When A Global Pandemic’s Got You Down

So, you’re working from home and self isolating and already bored out of your mind while simultaneously stressed beyond belief about the deteriorating state of, well, everything? Yeah, me too. I can’t stop reading the news. But the news makes me more anxious. And then I read more news. And then more anxious.

So to help break that cycle (I mean, please, do stay informed but maybe don’t go on 3-hour coronavirus news and worst-case-scenario rabbitholes) here are a few suggestions of what to watch instead of the world burning. These movies and shows are some of my go-to anxiety relievers.

Five Things To Watch When A Global Pandemic’s Got You Down List:

1) Great British Baking Show: Dear, sweet merciful Zeus, do we need the relative calm of soggy bottoms and burnt bakes right now. The mix of pastoral majesty and ingrained niceness is exactly what the world ordered now that people are battling each other for the last roll of toilet paper. You call it a baking competition show, I call it televised Xanax.



2) Moana: The story of a young girl who takes a perilous journey to save her home from a spreading black death that threatened everything in sight… Look, the point is she wins and it’s inspiring and I’m an adult who sometimes sings “How Far I’ll Go” in the shower.



3) Imagine Me & You: In a world where meet-cutes are cancelled for a while (or at least face-to-face ones), why not enjoy the simple pleasure of a girl-meets-florist at her wedding and then they fall in love and live happily ever after instead story. I mean, don’t be a wanker.



4) Parks & Recreations: Sometimes you just need to believe that the government actually cares. And if the unbridled optimism of Leslie Knope doesn’t make you believe a career in public service can still be a noble/hilarious thing, well, then no one will. And a good public servant from Indiana, no less. She is truly the Anti-Mike Pence.



5) The Good Place: This show is good, not just as in quality but in its heart. And it ponders the big questions in life while allowing us to laugh at our own ridiculous humanity. I turn on the final episode sometimes, to calm myself and remember that no matter what we will all dissolve into the universe at some point. Back to stardust, one and all.

The Good End

Tonight we say goodbye to a friends. A good, thoughtful, hilarious, philosophical, zany, unpredictable, romantic, compassionate, and always entertaining friend – who also swears kinda funny. Sure, some may argue you can’t actually be friends with a television show. But then some others may argue you can’t premise an entire television show on the question, “What does it mean to be a good person?” Yet here we are.

I have absolutely no idea how “The Good Place” will end tonight. This series has been predictably unpredictable throughout its four seasons. While it’s painful to let it go after such a small handful of years, it also feels right. All stories, even the great ones, come to an end.

What makes “The Good Place” so good is not only its quality – which has never truly wavered – but its insistence that answering life’s biggest questions is something a network sitcom should totally tackle. It helps that the cast is beyond fantastic. The writing is top notch (not that we would expect less from the guy behind “The Office” and “Parks & Rec”).

Like I can’t wait to catch all the forkin’ amazing details I missed when I do an entire series rewatch. I mean, I’d watch a whole spin-off about Janet and all the Janets alone. And, look, I’m a full-on lesbian, but Manny Jacinto’s cheekbones can call me anytime.

Granted, Eleanor’s bisexuality may be relatively canon, but alas it was never truly acted upon on screen. But, goodness, what other delights this show has given us. And in a way it’s a perfect antidote to the cynical and tribalistic times we live in. To be able to enjoy “The Good Place,” you have to look beyond yourself. A narcissist would hate this show because it asks us to examine at our shared humanity. Just ask reformed narcissist Tahani Al-Jamil.

And, in the midst of addressing all this big-ticket The Meaning of Life stuff, the show was also fun. Like a lot of fun. So yes, Virginia, a show can be deeply fun and deeply deep at the same time. It’s sort of like magic. Or, you know, just really good TV.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Co-Stars Edition

Did you get everything you wanted for Christmas? How about a bunch of beautiful women in suits? I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. But what can I say, I’m a giver.

