Miley Cyruses (white tank top, sledge hammer) and Macklemores (faux fur jacket, scooter). Their songs, and personalities, have been ubiquitous during the past year. So, they’re a natural zeitgeist-y outfit fix.

Now, I’ve publicly declared by love for both Macklemore’s “Same Love” and Miley’s “Wrecking Ball.” (The latter is harder to admit, still for all her tongue-out silliness that girl can really sing.) But I can always appreciate other artists’ takes on their work. In particular, I’m digging rapper Angel Haze’s covers of both songs.

The 22-year-old rapper is known for her raw and confessional work. She first made people sit up and take notice a year ago with her unabashed reworking of Eminem’s “Cleaning Out My Closet.” In it she discussed her sexual abuse at a young age. (You can hear the track here but be aware, Major Trigger Warning.) And if you think her attack on rape culture was a one-time thing, think again. Just last month she tore into the ridiculously offensive column by Washington Post’s resident troglodyte Richard Cohen who essentially said Miley’s twerking was the reason for the Steubenville rape. Yes, really, he did.

So you’ve gotta love Angel’s feminist feistiness. And you’ll only love more when you hear her powerful covers of “Wrecking Ball” and “Same Love.” The former allows you to enjoy a really good song without the mental image of a naked Miley literally riding a wrecking ball flashing through your head. And the latter allows you to enjoy a really good song without the nagging wish that an actual gay artist was performing the song. Angel labels herself, if she must, as pansexual.

So, please, enjoy. Happy Music Monday, all.

My Weekend Crush

Kathy Bates is perhaps the only actress alive who could make you feel almost sorry for a racist. Almost. Her portrayal of the horrific Madame LaLaurie on “American Horror Story: Coven” is truly magnificent. Like the always supreme Jessica Lange, Kathy has fully embraced both the overtones of crazy camp and undertones of pitiful pathos that run through the twisted heart of all “American Horror Story” stories. She shows us the promise of this weekly mish-mash of gushing blood and broken taboos.

Oh course, I’ve loved her since the days she was a wee lass breaking ankles for fun and obsession. Kathy has always been exceptional, even when some of the work has been below her capabilities. And us gay ladies will keep a special place in our hearts for us because she was our on-screen surrogate in learning about the timeless love between Idgie and Ruth in “Fried Green Tomatoes.” That car ramming scene in the parking lot remains one of my all-time favorite moments to rewatch and bask in the empowerment. “Face it, girls. I’m older and I have more insurance.” Towanda!

Kathy was also predictably spectacular, and heartbreaking, as the lesbian political consultant for the thinly veiled Bill Clinton character in “Primary Colors. She absolutely stole the movie, as she steals most things she is in. And so she is doing the same in “American Horror Story: Coven.” This is no small feat considering her phenomenal roster of co-star.

Madame LaLaurie is a despicable character, made more so because she was a real-life monster from history who tortured her slaves in 1834. Yet Kathy makes her befuddlement upon waking up in 2013 to find her worst nightmares are real (i.e. a black President of the United States of America) almost sympathetic. Almost. We hate her, but damn if we don’t love to watch her. Plus nothing can top her hissing, “Liiiiiiiiiiiiiessss” at Jessica’s Fiona upon learning the news. Really, nothing. It was worth sitting through this week’s entire stomach-churning hour of mother-son incest, murder and minotaur sex. Happy weekend, all.

Float on

I worked a 12-hour day yesterday. Apologies for the lack of posting. I was looking for serenity today. Hopefully, this helps you find some, too.

Meet me in the lobby

Sometimes I find Wes Anderson films too twee. And sometimes I find them just the right amount of twee. From what I’ve seen of the new trailer for “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” I have high hopes for the latter. Lush colors, quirky characters, zany storylines and Tilda Swinton as a recently deceased amorous elderly heiress. Checking in? Yes, please.

