You Ain't Nothing But a (Lesbian) Horndog

Since we’re talking about queer music this week already, can we talk for a moment about how horny gay pop has become? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Quite the contrary. But between Chappell Roan, Renee Rapp and now Billie Eilish things have gotten truly explicit. Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that. We become accustomed to plenty of songs about love and longing and even lust over the years. But the horniness now? Well, it’s on another level. And good for them. Really, and truly, being Horny on Main has been the domain of straight stars for too long. So whether it’s Chappell saying she wants to “get freaky, get kinky…make this bed get squeaky” or Renee with all the pretty girls with their “hand between my thighs” or Billie saying “I could eat that girl for lunch” we’re living through unprecedentedly horny times for us gay gals. But, lest we forget, we’ve always been horny. We’ve just never had the starpower we’re experiencing now. So, on this Hump Day, please appreciate the foremother of horny lesbian pop stars, Melissa Ferrick. Like, I love Chappell and Renee and Billie et al. But you gotta tip your cap to the power “Drive” still has 24 damn years later. All night, baby.

p.s. Melissa is hilarious when performing this live, FYI. And, well, humor is hot. So, uh. Look, we’re all a little horny here today. So own it.

My Weekend Crush

Recently, I came in possession of a mix tape by someone lovely which I promptly popped into my CD player on the way home. While listening to said mix tape (Fine, it’s a CD, but mixed CD sounds like something your financial adviser tells you to invest in. I think, I don’t know, I’m a writer. My financial adviser is a Magic 8 Ball) the song “Drive” popped up unexpectedly. Of course, being a gay lady, I am familiar with Melissa Ferrick’s “Drive.” How could you not be? But if by change you haven’t heard it before, hold onto your pants. Because they will spontaneously drop while listening. Also, um, you might not want to be in public.

Still for me, it had been a while since I listened, really listened to “Drive.” (I posted a fanvid featuring it not too long ago, but it was abridged and didn’t pack its full, shall we say, oompf). But if you do take the time to give it a proper once over, you will have to agree. This may just be the sexiest lesbian sex song ever. Like, seriously, ever. Fucking hell, that shit is hot. And that brings me back to Melissa. Seems like she has been around forever, always there bringing the dykeliciousness. For a while she was The Other Melissa. But she has always been her very own Melissa. And what that is one hard-working, hard-strumming, hard-loving sexy motherfucker. And she’s still right here, still out there, still making us ladies who like ladies swoon and sweat. So thank you, Melissa. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts and lower regions for putting delicious words and music to our deepest, dirties desires. Now, where did I put those pants? Happy weekend, all.

p.s. If you haven’t heard/seen her epic live performances of the song, well, just go ahead and take off your pants right now. Because she’s hot and hilarious. And it just saves so much time.