Best of 20GayTeen

Well, kittens, we made it another lap around the sun together. 20GayTeen lived up to its name, and then some. And what another crazy, crazy, super fucking crazy year it was. Personally, wonderful things happened. Like, you know, I got married. Politically, cruelty and corruption continued to reign. But at least a Blue Wave came in to offer us hope and reinforcements. And in the pop culture world? Well, art did its part to entertain, engage (occasionally enrage) and otherwise provide escapism exactly when needed. And, heavens, did we need it.

So here is a little ode to the best things I watched, listened and generally consumed in this year of our Lesbian Jesus, 20GayTeen. Thanks for keeping things super duper gay, universe. May the New Year aspire to such queerness, and then some. Happy New Year, kittens.

TV: Killing Eve


I just finished my fifth full rewatch of the entire first season of “Killing Eve,” and I can assuredly say this show only gets richer with each watch. In fact the complexity and brilliance of the series demands multiple viewings. Because on first watch you’ll likely be most stunned by the plot (like, holy shit, it really went there). Then another watch and you’re floored again by the acting because the things Sandra Oh can do with a few muscles in her face. And then a third rewatch you are dazzled anew by the impeccable writing and sublime use of music. And a fourth you’re drafting legal papers allowing Jodie Comer to legally murder you, should the want arise. And so on, and so forth. In short, if “Killing Eve” wasn’t your favorite new queer obsession last year, honey, there’s always this year.

Also: The Good Place


Hot forking damn this show is so good. Any show that passes between multiple dimensions so seamlessly obviously has no problem being fluid in its interpretations of gender, sexuality and personhood. Also, I would watch a 24-hour Janet channel. I really, really would.

Movie: The Favourite


What a tart, wicked delight. It’s beyond refreshing to watch a movie that allows women to be smart, cunning and ruthless without making them the villains of their own story. Instead, they’re treated as men would be in the exact same situation – as smart, cunning and ruthlessly heroes of their own stories. And, as we all know, heroes have all the fun.

Also: “Crazy Rich Asians”


If this movie only had a queer female character it would have been perfect. As is it was still a true delight, a feast for the eyes and a joy for our hearts. Plus, so much attractive Asian excellence in one place.


Music: Janelle Monae, Dirty Computer


Not only did Janelle Monae compose the greatest celebration of Lady Parts since Georgia O’Keeffe picked up a paintbrush, she also made the definitive ode to Bisexual Lighting. Plus, it has a beat and you can gayly dance it it.

Also: Hayley Kiyoko


I mean, we can’t leave Lesbian Jesus off a best of 20GayTeen list. I mean, that would be a gay sin.

My Weekend Crush

As enduring all those truly terrible comments (and some that continue to trickle in) on my post about AfterEllen’s two-year turn descent into full-on transphobia, please enjoy this advertisement from the Philippines instead. I know, I know – beauty products are in the business of selling you beauty products. But even if Pantene ultimately just wants to sell us all more shampoo – they’re selling all of us shampoo. Not just cis-men and women. But also trans men and women. Also nonbinary folks. Basically just everyone who wants shiny, healthy hair. And that, in and of itself, is beautiful.

I really can’t fathom lesbians, gay men and anyone else on the LGBTQ spectrum who turn their backs on their trans brothers and sisters. Can’t you see the exact same fear-mongering and bigoted stereotypes were used to discredit gays and lesbians not that long ago? They’re a threat to children! They’re going to prey on me in the locker room! I don’t care what you do in your bedroom, just don’t be so gratuitous about it in public! Ugh, why do you have to talk about it all the time? Can’t we just have someplace of our own where we can be with our own kind without them ruining everything?

Once more, with so much feeling – equal rights aren’t pie. If one group is granted civil rights, it does not mean you take them away from someone else. It just means finally the pie is big enough for everyone to have their rightful slice. And, again, don’t worry lesbians who don’t like trans women – no trans woman wants to date you. Trust me on this. Not a one. May we leave this kind of exclusionary thinking in 2018, with the rest of the garbage. Happy inclusive and beautifully shiny haired weekend, all.

That's So Dench

I hope you have seen “The Favourite” at this point. Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone were spectacular in it (as, of course, was the sublime Olivia Colman). Another delight is hearing Rachel explain British slang to Emma. I need something like this, but for “Great British Bake Off” terminology. That would be so Dench.

Suit Up

Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas, kittens? Well, if not, here is something to belatedly full your stocking. The trailer for “Men in Black: International” should just be renamed “Tessa Thomas: Wears a Suit” because – hello. It’s like Tank Top Tuesday and Gender Fuck Thursday got together and had a beautiful baby and that baby grew up to be Tessa Thomson in both a tank top and a suit. And she even flirts with Emma Thompson.



Well, now, it almost feels like Christmas morning again.

Merry Merry, Happy Happy

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate. May your day be nothing but merry and bright. To get you into the spirit please enjoy Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings singing some holiday carols (though, alas, not Carol carols) just for you. Merry happy, kittens, merry happy.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Carolmas

Have you left it too long? Your holiday shopping, that is. Well, no bother. Just pop on down to your local Frankenberg’s department store and get yourself a train set. Who knows, you might leave your gloves on the counter and meet your angel flung out of space.

Let the straights argue about whether “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie. All queer women know the true queen of Christmas movies is “Carol.” Time to don your gayest apparel and have yourself a Christmas Eve rewatch tonight, kittens. And, yes – Harold, they’re lesbians.

p.s. Why yes, I’ve been singing those Carolmas Carols ever since last week, why do you ask?

My Weekend Crush

It might be easy to dismiss Penny Marshall, who passed away at age 75 this week, as a caricature of herself. Those bangs. Those tinted glasses. And, yeah, that voice like a clench-jawed marionette had taken a handful of Quaaludes. But what Penny Marshall really was was a trailblazer. From the first moment she “Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!”-herself into our living rooms, she had us laughing. And laughter is an underrated revolutionary force.

While “Laverne & Shirley” was a spinoff of “Happy Days,” it was actually a slyly feminist statement. Here were two single women living together, working factory jobs and navigating life’s bumps and pratfalls together. They made us laugh and fall in love with their independent spunk.

When Penny moved on to directing, she chose projects that spoke with humor – so much humor – and heart. From “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” to “Big,” to “Awakenings” to “A League of Their Own” and more, her movies stuck with you in unexpected ways. “Big” was one of my absolute favorite movies as a kid – and I still stop to eat baby corn that way. It perfectly captured the impatience for adulthood you felt as a child, and why it’s always better to take your time instead.

