Oscar GGALGG(BBTWTTO)

So, let’s just be honest, those Oscars were pretty straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Kinda. But I’m pretty sure the live telecast featured zero – at least by my count – live lesbians. Yeah, sure, they featured Jane Lynch in a pre-recorded joke ad for the future YouTube Academy Awards (which is a real thing, by the way, hello 2029). And, OK, fine – Barbra Streisand showed up and sang. So there’s that. But I don’t think the camera ever panned to Oscar-nominated Tig Notaro once (admittedly, I could have missed a split-second shot, but I don’t think I did.) So I will rectify that by featuring the sapphics of the red carpet. So welcome to Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals By Bringing Their Wives to the Oscars (GGALGGBBTWTTO, duh)

Tig Notaro & Stephanie Allynne

So they didn’t take home the best doc Oscar for “Come See Me In the Good Light,” but what lesbian couple wants a shiny naked man in their bedroom anyway?

Brandi Carlile & Catherine Carlile

Brandi’s suit is very Captain von Trapp and I’m into it.

Abby Wambach & Glennon Doyle

I wish Abby had a tie, but bonus points for the pins. (And, of course, the bag.)

Robby Hoffman & Gabby Windey

Girls really do just love funny little guys*. (*As a Gen Xer, I reserve the right to use guys in a non-gendered way courtesy “The Electric Company” forever)

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor

Fine, they aren’t married that we know about. Which, come on Sarah, put a ring on that.

Auli'i Cravalho

Fine, I had to give you at least one single lady. Not that there aren’t legions of age-appropriate wlws clamouring to wife her up.

p.s. I was rooting for “Sinners,” and all I can say about “One Battle After Another” having a big night is that I’m very happy for Maya Rudloph. Oh, and I’m happy Sean Penn didn’t want to attend.

p.p.s. I thought the show was overall pretty good, Conan landed some magnificent hits, and Amy Madigan and Ed Harris are a reminder that straights can have good marriages too.

SGALGG/GGALGG: Gay Golden Gals Edition

As SGALGG has evolved over the years, I think a not-insignificant small sign of progress has been how many out gay gals have snuck in as well. They originally started because, well, there weren’t enough queer celebrities to fill a post so straight acting like gay gals had to do. But these days so many celesbians and queerebrities (I dunno, I’m trying out a new word, just go with it) you could practically post just about them. In fact, I think I will. So here are all the gay gals acting like gay gals (sometimes with other gay gals, sometimes with the obligatory straight gals – not that there’s anything wrong with that. We’re here, we’re queer, and our Globes are totally golden.

Jodie Foster

Jodie’s evolution into our reigning Lesbian Elder Stateswoman (LES, for short because of course) has been a true joy to watch. She’s married, she’s winning awards, she’s looking great and she’s doing it all on her own terms. And those terms are stone-cold gay. May we all become the biggest LES possible! Also Jodie showing up with her son instead of wife at the Globes is s true mombian flex. I not-so-secretly hope that Alexandra said take the kid, I’m going to watch it in my PJs like before. Though, I also not-so-secretly hope that Jodie sitting on Kate Winslet’s lap has made Alex reconsider attending next year. That, or the sight of her throupling with Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons. Or, possibly, the death-grip Nicole has on her wrists here. Just saying.

Angelina Jolie

They say three makes a trend but we’re talking about queer women here so two will do (what, we move all relationships faster – it’s kind of our thing). The Globes were apparently also Bring Your Child to World day for the queer female nominees. Following in Jodie’s footsteps, Angie showed up with daughter Zahara. She also got hugged by Kate Winslet (Jodie and Angie? Shoot your shots, Kate) and stood very close to Salma Hayek. We’ll take all the beauty proximity we can get.

Ayo Edebiri

Like I don’t know if Ayo has ever openly dated a woman before (at least not in public since she got famous, that I can tell…), but she sure is shooting her shot at becoming the next queer female heartthrob in this suit. First of all, LOVE the golden feather tie. Second of all, love the swagger. Third of all, love all the flirting with Zendaya, Ali Wong, Andrew Scott and, of course, Michelle Yeoh. Oh, and then showing up at the afterparty with a ballcap on? Shots shot.

Cynthia Erivo

I spotted Lena Waithe in the background, so relax everyone. Cynthia continues to live her best gay life. Like who wouldn’t be thrilled to meet Kathy Bates/Evelyn Couch, or sneak a snuggle with Zoe Kravitz or cling to Kate Winslet’s shoulder like she’s a piece of door floating in the icy North Atlantic Ocean?