Now, admittedly, sometimes I struggle for a theme when it comes to Gender Fuck Thursday because how many ways can you say, “Hey, this is hot.” But thirst traps gotta thirst trap. So this holiday movie season let’s celebrate the women starring on the big screen who decided to suit up on the red carpet or elsewhere while promoting their new films. But more than just that, it’s multiple actresses, from the same movie, trying to out suit each other. In short, it’s a glorious gift of co-stars suiting-off. And I hope may many, many more actresses follow suit, so to speak.

Ella Balinska & Naomi Scott, Charlie’s Angels

The first photo looks pre-prom, this second one after prom. Way after.

Kristen Stewart, Charlie’s Angels

Not to be outdone, K-Stew keeps it casual instead.

Saoirse Ronan & Emma Watson, Little Women

Saoirse looks like a fancy old-timey street urchin, whereas Emma just looks fancy.

Evan Rachel Wood & Kristen Bell, Frozen 2

See, now this, this is why they should have made someone in “Frozen 2” a lesbian.

Nicole Kidman,Margot Robbie&Charlize Theron, Bombshell

This almost makes me want to watch Fox News. Kidding, kidding. But I will watch Nicole, Margot and Charlize pretend to work for Fox News. Probably. My point is, I really hate Fox News.

p.s. I am pretty sure Nicole and Charlize showing up at the "Bombshell" premiere like this means they are dating.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Shellstrop Edition

I have absolutely no idea how “The Good Place” will end. But I have been continually delighted at all of its inventive twists and turns and singular ability to make a discussion of the ethics of what makes a decent human being entertaining. Plus, as The Faux Architect this season, there’s also been the added joy of Kristen Bell in a variety of brightly colored snazzy suits.

Like, really snazzy.



And really brightly colored.



Eleanor Shellstrop may be an Arizona dirtbag, but she’s our suit-wearing Arizona dirtbag. Plus, endless “Good” bonus points for that effortless hand-in-pocket action she is displaying right there.

The Blooper Place

Oh, look, you can swear in “The Good Place.” Also “The Bad Place.” But, as always, its best in bloopers. So, enjoy. I can’t think of a better way to start your week than reveling in simple human failure. Also, there’s Kristen Bell kissing Not A Robot, which is always a plus.

Best of 20GayTeen

Well, kittens, we made it another lap around the sun together. 20GayTeen lived up to its name, and then some. And what another crazy, crazy, super fucking crazy year it was. Personally, wonderful things happened. Like, you know, I got married. Politically, cruelty and corruption continued to reign. But at least a Blue Wave came in to offer us hope and reinforcements. And in the pop culture world? Well, art did its part to entertain, engage (occasionally enrage) and otherwise provide escapism exactly when needed. And, heavens, did we need it.

So here is a little ode to the best things I watched, listened and generally consumed in this year of our Lesbian Jesus, 20GayTeen. Thanks for keeping things super duper gay, universe. May the New Year aspire to such queerness, and then some. Happy New Year, kittens.

TV: Killing Eve


I just finished my fifth full rewatch of the entire first season of “Killing Eve,” and I can assuredly say this show only gets richer with each watch. In fact the complexity and brilliance of the series demands multiple viewings. Because on first watch you’ll likely be most stunned by the plot (like, holy shit, it really went there). Then another watch and you’re floored again by the acting because the things Sandra Oh can do with a few muscles in her face. And then a third rewatch you are dazzled anew by the impeccable writing and sublime use of music. And a fourth you’re drafting legal papers allowing Jodie Comer to legally murder you, should the want arise. And so on, and so forth. In short, if “Killing Eve” wasn’t your favorite new queer obsession last year, honey, there’s always this year.

Also: The Good Place


Hot forking damn this show is so good. Any show that passes between multiple dimensions so seamlessly obviously has no problem being fluid in its interpretations of gender, sexuality and personhood. Also, I would watch a 24-hour Janet channel. I really, really would.

Movie: The Favourite


What a tart, wicked delight. It’s beyond refreshing to watch a movie that allows women to be smart, cunning and ruthless without making them the villains of their own story. Instead, they’re treated as men would be in the exact same situation – as smart, cunning and ruthlessly heroes of their own stories. And, as we all know, heroes have all the fun.