And, of course, there was “A League of Their Own,” which is the all-time greatest sports movie. Period. (Don’t @ me with your “Bull Durham” or “A Field of Dreams” or “Major League” nonsense.) You know what else it is? The highest grossing baseball movie of all time – yeah, more than all those other dude films. In fact, Penny was the first female director to have a movie gross over $100 million. First with “Big” and then with “A League of Their Own.”

The thing about Penny’s movies is they’re instantly iconic in so many ways. They’ve slipped seamlessly into our lexicon. They’re just a part of us now. There’s no crying in baseball! They made us laugh, but they also showed us something special. “A League of Their Own” remains a landmark. It’s about how good it feels to be seen, to be appreciated, to be celebrated for doing something well that no one expects from us. And, really, that’s what we all want. Plus, it was ladies playing baseball. And we all know that is something all queer gals can get behind. Thanks, Penny, for all the laughs and love. Please say hello (and crack some really dirty jokes) with Carrie Fisher for us. Rest in peace, lady. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Julia Edition

So every year The New York Times does this “Great Performances” series where they have the year’s biggest stars perform short scenes. This year Julia Roberts, fresh off her first TV series with “Homecoming,” is The Commuter who daydreams about being in full tux and tails on the subway. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Julia and her mega-watt smile in a full tuxedo like this. But I know I like it. Plus, who doesn’t love a little soft shoe?

Julia Roberts transforms a dreary subway ride to work into a Fred Astaire-inspired daydream https://t.co/JeSP9gMiVk pic.twitter.com/E4jALHrfsI

— The New York Times (@nytimes) December 11, 2018

Carol's Carols

We are being wooed, gay ladies. Netflix is trying to woo us. How do I know? Not only is “Carol” still streaming on the service more than a year after it was added, but they’ve created a Carol Movie Sing-Along series on YouTube for you to really, really lez out with over the holidays. The Carol Caroler (dressed either in fur coats, coral hats and errant gloves or black jumpers, Santa cap and ugly turtlenecks) belt out super gay versions of your favorite Christmas tunes. Never mind those herald angels, this is “Hard! The Herald Carols Sing.” Now that’s what I call a Christmas carol glow up.

I have no idea why, three years after its release, Netflix decided to give “Carol” an extra holiday boost. But I know I’m eternally grateful to whatever queer gal wrote these lyrics in a fit of super gay seasonal spirit. I mean, if you think about it, it makes sense – lesbians have been singing Carol Aird’s praises all this time already. So, naturally, why not express that joy to the world in song.

Here are some for holiday tunes Carol-ized for your pleasure. Thanks, Netflix. You’ve earned this lesbian’s subscription for another year – and then some.

“Away in a Toy Shop”

The “Waterloo is where they’ll share something sweet” line made me snort a little.

“I Saw Carol Aird”

Minus a point for spelling Aird wrong. Plus a point for celebrating their “raw intimacy.”

ETA: Guess they realized they spelled Aird wrong and took it down. Tip your friendly neighborhood copy editor.

“The 12 Days of Carolmas”

It took me a second to realize what “Five Jolly Os” were. And then, ahem, oh my. Now, everyone have fun singing this all through Christmas dinner with your relatives.

Not Ready to (Keep Making) Nice

For whatever reason, we demand out female daytime talk show hosts be nice. Really, really, unblinkingly nice. Those with long memories will no doubt recall when Rosie O’Donnell was dubbed the “Queen of Nice” by Time magazine. Oprah was so nice she gave everyone a freaking car. And Ellen has picked up both their mantels to become the nicest, sunniest, danciest daytime talk host of them all.

But now, in an interesting, in-depth interview with The New York Times, Ellen is talking about her niceness and whether she wants it to continue – well, more accurately whether she wants her exceedingly nice talk show to continue – and her persona as an exceedingly nice talk show host. It’s worth a click for sure (you can find the full article here).

As the article mentions, and I’ve also heard in certain circles, The Ellen of real life is different from The Ellen of her talk show. Her true “niceness” is up for debate. But, on some level, we’re all like that. The person we present in our professional lives versus our private lives is very often different – usually in subtle ways but sometimes significant.

It’s strange to think, but her niceness can be seen as a cage. Veer anywhere outside the smiling, dancing blonde bubbliness and she is called out as a fraud. But, hey, we all have bad days. We all want to flip people off on the freeway sometimes.

Instead of her so-called niceness, what I’ve always admired about Ellen is her resilience. She had arguably one of the highest-profile comings out of all time. But that “Yep, I’m Gay”-heard around the world left her career in shambles for three years. And she rebuilt herself, joke by joke, into one of the most beloved entertainers working today. Seriously, think of a more loved celebrity? She is like the less risqué Betty White at this point.

So whenever Ellen is ready to quit her talk show (which is what the interview was ostensibly about – and to promote her new Netflix comedy special “Relatable” which debuts today), I am fine with it. Because I have no doubt this lady will come out on top. And isn’t that nice?

Music Monday: True Colors Edition

Just a reminder: Sara Ramirez can really sing. Oh, and Cyndi Lauper could always really sing. Please enjoy this moment of beauty to start your week from Cyndi’s “Friends: Home for the Holidays” show last week which benefited her lovely True Colors Fund, a charity that helps homeless LGBTQ youth. “True Colors” remains one of my all-time favorite songs, a glorious celebration of our differences – the vast, amazing, super weird rainbow of humanity. Don’t be afraid to let them show, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

“The Favourite” isn’t necessarily a lesbian movie. Yes, it is a movie with probable lesbian characters and plenty of lesbian activity. But there is no coming out scene. There is no gay panic tragedy. There is absolutely no queer agenda. This is just about three extremely complex women who are doing everything they can to navigate their lives – and really an entire country – without a single worry about the feelings of the frivolous men who surround them. It’s in short, pretty freaking amazing. And, actually when you think about it, plenty gay where it counts.

What “The Favourite” really is a celebration of the cunning – and cunnilingus (please, you knew that joke was coming) – power of women. What it is also is tons of wicked, perverse fun and another reminder that movies without a typical strong male leads are really rather good. In fact – in many ways, they’re favorable. (Not to mention more profitable.)

Olivia Colman, Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone have created characters in their real-life roles (with much creative license and Sapphic historical reimagining, of course) that are neither likeable or unlikeable. They are, instead, just riveting. You simply can’t stop watching – and why would you? These are actresses biting down hard into the juiciest, ripest of cinematic fruits. Here is a film that doesn’t insult their intelligence or exploit their sexuality.

It lets them be scheming, without being stereotypically scheming. It lets them be vain and ridiculous, without pigeonholing all women as vain or ridiculous. It lets them be smart – because surprise women are really fucking smart. In short, it lets them be the sorts of things men have been in films forever without a second thought – but it does so while still being true the very foundation of our feminine uniqueness. There’s a pathos to it that lingers long after the wild ride is done. All three women find themselves at destinations they hadn’t necessarily planned for. But then, as the saying goes, it’s the journey – not the destination. Happy weekend, all.

