Music Monday: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies Edition

If you haven’t been listening to Fiona Apple’s “Fetch the Bolt Cutters” album throughout our (sadly patchwork) national/worldwide quarantine, you are really missing out on some cathartic songwriting. Basically, we should all be listening to Fiona, Lizzo and The Chicks on repeat during these impossibly trying times. They make the world just a little more bearable. And, well, any song encouraging ladies, ladies, ladies to not compete with each other is a good song in my book. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Yes, let’s get all the jokes out now. “Portrait of a Lady with Fossils.” “Carol for Rocks.” “The Paleontology Word.” The trailer for “Ammonite,” Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan’s lesbian fossil hunter period romance, is finally upon us and it looks scrumptious but also, um, a tad familiar. Women in frocks. Waves crashing. Bodicies tightening. Unspoken yearning. Women longing for other women while staring sadly into the sea sounds like one of those overly specific genre categories that pops up randomly on Netflix.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, “Ammonite” the movie features intimate sex scenes between Kate and Saoirse including one that “it makes the 2015 lesbian love drama Carol, an awards contender starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, seem tame.” I mean, they were relatively tame, if you think about it. Kate, who plays real-life fossil hunter Mary Anning, said of the “explicit” scene: 

“Saoirse and I choreographed the scene ourselves. It’s definitely not like eating a sandwich. I just think Saoirse and I, we just felt really safe. Francis was naturally very nervous. And I just said to him, ‘Listen, let us work it out.’ And we did. ‘We’ll start here. We’ll do this with the kissing, boobs, you go down there, then you do this, then you climb up here.’ I mean, we marked out the beats of the scene so that we were anchored in something that just supported the narrative. I felt the proudest I’ve ever felt doing a love scene on Ammonite. And I felt by far the least self-conscious.” 

So there you have it, lesbian sex is definitely not like eating a sandwich. Unless, well, you use a lot of tongue when you eat a sandwich. Ahem.

I am, as always, excited to see another prestige lesbian drama. Kate has always been a favorite actress of mine, and Saoirse is extremely talented as well. May the story take them somewhere new and interesting (i.e. not in morose queer lady tears, ‘cause we’ve all seen that movie too many times already). I mean, some people in history had to have happy endings, right? Let us hope. Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Jodie Comer Redux

Some days you just need to sit down and take a long, hard look at Jodie Comer wearing a suit because you still deserve nice things. That’s it. That’s the whole post. 

p.s. I also highly recommend you listen to Jodie read the love letters of Vita Sackville-West. But, again, only because you still deserve nice things.

Kajillionaire in the Making

If you’ve seen any of Miranda July’s work you’ll know that is very specifically odd, but also strangely beautiful in a haunting way that sticks with you long after the credits roll. I mean, I still sometimes think about “You Me and Everyone We Know.” Something about the stilted normality of her aesthetic is so weirdly captivating. She’s like the ultimate normcore ambassador. Her newest, “Kajillionaire,” looks just as weird and just as dorkily engaging. I mean it doesn’t hurt that it has Evan Rachel Wood, Gina Rodriguez and an almost unrecognizable Debra Winger (like, I seriously had to watch it again and pause it on her face to confirm, yep, Debra Winger). I particularly like the exaggerated deep voice Evan uses in the role, just another oddball delight amid what appears to be a meditation on bad parenting and finding one’s self at last. I have no idea if anything even remotely queer will happen in the film, but I love seeing women discovering their agency. Plus, anything where people dance out their feelings is a good thing in today’s world. Now, unlike the coronavirus delayed Wonder Woman, the release date is an optimistic September in theaters. But, yeah, we shall see about that. So, otherwise, thoughts?

What a Wonder

Will everyone wear a damn mask and stop going out in non-household groups so I can see this movie in the theaters sometimes before the world ends? I have no idea how they’re going to explain Steve’s return (parachute pants and all). And I have no idea how Kristen Wiig morphs into, well, that (here, kitty kitty). But, damn, do I want to find out. Of all the imagery in this trailer, I think I’m most excited to see we’re getting more flashback to Amazon life and Themyscira. I’m also thrilled to see the Amazons wearing full-body suits with leggings. Like, they can’t always fight in skirt, OK?