Witchy Women

Despite my better judgment, I am enjoying the shit out of “American Horror Story: Coven” so far this season. Like, really, I look forward to this insane locomotive of witchy-bitchy magnificence each week. It’s so unexpected because when “American Horror Story” first premiered two seasons ago I was like – No. All of the no. I’m a legendary chicken and have watched most horror movies from behind a pillow and if no pillow is available with my hands over my eyes.

Now I realize saying I like “American Horror Story: Coven” will make some folks angry. There are so many things not right about this show. Among them are Ryan Murphy’s depictions of women, Ryan Murphy’s depiction of a gang rape and Ryan Murphy’s depiction of the torture of (literally) faceless slaves.

If you want to get very angry at me because I continue to watch a Ryan Murphy show, that is your right. And if you want to get very angry at me because I continue to watch a show that featured a voyeuristic rape and graphic torture, that is your right. If you want to get very angry at me because I continue to watch a show that believes women’s main motivations are youth, boys and babies, that is your right. Also, one of the witches “powers” is she that has an honest-to-goodness killer vagina. I mean Jesus fucking Christ. I find so much of this show horrifically, horrifically problematic. I am not saying you should continue (or even start) to watch this show because of these problems. I am just saying why I choose to continue tune in. Those reasons are multi-fold. But if I had to enumerate them that would be 1) Jessica Lange, 2) Angela Bassett, 3) Kathy Bates, 4) Sarah Paulson and 5) Lily Rabe.



This is hands down the most impressive cast of female stars working together on TV today. There are certainly other shows with ridiculously talented and amazing actresses on TV. But I don’t think there is another show with the sheer volume of ridiculously talented and amazing actresses working together in one ensemble on the air right now.

And we have not even gotten to the younger generation which includes Taissa Farmiga, Emma Roberts, Gabourey Sidibe and Jamie Brewer. Oh, on, and I am waiting impatiently for the return of Frances Conroy.

These women are good. They are damn good. Getting to watch them act together is an absolute treat. That the material does not always live up to their talent is a damn shame. That the material sometimes is outrageously below them is an absolute crime. But what they do with the material they have is nothing short of miraculous.

But what “American Horror Story” Coven” gets right, it absolutely nails. There is real venom and humor and darkness and – believe it or not - campy fun in these stories. For all of its copious issues, this is also still almost exclusively a show about female power. And that, that’s something.

As always, I am in it for the ladies. And these ladies cast a damn fine spell. (Sorry, I had to. It’s a show about witches, people.)

A Girl Worth Fighting For

I haven’t commented on Mulan’s big reveal from two weekends ago yet because I’ve been thinking about Mulan’s big reveal for two weekends now. For those who haven’t heard, Mulan revealed she is in love with Aurora/Sleeping Beauty on “Once Upon a Time.” Which means Mulan has come out as bisexual which means a Disney princess is gay which means someone is getting a shiny new toaster oven in the mail. Also it’s another LGBT woman of color on television. Hooray. A round of unicorns and rainbows on me.

But then, there’s the other shoe. Because the coming out party got rained on in a major way when the love was unreciprocated (well, also unrealized). And now perhaps we’ve also seen the end of Mulan as she joins the Merry Man and Aurora goes off to have Prince Phillip’s baby. Another sad coming out story. Send Kleenex with that toaster over.



I’ve been a Sleeping Warrior fan from way back. And you have to give the show props for giving us our most obvious lesbian sex metaphor since Tara spread beneath Willow’s tree in Mulan thrusting her fist into Aurora’s chest to remove her heart. So while I applaud, like crazy, the creation of another female LGBT character on television and especially one with such history as Mulan, I am sad that this may be the last we see of her. And if true it would add another character to the Lesbian Upon Leaving (LUL, not to be confused with LUG) pantheon of LGBT character. (Noted alumni include departing “Law & Order” DA Serena Southerlyn and her “Is this because I’m a lesbian?”-firing.)



In short, welcome to the fold, Mulan. I sure hope you stick around.

