Rizzoli Wherefore Art Thou?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Angie Harmon (@angieharmon)

Since we’re going behind the scenes of beloved shows, let’s pour a little out for “Rizzoli & Isles.” It’s been 15 years since the show premiered, which holy fuck. And as much as I wish they’d finally create a mainstream show with an authentically queer tomboy lead, I’ll take a little Jane Rizzoli being Jane Rizzoli at a wedding any day of the week. And twice on Sunday. Man, I miss those recaps.

Miss Them Bad (Badly)

I can’t help it, I miss Jane and Maura. I miss them so much. “Rizzoli & Isles” was such a silly show with such spectacular chemistry and such stupendously likeable stars. I could watch all the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching, Eye Sex, Ponytails of Righteous Justices and the rest forever. I really, really could.

p.s. Oh well, at least we’ll always have The Lesbian Subtext Recaps.

The Big Gayzzoli Ending

Well here we are. Tonight is the night. Last chance to follow (and tweet) along to see The Big Gayzzoli Ending. Do I have high hopes for the Gayzzoli? No, not at all. But We have seen it through the start to the finish together. And I intend to go down rooting for this ship, no matter what the writers have in store. Because, of course, this was never about what the show wanted. It was about what the chemistry demanded. And it was about what our hearts and imaginations desired. So, please enjoy and let us tweet along with #gayzzoli one last time together.

Going, Going, Gayzzoli

And we’re back. So starts the final season of Rizzles. The last of the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. The end of the eye sex. Kidding, Jane and Maura will be having eye sex until the sun swallows the Earth and then collapses into itself into a white hot ball of nothingness. And then even a little bit longer. But I do feel sad that this is the beginning of the end for “Rizzoli & Isles.” For all of its ridiculous flaws it is just a turn off your bran, enjoy the chemistry fun hour of television. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

So please, won’t you join along with me as along with the final “Rizzoli & Isles” episodes come the final “Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recaps. Episodes 701 and 702 are up today on AfterEllen. Thanks, for following them all these years. I hope you had even half as much reading them as I did writing them.

Check them out here:

Your 701 Gayzzoli Recap

Your 702 Gayzzoli Recap

Head West, Young Rizzles

This is, quite literally, how I see every single episode. So now as we head into the (almost) summer finale tonight, please join me in watching one more time through rainbow-colored glasses. Looks like this week our Boston married couple will be headed out my way, to California. Cue Jane and Maura’s romantic stroll on the beach.

p.s. Don’t forget to catch up on the entire season with my Gayzzoli Recaps on Afterellen.

p.p.s. Oops. I could have sworn this was the finale. They're always mixing up the schedule on this show. 

Back to Gayzzoli

And they’re back. Yes, it seems hard to believe but we’re six seasons in and this totally gay, not gay pas de deux between one Det. Jane Rizzoli and one Dr. Maura Isles continues. But here we are, back for a new season. Ready for more gayzzoli. Eager for any eye sex. Still tickled by the Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. I’ve always said I was in it for the fun of it all. While it would be nice if they eventually gave in to the undeniable chemistry, I have no illusions that this will happen anytime soon. So for me, it’s about molding the stories into what we really want to see. And, again, it’s another of those rare shows revolving entirely around female leads. Because – as silly as the crimes and stories may seem sometimes – there is just something so indisputably likeable about these women together. Now, if only they’d see it, too.



Plus, it seems like a pretty fun set. Also don’t forget to use #gayzzoli in your live tweets and look for the subtext recaps Thursday on AfterEllen.

Vacation Vixen: Sasha Alexander

I sure miss Dr. Maura Isles and her fun facts. But luckily, Sasha will be back on TV where she belongs in just one week.

Back for More

It’s baaaaaaack! So I guess Jane didn’t down. Big shocker, right? Anywaaaay. I thought they were just coming back for three episodes, but it looks like there’ll be six. (I’m not crazy, they added episodes because the original episode order for Season 5 was only 15 episodes. I swear.) But, you know, the more the merrier. So, of course, the return of Jane & Maura & Co. means the return of Gayzzoli. Subtext recaps will fire up again this week, so check back at AfterEllen on Thursdays for all the eye sex, Totally Gratuitous Totally Gay Touching, random sleepovers et al. I can’t say what the remaining six episodes of the season will bring. But we can guess given some of the new promo photos. And by guess I say imagine the gayest scenario possible. Duh.


Wow, I mean, presume much? We never agreed to a foursome, so get off that table and put your clothes back on, OK.


I knew it! I knew it! Prof. Jack Beard was on an assignment all along and now he is ready for his treatment. This whole relationship with Maura was just for an episode of “Dollhouse.”


Jane, just because we’re both wearing gloves doesn’t mean we can slip away to a backroom. Dead body, remember? Priorities, remember? *slips off to backroom to make good use of the gloves anyway*


Jane is drinking wine. Jane is drinking wine for Maura. Jane really wants sex. From Maura.

Sorry, I’m a little rusty. But, you know what they say, subtext recapping is just like riding a bike. Fine, no one says that.