Music Monday: Kelly & Brandi Edition

Well, now, this is just...pretty. Gorgeous, really. Start your week off right with the uncompromised beauty of Kelly Clarkson and Brandi Carlile dueting remotely (social distance, y’all) on “Poison & Wine” by The Civil Wars. Kelly tweeted that the experience was “one of my favorite moments singing that I have experienced in my entire existence on this planet. I am honestly embarrassed at how many times I’ve watched this.” Out here in California we’re dealing with record heat, massive wildfires, smoke-filled skies, and - oh yeah - this damn pandemic which somehow isn’t magically disappearing. So we’ll take whatever moments of grace we can get. Watch away without any embarrassment. You deserve this. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

https://obcrack.tumblr.com/post/626019737485312000/2020-so-far

I have not watched any “Warrior Nun” yet, but this really makes me want to watch “Warrior Nun.” I understand there’s also a queer character, which is always a plus. So, kittens, anyone watch this show? Would you recommend it? I’ve been in a real “The Old Guard” state of mind recently, so good action is on my mind. I had also wondered about a few other shows, like “Into the Badlands” and “Warrior.” So, let me have it like 2020 has let “Joy” and any “Last Hope of Returning to Normal” have it. What are you watching? I need to fill these weekend with something other than general despair and unfettered rage. As always, extra bonus points for any female-fronted shows/movies and super-duper extra points for LGBTQ storylines. Happy safe, healthy and righteous weekend, all.

Totally Vice Presidential Material

Look, I’m not saying Kamala Harris wore that stunning plum suit while giving her vice presidential nominee acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention last night just to provide another image to add to my Straight Bette Porter Collection. But I’m also not saying she didn’t. Ahem. Thank you, Madam Vice President. As always, I appreciate the attention to detail.

Oh, yeah, it is so on Mike Pence. I mean, as long as Mother allows it, right lil buddy?

When They Go Low, We've Got Michelle

Since we’re feeling our political selves right now, why not so something else good for yourself and listen to former First Lady Michelle Obama’s socially distant Democratic National Convention speech. She was by far the stand-out of the first half of the all-virtual event. (Tonight we get Kamala and then Barack, which is one hell of a one-two Democratic punch.) One of the best things about Michelle is she’s not a politician and then one of the second best things about Michelle is she is still excellent at politics. Can you imagine any Republican national figure giving such a heartfelt speech about empathy in this political moment? No, you can’t because they’ve all made it very, very clear in the past almost four years they really don’t care – and then some. So spend the next 18 minutes with a woman who really does care.

Marge and in Charge

After Joe Biden’s historic announcement that Sen. Kamala Harris would be his vice presidential running mate, conservatives fell all over themselves to be the most racist and the most stupid. Trump legal advisor Jenna Ellis said Kamala sounded like Marge Simpson which, 1) What? and 2) LOL! For starters, Kamala sounds nothing like Marge - not that there’s anything wrong with that. And, way to reach out to those so-called “suburban housewives” you want to be so scared about Cory Booker somehow moving in next door. All that and Birtherism 2.0 is upon us. Could he be any more cartoonishly racist, sexist and all-around corrupt? Like I never thought I’d spent a good chunk of 2020 wondering whether the Post Office would survive a Trump presidency, but here we are. Anyway, Marge being like so many great suburban housewives had a few choice words for the horrid Trump lady. Pissed Off & Ready to Vote, 2020. 

p.s. To clean your palate from having to think about that Orange Turd, here is something for the grammar nerds. As if you didn’t have reason enough to love her, her senate staff softball team is called The Oxford Kamalas. (Also, a helpful hint for those still struggling with how to pronounce “Kamala.”)

Music Monday: Dolly Edition

National treasure Dolly Parton continues to cement her status as one of the very few truly universally beloved living celebrities (see also: Betty White, Tom Hanks and The Rock). Last week she came out in support of Black Lives Matter, of course, because it’s the right thing to do. In her Billboard profile, not only did Dolly support BLM, she supported it while saying, “Do we think our little white asses are the only ones that matter? No!” 

She was also ahead of the curve when it came to renaming/removing racist artifacts from the Civil War era. Two years ago she renamed her Dollywood attraction the Dixie Stampede to Dolly Parton’s Stampede. Why?

“When they said ‘Dixie’ was an offensive word, I thought, ‘Well, I don’t want to offend anybody. This is a business. We’ll just call it The Stampede.’ As soon as you realize that [something] is a problem, you should fix it. Don’t be a dumbass. That’s where my heart is. I would never dream of hurting anybody on purpose.”