My Weekend Crush

Start the week with boobs, end the week with boobs. It has been a good week. I’m not the kind of person who jumps on the latest YouTube/Instagram/Whatyourface trend. I’ve never Harlem Plank Styled. (OK, once I tried the Gangnam Style dance in my living room, but ironically). I think most of this stuff is just silly and ultimately boring. But I do like when women I admire co-opt our temporary cultural obsessions and uses them to support a worthy cause. Also, I’m just really happy to see Erin Daniel’s endlessly charming face again. So I say bring on the Mamming! Take care of them boobies, ladies. Happy weekend, all.

Get on the Love Bus

The secret about me is I am, deep down, a softie. And I love watching a good marriage proposal because who doesn’t like to have their little hearts grow three sizes in a day? This one has been making the rounds this week and gets points for the creative use of a bus and romantic use of Mumford & Sons* The Lumineers. It’s still a wonder to me that marriage equality is legal in so many states, including Washington – where this couple lives – and my own state. And, it seems we’re poised for even more (fingers crossed) victories in coming weeks. Which means, you guessed it, more wedding proposals for me to watch. Now I call that a win-win. Enjoy.

*Mixed up my old-timey, folk-rock hipster bands.

Lost Girl! Girls! Girls!

Oh, kittens. It’s like Christmas morning. If on Christmas morning you received tantalizing glimpses of lady-on-lady sexytimes and kick-ass previews of the next season of “Lost Girl.” It’s no secret the folks at “Lost Girl” are very secretive about new seasons and developments on the show. So that’s why we’re only receiving our first actual look at actual footage from the fourth season of the show some 26 days out from the premiere. But, goodness, when they do grace us with something, it’s really something. Bo and Lauren making out! Bo and two ladies in bed! Bo and (ugh, fine) Dyson making out! The Morrigan’s new bob! Oh, kittens, kittens. Forget Christmas. Bring on Nov. 10.



p.s. So, do you think Bo and Lauren kissed and made up? Oh yeah.


p.p.s. Here is a short preview clip of Kenzi being Kenzi.

Tank Top Tuesday: Fall TV Edition

So fall TV is well under way so it’s time to take stock in how the new and returning shows are doing. Or, more accurately, it’s time to take stock of how the new and returning shows whose stars I could find pictures of in tank tops are doing. What? Just being honest. As always, I tend to gravitate toward the shows with strong and interesting female characters – lead characters preferably. And luckily there’s a good selection of shows to choose form this season. Oh, sorry, I was talking about the tank tops again. Shall we?

Lucy Liu, “Elementary”

Remember when I said Lucy is a painter? I wasn’t kidding. Also, I think I enjoy this show more than “Sherlock.” There, I said it.

Aubrey Plaza, “Parks & Recreation”

I’m so sad beautiful tropical fish Ann is moving to Bloomington. At least April is staying.

Chloe Bennet, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Beside Ming-Na Wen’s Agent Melinda May, Chloe’s hacktivist Skye has the most potential on the show. She’s no Buffy or Willow. And definitely no Faith. But, who knows, maybe she’ll grow on me.

Lyndie Greenwood, “Sleepy Hollow”

This has been the surprise of the season for me so far. It manages to be both funny and scary, and has a strong woman of color as co-lead. The only way this show could be more awesome is if the lead’s sister, played by Lyndie Greenwood, was also a series regular. Alas she is a guest star. Which makes me worry about the future status of her head. A lot.

A.J. Cook,” Criminal Minds”

I miss Prentiss. But thank heavens we still have JJ. Sweaty, sweaty, hot JJ.

Demi Lovato & Naya Rivera, “Glee”

I have mixed feelings about Dantana. But I sure didn’t like the weird Brittany bi-bashing that helped usher them in.

Malin Akerman, “Trophy Wife”

Alas, I haven’t watched past the pilot yet. Please don’t tell Sarah Haskins.

Sofia Vergara, “Modern Family”

I’m pretty excited for Cam and Mitchell’s wedding, but mostly because it hopefully means a lot more of Lily. She’s basically the best.

Lizzy Caplan, “Masters of Sex”

I’ve loved Lizzy since she made us all have a big lesbian crush on her in “Mean Girls.” I’m a little less sure how I feel about this new HBO series. The lesbian prostitute is my favorite so far.

