SGALGG/GGALGG: Globes Edition

Well, I’m just going to pretend Ricky Gervais didn’t twat it up with his general everything (fuck that transphobe). Otherwise it was a night of some heartfelt speeches, and some deserving winners. A few baffling winners. And a ton of just staggeringly talented actresses all in one room together. I mean, Carol Aird and Therese Belivet and Queen Anne and Lady Sarah were all there. And many real-life couples as well. Beanie & Bonnie! Ellen & Portia! Kate McKinnon & Everyone In Their Dreams. So in a way it was really the Golden Lesbians, as it should be.

SGALGG

Cate Blanchett & Nicole Kidman

Look, Cate, I’m no Therese. But I have other qualities, I promise.

Charlize Theron & Reese Witherspoon

Reese looks like she’s about to climb Charlize and can you blame her?

Glenn Close & Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo, please cast Glenn in “Hustlers 2.”

Michelle Williams & Busy Phillips

I know they’re just “best friends,” but the way Busy cried at Michelle’s beautiful speech was pure love.

Sian Clifford & Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Yes, I know they play sisters. Still hot.

Olivia Colman & Kaitlyn Dever

I’m not a big May-December person, but if Patrick Stewart can marry a woman 39 years his junior why the fuck not? Like, this is only a 22 year difference, so…

Salma Hayek & Patricia Arquette

They didn’t do anything particularly gay, but boobs so you’re welcome.

Amy Poehler & Kerry Washington

Amy just tested Kerry’s boob tape. With consent. Always with consent.

Helen Mirren & Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Dame Helen is not above flirting to get into Phoebe’s next project.

Helen Mirren & Meryl Streep

And with Meryl, too. Shameless, shameless.

Tiffany Haddish & Awkwafina

Put them in a movie together. Make them girlfriends. What? I thought we were just saying wishes.

GGALGG

Kate McKinnon & Emily Lynne

Fine, it’s Kate’s sister, but I was fine with it for Phoebe & Sian so why the hell not.

Beanie Feldstein & Bonnie Chance Roberts

Say it all together with me, “Awwww.” Also definitely not her sister.

Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi

Ellen & Portia seem to be competing for the most Big Top Energy.

All Wet

You guys, I have been barely keeping my head above water with work and life and blog and such this month. I know, I know, everyone is swamped. Life is the definition of busy. I ask that you please excuse this paltry excuse for a post today in the name of the general beleaguered and overworked state of humanity. Also, it is a pretty lady getting dunked in water (and for a good cause). So, you know, still not too shabby.

p.s. I love how Ellen pretends to not want to dunk her wife, but then is not-so secretly gleeful once Portia goes down. Don’t worry, she saves it by being sweet and apologetic. Or is that her “Please still sleep with me tonight” face?

My Weekend GGALGG & SGALGG

I bet you were wondering where the SGALGG went. Don’t worry, kittens, I didn’t forget. It’s just that at this year’s Academy Awards there were also a bunch of actual Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, in addition to the Straight Gals doing the same. So I thought why not celebrate them both. The GGALGG and the SGALGG. The real deals and those just expressing the most sincere form of flattery. Best of both worlds, I say.

GGALGG:

Ellen & Portia

I really never get tired of seeing the Royal Gay Couple.

Evan Rachel Wood & Anna Paquin

I miss when Evan was on “True Blood.” It sucked a lot less then.

Angelina Jolie & Lupita Nyong’o

Look at Angie, trying to get a little sugar from Lupita.

Sarah Paulson & Jane Fonda

Count the hands. Who is goosing Sarah?

Angie & Sarah

Leave it to two gay ladies to find each other in a crowd and make clear after-party plans.

Annie Leibovitz & Penelope Cruz

Leave it to the gay lady to find the pretty lady, too.

Fran Lebowitz & Diane Lane

See above.

Lisa Bonet, Zoe Kravitz & Ellen Page

Two generations-worth of see above.

GGAUnlikeGG:

Bono, Portia & Ellen

No kissing boys. OMG, don’t you two know the rules?

SGALGG:

Charlize Theron & Lupita

Can you blame them?

Lupita & Rosario Dawson

No, no you cannot.

Cate Blanchett & Jennifer Lawrence

Trying to slip her your room key, eh, Cate?

J-Law & The Friend She Nearly Took Down With Her

Aw, good to see they made up.

Meryl Streep & Glenn Close

In the absence of Emma Thompson, Meryl goes for the next best thing.

SGuysALGGuys:

Liam Hemsworth, Ben Affleck & Chris Hemswoth

A Ben on slices of Hemsworth Brother sandwich for the bisexual ladies in the house (and gay boys).

BONUS SGALGG:

Meryl & Pizza

Admittedly, this is the biggest love connection of the night.