Goddamn, I love that lady. So here’s one of her best, “Jolene,” performed at a time when we could still stand shoulder-to-shoulder together in a seemingly endless crowd of humanity without worrying about how horribly this presidential administration has botched a global pandemic that has already killed some 170,000 Americans and counting. Plus, it’s just a great song. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Look, you all know I’m not a huge sportsball person. But I do enjoy ladies sportsball from time to time. And when it comes to leagues to support, they don’t get much better than the WNBA. What the league has been doing this season, from their unwavering support of Black Lives Matter to their unabashed political statements has been inspiring to watch. Like, wearing “Vote Warnock’ shirts pre-game to protest Atlanta Dream owner and horrible GOP Sen. Kelly Loeffler. I mean, those are some damn big basketballs those ladies are dribbling to call out their own team owner/sitting U.S. senator by openly supporting her opponent Rev. Raphael Warnock. As The Interwebs is fond of saying, you love to see it. So play on, ladies. Happy safe, healthy, and righteous weekend, all.

Play Ball

Mention “A League of Their Own” to any queer woman and she’ll likely get a warm, far-off look in her eyes as cherished memories of what is no doubt many a gay lady’s root come flooding back. And now, a whole new generation (and us old fogeys) get to feel that warm embrace anew with the new “A League of Their Own” series coming to Amazon Prime. But more than just a reboot of Penny Marshall’s classic film, this new hour-long show will be a more inclusive reimagining of the original movie. So that means the stories of both women of color and queer women will hopefully be told to make for an even richer, more welcoming root for all.

The series, from “Broad City” co-creator Abbi Jacobson, is described as taking “a deeper look at race and sexuality, following the journey of a whole new ensemble of characters as they carve their own paths towards the field, both in the league and outside of it.”

Jacobson and her co-creator (“Mozart in the Jungle” executive producer Will Graham) released a statement that said:

“28 years ago, Penny Marshall told us a story about women playing professional baseball that up until then had been largely overlooked. We grew up obsessed with the film, like everyone else. Three years ago, we approached Sony with the idea of telling a new, still overlooked set of those stories. With the help of an enormously talented team of collaborators, an amazing cast, and the devoted support of Amazon to this project, we feel beyond lucky and excited to get to bring these characters to life. It took grit, fire, authenticity, wild imagination and a crackling sense of humor for these players to achieve their dreams. We’re hoping to bring audiences a story with all of those qualities.”

The series stars Jacobson along with “The Good Place” Janets extraordinaire D'Arcy Carden, “Vida” regular Roberta Colindrez, “Killjoys” actress Kelly McCormack, “Famalam” (a UK series) actress Gbemisola Ikumelo, and Chanté Adams who was most recently in Issa Rae’s “The Photograph” - among others.

I love that it will tell a more diverse story than the original, which never broached the subject of sexual orientation (I mean, come on, Marla Hooch is family). And I love seeing women’s stories step up to home plate in such a big way. So, yeah, I’ll be watching. And, yeah, I’ll be rooting for a whole lot of new roots to come out of this show. Play ball, ladies.

Madam Vice President

Well, now, come to think of it – Vice President Straight Bette Porter doesn’t have all too bad a ring to it, either. While I had hoped for today’s news, I somehow was still a little surprised it happened. Of all the talented and brilliant former female presidential candidates who were once running against Joe Biden, I really did think Kamala was the best – to mention most inspiring – pick for vice president. 

While I abandoned hope after her campaign ended late last year, I still knew Kamala would make an amazing president. And when we vote out that Orange Stain from the White House, she’ll be as they say one heartbeat away from exactly that. Smart, tough, fearless, progressive (no, really), and of course wildly historic, she could be one of the most influential vice presidents in modern time if not all times. And, duh, she would be perhaps the polar opposite of that ranch-dip haired, bible-thumping, ass-kissing sycophant taking up space in the job right now. I cannot wait for that debate. If only Mother would allow it.

Sure, a not insignificant part of me is also thrilled I can revive my Straight Bette Porter campaigning. Whatever the office, I’ll volunteer to phone bank and knock on doors. I cannot wait for Jennifer Beals to play her in the inevitable biopic. 

And, until then, we’ll at least be assured more Maya Rudolph until November and hopefully (if enough of us vote to overcome such blatant voter suppression and the unabashed dismantling of the Unites States Post Office) much longer than that. 

Damn right, I’m Team Joe/Straight Bette Porter 2020. Let’s do this thing. Vote!