Also: “Crazy Rich Asians”


If this movie only had a queer female character it would have been perfect. As is it was still a true delight, a feast for the eyes and a joy for our hearts. Plus, so much attractive Asian excellence in one place.


Music: Janelle Monae, Dirty Computer


Not only did Janelle Monae compose the greatest celebration of Lady Parts since Georgia O’Keeffe picked up a paintbrush, she also made the definitive ode to Bisexual Lighting. Plus, it has a beat and you can gayly dance it it.

Also: Hayley Kiyoko


I mean, we can’t leave Lesbian Jesus off a best of 20GayTeen list. I mean, that would be a gay sin.

The Good Bloopers

I am not going to lie, I could watch 24-hours straight of Jameela Jamil flubbing her lines and saying, “Fuck me!” Alternately, I will accept a 48-hour steam of her exclaiming, “Fuck! Bollocks! Wank! Spider-Man! Shitface! Fuck!” Dear sweet merciful Zeus, I miss this show.

The Good Reel

Look, I know I beg you guys a lot to watch “The Good Place.” Which you should, you 100 percent absolutely should. And from the beginning. Don’t jump in midway and/or read spoilers because being surprised by this consistently surprising (in a forking great way) show it a major part of its charm. Anyway, I bring this up because here is part of the gag reel from Season 1 that was just released (don’t worry, they aren’t spoilery).

But what they do is reinforce my favorite stealth ship, Eleanor and Tahani. Yes, they’ve more than hinted at Eleanor genuinely being into Tahani. And yes, Tahani actress Jameela Jamil‏ has actively rooted for the ship on multiple occasions on Twitter. All I need to know is whether they have a portmanteau yet. Elhani? Taleanor? Shell-Al? Al-Strop?

“The Good Place” airs at 8:30 p.m. Thursdays, but, again – watch it from the beginning. Have I mentioned it’s on Netflix? Have I mentioned you should watch it?

The Begging Place

Kittens, are you watching “The Good Place?” Please, please (please, please, please) watch “The Good Place.” Season 2 has started (and if you missed Season 1 you can binge it on Netflix, do it now why are you still reading, do it). But I really, really (really, really, really) want this show to keep going. I don’t ask for much (well, other than the destruction of the patriarchy and more women to wear tank tops), but I am asking you to give this crazy show a try. And if you have already been giving it a try and, like me, watched the whole first season right up to that last motherforking episode in totally, blissed out hilarity (and complete shock), this next clip is for you.

If you have not watched the first season, I also cannot stress this enough. DO NOT WATCH THE CLIP BELOW. DO NOT WATCH IT DO NOT WATCH IT. DO NOT WATCH IT. It will ruin the entire series for you and I want your life to be filled with only happiness and sunshine interspersed with kittens and puppies who come to visit for pets and snuggles. So are we clear on my requests here? Watch “The Good Place.” Don’t watch the video below if you haven’t watched “The Good Place.” See? Simple.



p.s. Kristen Bell shot this video and kept it for the past year because apparently only she and Ted Danson had been clued in on the finale’s ending which is some crazy ass shirt.

p.p.s. “The Good Place” airs at 8:30 tonight on NBC so now you know what to do.

p.p.p.s. It is on between “Superstore,” which you should also watch, and “Will & Grace” which, duh, I know you’re gonna watch. So come on, give it a try. (But again, not that embedded video about the finale which you should only watch if you’ve watched Season 1. Shoot, is this getting confusing again?)

p.p.p.p.s. Right, let’s make it simple. Probably just turn on your TV and watch NBC tonight. (Also, to clear up any lingering confusion, this is not a paid ad because I don’t do those, as my bank account will attest.)

In Search of a Good Place

You guys, so much is happening all at once and 99.95 percent of it is just so very terrible. Like, each time I think our capacity to ingest bad news has been stretched to its absolute limit, Trump goes and pardons a convicted racist and bans trans recruits from the military because LOL NOTHING MATTERS. Anyway. If you are seeking a temporary reprieve from all the very bad things, might I suggest “The Good Place.” It just started streaming on Netflix so you can chill and enjoy all you want. Plus, and this is important, we can all pin our hopes on some kind of Eleanor and Tahani hookup in the second season. Look, there has to be something to look forward to in the future. There has to.