Ellen DeGrammyres

So, I’ve stopped watching the Grammys with anything more than the most passing interest for wardrobe malfunctions and lip-synch fails years ago. But yesterday after tuning in briefly and then turning to my good friend The Internet, to see what it thought, I was pleased to see that apparently Ellen DeGeneres won the Grammys. I mean what else can you deduce from these photos but that The Great Panted One and Portia had a ball and looked great doing it. Lesbians, we are in your music awards having all the funs.

Ellen & Beyoncé

This photo makes me wish they were in a Laverne & Shirley style sitcom where they shameel shemozzled schlemiel and schlemazeled down the street together.

Ellen & Adele

Adele wants to see that sitcom, too.

Ellen & Lena Dunham

I like how they’re both trying to pretend skeezy Willy Wonka isn’t standing creepily behind them.

Ellen & Nicole Kidman

Nicole clearly wants to kiss Ellen, but this is the most her face muscles can muster.

Ellen, Portia & Ryan Seacrest

I think Randy’s face says it all.

Ellen, Portia & Katy Perry

Best photo sequence of the Grammys, possibly ever.

Ellen, Portia & Kelly Clarkson

And then best photobomb of the Grammys, possibly every.

Supper time

[Click to embiggen the Holy]

I am not a religious person. I worship no gods except Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Rachel Maddow. But sometimes, sometimes the spirit does move me. Particularly when presented with the Lesbian Last Supper. Say hello to Lesbian Jesus and her super gay disciples by artist Bronwyn Lundberg. So while the season of faith and a fat guy in a red suit may be over, let the holy glow of Ellen and her Queer Apostles Jane, Sandra, Rachel, Linda, Shane, Portia, Heather, Wanda, KD, Lily, Melissa and Rosie warm you during these cold winter months. Except for you, Australia. You have fun worshipping in your board shorts.

p.s. I love how all the actresses are named except for “Shane McCutcheon” as Judas. Love her Chucks though. So much more fashion forward than flip-flops.
p.p.s. For the fellas, there is also a the Creation of Neil gay Sistine Chapel for your viewing pleasure.

Monster lane

You know what I miss? So many things. My ability to do a handstand. My ability to remember where I parked my car at the end of the day. My ability to eat half a pizza and an order of breadsticks with cheese sauce at 2 a.m. and not gain 30 pounds and extreme hearth burn overnight. But I digress. What I’m missing today is the zany magic wonder that is a Brian Fuller series on my TV screen. You know, the man behind “Wonderfalls” and “Pushing Daisies” and “Dead Like Me.” His style is as signature as that “chung-chung” sound from “Law & Order.” So imagine my delight when I heard that his modern-day Munsters reboot “Mocking Bird Lane” was on. Then on off. Then maybe on again. Then a one-shot Halloween special to air on NBC. Confusing, I know. Look, I was never a huge Munsters fan. I was more of an Addams Family girl myself. But I’ll gladly tune in, even if only for a night, to get a little of that old Fuller magic again. Plus, if enough of us watch, it might actually start airing on our TV screens on the regular. And then I could cross if off my list of things I miss. Which, as we’re all aware, is the real priority here.

p.s. I can’t decide whether Portia with the dark hair makes me purr or pause. A little of both, I think.

Tank Top Tuesday: Pride Edition

Let’s continue to Pride Week love and feature the ladies we love who love ladies wearing tank tops, which we love. Whew. I think that came out right. Now anyone can wear a tank top, and should – but when a gay lady wear a tank top? *low whistle* There’s just something about the simple act which is subversive yet natural and, of course, so so hot. And if you combine a tank topped lady with a plaid shirted lady, like Portia and Ellen above, well it’s kind of like the lesbian fashion nirvana. So please enjoy some enlightenment by way of these out gay ladies in tank tops. Namaste.

Brandi Carlile

It’s a rare sighting indeed to find Brandi without her vest. Treasure this as one would a white rhino sighting. Not that I think Brandi is a rhino. Oh, dear, this has gotten terribly off track.

Saffron Burrows

Those cheekbones…. Oh, damn, sorry – we were talking about tank tops.

Jenny Shimizu

Like Angie, or anyone, could resist.

Jasika Nicole

I really wish I hadn’t stopped watching “Fringe” years ago.

Alexandra Hedison

Is it some sort of lesbian crime to post Alexandra in the same post I have Ellen and Portia? I don’t know, but let’s risk it anyway.

Jane Lynch

She’s been hiding those under that track suit all these years. Damn you, Ryan Murphy.

Gro Hammerseng

I have no idea how the rules of handball work. But I would happily watch her matches anyway.

Natasha Kai

I’m going to miss her at the Olympics like crazy this summer.

Jillian Michaels

I know this isn’t “technically” a tank top, but it is a lesbian crime to post a picture of Jillian without showing her abs. So, I can’t break two laws in one post.

Martina Navratilova

She’s like The Godmother of Tank Top Tuesday, no?

Amber Heard

You are welcome, lesbians.