My Weekend Crush

Here's every time Emma Thompson danced tonight.

You're welcome. #AnAudienceWithAdele pic.twitter.com/qJP45dbdxi

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) November 21, 2021

I’ve never been to an Adele concert. But, if I’m lucky enough to score tickets one of these days, I want to be the one dancing in the stands like Emma Thompson at the special “An Audience With Adele” special you kittens across the pond were able to watch over the weekend. As a crass American, I don’t have access to the whole show. But I know Emma dancing her ass off is the spiritual energy I want to bring into this holiday weekend. I say spiritual, because after everything I’ve consumed this week the only dancing I’m doing is from the couch to the refrigerators. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. I know Emma’s dancing culminated with her reuniting Adele with her childhood inspiration and English teacher. So, in case you also want a good cry with to come after your wild dancing, enjoy.

We all have that one teacher who changed our life… such a beautiful reunion! ❤️

*PS, would totally buy Alan Carr’s version of ‘Make You Feel My Love* 🤣@Adele #AnAudienceWithAdele https://t.co/2ZZI2RS0mI pic.twitter.com/hlTOOZKt5j

— ITV (@ITV) November 21, 2021

Music Monday: F@cking Adele Edition

In between albums, what I miss most about Adele is of course that voice. But, honestly, it’s also that cheeky attitude. Part of her charm is her realness, and an obvious sense of humor about herself and the world. May she continue to delight us while making us weep (with laughter, or just as we sing along alone in our cars) for years and years and years to come. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

By now many of you have probably already seen this. This video of Adele with the Adeles has been making the rounds for a week now. But I swear I’ve watched it half a dozen times because there is something intrinsically lovely about the whole thing. Same goes for Adele herself, of course. It’s such a delight to have her back, making new music and behind her delightfully cheeky and charming self. Also, if you haven’t already, do watch her sing “Hello” with toy instruments on Jimmy Fallon. Happy weekend, all.

And Buffy makes four?

The “Absolutely Fabulous” movie is happening. The “Gilmore Girls” are being revived on Netflix. Adele just teased new music. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. While this is all great news for people who watched television in the last 20 years and/or has ears, I’m still waiting for my Buffy reunion. Now is our chance, since the entertainment gods are apparently granting wishes today. Let’s make it happen, universe. Evil, skanky and kinda gay. What is not to like?

SGALGG: Oscars Edition

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. So the Oscars were on Sunday. If you want a comprehensive recap of the big show (Cliffs Notes version: boobs song, sexist joke, Jaws theme, J-Falls perfectly) check it out over at AfterEllen. If you want to see a bunch of Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals together, well, you know where to go. No, wait, don’t go anywhere. Stay here, because that’s where they are. No, I mean it. Just scroll down.

Jennifer Lawrence & Anne Hathaway

Don’t they look like the toppers on a gay lady same-sex wedding cake? Replace those shiny naked golden men with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and it’s pretty much ready for the “I Dos.”

Catherine Zeta-Jones & Jennifer Hudson

I am telling you, I’m not going…down on you in front of all of these people. Wait until later, darling.

Amanda Seyfried & Jessica Chastain

Zero Dark Eyes Up, Chastain. Eyes up.

Norah Jones & Adele

Think of the beautiful music they could make together. Figuratively and literally.

Reese Witherspoon, Naomi Watts & Isla Fisher

Naomi is the shiny meat in this beautiful cobalt blue sandwich.

Sally Field & Amy Poehler

Kiss! Make it a threesome with Tina Fey! Or with Aubrey Plaza since she’s leering at you two together in the background already.

Halle Berry & Paula Patton

No, you’re prettier. No, you’re prettier. No, you’re prettier. No, you’re… Sorry, I’m imagining their conversation.

Anne Hathaway & Sarah Silverman

Unlike Zeta-Jones and JHud, they’re not waiting to be alone to make the magic happen.

Miley Cyrus & Kelly Osbourne

This is becoming a regular thing for these two. Same time, same place next year I can only assume.

Jennifer Aniston & Charlize Theron

The blurriness of this picture was obviously caused by Jen lunging toward Charlize because no one has the kind of restraint to hold herself back when presented with that much stunning.

Charlize’s Hair

I’ve never asked a haircut to call me before. But in this case, gurl, call me.

My Weekend Oscars

I have loved the Oscars since I was a little girl and used to beg my parents to let me stay up past my bedtime to watch gorgeous people in extravagant outfits thank their parents and agents and Meryl Streep. So leading up to Oscar Sunday, I get those same excited butterflies. Even when the show is deathly dull, which it undoubtedly will be for unconscionably long stretches, I can’t help but get caught up in the occasion. Something about that little naked golden man makes even the most beautiful, glamourous and talented people in the world turn into blubbering fools. It’s fantastic.

But this year I find myself in the unusual situation of having seen none – yes, NONE – of the best picture nominees. For whatever reason 2012 was a slow movie year for me and I only got out to see a handful of them in the theaters, none which were apparently Oscar worthy. Sure I wanted to see some of the films (chief among them “Beasts of the Southern Wild” and “Silver Linings Playbook”), but it just hasn’t happened yet. So I go into this year without any obvious favorites and with no real reason to act enraged or elated when someone wins or loses. So instead this year I am flat-out base my rooting system on who I think will be the most entertaining/delightful/bizarre acceptance speeches. If I’m just watching it for the show, it might as well be a good one.