It's Not A Bird, It's A Bat

So Batwoman/Kate Kane/Ruby Rose made her TV debut in the DC-verse this week. I have absolutely no idea what’s happening in the story because I never watched the CW superhero shows and quit “Supergirl” a bit ago because there’s only so much wishing and hoping you can do for Kara and Lena to taste the rainbow together. But I do know that Batwoman/Kate Kane/Ruby Rose sure looks the part. And, really, can there ever be enough badass, street-fighting lesbian superheroes on our TV? No, the answer is no.

So, thoughts those who are fans of the comic and/or well versed in the DC-CW land? How’d she do? Also, never mind Lena. Supergirl clearly has a new crush

Brandi's Like Fine Wine

If you ever get a chance to see Brandi Carlile live, run – don’t walk. What a glorious sound, what a glorious show that lady puts on. And, really, what a glorious artist. Out and proud from early in her career, she has runs her own foundation – the Looking Out Foundation – which does various good deeds to empower those without a voice. Indeed, Brandi is the kind of artist worth rooting for. Root for her we will with her six – count ‘em, six – Grammy nominations for her latest album “By the Way, I Forgive You.” And these aren’t some fringe categories, we’re talking Album of the Year, Record of the Year, Song of the Year territory. In fact she is the she is the most nominated female artist, and behind just Kendrick Lamar and Drake overall, this year. How about them big lesbian apples, eh?



p.s. p.s. Brandi released her latest music video, for “Party of One,” yesterday. It features Elisabeth Moss in what I believe is her first-ever gay role. It’s an intense, intense look at queer domestic intranquility – but [Spoiler Alert] don’t worry it all ends well and gay.

Doctor Rainbows

Well, goodness, that was fun. I’ve watched the first season of the Thirteenth Doctor with wonder and delight. What a gloriously seamless transition from all those Mr. Doctors to the very first Ms. Doctor. But more than just swapping the Doctor’s gender, what the new season has done is open up the series to a whole new universe of stories it couldn’t – or just wouldn’t – tell before. The lovely Rosa Parks episode. The powerful Partition of India episode.

Plus, don’t think I haven’t missed the couple of casual lesbian characters to pop into the series all matter-of-fact so far. And, oh yeah, I’ve noticed the double rainbows in the Doctor’s outfit. (On her shirt on and on her zipper – and apparently on her upcoming super rainbow scarf.) All the way, folks. All the way.

What makes this season so great is not only that it’s telling good (and important) stories. It’s that it is telling a whole new group of people – who so rarely get themselves as the heroes of their own stories – that they too can save the world.

We The (Lady) People

35 new women were elected to the U.S. House of Representatives, making this incoming class the most diverse in history. ELLE captured 27 of these Congresswomen-Elect reciting the preamble to the Constitution. pic.twitter.com/cyaiC5qj45

— ELLE Magazine (US) (@ELLEmagazine) December 4, 2018

Well, here is something lovely and uplifting to start your week. Here are your 35 new Congresswomen, all elected to the House of Representatives as part of the massive Blue Wave this November. They remind us that America – this vast, sprawling expanse of differences and similarities and nothingness and everything – can still have the power to inspire awe. We the lady people are going to Congress.

My Weekend Non-Crush

Here is the thing about us humans. We’re often bad. We have bad thoughts and bad ideas and bad actions. Literally, no one is perfect. But the other thing about humans is so many of us try to be better.

So when people say they’ve “changed” as a person, sometimes they actually have. But sometimes, they really, really haven’t.

When Kevin Hart was announced as the new Oscar host for the most part I shrugged. He isn’t my brand of comedy, but whatever. We’ve had plenty of mediocre and/or uninspiring Oscar hosts. But then almost immediately after the announcement, when his truly vile past anti-pay tweets emerged, I got annoyed.

And when he issued his “statement” on Instagram that started by saying, “Stop looking for reasons to be negative...Stop searching for reasons to be angry.” I got even more annoyed.

Now, if you aren’t familiar with Kevin Hart’s past anti-gay tweets, all posted less than 10 years ago, here is a sampling. Like I was saying, vile. [Click to embiggen the vileness]



The thing about these tweets is they aren’t just your run-of-the-mill “ha-ha, that’s so gay” throwaways. Sure, that kind of language is not acceptable and should be addressed and corrected. But much of that is more thoughtless than malicious. No, his tweets displayed a deep, deep discomfort and even revulsion with gay identity. The mere thought of someone – heaven forbid his child – being gay makes him resort to talk of violence. So, again, vile.

In his statement/non-apology he say in a shirtless video (because sure, why not, do this kind of thing shirtless):

“Guys. I'm almost 40 years old. If you don’t believe that people change, grow, evolve as they get older, I don’t know what to tell you. If you want to hold people in a position where they always have to justify or explain their past, then do you. I’m the wrong guy, man. I’m in a great place, a great mature place, where all I do is spread positivity.”

Whew. OK, here we go. I am glad you are in a great place, Kevin. You know what LGBTQ people want? To also be in a great place where celebrities do not see our very existence as something to laugh at with obvious disgust. And do you know what is not spreading positivity? Glossing over your past bigotry with weird self platitudes.

So first he posted his weird self-congratulatory video/non-apology. And then later that same day he put up another video on Instagram saying he purposely “passed” on apologizing:

“I passed. The reason I passed is because I’ve addressed this several times. This is not the first time this has come up. Regardless, to the Academy, I’m thankful for the opportunity, if it goes away, no harm, no foul”

And then even later that same day, he – I mean clearly his publicist, posted a tweet that said:

“I have made the choice to step down from hosting this year's Oscar's....this is because I do not want to be a distraction on a night that should be celebrated by so many amazing talented artists. I sincerely apologize to the LGBTQ community for my insensitive words from my past.”

This is as textbook an example of “How Not To Apologize Properly” as you can get. His eventual apology seems hollow. Because, let’s be honest, it is.

Look, people can genuinely evolve. I hope we all do. But to evolve you have to acknowledge past mistakes, apologize for them and show real growth.

So now that we’re short an Oscar host this year, might I suggest – oh I don’t know – a woman? How about Kate McKinnon? Or Wanda Sykes? Or Ellen DeGeneres? Or Tiffany Haddish? Or Tina Fey and Amy Poehler? Or Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer? Or Constance Wu? Or, dream of dreams, Hannah Gadsby?

There are so many amazing choices who would make wonderful Oscar/Gay Super Bowl hosts for next year who are not, you know, homophobic garbage. Happy weekend, all.

