Pretty Super

The Super Bowl is kind of a de facto national holiday here in the states. It’s a day of over indulgence and screaming at the television and watching obscenely expensive advertising – oh, and some sportsballs. So, naturally, the day after is a bit of a national hangover day.

My favorite part of the Super Bowl? Three of the ads featured lesbian public figures (Ellen and Portia’s Amazon Alexa ad, Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger’s Budwesier ad, and Katie Sowers’ extended Microsoft ad).

My other favorite part? Shakira and Jennifer Lopez absolutely crush it during the halftime show. Quick reminder: Sharkira is 43 and JLo is 50. Oh, and if you don’t think all that Latino excellence on one stage together – not to mention that pointed imagery of children in light cages – went unnoticed. But, mostly, just damn. Now that’s ladies showing you how to put on a damn show. So enjoy it for the first time – or again, and again, and again. I’ve got to hydrate and find the Tums.

Just another Music Monday

My seemingly Sisyphean task of trying to make Mondays a little less miserable marches on. Today, we try music. Now, I’m no hipster music zealot. Nor do I own a pair of skinny jeans. But I do enjoy a ditty now and then. And I’ve particularly been enjoying these lately. OK, fine, I’ve also enjoyed this.

With that, DJ, drop the needle…or push the button…or whatever the hell it is they do these days.

The Cliks, “Dirty King”

Hot queers, surf guitar, hair flips. You’re welcome.

Peaches, “Talk To Me”

A Cousin It threesome? I would expect nothing less.

The Sounds, “No One Sleeps When I’m Awake”

And you thought IKEA was your favorite Swedish import.

Metric, “Help I’m Alive”

I would like to marry this song, or at very least go steady for an extended period of time.

Lily Allen, “Fuck You”

Cursing rendered utterly adorable.

Shakira, “She Wolf”

I am not sure the human body is supposed to bend this way. But I am sure I’m thankful it does.

So, give it up, what music have you been listening to lately to soothe the savage she beast?

Tank Top Tuesday

I know, I know. These are paparazzi pictures. And I know, I know. Paparazzi are bad. But I'm not posting these shots of stars out and about as an encouragement to stalker shutterbugs. Instead I consider these images important documentation of wild tank tops in their natural habitat. As such they also serve as a valuable public service announcement. Ladies: Wear more tank tops. Heading to the gym? Tank top. Heading out shopping? Tank top. Headed to the airport? Tank top. Doctor's office? Dog park? Jail? Tank top, tank top, tank top (hey, tank tops pair nicely with orange jumpsuits). Consider it doing your doing you part to help beautify the world. Trust me, the world will thank you. At the very least, I'll thank you. So ends this public service announcement.

PinkTank tops and biker hear, a match made in hog heaven.

Halle BerryA tank top with an easy-access zipper? Genius!

Michelle RodriguezTanks look great out of the closet – just a suggestion.

Cynthia NixonSee, I told you they looked great out of the closet.

Natalie PortmanTanking and texting: Like walking and chewing gum, but so much hotter.

Kate BeckinsaleScientific proof that tank tops make you frisky, or is that friskable. Same difference.

Shakira and Penelope CruzBFFs + TTs = Best Math Ever

Uma ThurmanTank dresses totally count.

Anne HathawayFine, tube tops don't count, but because of her adorkable headphones I've made an exception.

Tricia Helfer and Katee SackhoffRemember what I was saying about biker gear and tank tops? Double it.

Jessica BielNow that, that is how you fill out a tank top...Period. Full stop. End of discussion.

Tank Top Tuesday

Welcome to around the world in 80 10 tank tops. I was feeling international today, so how about an array of foxy foreigners? Sure, they may all come from different countries, but they all speak the universal language of tank top. It’s a small world after all. Talented Frenchwoman Charlotte Gainsbourg kicks us off up top. For the rest, we’ll start with America’s neighbors to the south and work our way around the old globe. Could I include every country? Sadly, no. But I did try for each continent. Well, except for Antarctica. I don’t think penguins wear tank tops. And now without further ado, grab your passport.

Mexico: Salma HayekColombia: ShakiraSouth Africa: Charlize TheronSpain: Penelope CruzEngland: Kristin Scott ThomasFrance: Julie DelpySweden: Lena OlinChina: Gong LiAustralia: Missy Higgins

Hips don’t lie

Now that her girlfriend best friend Salma Hayek is pregnant and engaged, poor Penelope Cruz has to look elsewhere for her girl-on-girl action girls’-night-out fun. Lucky for us, Shakira was happy to step in where Salma left off. Or, at least, that is how it’s playing out in my head. What? Come on, you know it’s true. I mean, they’re already color coordinating. That’s, like, Step 4 in the “Lesbian Relationship Handbook," under the chapter How to Become Gay Twins. Look it up, it’s in there.

Sing out sisters

Ladies ruled the 49th annual Grammy Awards last night. A recap:

Revenge, Thy Name Is Grammy

The Dixie Chicks (I. Love. Them.) cleaned house going five for five and taking home the night’s biggest awards. Who is ashamed now?

It’s a Woman’s World

We all knew Christina Aguilera had pipes. Now we know she has got soul. She blew the roof off honoring James Brown with “It’s a Man’s, Man’s World.” On your knees girl, damn!

Got Fries With That Shake?

Oh Shakira, Shakira. You’re whirling dervish hips make everything seem right with the world. Thank you.

Warning: Objects May Appear More Orange Than They Actually Are

Alyson Hannigan, I will love you always for playing Willow, but might I suggest going just a smidge lighter on the Mystic Tan.

Warning: Objects May Appear More Gay Than They Actually Are

Pink is still married, right? Bummer.

Maybe It’s a Polka Album

Scarlett Johansson* is taking her (apparent) new boyfriend Justin Timberlake’s profession to heart and announced that she is working on her first album. ScarJo From the Block, anyone?

*Yes, that is indeed Scarlett. Unless, of course, this imposter fooled the Recording Academy, the Grammy announcer and Don Henley. In which case, damn, she is good.