So, if you want to follow along with me as I live-tweet this year’s shindig, these are the nominees I’ll be throwing my support behind. Once again, these picks are not based on quality or deserving it (though a few do both), but instead on solely what I perceive will be my personal sense of viewing enjoyment.

1. Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actress
Jennifer Lawrence is hilarious, quotes “Mean Girls” and “The First Wives Club” in her speeches and generally seems like the BFF we all wish we had to watch the Oscars with. I want her to win all the awards always.
2. Anne Hathaway for Best Supporting Actress
Anne Hathaway quoted Tina Fey and also will more than likely cry. Her pixie cut is really cute, too. And she was one Princess of Genovia.
3. Joaquin Phoenix for Best Actor
Please, you know that speech would be a fucking disaster. If we’re really lucky he’ll give it with a frog on his head.
4. Tommy Lee Jones for Best Supporting Actor
But only if he promises to do his Grumpy Cat impression throughout his speech.
5. “Frankenweenie” for Best Animated Film
If Tim Burton wins we’ll be treated to many reaction shots of Helena Bonham Carter and whatever crazytown gothic carnival ride of a getup she decided to grace us with.
6. “Skyfall” for Best Song
Because any day Adele gets to go on stage, open her mouth and say things into a microphone is a good day.
7. A Meteor that takes out host Seth MacFarlane
To be honest, this is what I’m rooting for the hardest. And just in case I think the producers should have Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and/or any other hilarious female comedian who would do a better job hosting this thing waiting in the wings.

Ellen DeGrammyres

So, I’ve stopped watching the Grammys with anything more than the most passing interest for wardrobe malfunctions and lip-synch fails years ago. But yesterday after tuning in briefly and then turning to my good friend The Internet, to see what it thought, I was pleased to see that apparently Ellen DeGeneres won the Grammys. I mean what else can you deduce from these photos but that The Great Panted One and Portia had a ball and looked great doing it. Lesbians, we are in your music awards having all the funs.

Ellen & Beyoncé

This photo makes me wish they were in a Laverne & Shirley style sitcom where they shameel shemozzled schlemiel and schlemazeled down the street together.

Ellen & Adele

Adele wants to see that sitcom, too.

Ellen & Lena Dunham

I like how they’re both trying to pretend skeezy Willy Wonka isn’t standing creepily behind them.

Ellen & Nicole Kidman

Nicole clearly wants to kiss Ellen, but this is the most her face muscles can muster.

Ellen, Portia & Ryan Seacrest

I think Randy’s face says it all.

Ellen, Portia & Katy Perry

Best photo sequence of the Grammys, possibly ever.

Ellen, Portia & Kelly Clarkson

And then best photobomb of the Grammys, possibly every.

My Weekend Crush

Clearly, I’ve had Adele on the brain the last 24 hours. And it seems so cliché to say you love Adele, because everyone loves Adele. Women, men, vertebrates, invertebrates, inanimate objects, imaginary friends. It’s impossible to not be awed by her voice. It’s criminal not to be moved by her emotions. Also that chin dimple? I fucking love that chin dimple. I really think Adele is one of the most beautiful women in music – not just her spectacular face, not just her spunky personality, not just her sublime voice (though sweet merciful Zeus, her voice), but her sane attitude about her art and self. She’s so refreshingly herself, so very outside of the corporate expectations of what a successful singer looks like in this day and age.

As Adele said herself in her Rolling Stone cover story earlier this year:

“My life is full of drama, and I don’t have time to worry about something as petty as what I look like… I don’t like going to the gym. I like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine. Even if I had a really good figure, I don’t think I’d get my tits and ass out for no one. I love seeing Lady Gaga’s boobs and bum. I love seeing Katy Perry’s boobs and bum. Love it. But that’s not what my music is about. I don’t make music for eyes, I make music for ears.”

Adele is gorgeous, and in a way that reminds you talent just needs a stage and a spotlight to shine. There’s nothing wrong with letting it all hang out, so to speak. But we also need to see it’s possible without the tits and ass. Talent is just talents. It doesn’t need any additional adornment to transport you someplace at once outside yourself and intensely personal. Also, there is no better therapy than singing at top volume in the car to Adele. “Someone Like You” in particular has saved me thousands in shrink fees. Happy weekend, all.

Sick sounds

Yesterday I stayed home sick. It wasn’t fun sick, where you throw on your jammies, watch daytime TV and get reindoctrinated into the Oprah cult. It was more like my body’s been hit by a truck, then backed back over, then hit again and then called a friend to come and hit me with another truck. I don’t think it was the flu, just the beginning of allergies. It’s basically spring here and everything has decided to bloom and mold all at once. So I took a bunch of Benadryl and basically was passed out all day. This is fascinating for you, I know. But bear with me. What the day did give me was the chance to listen to a lot of music, because I was too tired to watch TV. I could only handle once sense at a time: sounds or pictures or smells or touch or taste. So I listened, and when I got tired of my CDs I turned on Pandora. And then Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” came on and I remembered, in an instant, why music could be so exciting. That driving beat, that commanding voice. So I dragged my weary body up from the bed, popped on iTunes and bought her new album “21” on the spot. So good, kittens, so good. So now, I’m passing my find along to you. You shouldn’t have to get hit by a metaphorical truck to enjoy some damn good music. Though, with a voice like that, it’s almost the same thing – though considerably less painful. Enjoy.