After After AfterEllen

Just a reminder, AfterEllen is terrible. Yes, it was my online home for almost 10 years. It discovered and cultivated some of the brightest queer women’s voices on the internet since its founding in 2002. But since September 2016, when its latest corporate overlord – Evolve Media/TotallyHer – decided it wasn’t profitable enough to run as it had been, it’s been a horror show. And if you’re wondering why nearly all the writers (myself included) quit after that decision, well, this is why.



And, this, too – published just yesterday. Don’t click it. Life is too fucking short and they absolutely do not deserve the views.



That a site I once loved and helped me find myself as a lesbian and member of the LGBTQ community has turned into a wildly transphobic cesspool is beyond disappointing, beyond tragic, beyond rage-inducing. But the thing is, from the moment Evolve backpedaled and kept the site open, instead installing an Editor in Chief whose past support indicated a strong transphobic leanings, we all knew it was going to be bad.

Look, AE was never perfect. It had its blind spots and its weaknesses. Heck, things I’ve written in the past I cringe at today. But I always knew its heart and the mission of its writers was one of inclusivity and equality. We wanted more and better representation, always. Because, you know, visibility matters. We welcomed everyone to come and be part of that community who shared that vision. Did we fight? Fuck yes, sometimes we fought. But that’s what happens in any big, sprawling community.

But now, now I can’t go to the site. Before yesterday, I honestly can’t remember the last time I visited AE. Because it hurts to go there. It really does. And it disgusts me to my core.

Whatever you thought of AE, you can’t argue with its importance as an early online LGBTQ community. For queer women it was at the forefront – and sometimes the only – place to go and find other queer women to talk to about pop culture and life in general. A place to learn about queer female representation in the media. A place to share about the shows, the movies, the music you loved that spoke to you. A place to talk about the things that made you feel less alone.

If I won the lotto tomorrow, one of the first things I would do is buy AfterEllen – split off all the content from after the 2016 ruining to a separate site – and preserve it as an online document of queer women’s history. Or, you know, the current editor and management could just stop being transphobic garbage. You know, as a suggestion.

p.s. I know I still have a link to my past AE work up here. I wrestle with it often. On the one hand, that's almost a decade of work. A career in queer media. On the other hand, that site is terrible and should not get any clicks. Like I said, I wrestle with it.

Ready, Set, Baking Innuendo!

I will happily confess to spending many a lovely hours watching the newest season of “The Great British Bake Off” (no, I refuse to call it the “Great British Baking Show,” like America demands, its GBBO dammit). While I do not hate the new judges – in fact they’re perfectly serviceable for the most part – I very much miss the zany and inappropriate chemistry of Mel and Sue. They brought a je ne sais quoi to the whole affair. Though, if we’re being really honest, it was their inappropriate banter I loved the most. And, you know, their genuine sweetness and caring toward the contestants. But, yeah, the naughty bits did not hurt. I mean, you can’t blame Mary Berry for being excited about eating some carpet when there’s all this talk of soggy bottoms and moist insides, can you?

p.s. Not baking, but if you feel like following my adventures making my very first fried green tomatoes ever, check out my thread on Twitter from last night. I hope Idgie and Ruth would be proud.

Simply Marvel-ous

The second “Captain Marvel” trailer was released yesterday. And in addition to giving us a little more backstory (and forestory) about our intrepid noble warrior hero, it also gives us gay ladies more reasons to buy a ticket. I mean, it’s a female superhero story, so clearly already we’re excited. But here is a closer look at all the little (and big) gay gifts packed into the trailer.

First, and foremost, this look. I remember having a misplaced butch crush on Tom Cruise in “Top Gun” because, duh, everyone had a crush on Tom Cruise in “Top Gun.” But now, finally, some fighter pilot hotness gender swap for all us queer girls.



Second, her alternative lifestyle haircut/helmet-cut. I mean, Tegan and Sara wish they could rock a flamey, glowy mohawk this hard. And the pure energy hair is a 100 percent mood



Third, please, she is wearing a baseball cap with a leather jacket. And it’s the 90s. Need I say more?



Fourth, lip ring! Kidding, it’s something to do with her helmet/space gear no doubt. But still, looks a lot like a 90s lip ring. Just sayin’.



Fifth, she isn’t afraid to hit old women/bad creatures. Strong assertive action despite possible public perception is always a turn on.



Six, she’s the leader of the pack. And her squad includes Smurf Gemma Chan.



Seventh, she also hangs with Annette Bening with only slightly less dykey hair than her “The Kids Are All Right” days.



Eighth, this is how she asserts herself on the subway. Beware, manspreaders, the avenger of all female passengers squished in their seats is here!



Ninth (of course it’s ninth), the cat. Yes, yes – I know it’s really a “cat.” But you know we can never resist petting a nice pussy.

Oh Lesbotree, Oh Lesbotree!

Well now that it is December (WAIT, IT’S DECEMBER ALREADY?), I thought I would get all us kittens snuggled into the holiday spirit with a lovely, heartwarming and really, really gay Christmas story.

Once upon a time there was a woman who grew up in the Bronx without a single tree on her block. Fast forward some 30-odd years and has spent her career working in public service, then retires with her wife to upstate New York. And a year later a tree from her garden has been selected to be the grandest Christmas tree in all of the land. Best of all, this Christmas story is 100 percent true.

Shirley Figueroa, the woman in question, and her wife Lissette Gutierrez had a tree from their property selected to be this year’s Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree. The 72-foot Norwegian Spruce had been scouted by the Rockefeller folks, who pick a tree from a different place each year).

In having their tree selected they become not only the first same-sex couple, but also the first Latinx-couple to donate a tree for the Rockefeller honor.

Figueroa told The New York Times:

“Just the fact that I have a tree that I can donate when I came from somewhere that had no trees — it’s so surreal.”

And about the couple’s historic firsts:

“That’s cool. We’re happy all around. We’re New Yorkers.”

Happy holidays, may the season be filled with big gay trees and much merriment.

My Weekend Crush

Tomorrow marks the 63rd anniversary of Rosa Parks refusing to relinquish her seat on a segregated Montgomery, Alabama bus. What most of us were taught in school was just the story of a tired seamstress who would not get up and move when it was demanded by a white bus driver. History, of course, is always more complicated than the few paragraphs we get in school books. Social movements take planning and organizing and hard work. They’re also about optics and symbols and being smart. For every Rosa Parks, who is very rightfully celebrated as a hero for the ages, there is a Claudette Colvin who history has largely forgotten. So here, thanks to a few cocktails, is a celebration of both women and the history they made. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward so many wonderful women working so hard for the cause of justice. Happy weekend, all.

Ob-Gillian-ification

This is legit me when I start looking at pictures of Gillian Anderson.



And this is legit how I would hope Gillian Anderson would respond to me responding like this to pictures of her. She gets it. She totally gets it.