Sarah Paulson

Dearest, we already did the Cate/Carol thing. But after seeing this photo doesn’t it feel canonically impossible that Sarah isn’t in the second “Wicked” movie somehow? Like, that much queer energy needs to include some Paulson. Make it happen, gay GCI wizards. You have until November.

Emma D'Arcy

I applaud Emma for continuing to show up on red carpets looking like a haunted orchestra conductor. I also applaud them for checking out Michelle Yeoh on the red carpet, as one should to be respectful/horny.

Hannah Einbinder

Speaking of showing respect, I respect the way Hannah makes her and Jean Smart look like the one May-December couple you can’t stop shipping despite all the problematic everythings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not into Ava and Deborah. But I am totally into Hannah and Jean. What, I already admitted it was problematic, but the heart wants what it wants.

Auliʻi Cravalho

Since we’re talking queer female heartthrobs, hello. Gen Z, why are you sleeping on Auliʻi Cravalho? Like, I am in a totally different age bracket. But if I was a quarter century younger? Yeah, I’d want to be that rose. Youths, act appropriately.

Jessica Gunning

The “Baby Reindeer” star and newly minted Golden Globe winner scores major queer points for getting her award from THE Kathy Bates (every queer gal is doing it, see above). I hope she whispered “Towanda!” when accepting the trophy from her.

Kali Reis

I couldn’t find any pictures of Kali and her fine-ass suit hanging with any other celebrities at the Globes. But I did see her connecting with Kathryn Hahn the night before at a Globes pre-party in a different fine-ass suit. So, you know, Gay Card stamped, approved and notarized.

So, any favorite queer moments of the night for you?

Mental Health Minx: Auliʻi Cravalho

Well, it’s Thursday. And Auliʻi Cravalho is wearing a leather vest. So, this all seems appropriate. Also appropriate, this new class of young queer stars – your Auliʻis, your Renees, your Chappells, your Bellas, your Billies, et al, who are refreshingly, uncompromisingly open about their sexuality. So, yeah, America – the No. 1 movie in America (Moana 2) is led by an out queer young woman. And the No. 2 movie is, too (more on Wicked soon).

Islands Girl

This one goes out to everyone with young kids at home or are themselves young at heart (and, yes, I still sometimes sing “How Far I’ll Go” in the shower). Now, normally I’m not too psyched about sequels to kiddie movies. But a sequel to the “Moana” movie? Chee-hoo! And then some! You see, the great thing about “Moana 2” news is it’s also gay news because its lead voice actress Auliʻi Cravalho is bisexual. So her success is queer success. As I was saying, chee-hoo!

This is also a reminder that if you haven’t rewatched “Crush” recently you really should because it was a criminally underrated fun queer teen rom-com. And if you saw the “Mean Girls” musical you know her Janis is a totally queer badass. In short, I’ll take all the Auliʻi I can get. Respectfully, of course. She’s like 23. Anyway, between Cynthia Erivo’s “Wicked” coming out Nov. 22 and Auliʻi’s “Moana 2” the following weekend Nov. 27, fans of wildly talented bisexual actor-singers will be eating well this Thanksgiving.

Rather Be Auliʻi

Look, I know I’m two months late. But I finally got a chance to watch the “Mean Girls” musical movie and I liked it. I definitely liked it. Is it just a pretty faithful retelling of the original Mean Girls with songs and dancing? Yes. Am I OK with that since we’re a society that can never stop recycling its stories? Like, we do not need more Batman or Spider-Man or Superman stories, fellas? We really, really don’t.

Still, here’s the thing I definitely don’t agree with. Obviously, I agree with how much the Gen. Z queer girlies love Renee Rapp. But I disagree with their lack of reciprocal love for Auliʻi Cravalho. Like, why stan just one when you could rightfully stan them both, folks? Both are immensely talented. Both can sing their hearts out. Both are out and queer. And this is Auliʻi’s second role as a queer teen heartthrob. Remember “Crush?” I do, it was great and sweet and funny. (You can watch it on Hulu right now! Yes, now!) Granted, Auliʻi hasn’t been out on tour waving a lesbian flag on stage. But, still, can we get a little (age-appropriate) love here for Auliʻi or what? Like her transition from adorable teenage Moana to twentysomething queer standout is chef’s kiss so far. Though, one small suggestion, maybe next time put her in a movie with Renee where they go from enemies to lovers because I would have really, really REALLY loved that “Mean Girls.”

Can You Have a Crush on a Movie?