Tank Top Tuesday: Old Guard Edition II

What? Just because I already posted about how much I loved “The Old Guard,” does not mean I can’t continue to post about how much I loved “The Old Guard.” Like, I really, really loved “The Old Guard.” And, also, these tank top (and tank top adjacent) gifs of Charlize Theron and Kiki Layne won’t simply post themselves. But, really, the labrys is what puts it over the top. I mean, ladies, A LABRYS. 

Yeah, I really loved “The Old Guard.” But, I swear, it is not all just for superficial reasons. The franchise has also assembled perhaps the most diverse behind-the-camera team for an action movie ever. So, pretty, smart, and diverse. Like I said, I really loved “The Old Guard.”

p.s. Here is Charlize shaving her head for “Mad Max: Fury Road” in a tank top as a throw back because you’re worth it and you deserve nice things.

In honor of our @CTAOP drive-in screening of #MadMaxFuryRoad tonight, throwing it back to the point of no return with creating Furiosa. A huge thank you to @TheGroveLA and @ChadHudsonEvent for making tonight happen! So excited to see this movie on the big screen again 🚘🍿🎥 pic.twitter.com/tIZzRw64Gv

— Charlize Theron (@CharlizeAfrica) July 31, 2020

Music Monday: Sound of Nature

When an al fresco harp session turns into a Disney movie. Please enjoy the sound of nature enjoying the sound of silence from Canadian harpist Naomi SV. Now if only we Americans could get into Canada...or any decent country. But, alas, we’re the Plague Rats of the world. Run from us, woodland creatures! And enjoy this moment of outdoor zen to start your week. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Well, it's not a new season of GBBO. But it is Mel and Sue playing hitmen, so I'll take it. Imagine my delight when I realized 1) Mel & Sue are back on TV, 2) Mel & Sue are back on TV on a new streaming service I somehow get (that would be Peacock), and 3)Mel & Sue are back on TV on a new streaming service I somehow get that is now available to watch. I cannot vouche for this show, but I can vouch for how much I miss seeing Mel & Sue play off one another about cakes or dead bodies, subject is flexible. So now guess my weekend plans are set. Have a happy, safe, healthy & righteous weekend, all. 

Their Milkshake Brings All the Girls

I know there aren’t a lot of things to look forward to right now. But, there is at least one thing, which is “Gunpowder Milkshake.” The movie description says, “Gunpowder Milkshake will follow three generations of female assassins who, over the course of a single night, fight to stop a cycle of violence.” Which, cool. And then you read the roster: Karen Gillan, Lena Headey, Angela Bassett, Michelle Yeoh and Carla Gugino. So that’s a lot of things to look forward to, actually. The film finished filming last year, and is now awaiting release. Which, uh, yeah. Who knows when that will happen. But with a cast that great and a premise this interesting, I think it’ll be worth the wait.

p.s. Here is Lena strangling Karen with what appear to be socks. Like I said, something to look forward to indeed.

She's Ratched

I do not know exactly what story “Ratched,” an imagined prequel of sorts to “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” about the infamous Nurse Ratched, will tell. But from the look of its first-look pictures, it will be “Carol” mixed with unspeakable spycoholical horror mixed with Cynthia Nixon, so dammit Ryan Murphy, I guess I am in. Mostly I want Sarah’s Mildred Ratched and Cynthia’s Gwendolyn Briggs to be a couple, because when is the last time you saw two out queer female starts playing actual queer characters that are a couple on screen? Yeah, I’m thinking hard too. And, yes, I know there’s probably something problematic about making the most notoriously cruel caricature of a female “battleaxe” a lesbian on screen. But, we’re in a pandemic and I need a little joy. So I just wanna see Sarah and Cynthia makeout in period costumes. Like I said, I’m a simple person who wants simple things.

Tank Top Tuesday: Sportsball Ladies Edition

As sports cautiously, strangely make their way back into our public lives, women’s soccer was the first out of the gate. And while I tend to agree that professional sports should be the reward for a functioning society - and we are very much not functioning yet - it is nice to see America’s soccer stars again. And if they are wearing tank tops or tank top adjacent items of clothing, all the better. Again, we have to take our joy where we can find it these days. Also, I know the above shot of is technically about how truly terrible it is to play on turf. But, horrible turf rash/bruising aside, the ladies of the NJ Sky Blue team look, um, ready to play sportsball.