EDIT: Goodness. Apologies for the wonkiness with this post. Looks like an old rewrite posted somehow. A copy editor, a copy editor, my kingdom for a copy editor.

I support women

I think we can all agree that bras are just the worst. And if you happen to wear bras with underwire, then they’re an instrument of Satan. But thanks to Rebecca Romijn I am starting to feel a little better about the prospect of wearing over the shoulder boulder holders. To quote Liz Lemon, she is literally a human bra. But, literally.

My Weekend Crush

It’s definitely time to call in the cavalry. I can’t tell you how tickled I am to have Ming-Na Wen back on my screen. I’ve been a fan since “The Joy Luck Club.” And then there was “ER.” And she even played gay on “SGU Stargate Universe,” which I didn’t watch but appreciate the gesture. (Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about her voicing “Mulan,” how could I?) But it’s been a bit since she has had a regular starring gig. So I was, of course, happy to see her tapped for “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” But not as happy as I was to see her on “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” in all that leather. Hello.

Now, I can’t say I adore the show just yet. It’s clearly in a growing phase and working on finding its Whedonesque witty-to-action ratio. Honestly, one of my biggest problems with the series right now is the cast. I just am not clicking with most of them. They’re a little blah, and if there’s one thing Whedon characters never are, it’s a little blah. Really none of them have the banter down yet. But that’s where Ming-Na comes in. With limited screentime and even more limited dialog she still manages to make a major impression. She kicks ass effortlessly, but also brings a welcome wryness. Plus, gotta represent for my Asian-American sisters. Her Agent Melina May is most certainly my favorite, and after this week it seems we’re finally going to get to see more of her in all of her glory. By the hammer of Thor, am I ready. Bring it on, lady. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Come on, those aviators. Damn, girl.

Out at the Wedding

On this National Coming Out Day Week (the actual day is Friday, in case you want to start practicing your “I’m here, I’m Queer” chants), we get another interesting lesson in the fine and fuzzy art of saying I am gay. Team U.S. soccer superstar and all-around badass Abby Wambach and her Western New York Flash teammate Sarah Huffman tied the knot over the weekend.

Their relationship was common knowledge for a while. They tweeted about each other and took pictures with each other and appeared on red carpets with each other. In July, Sarah officially came out in an Athlete Ally announcement. But Abby has never officially come out, at least not in the traditional sense. All other senses, you betcha. I mean, she got that haircut. (Kidding, kidding – sorta.)

Then on Tuesday afternoon TMZ “broke” (a pretty accurate word choice, when it comes to them) the story of their wedding after her teammates congratulated her en masse from the couple’s Hawaii wedding via Twitter. And Abby pretty much confirmed it with her own tweet yesterday.

Sarah and I wanted to thank everyone for all the love and support. We couldn't be happier. What an amazing week it's been. #honeymoon

— Abby Wambach (@AbbyWambach) October 9, 2013

So that means she is officially, officially out and we can name her in our Out Gay Athletes lists and dress like her at Halloween, right? Right.

Coming out without ever saying, “Yep, I’m gay” to the press or in a press release or to a fleet of passenger pigeons is still coming out, at least in my book. Call it the Jodie Fosterification of coming out.

Don’t get me wrong, saying the words is still important. To yourself, to your family, to the whole damn world. And I think it’s still preferable because we tiny humans tend to be a dense bunch and nothing drives a point home more clearly than just saying, “Dude, I’m totally gay.” And I do still hope Abby goes ahead and says it out loud sometime soon. Because what we stay and how we say it and who then gets to hear it still matters, it matters so much.

But living one’s life completely openly but also largely unspokenly (not a word, just go with it) is another way to do it. And, you know what, I’ll take it. I will take a life led authentically without hiding or denial or subterfuge minus uttering those three little words. Some people simply do no want to talk about their private lives, and I get that. In writing we’re always told to show, not tell. And life well lived is the ultimate show, even if you never get around to the telling.

Congratulations ladies, here’s to a lifetime of happiness together.