My Weekend Crush

So, looks like I’ll be recapping these ladies giving each other serious Eye Sex for another season. As much as I know – and do not expect – these two to actually become a couple, the way they look at each other. Lord. Have. Mercy. If the producers of “Rizzoli & Isles” had any eyes in their head they’d just give in to the chemistry and start “going with the flow,” to quote one DSI Stella Gibson. Now there is a woman who knows how go after what she wants. Like I was saying, this show is so…



May these two get on the elevator together, like Reed Smith should have. Get Happy weekend, all.

SGALGG: Awesome Ladies Edition

Melissa McCarthy, Susan Sarandon AND Padma Lakshmi? Too. Much. Awesome. Go on without me. Hey, it’s been another long, busy week and it’s just half way through. So why not get through the second half with the help of some Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals (and/or just Awesome Gals). Also, not all of them are necessarily straight. Fine, mostly these were just cool women being cool together. Some days, that’s all you need.

Chrissy Teigen & Padma Lakshmi

*unintelligible gurgling noise*

Emma Thompson & Lupita Nyong'o

You know you’d try to steal a kiss, too. Atta girl, Emma.

Janelle Monae & Lupita Nyong'o

Though Janelle looks like she is trying to steal more than just a kiss.

Sasha Alexander & Lena Headey

I just love it when awesome ladies from different shows I love pose together.

Uzo Aduba & Tatiana Maslany

Ditto.

Jan Nash & Angie Harmon

BE MORE GAY, SHOW. BE MORE GAY.

Tank Top Tuesday

I don’t understand… I’m so confused… I just…wait, what? So yesterday “news” broke that Michelle Rodriguez and Zac Efron were dating. Like with a picture of them kissing and everything. Irrefutable proof! I mean, they’re both in their bathing suits. That’s just science. Considering M-Rod has stated publically that she is bisexual, this should not be a big deal. But, if you talk to every lesbian on the planet’s gaydar, it’s a big fucking shock. Like, are they trolling the world? Is it April 1? Hey, more power to them. Two people who work out and wax that much deserve each other. And, you know, who she is smooching certainly doesn’t affect how she looks in a tank top.

Michelle Rodriguez

Remember when she looked like this? Yeah, hence the shock.

Rutina Wesley

So I guess I was wrong. Tara is really, truly dead. Jesus, what a shitty, disrespectful way to kill off a character that has been on the show all seven seasons – off screen. Ugh, at this point I’m hoping every single character dies. Fine, maybe not Pam.

Sasha Alexander

Please, tell me last week wasn’t just about Jane asking Maura to raise the baby with her? Be more gay, show. I mean it.

Lena Headey

I watched “Dredd” in between my Netflix lesbian movie marathon over the weekend too. Even with that scar and homicidal attitude, I’d totally hit it.

Heather Morris & Naya Rivera

Yesyerday it was confirmed that Naya Rivera would no longer be a series regular for the sixth and final (shitty, come on, you know it will be) season of “Glee” – and instead just be a recurring character. At least one of those “recurring” moments better involve Brittany.

Vacation Vixen: Sasha Alexander

While it was, admittedly, a lackluster season, I still miss my Gayzzoli gals. Because no matter how many beards the powers that be threw at them, they still bickered better than any old married couple you’ve ever met. Heading into next season it’ll be a whole new world with no more Janet Tamaro to kick around. Who knows what lies ahead. But if they decide to pull a “NCIS” and put Sasha Alexander in a dominatrix outfit, I won’t complain too much. We always knew she was the secret top anyway.

Gayzzoli Ahoy

Our totally gay non-gay gals returned this week. And I, dutifully, have returned with your Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps. I do this because, well, it has to be done. Also because the show is so much more fun when you tune out the ridiculous romantic scenarios with dudes and just enjoy the chemistry between the women. Or, like at my house, have your cable suddenly cut out anytime Jane or Maura inappropriately touch and/or awkwardly touch with someone of the opposite sex. Of course, the show makes my job easy. And Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander make it even easier. And the promo videos – be they behind the scenes of photoshoots or previews from TNT themselves – make it the easiest. I mean, come on.

Check out the season's first Gayzzoli Recap a little later today on AfterEllen. UPDATE: Read the first #Gayzzoli Recap of the season here. Just like riding a bike. A big, gay bike.

New year, same Gayzzoli

I have seen your future, and it looks – well, it looks a lot like “Rizzoli & Isles.” The gayest non-gay show on television is back with its mix of ridiculous chemistry and ridiculouser (not a word, but neither are there chief medical examiners for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts that look like Dr. Maura Isles) crime solving.

Will you like it? If you like “Rizzoli & Isles,” of course. Will you be frustrated it? Well, if you are a gay lady who likes “Rizzoli & Isles,” of course. If the first two episodes of the new season are any indication, there’s plenty to make us smile and shake our heads. You know, like normal.