Vacation Vixen: The Good Place

Guess what, I’m on vacation! I’ve got some time off so I am flying back to the Midwest to hang with my family while I try to forget we have a toxic trash fire as president. Unfortunately, I will be flying United (it’s way too late and too expensive at this point to change carriers, I checked). So hopefully I make it there and back without being beaten bloody, yanked from my seat or dragged through the aisles. But, ever the wily business people, I’m sure the airline will simply turn this into a moneymaking opportunity by offering “less beatings” as an upgrade fee soon, just like “more legroom.”

Anyway. While I am gone I will, of course, be leaving you some vixens to enjoy. But before I leave, as a public service might I re-suggest a show for any of you who find a little free time and/or need to escape the smoldering trash heap of our current democracy. As I’ve said before, “The Good Place” is a great, weird, highly entertaining show. And if all those adjectives won’t convince you, perhaps the fact that main character Eleanor (played by the always engaging Kristen Bell) might genuinely be into Tahani (played by the completely worthy of being into Jameela Jamil). Plus, now that the show has been renewed for a second season, perhaps the series will do more than just flirt with the idea. No time like the present. See you on the flip side, kittens.

Make 'Em Laugh

In my ongoing effort to find more joy in 2017, I’ve compiled a list of 30-minute, female-fronted sitcoms that make me laugh. Like really, really, really laugh. While laughter may not rid of the unhinged, thin-skinned narcissist intend on destroying the pillars of our democracy, they do give us a needed respite from the sickening madness. (I know, I know – I keep bringing it up. But, you know, it’s kiiinda important.) So without futher ado, here are some very funny comedies to check out if you aren’t already. Lesbians not necessarily included (unfortunately – though some are a tad lesbianish, so give them time.)

Broad City

The continuing misadventures of Abbi and Ilana are a bit like Dadaist “Girls.” Wonderfully weird and feminist and weird some more. Yas, queens, you should totally be watching this.

The Good Place

OMG, please go back and watch this show’s first season on demand so it has a shot of getting a second season – please, please, please, please. Also, please. And please one more time. Did I mention if it continues it might delve into whether Kristen Bell’s Eleanor is really into Jameela Jamil’s Tahani. So, yeah, please.

Superstore

So fun and so funny and you know you’re happy to see America Ferrera back on your teevees so watch already.

Fresh Off the Boat

While “Fresh Off the Boat” is technically is a family comedy, this show set in the early 90s Orlando clearly belongs to Constance Wu’s Jessica Huang. Clearly.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

A show by Tina Fey (with occasional cameos by Tina Fey) about a woman making it in the world after surviving 15 years of being kidnapped and held underground by a doomsday cult? Please. That comedy just writes itself. Obviously. (And if you haven’t watched it yet I am quite cross with you, obviously.)

So, what are your comedy lifelines right now (preferably female fronted because, duh)?

p.s. On my “To Watch” list are “One Day at a Time” and “Insecure”

My Moving Crush: Kristen Bell

I have liked Kristen Bell for a long time, but I have not really watched any of her shows. (Yes, yes – I know “Veronica Mars” is supposed to be awesome - I know.) Her public persona has always been delightful, and also incredibly smart. So during the Olympics when I saw like 30 million ads for “The Good Place”* and it looked, well, good I could not have been more excited. And, indeed, I watched and the first episode Monday was good. Like, really good. It reminds me a little of “Pushing Daisies” in its magical weirdness. And I mean that in the very best way. So now I get to enjoy Kristen the person (who hate the pay gap) and the performer (who hates clown paintings). That’s what I call a win-win.

* Called it The Good Spot because, due to my impending move, I apparently boxed my brain. I think it is somewhere in with the kitchen utensils. Anyway, watch this show!

Gender Fuck Thursday

Yes, yes. I know. This is a lot of Charlize for one week. But I just cannot resist a crisp white shirt and a pair of suspenders. They go together like peanut butter and jelly. The moon and stars. The Captain and Tennille. OK, you see where I’m going with this. And while they’re perfectly nice by themselves (well, I don’t know about The Captain – he seems needy), together something special happens. And that something is hot. Really hot. But you don’t have to trust me. Just trust Charlize & Co.