Something Compares 2 This

In the past two months I’ve thought more about Miley Cyrus than I ever thought I’d think about Miley Cyrus in my entire life. It’s not that I ever had anything against Miley Cyrus in the past, or for her either for that matter. It’s just that she wasn’t in either my age or interest bracket. But now, of course, she’s everywhere. And people are saying everything about her. And it makes me think. All this chatter and clucking about a young woman and how she presents herself. Haven’t we been here before? Haven’t we had this conversation before?

If it wasn’t Miley, it was Madonna. And then Britney. And let’s get back into our way back machines and say – oh, I don’t know – Cher? Sure the specifics may be a little different. One humps a stage in a wedding dress while singing about virginity and another French kisses a sledgehammer while singing about breakups. But the tenor of the conversation is the same. Look at this poor, misguided, crazy, ultimately “slutty” young woman. Tsk-tsk.

Now, I don’t condone tongue-kissing construction equipment or twerking against men dressed like Beetlejuice nearly twice your age. But I don’t find either all that scandalous, really. I thought Miley’s MTV VMA performance was a mess, because artistically it was a mess. Foam fingers and giant teddy bears aren’t exactly Tchaikovsky’s “Swan Lake.” And I thought her photoshoot with fashion’s resident pornographer Terry Richardson was predictably gross. Seriously, why do people keep posing for that dirty old man?

Then there was the “feud” with Sinead O’Connor, because you aren’t truly a notorious celebrity until you’re involved in a celebrity feud. I have always loved Sinead, and I liked a lot of what Sinead had to say about not allowing the industry to use your body to make itself rich. But I also disagreed with her assertion that women should only show their bodies in private. And it’s here where I started to think, really think, about Miley Cyrus. This question of what is proper and what isn’t proper for young women’s bodies is at the heart of all of this.

I believe women’s bodies should not be used as sexually objectified to sell everything from burgers to cars. But I also believe women have the right to use their bodies how they please. The key is choice, power and intent.

A woman shouldn’t have to take her clothes off to sell a record or a movie or herself. But if a woman wants to take her clothes off to express herself – well, go crazy, girl. What I find interesting is how a woman taking off her clothes can still get our tongues wagging. We’ve all seen it before. Hell, we’ve all probably seen pop star ass cheek in the last few minutes. If it isn’t Miley it’s Rihanna or Ke$ha or Lady Gaga.

How is any of this still scandalous? It’s more interesting at this point when people keep their clothes on, quite frankly. But I’m also not in the business of shaming those who take them off. I super, duper appreciate naked ladies. Because, duh, The Gay. Still it’s a balancing act made even harder by the inherent imbalance in representations of the female and male bodies. Men’s bodies simply aren’t used as currency as women’s are, nor are we nearly as accustomed to seeing them naked in popular culture. If they were these questions of choice and power and intent would be much clearer.

But back to Miley being Miley. If this, this chronic state of sticking ones tongue out and showing off ones labia majora, is really the expression of her inner self then I’m happy for her. We all grow up. Hannah Montana was just a fucking TV character. Get over it. But there’s always that creeping suspicion that this transparent drive to abandon her Disney days is fueled by our inescapable cultural obsession with the commodification of female sexuality. I suspect, in the end like so much in life, it’s a mix of both. And I suspect she doesn’t fully know which is which at this point.

What I do know is I like both “Wrecking Ball” and “Nothing Compares 2 U.” And, surprisingly, the now viral mashup of the two songs is strangely sublime. My enjoyment of these songs has nothing to do with what the women are or aren’t wearing in their videos. I simply like the music.

Two women walk into a revolution

One of the side effects of taking some time off work is coming back and being absolutely floored. Apologies for today’s lack of post in the morning. I’m just so terribly behind, and I’ve just begun. Life, yo.

Anyway, today please enjoy this amazing photo of Toni Morrison and Angela Davis deep in conversation. Oh, to be a fly on that sidewalk. I mean, the hair alone makes it epic. But add what is underneath and, well, legendary.

