My Weekend Crush

Sabrina Carpenter may be short n’ sweet, but she knows an evil administration when she sees one. The most heterosexual of all the pop superstars (much to her own obvious chagrin, bless her heart) wasted no words calling out an ICE video using her music last week.

She replied to the now deleted ICE video using one of her songs:

“this video is evil and disgusting. Do not ever involve me or my music to benefit your inhumane agenda.”

Also, they were using her song “Juno” which, wtf, it’s about being so hot for someone you’ll let them get you pregnant! So they’re evil, disgusting, inhumane and also too stupid to understand song lyrics. We really are living in the most simultaneously evil and idiotic timeline in history.

Anyway, let’s have more musical superstars doing what we all should be doing right now – raging against the machine, calling out billionaires and lambasting this evil administration. Thanks, Sabrina. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. And, hell yeah, she brought drag performers and trans rights protest signs to the VMAs this year too.

Vacation Vixen: Sabrina & Jenna

Hey, so I’m visiting one of our great National Parks for a few days before it gets totally ruined by That Orange Turd’s firing of all the rangers. But I of course would never leave you hanging. I thought I was done talking about the Met Gala. But Jenna Ortega and Sabrina Carpenter posted this and, well, it seemed cruel not to share. I know, I know – Sabrina is the straightest of straight. But, damn, if she doesn’t keep proving Jane Wickline’s point. Perhaps they should make out passionately with each other again in a music video – just in case.

Music Monday: Sabrina & Dolly Edition

Speaking of genres I don’t listen to as much, county (particularly contemporary country) sits atop the list. Of course I have my exceptions: Kacey Musgrave, The Chicks, Willie and, of course, Dolly Parton. So when Sabrina Carpenter (a.k.a. The Unfortunately Straightest Pop Girlie Around, Despite Her Best Efforts) rereleased her hit “Please Please Please” minus her ex-Barry Keoghan and with Dolly, well, I was just tickled pink. Or, uh, I think pink. The video is in black and white. But doesn’t it feel pink? I mean, what else would you wear to bury a (soon-to-be) dead ex-boyfriend’s body? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Please please please tell me they also recorded an explicit version with Dolly that keeps in the “motherfucker” because, well, you know why.

Ode to the Secretly Gay Pop Stars

If I’m being brutally honest, SNL these days usually only elicits some earnest yet not-overly-enthusiastic guffaws these days – at best. But when cast newcomer Jane Wickline sang this song on Weekend Update late last year, I laughed – like really, really laughed. Like out loud and everything. And then I watched it again, and laughed and laughed. So in the interest of starting this year as hilariously gay as possible, please enjoy Jane’s “Sabrina Carpenter” song. And, not to belabor the “if you asked me on a deeper level” meme, it’s a glorious sign of our continued progress as a queer community that a song about wishing people would think you are gay to increase your cultural cache, but alas instead being recognized as the most benignly straight pop superstar around hits a universal theme. I mean, she really did make out passionately with Jenna Ortega and a female alien and we’re all like, aw, I wonder why her and Barry couldn’t work it out. Truly, if you don’t lose it at the deadpan “Hellllp me” then I’m not sure we can be friends.

Good Taste

Yes, I know The Kiss in this video is the sneaky kind of body-swap they used to sneak into Very Special Lesbian Episodes of TV shows back in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell days, but…it’s still a kiss. So of course I loved Sabrina Carpenter’s new music video for her song “Taste” featuring Jenna Ortega. Two of the most popular Gen Z stars in the same music video trying to murder one another in increasingly gruesome ways over a stupid boy while paying homage to some 90s and 00s cult classics? Does it pain me to know younger generations consider some of these films (including “Death Becomes Her,” “Adams Family Values,” “Ginger Snaps” and “Kill Bill”) ancient cinema. But then my knees probably would agree, so, you know – time is after us all.

Also, even though Jenna isn’t technically one of the 20something Pop Girlie (à la Sabrina, Chappell, Billie, Renee, et al) she is a bonafide Gen Z superstar. And, unlike those Very Special Lesbian Episodes of days of yore, at least now Sabrina and Jenna acknowledge that that boy was stupid and they’re better off without/murdering him. And that hair brush says also says maybe they liked that kiss a little more, too. Sabrina, how about the next video includes homages to “The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Girls in Love,” “But I’m a Cheerleader” and “Imagine Me & You.” Just a suggestion.