I Wanna Elaine Dance With Somebody

Let’s be honest, the week after a holiday is always hard. Like, it’s only Wednesday? Seriously? So here is a collective cathartic moment of shaking-it-out/doing The Elaine Dance for you to enjoy and rejuvenate yourself with this Hump Day. Yeah, you deserve this. Let is all hang out, kittens. And don’t forget to work those thumbs.

Cophine Wishes

Well now that Thanksgiving is over, it’s all holidays all the time from here until the New Year’s Eve. That means holiday gatherings and other assorted get togethers with friends/family/coworkers/etc. And if you’re an introvert like me, the prospect of such get gatherings fills you with occasional dread and continual longing for your comfy sweatpants. But no matter how much socializing you do or don’t plan to do over the holidays, may you at least feel good that you weren’t awkwardly turned down for a threesome by Cosima and Delphine. Though, you can’t blame a gal for trying when in the presence of Cophine. Take your shot, Amy. Take your shot.

[Hat tip to the always brilliant editing by Orphan Crack]

Prom Queens

In case you were wondering whether things really get better, consider the fact that during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade a gay Broadway musical danced and sang its way into millions of living rooms across the country and sealed it all with a kiss. Yes, that’s right, in between bites of turkey and stuffing American audiences got to watch two women kiss because it’s 2018 and that shit is perfectly, totally and completely normal. It also made history as the first LGBTQ kiss aired during the famed parade.


Now, I hadn’t head about “The Prom” before the parade. It just opened earlier this month on Broadway and tells the story of a lesbian high school student who is forbidden from taking her girlfriend to the prom. If you’ve seen it already, New York kittens or New York tourist kittens, please tell me what you thought.

But from what I saw in this small snippet, I’d say it’s the kind of song, dance and smooch I can definitely get behind.

p.s. Yes, I know a few bigots on Twitter took issue with the kiss. But, again, LGBTQ exist and sometimes even kiss each other. We’re here, we’re queer, get the fuck over it, assholes.

My Weekend Crush

Today is kind of a free day in the United States. Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday and if you have a job that’s even halfway decent to its employees they give you Friday as well. Otherwise, well, you take a vacation day or *cough, cough* call in sick. It’s the American way, alright? So please enjoy this day, wherever you are, with the same kind of effervescent freedom and whimsy Cate and Sandy are displaying above. Happy four-day turkey weekend, all.

Happy Dinner Day

It’s Thanksgiving here today which means eating too much food with family and friends. I’m making the bird this year, so fingers crossed for no disasters. May all of you aspire to have as eventful a dinner party as Luce, Rachel, et al while talking about love and lesbianism. Happy Thanksgiving, kittens.

Lez for the Holidays

The holidays can be a stressful time for LGBTQ people. As they say – and everyone says, because it’s true – you can pick your friends, but not your family. And never has that felt more true than going home to celebrate Thanksgiving and all the other large family gathering holidays coming up. So if you’re not looking forward to seeing your Trump-supporting parents or racist uncle or homophobic aunt, take heart. You are not alone and you do not have to take it. If uncomfortable politics comes up, be honest with your family, if you can, about how this administration has threatened your rights. If Fox News is on TV all day, ask to turn it off or change the channel (because that shit is poison and before you go set parental controls on their TV to block that garbage. Kidding! Sorta.) Just remember you have every right to be there, to be heard and to be respected. And if they can’t, well, there’s always Friendsgiving. Or, you can Netflix and actually chill. (Or the other kind of chill, no judgment.) It is your holiday, after all. Do what you want.

RBG 4 Lyfe

This Thanksgiving I am thankful that Ruth Bader Ginsburg – broken ribs and all – remains healthy, whip-smart and unfazed in her duties on the Supreme Court. If we could all just send an extra wish (or prayer, if that’s your thing) to the universe to keep her that way as long as humanly (or inhumanly – work your magic medical science) possible that would be great. Also, you just knew RBG was sporting a six-pack.

The (Lesbian) Favourite

Now, like probably many of you, I saw the trailer for “The Favorite” starting Olivia Colman, Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz when it came out back in September. I remember it looking amusing, and loving the cast. But I also remember being a little concerned about the aggressive women-on-women rivalry aspect. Like, oh great, it’s about women but all they do is fight.



But, seems the trailer left out a key piece of information. According to The Hollywood Reporter, this isn’t just an “female-fronted absurdist period piece.” This is a female-fronted absurdist royal lesbian love triangle period piece.

See, now, doesn’t that pique your interest a tad more?

So here’s the rundown. Olivia Colman (who you mat recognize from “Broadchurch” and will soon recognize as The Queen in “The Crown”) plays Queen Anne, who reigned over England, Scotland and Ireland in the early 1700s. Rachel plays her longtime, close personal adviser Sarah Jennings Churchill (yes, great-great-grandmother to thatChurchill). And then enters Emma as Abigail Masham, Sarah’s cousin with an eye at becoming The Favourite instead.

Now all these women are real and really existed and had real power struggles. But the movie’s story is called “partly true, partly made-up.”

Now I don’t know if it’s the lesbianism that was made up or not. (hey, English history scholars, wanna help me out here?) But I do know that the accompanying THR article doesn’t get into exactly how much lesbian is in this royal lesbian love triangle. Like, um, how gay are we talking here, folks?

One tidbit does say Emma’s character Abigail is discovered naked in bed with Olivia’s Queen by Rachel’s Sarah. And, you know, boobies are flashed. Also, adding to its lesbo street cred, before Rachel was cast as Sarah, the role was offered to Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett. Yeah, I know.

So thoughts? Concerns? Pretty much it sounds like a lesbian All About Eve for the 18th Century to me. And, I’m not mad at that. Not at all.

My Weekend Crush

Goodness, do I miss Michelle Obama. I miss Barack Obama, too, of course. Heck, I miss the whole Obama family. I miss having such a brilliant, compassionate, inspirational First Family in the White House. Now we’ve just got a bunch of idiot, bigoted grifters raging their way through the hallowed halls. I mean, that rotting pumpkin we call a president couldn’t even be bothered to go out in the rain on Veteran’s Day. Anyway. Thanks for wanting to be part of our big gay celebration of marriage equality in 2015, our forever in our hearts First Lady. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Women in Black Edition

Time for some classic black suits. Single breasted. Double breasted. With a pinstripe. With a tuxedo cut. With a tie. Without a tie. Without a shirt. They’re all good. They’ve all very good on women. Very, very, very good. But don’t take my and Ellen Page’s word for it. Please witness my irrefutable proof.

Jameela Jamil

I am so behind on “The Good Place” and I feel terrible about it. Further proof we’re living in The Bad Place.