Yet still, I can’t help but love the show. Its banter and bickering keeps bringing me back. As a crime show fan I watch different shows for very specific reasons. Sometimes it’s the pleasure of putting the puzzle together. Sometimes it’s for the satisfaction of the good guys beating the bad guys. And for “Rizzoli & Isles” it’s for the enjoyment of the symbiotic relationship – specifically the symbiotic lady relationship. Because, even in 2013, shows centered around two female leads are sadly a rarity. Fine, it also helps that they totally act like a couple even when talking about their totally unconvincing gentlemen callers.

And, yes, while I understand the real frustration lots of us feel with the too gayzzoli to not be intentional and therefore teasing scenarios that emerge, I have resigned myself to it never being canon in anything but my own fertile noggin. Sure, I wish it was different, but I won’t get mad that it isn’t. Nor will it keep me advocating for more shows with real gay characters in real gay relationships (and championing those that exist – hello “Orphan Black” and “The Fosters,” you lovely things).

So, in just over two weeks when Jane and Maura are back for another season of “The Adorable Bickersons,” I’ll be there. With my subtext bells on. Until then, we always have the bloopers.

Tank Top Tuesday: Perks Edition

Slowly, so slowly, but surely I am indeed completing my Indiegogo Perks. Would it help if I told you I’m sorry? No. Well, how about if I said I’m sorry with tank tops? Here are the Thank You Perks for the people who pledged at Tank Top level. So, perhaps you should be thanking them as well? These are the tank top dedication subjects you choose. So please accept my endless gratitude for your generosity in the form of two thank top pictures each as a continued apology for my tardiness. Everyone else, please enjoy with my compliments.

Sasha Alexander


Thanks, Lynda!

Sarah Shahi

Thanks, Nedley!

Lauren German

Thanks, Lisa!

Amanda Seyfried

Thanks, Catvix!

Lindsey Shaw

Thanks, @UhHuhDaggr!

Felicia Day

Thanks, Elle M!

Claire Forlani

Thanks, Babs!

Diana Rigg

Thanks, Cindy S!

p.s. Isn’t Diana awesome in Game of Thrones? And those abs?
Answer: Yes, yes to both.

(Please Note: a few of you never responded to my initial perks emails about who you wanted as your tank top dedication. If you would still like to be included in a future Tank Top Tuesday dedication just reply and I’ll get your selection in there as promised.)

A Rizzoli by any other name

They’re not exactly, but getting closer, and now we finally have a date for being back! The Gayzzoli returns June 18, in eleven weeks from today, and with it will no doubt come more TGTGT, eye sex and subtext than you can shake a stick at. I’ve always been unabashedly into “Rizzoli & Isles” for the chemistry, and not necessarily the incisive crime solving, such that it is. Ahem. So another season for me is another change to sit back and enjoy the delightful shorthand that Angie Harmon and Sasha Alexander have developed together on screen. Now that even Santana Lopez has endorsed the lesbian subtext, it’s safe to say this show could be in almost any format and we’d watch. Well, at least I would.

So with that, please enjoy these “Rizzoli & Isles” alternate universe opening credits. I’d set my DVR for all of these shows. Seriously.

The R & I Words


LLBFF Friends


Rizzoli Warrior Princess

Now if only someone would make an “X-Files” version. The Gayzzoli is out there.

Subtext of the season

How these two aren't actually dating each other on this show when they stare at each other like this is one of the great mysteries of the universe. Also, why a show would air its season finale on Christmas Day is one of the other great mysteries of the universe. Really, TNT? Really? Way to make this tired recapper work over the holidays. By the way, read the final Subtext Recap of the season over at AfterEllen.com today tomorrow.

Welcome back, Gayzzoli

Happy We’re Not Gay, We Just Act That Way Day! Otherwise known as “Rizzoli & Isles” premiere day. Everyone’s favorite totally gay, not-gay show about LLBFFs Rizzoli & Isles returns tonight. And having seen the first two new episodes I can assure you there will be gayzzoli. In fact (look away spoilerphobes and skip to the end of the post), I can assure you that the first time we seen Jane and Maura on screen together you will scream, “COME ON.” Really. Really? Here’s a taste.

Yes. Together. In jammies. The morning after. Oh, show. How am I expected to respect the supposed maintext when the first thing you show me is this? Actually, I kind of love it. Sure, sure – subtext is not for everyone. And you have every right to be frustrated or despise it as an endless tease with no ultimate satisfaction. But me, I’m not in it for the payoff. I’m in it for the ridiculous chemistry and blatant subtext that makes me giggle like an idiot even though this is a show about gruesome and horrible murders. So, having seen the first two episodes of the mini five-episode winter season, I can say the gayzzoli rides again. And I’m giggling again. And our gals are totally gay in a non-gay way. Tweet you Big Gay Feelings during the show tonight using the #gayzzoli tag. And then Subtext Recaps will be back at AfterEllen.com each week on Thursday. When the gals look at each other like this, it is almost too easy.

I can only assume in this last photo they are in some sort of couples counseling because of a lingering disagreement over the proper way to squeeze the tube of toothepaste. Happy subtexting.