Emma WatsonIf Hermione looked like this she would have watched softball instead of Quidditch.

Diane KrugerThe tuxedo shirt and bow ties says business. The sleeveless arms say parrrrr-tay.

Kate MoennigShhh. Don’t speak. You’ll ruin the religious experience.

Winona RyderWell, I didn’t say you had to button the shirt.

Kristen BellOr that the shirt had to have any buttons, period.

Rachel MaddowNow comes the part in the religious experience where you should be leaving small offerings as a sign of respect.

Keira KnightleyOK, fine. She’s not wearing a crisp white shirt. My bad.

The sin of sloth

I have never watched “Veronica Mars.” I know, I know. Stop yelling at me. I mean it. Stop. Hey, hey – the fetid fruit is totally uncalled for. Many, many people have already told me, commanded me, implored me to watch, and I just simply have not found the time. This, however, does not mean I have not taken the time to admire and appreciate Kristen Bell. Quite on the contrary, I find her quite nice. But, yesterday, that quire nice got stepped up to epically adorable. Because this is Kristen Bell unable to contain her joy at the fact that a sloth would be at her birthday party. If another event remotely that ridiculously cute, bordering on flat-out insane happens on “Veronica Mars,” I need to run out and but the box set immediately.

Picture perfect

KITTENS! Did you miss me? I missed you! So much! Like crazy! I had an aces vacation though. I got to see Italy for the very first time. I got to wade into the Mediterranean Sea for the very first time. I ate pretty much every carb I could find across five countries. I learned that instead of exchanging our worthless dollars for Euros, Americans should just bring suitcases full of Converse and Coca-Cola to barter with instead. And, of course, I took lots and lots of pictures. Pictures of the beautiful Tuscan landscape. Pictures of the impossibly azure water. Pictures of food, glorious food. And, yes, even a few pictures of myself. (If you’re so inclined, you can catch a few of my holiday snaps over at Ms. Snarker Regrets.) What I learned is that taking good pictures is hard and that I should probably stick to this word thing. But that’s not to dissuade others from lifting a lens. And, if the lady behind said lens happens to be lovely herself – like the luscious Rosario Dawson – well, all the better. Say cheese, darlings.

Marion CotillardLight, camera, drool.

Naomi WattsMy what a big…lens you have. Yes, lens, definitely lens.

Diane KrugerThis is exactly how I looked reviewing my vacation pictures in the hotel room. And by “exactly,” I mean that I too had a suitcase and a camera.

Kristen BellSome Kristens seen perennially sunny in front of a camera.

Kristen StewartSome do not.

Helena Bonham CarterOh, Helena, if I was wearing that outfit I’d insist on being the one behind the camera as well.

Penelope CruzThere should, however, be some sort of law that Penelope only gets to be on the receiving end of a camera lens.

Mena SuvariWhere’d she go? Remember when she was everywhere?

Drew BarrymoreHey, it’s Thursday. And nothing says, “Welcome back from vacation,” like a little Gender Fuck.

It’s good to be back, kittens. It’s good to be back.

Naked Lady Monday

Kittens! Did you miss me? It seems like ages since I’ve given you a proper post because, well, it’s been ages since I’ve given you a proper post. But now my interwebs is back and my vacation is over, the sleep deprivation in the name of hot can recommence. So, because it’s Monday, and because I love you, how about a little Naked Lady Monday to ease us all back into the routine? I’ll take that little bit of drool I see as a yes. Though, I should really call it Nekkid Lady Monday today. Naked is just taking your clothes off; nekkid is taking your clothes off to do something naughty. Ahem. And with that, let’s all get nekkid. [Obviously, kinda NSFW, but you know you can’t resist...and if you feel particularly brave at work, click any and all to enlarge.]

Olivia WildeSarah ShahiCarla GuginoSalma HayekEmma ThompsonKristen BellAngelina JolieAdmit it; you kind of miss the old crazy, I'll kiss my brother, I'll bite a horse Angelina.