Carey Mulligan Michelle Williams

Chuck Taylors + a delicate pinstripe + a loose tie = the best maths.

*In my defense, many blonde white women with pixie cuts look alike.

Diane Lane

Shirts are overrated anyway.

Janelle Monae

Jaunty hat game on point. As, of course, is everything else.

Pink & her daughter Willow

Yes, start them young on the path towards suits.

My Winter Song To You

Well, winter doesn’t officially start for another 37 days. But the weather here in California has taken a turn for the chilly. I even turned on the heat this week for the fist time. (Yeah, yeah – I know everywhere else, it doesn’t really get cold in California. But cold for us.) Plus, all the terrible smoke from the wildfires hasn’t helped either. (p.s. Climate change is real – we haven’t had significant rain here since May. MAY.) This time of year always brings along a kind of gorgeous melancholy. It’s bittersweet, the end of the growing season and beginning of a long, needed dormancy. The world becomes very still. There is a beautiful quiet about the season. Without the magnificence foliage of spring, summer and fall we are left with only the silhouettes are left. I will say I miss seeing snow. But the beauty of this state is it’s only a car ride away. And then I can drive back out, and never have to shovel out my car even once. See, other than everything being on fire, California ain’t half bad. May your impending winter bring you the same kind of calming joy. And may this, perhaps my favorite songs about winter, warm you throughout the season.

Ride That Rainbow Wave

Well, a week after the election and it’s pretty clear that, yep, that was a Blue Wave. It wasn’t a fast-moving tsunami, but a slow-moving tide that took time to crest. (Because, well, that’s how our elections work these days with more and more complicated ways to vote. Absentee, by mail, in person, provisional, conditional. If there’s one think journalists can do help safeguard the 2020 eleciton – besides calling a lie a lie – it is to explain to the American people that is takes a long damn time to properly count all the votes – especially in big states with tight races. No, votes aren’t magically appearing. It’s called The U.S. Postal Service, you dolts.)

Anyway. The other obvious thing is the Rainbow Wave that was part of this Blue Wave. More than 150 LGBTQ candidates won their elections on the federal, state and local levels. And, among those, were so many wonderful triumph and firsts.

Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona (whose race was finally called yesterday) won becoming the first out bisexual person elected to the Senate. Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin won and continues to be the first out lesbian and first out LGBTQ person, period, elected to the Senate. Kate Brown of Oregon won and continues to be the first out bisexual person elected as governor in the United States. Jared Polis of Colorado won and became the first out gay man elected as governor in the United States. Angie Craig of Minnesota won and was elected the first lesbian mom in Congress (who for good measure beat an incumbent Republican/virulent homophobe who once compared gay people to rapists). Sharice Davids of Kansas won and becomes the first lesbian elected to represent Congress from the state (and one of the first two Native American women elected to Congress). Remember her campaign ad? Because I do, quite fondly.



And Dana Nessel of Michigan became the state’s first out lesbian attorney general, and quite possibly the first person to ever run a winning political campaign by promising to never show you her penis in a professional setting. I am not kidding, this was one of her ads.



When she won she reportedly said this:

“And for all of you out there that can’t handle the fact that I’m about to become the first openly gay person to hold statewide office [in Michigan]…”

Then she proceeded to plant a big kiss on her wife, Alanna Maguire.



Yep, the future looks super, duper gay.

What a Dame

Emma Thompson, continual human delight, is now Dame Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire Emma Thompson. Or, you know, dame for short. The honor was bestowed upon her last week by Prince William. And at the ceremony she continued to show that despite her new fancy title, she is still just a never-ending human delight.

First, she wore this amazing suit. Amazing cut and color. But then, you know how much I love me a lady in a suit. Second, she wore sneakers – SNEAKERS – under her suit because comfort is king. The woman who threw away her Louboutins at the Golden Globes a few years ago is all about not having her damn feet bleed.



Third, Thompson also playfully flirted with Prince William, who she has known since he was little saying, “ ‘I can't kiss you, can I?’ And he said, ‘No, don’t! ”

Fourth, she wore and equal pay pin to the ceremony which is a truly dame-worthy message.



And fifth, but not least, in accepting this honor she also recognizes its the imperialistic history. She said of the title, “They send you a letter saying, ‘Will you accept it?’ You can choose not to. You can choose to say, ‘Well, of course we don’t have an empire anymore, thank God, because it was ghastly, colonial, racist, dreadful undertaking on every level,’ and actually have some moral principle about it. Or you can be like me and think, ‘Hmm, it’s gonna be a really nice badge.’” Because besides just being a delight she is also endlessly bright and empathetic and hilarious.

Man, the world needs more Emmas. Make that Dame Emmas.

My Weekend Crush

Last week the Broadway musical “Wicked” celebrated its 15th anniversary. Besides one of the most popular non-Sondheim contemporary musicals to date, it serves as a stirring monument to female friendship and empowerment. Plus, as you might have guessed, I’m a sucker for the Land of Oz. So after the both cathartic and traumatic week we have had, please, lend your ear and your hearts to the original Glinda and Elphaba (Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel) surrounded by a sea of other Glindas and Elphabas. I started this blog over a dozen years ago as little fun and effervescent diversion. But I sincerely hope over all this time that we have been changed for good, together. Happy weekend, all

Barefoot Shadetessa

I watch a lot of Food Network because I think I have delusions of grand chefdom. Also, food is cool. But I sometimes find myself wondering the political leanings of those I watch chop, boil and sauté. Like, does the Pioneer Woman believe in my fundamental right to marry the person I love? I mean, she homeschooled her kids, so there’s that. How about Guy Fieri? I get nervous around men who have more than two bowling shirts in their wardrobe. But I have to say I never worried about Ina Garten. The Barefoot Contessa has too many fabulous gay male friends who help her throw her fabulous garden parties in her fabulous Hamptons house to ever vote for that Hate Cheeto. Plus, like she’d ever serve her guests Cheetos.

So last week at a live event she told New York Times columnist and former restaurant critic Frank Bruni what she would serve some of today’s highest profile politicians:

Elizabeth Warren? “Lobster macaroni and cheese.”

Beto O’Rourke? “Pulled pork shoulder with maple beans, cornbread, and a kale salad.”

Joe Biden? “Something fun, like a lobster and clambake.”

Donald Trump? “A subpoena.”

Oh, Ina. You can come sit next to me at any dinner party ever. And, thanks to those election results, you just might get to serve Trump that subpoena yet.

America the Beautiful

A somewhat bedraggled, hobo-geared, soot-smeared Judy Garland singing “America the Beautiful” is precisely how I feel at this moment in time. Exuberant. Exhausted. Even more exhausted. The final, final results won’t be truly known for a bit. But America showed up. The America that believes in equality, empathy, generosity and kindness as its governing principals showed the fuck up.