Stop This

I’m back from vacation. Yet our federal government remains shutdown. I actually ran into some shutdown services while vacationing. For me, they were nothing more than inconveniences. Though, man, am I glad we decided to go to the coast instead of Yosemite this trip. But for others the shutdown is a very real hardship. Funding for WIC nutrition program has dried up, meaning women and children who rely on the government assistance are going hungry. Funding for the National Institute of Health has stopped accepting new patients and conducting clinical trials on potentially life-saving treatments. Funding for our national parks has stopped, which means all of our national parks – including Yosemite – and monuments are closed. No EPA food checks, no federal small business loans, no NASA research and no paychecks for some 800,000 “non-essential” federal employees. I could go on.

Why? All because the Republican Party is throwing a temper tantrum about Obamacare. Something that was passed by both the House and Senate and signed into law. Don’t like a democratically approved law? Then try to repeal it through proper channels. Don’t hold the entire country hostage with the threat of not funding it and shutting down the government and possibly sending us into default by not raising the debt limit meanwhile costing us hundreds of millions a day and possibly billions before this whole power play is over. Oh, and all those representatives refusing to do their jobs? They’re still getting their paychecks while others suffer. It’s so fucking frustrating.

But as they say, if we don’t laugh we cry. So please enjoy Miley Cyrus’ dead-accurate “We Can’t Stop” parody. It’s beyond creepy and you’ll never get that image of professional Oompa Loompa John Boehner twerking in a white cut-out leotard bodysuit out of your head.

My Weekend Vacation Vixen: Jodie Foster

I have always had a thing for Jodie Foster. And I’ve always hoped she would find happiness in her (very) private life. I kind of thought she had, what with the settling down and the beautiful Cydney and the kids and all. But then sometimes life gets a little wonky and you break up and you date other people and you go on an internationally televised award show and sorta, kinda, for all intents and purposes* come out while proclaiming your singledom. And now E! News – if they are to be trusted, which means grab the salt shaker – says you are dating Alexandra Hedison (that’s Dylan to us “The L Word” watchers and Ellen DeGeneres’ ex-girlfriend to everyone else). To which I say, get it girl. Sure, it’s weird that the celesbian dating pool is apparently poorly stocked. I mean, how many times can folks catch the same few fish? But, you know what, who cares. Be happy. Be healthy. Be horny. Just don’t let Alexandra tape you two having sex because she’s definitely going to use it to blackmail you later causing you to lose your fortune and have to move in with Leisha Hailey. Which, now that I think about it, sounds kind of fun. OK, not the poor part. Also you’re a smart lady, so I’m sure you’ve made wise retirement investments. But, I mean, Leisha does seem fun. Wait, am I confusing real life and television again? Either way, just let it happen. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I still wouldn’t let Alexandra around too many kitchen knives. Just to be on the safe side.
* Grammar, yo.

Vacation Vixen: Tatiana Maslany

Fine, as long as I’m talking about things I miss, there’s always “Orphan Black.” The wait is just excruciating. But I know the payoff will be sublime. Because it’s Tatiana Maslany. And if anyone can make an even more dazzling second season than the first season, Tatiana can do it.

Vacation Vixen: Sasha Alexander

While it was, admittedly, a lackluster season, I still miss my Gayzzoli gals. Because no matter how many beards the powers that be threw at them, they still bickered better than any old married couple you’ve ever met. Heading into next season it’ll be a whole new world with no more Janet Tamaro to kick around. Who knows what lies ahead. But if they decide to pull a “NCIS” and put Sasha Alexander in a dominatrix outfit, I won’t complain too much. We always knew she was the secret top anyway.

Vacation Vixen: Zoie Palmer

All the fall shows are back, except for my “Lost Girl.” Us Americans have to wait until 2014 for new episodes. Our Canadian friends only have a month and 10 days. You already have free healthcare, what more to do you want? Lucky Canucks.

p.s. Now, thank to this picture, I want Zoie Palmer and Laura Prepon to get into a raise-and-lower glasses off. Dr. Hotpants v. Alex Vause for glasses supremacy.