Here’s a delightful ray of sunshine just exactly when we need it the most. As Republicans are salivating at the prospect of stripping even more of our rights (the drumbeat coming after my and all our queer marriages is becoming deafening, folks), at least we can enjoy a cute little gay movie about teenagers with crushes on each other. At least there’s still that.

Hulu’s new queer teen rom-com “Crush” is a wonderful little glitter bomb of joy that hits right at the right time. Set in a high school world with basically no hang-ups about LGBTQ+ people and a seemingly ample (well, compared to my high school) dating pool of young gay women, the film poses the eternal question: What if you fall for the hot queer non-identical twin sisters at your school and can’t figure out which one you like best? I know, totally relatable conundrum (in my wildest teenage dreams…)

Yet, even if the premise seems a tad far-fetched (though, what rom-com meet-cute isn’t far-fetched?), the result is pretty much everything you’d want from a teen movie. An extremely likable cast (like, does everyone under 21 have an age-appropriate crush on out bi actress Auliʻi Cravalho?), smart dialogue, preternaturally witty and wise youths, a “cool” mom (hey, Megan Mullally, hey), funny adults (the perennial scene stealer Michelle Buteau) and a snappy yet truly sweet story.

Indeed, “Crush” feels like almost any other straight teen movie, but better because it has more to say than just your standard, “Hey, did you know teenagers get horny and say funny things!” First-time screenwriters and Buzzfeed alums Kirsten King and Casey Rackham (and the movie’s most excellent producers Maya Rudolph and Natasha Lyonne) have deftly taken what could be a standard teen movie and centered young queer women and the importance of their inner lives. Also, it’s funny. And it’s just the right amount of raunchy. And, of course, there are grand romantic gestures. And smoochies.

“Crush” straddles the line between mass mainstream entertainment and something extraordinarily rare with ease and style. I’m so happy it exists and young queer women finding themselves have a movie of their own. I’ve watched it three times already, and I’m clearly way too old to be its target audience. So, enjoy something good today and take yourself to the couch to watch this movie. Heck, even witchy lesbians get their due. Really, this movie has everything. And, I’m sure for some lonely queer kid out there, it is everything. Happy watching, kittens.

Crushing It

While I am no longer in the target demographic for teenage romances, by quite a lot, I certainly appreciate that they keep making stories that let more young people feel like they too can find their happily ever after. You know, that whole thing about representation mattering and all.

The latest teen rom-com is Hulu’s “Crush.” High school senior looks for her college application inspiration in her crush, but somehow ends up also crushing on her crush’s sister? Hey, it’s a tad incestuous but I’ll take it. Also, I love how this movie follows the well-executed teen rom-com formula of using a largely unknown young cast spiked with a few seasoned, funny adults (in this case Megan Mullally, Aasif Mandvi and Michelle Buteau). The “other” sister AJ might not be instantly recognizable, unless you’ve watched “Moana” a bajillion times like me. It’s out star Auli'i Cravalho, who came out as bisexual two years ago.

I had to chuckle at our heroine bemoaning her so-called limited dating options at her high school from the trailer. Back in my day, ummm, we didn’t have any. But then, I guess that’s progress.

I don’t know if this movie will be any good. But even if it isn’t, it’s still wonderful that it exists. When I think back at all the teen movies I watched when I was a teen, I couldn’t dream of having a selection of queer teeange romances made for mainstream audiences to choose from. Heck, I couldn’t imagine queer issues being covered in anything that wasn’t a Very Special Episodes. Like I was saying, progress.

My Weekend (Age-Appropriate Kind of) Crush

@auliicravalho

5:53a thirst trap.

♬ original sound - aceof_spadess

I feel an odd combination of pride and paternal prudishness about this news. Auli’i Cravalho, the actress and singer who voiced Moana in the eponymously named 2016 Disney movie, has come out as bisexual. Of course, obvious yay for more out and proud celebrities, more diverse LGBTQ representation in the media, and more people no matter who they are living their lives openly and honestly. On the prudey side I can’t believe the young actress who played the preteen star of the movie I put on TV nearly every night on a sleep timer right now to help me fall asleep is 19 years old and also really frank about her sexuality. But that’s a me and not wanting to be an old, lecherous creeper thing with the "Weekend Crush" thing, I think. Also, yes, apparently it’s a thing to come out now on TikTok (yes, I know it TikTok has issues – essentially all big tech has issues we compromise with for easy access on a daily basis). This is a long way of saying, welcome, Auli’i. Your toaster oven is in the mail. No need to say you're welcome. (Get it?) Happy safe and healthy weekend, kittens.