Sure, did not flip the Senate. But flipped that was always really a pipe dream (even though Democrats have close 10 million more votes for senate candidates nationwide, we’ve somehow lost seats because, uh, America…) But the House, the House fucking matters. Now we control all of the investigative committees. Trump’s taxes. Emolument. Russia, Russia, Russia. LGBTQ candidates, candidates of color and women had a hell of a night. The first openly gay person elected to the U.S. Senate kept her seat (Tammy Baldwin in Wisconsin). The first out gay man was elected to a governorship (Jared Polis in Colorado). The first Native American and lesbian woman elected to the House (Sharice “Badass Ex-MMA Fighter Lesbian” Davids in Kansas). The first Muslim women are elected to Congress (Rashida Tlaib and Minnesota's Ilhan Omar in Michigan). A 29-year-old has become the youngest ever elected to the House (Alexandria Ocasio Cortez of New York). For the first time ever there are projected to be more than 100 women in the U.S. House of Representatives. Massachusetts massed Question 3, protecting trans people in the state. Oh, and that bigoted, bad-haired Kentucky Clerk who refused to marry same-sex couples was soundly defeated (Bye, Kim Davis, bye). Gay karma is the best karma.

And I cannot think of a better song to celebrate that spirit with than “America the Beautiful.” Far from being just another cheesy patriotic anthem, it started as a poem written by Katharine Lee Bates, a late Nineteenth and early Twentieth Century writer, social justice activist and lesbian. She advocated for immigrants, labor unions and feminist causes throughout her lifetime. She also lived for 25 years with her companion, Katharine Coman, in what was called a “Boston Marriage” back in the day. Imagine what she would think of us now.

Vote. For. Democrats. Dammit.

Please vote.

Please vote for Democrats.

Please vote for Democrats for your fellow LGBTQ people whose rights and very existence are being erased.

Please vote for Democrats for people of color whose votes are being suppressed and lives are being treated like they don’t matter.

Please vote for Democrats for women whose bodily autonomy is being stripped away and who are being killed by angry, entitled men who believe they are somehow owed sex.

Please vote for Democrats for immigrants whose dreams of a better life in a land of opportunity are being crushed and journeys are being vilified to rile up racists.

Please vote for Democrats for children who are still being ripped away from their parents and put in internment camps indefinitely.

Please vote for Democrats for Muslims who have been banned from entering our country simply for being Muslim.

Please vote for Democrats for students who don’t want to be gunned down while trying to learn.

Please vote for Democrats for people of faith who don’t want to be shot while they’re praying.

Please vote for Democrats for survivors of sexual assault who just want to be believed.

Please vote for Democrats for people with pre-existing conditions who don’t want to die so an insurance company can make even more money.

Please vote for Democrats for democracy, which is under assault daily from a fascist-loving demagogue with narcissistic personality disorder.

Please vote for Democrats for yourself, because you deserve so much better than this.

Please vote.

Midterm Madness

Look, I’m not kidding – I feel a definite twinge of PTSD when I scroll through my camera roll and the pictures from the days before Nov. 8, 2016 come up. I was so sure she would win. I was so sure we would win. I just couldn’t imagine a world where Donald Fucking Trump could possibly be elected president. We weren’t really that stupid/bigoted/ridiculous were we? Yes, yes, and yes. But, you know, with a big assist from gerrymandering and voter suppression and Russia – of course. So here we are, on the eve of another election. Possibly – and I say this without an ounce of hyperbole – the most important midterm elections of our generation.

Will these midterms finally be the check the racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic and all-around garbage human being inhabiting the White House so desperately needs? Or will the party of white supremacy actually win and double, triple, quadruple down on the hate? Will they feel even more emboldened to slash society’s safety net? Will they finally repeal the Affordable Care Act and protections for pre-existing conditions? Will finally cut Medicare and Social Security to keep paying for more tax cuts for corporations, millionaires and billionares? Well, we’ll see in one day, won’t we?

Look, if you have any friends or family (or you yourself) who is fond of saying, “I don’t get involved in politics,” what that really means is no matter what happens I am rich, white, protected, healthy, comfortable, privileged enough to do just fine. And I really don’t care about all the marginalized people – the people of color, the LGBTQ people, the immigrants, the people with disabilities, the women, the immigrants, the poor people – who will continue to be hurt by this administration. That’s what it means, period.

And not voting, or voting third party, sorry – that’s just as bad. The only realistic check on Trump is to vote for Democrats. Are they perfect? No, of course they’re not perfect. But this is no time for purity politics. The damage is real and escalating and soon possibly irreversible. To our federal courts, to our public lands, to our environment. Only Democrats can realistically start to slam on the brakes. End of discussion. I have no idea whether we’ll prevail. I’ve given up looking at polls and reading prognostications. I just know we all have to vote for Democrats, because it’s the only way any of this will stop.

Until then, I’ll be over here flop sweating, mainlining coffee and screaming into the void. Vote for Democrats tomorrow. For the love of all that is good and kind, please, vote for Democrats tomorrow.

p.s. A vote for the Green Party in this election is a vote for Donald Trump. Also if you think Green Party candidates aren't corrupt may I introduce you to Jill Stein who happily sat at the same table as Putin with Trump's convicted felon ex-National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and took $7 million in donations for a recount that never happened. Sure, Jan.

p.p.s. OK, third party voters, let’s talk about your votes. Voting is your personal right and choice. But voting does not happen in a vacuum. Your vote has consequences. It has consequences for you. It has consequences for me. It has magnified consequence for marginalized and vulnerable people.

When you make the conscious decision to vote for someone with no chance of winning instead of someone who could win but might not be perfect, you tell all those marginalized people who will be hurt by the other person who will now end up winning instead you’re OK with that trade off. It’s just that simple.

Would I love to vote only for candidates who want Medicare For All and free college tuition and to abolish ICE? Sure. But I’d rather protect immigrant children from being put in concentrations camps, stop the next Brett Kavanaugh from ascending to the Supreme Court and save health care for people with pre-existing conditions.

If you live in a state where the Democratic candidate is absolutely assured an easy-peasy win, sure – swing for what you perceive to be your fences. (I mean, Hillary was given a 90 percent likelihood of winning on election morning – so there’s kind of no such thing as a sure thing…) But, yeah, go crazy.

But if you’re not, and you live in a state where a Democratic candidate is trying very hard to flip a Red seat to Blue (or defend a Blue seat), please reconsider your power. You have the power, with one single vote, to help those who will feel the most negative impact of this administration or say your pristine ideals are more important than an imperfect shield.

My other qualm with third party candidates – particularly in presidential elections – is their run/walk problem. They tend to run into national races before they do the long, hard walking of becoming viable candidates. Where is the grassroots, entry-level , unglamorous work for the Green Party? Run for school board. Run for city council. Run for state assembly. Start small, and build a real movement. Otherwise your only role will always be that of spoiler.

In times like these voting isn’t just about dreaming about utopian future society. It’s about protecting the most vulnerable in our current society. It’s about making sure kids aren’t in cages and Muslims aren’t banned and trans people’s lives aren’t erased.

And, yes – of course, we have to go after non-voters. No one is saying we don’t and shouldn’t and the unprecedented grassroots GOTV efforts we have seen these midterms should be a testament to that. But those people headed to the polling place already, but planning to vote for a candidate who cannot in any realistic universe win are just as important.

Let’s never forget that in 2016, the presidential election was decided by essentially three states – Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Those votes swung the Electoral College to Trump and gave us the nightmare we have today. In Michigan, Trump beat Hillary by 11,612 votes. Jill Stein got 50,700 votes. In Wisconsin, Trump beat Hillary by 27,257 votes. Jill Stein got 30,980 votes. In Pennsylvania, Trump beat Hillary by 68,236 votes. Jill Stein plus some yahoo I’ve never even heard of called Darrell Castle got a combined 69,808 votes. And I’m not even counting that monumental dumb-dumb Gary Johnson’s third party votes into those tallies. But, as you can see, if all those people who went to the polls and threw their support behind losing third party candidates voted for the viable Democratic candidate instead Trump would have won 258 and Hillary 273 (with 270 needed to become POTUS). And the world would look very different right now. Plus, we wouldn’t have to see Donald Fucking Trump’s horrid orange face every single day.

My Weekend Crushing Disappointment

After coming back from my honeymoon and finally catching up on Ye Olde Blog and your comments while I was away, I have to say I’m disappointed. I am particularly disappointed by some of the discriminatory and downright wrong comments on my Vacation Vixen post on Stephanie Beatriz. In particular it was all the disparaging and hateful comments about her marriage and her bisexuality, and bisexuality in general, that disappoints me.

Let me say definitively, for the record and without an iota of equivocation that bisexual women are a welcome part of the LGBTQ community. Bisexual women remain bisexual, even if they are in a relationship with or marry a man. And – for good measure because sometimes these vile views go hand in hand – trans women are also part of the LGBTQ community. Trans women are women, period. If you harbor any hateful feelings toward bisexual women or trans people, you are not welcome here. This is not the site for you. Go find another site. We will be perfectly fine, not to mention happier, without you.

Look, if you have had a bad experience while dating a bisexual woman, well, that was your individual experience. You’ve probably also had a bad experience dating a lesbian woman at some point in your life. But you don’t go lumping all lesbians into that one experience. I had a bad experience with a lesbian ergo all lesbians are bad. That’s just dumb.

Bisexuality by definition is an attraction to women and men. But being bisexual does not mean you have to be with men and women at the same time. It’s not the same as polyamory, per se. So, of course, some bisexual women will date and/or marry men – it’s in the damn definition of their sexual orientation. Still if a bisexual woman does marry a man that does not negate her overall sexuality. That does not make her straight.

Just like if a lesbian marries a woman she does not stop finding other women attractive. Like, I am now married to a woman I love completely and am deeply committed to and would never stray, but I can still low whistle at Cate Blanchett because CATE BLANCHETT. Bisexual women are still bisexual, still have the propensity to fall in love with and/or be attracted and/or feel a kinship to women and men regardless of their current relationship status. And saying a bisexual woman who is married to a man can only remain bisexual if she cheats with a woman is, um, nuts. It’s nuts. You would rather a bisexual woman be unfaithful and amoral than in a committed relationship with someone she loves who happens to be a man? What the what?

Are there “heteroflexible” women who take gaycations in lesboland for the fun of it with no intentions of putting down stakes because why not? Sure, of course. But I don’t think the vast majority of those women consider themselves bisexual or queer or pansexual or whathaveyou. They’re sexual tourists and, as long as everyone involved knows and consents to what they’ve getting into, that can be fine too.

This isn’t hard to understand, folks. It just isn’t. And if you willfully misconstrue bisexuality as trying to take advantage of straight privilege, then you’re just being willfully hateful. And, again, I would rather you leave.

The thing about being a part of the LGBTQ community is we’re a big gay umbrella to shelter all kinds of sexual otherness. Are you a woman who likes other women? Come on down. Are you a man who likes other men? Get over here. A woman who likes women and men? You betcha. A trans person attracted to men or women or non-binary folks? But of course, plenty of room. And so on and so forth. The whole idea of discriminating against someone because of who she or he or them or they may love or be attracted to should be antithetical to our very existence. We accept all, love all. At least, that’s how it should be.

The world is cold and cruel enough on its own for us to go around hating, disrespecting or being bigoted toward each other. Our governing principals should be equality, generosity and kindness. Literally the only kind of person I do not welcome here is the kind of person who discriminates against others for who they are – be that their race or their gender or their sexual identity or their sexual orientation. Because what a waste of a perfectly good human life to spend all of it hating someone for something they can’t change. Have a happy and accepting weekend, all.

Edited To Add:

To Anonymous Commenter 8:31 AM (in my time zone),
Hello. First of all, obviously you give a flying %^#! about what I think because you come here, to my personal blog, where I write my personal thoughts, and discuss my personal opinions, which no one is under any requirement to read unless they care about my personal thoughts and opinions. Otherwise, why even bother clicking? Second (because when you write “first” it is customary to provide a second) the right to free speech and expression as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United State Constitution means freedom from government censorship of speech and expression. Not freedom from some lesbian blogger who does this on her free time for fun without any regular monetary compensation, but just because she loves and respects the LGBTQ community and its role in pop culture. I am sorry that is a confusing concept for you. Also, it is spelled “whether.” Now, goodbye.

To Anonymous Commenter 8:37 AM (again, in my time zone),
Hello. I never, let me repeat, never delete or censor comments on my blog unless they are spam. I believe the comments section is your space, and therefore also do not wade into the comments either. I have only once in the 12-plus year history of this blog commented in the comments section. That was an instance where I told someone to fuck off for disparaging a close personal friend and fellow writer. Otherwise, again, that is your space. That does not mean I cannot feel disappointment in what is written in the comments on occasion. Oh, and the comments against bisexuality are there, for everyone to read, in my Vacation Vixen post about Stephanie Beatriz which I linked above in this post. And, again right here. You know how links work, right? Also, using “bisexual lifestyle” is as offensive as using “gay lifestyle” or “lesbian lifestyle.” It is an orientation, and not a preference for oversized prints and hot yoga. Now, goodbye.

To the remaining/returning Anonymous Commenters: